Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the plot. Don't sue me.
A/N: I was having a conversation with my brother and it suddenly occurred to me that my side of the talk sounded a little like Jenny. A bit sad, I know, but the idea bit me so here I am and I hope you like it. Set sometime Season 3/4 –ish I'm not really sure, maybe the end of Season 3 pre-Jeopardy and Hiatus doesn't happen. Anyway, I really wanted to write a Christmas fic this year, I love the season, and though I had one down on paper, the bare bones of it anyway, the rest wouldn't flow. So here's this one. I know it's a bit late being posted, and that is completely my fault, I wavered over posting it at all, not sure if it was what I'd set out to write. But I thought I'd post it and see what you guys thought!
There are quite a few mentions of 'It's a Wonderful Life' – if you haven't seen that film, you need to. Not for the fic, but in general. There's some stolen dialogue from an episode I'm sure you'll recognise and some manipulated dialogue from a film called 'the Holiday'. Hope it's a hit with everyone! I hopefully made it cute but not too schmaltzy. I hope anyway, let me know what you think, whether I got the balance right. Please please please review, I love hearing from everyone. Thank you in advance!
Summary: Life never works out quite how you plan it. Jibbs.
The Most Important Thing
A Jibbs Christmas Fic
Christmas Eve 1981
"Where do you think we'll be in twenty years time?" A blonde haired boy asked his older sister on Christmas Eve many years ago. They were sat in his bedroom in the town house their family had lived in for too many years to count, one laying on his bed propped up on one elbow, the other curled up in the desk chair with a book resting on her knees. She'd been reading him Dickens' Christmas Carol because she loved reading aloud and he was bored. It was quite late, they'd finished dinner about an hour ago and been consigned to bed by their father so he could set things up downstairs for them tomorrow. They both knew it but were pretending not to. It made it more fun. At her brother's question, Jenny Shepard looked up from her book, red hair once more being tucked behind her ear as she slotted the bookmark into place.
"Well, you'll probably be married to a sweet young thing and have two lovely little girls with angelic curly blonde hair, just like yours." She laughed when her brother wrinkled his nose at her indulgent expression. "You'll probably be in a comfortable job somewhere that means you get to spend loads of time with your family and not be that worried about money." She guessed with a grin, looking up at her brother and meeting his green eyes that were so like hers. She hoped in her heart what she said would be true; her brother deserved a great future like that. He smirked back at her and let his head slip from his hand to fall back onto his pillow.
"And you'll be the President with only a security detail for company." He shot back, talking to the ceiling, and she rolled her eyes. "What?" He questioned lightly, turning his head just in time to catch her reaction. "You're always saying you don't want any kids and you don't want to get married." He reminded her, and she shook her head.
"I don't want to go into politics, you know that." She corrected him for one part of his statement, her eyes drifting away from her brother and looking out of the dark window. Inevitably, when the issue of family was brought up, her thoughts turned to her own and the reason she was so dead set against having one. Josh saw the far away expression on her face and knew what it meant.
"You're thinking about Mom, aren't you?" He murmured, his eyes a little sad and very perceptive. He didn't usually question her when she got that look in her eye, but he wanted her to be happy tonight so he asked in the hopes something he said would make it better. She didn't look around, just nodded, gaze focussed somewhere in the distance though he knew she wasn't really seeing anything at all, memories were what captivated her mind's eye just then. He wished he could see them too. "You miss her." He said quietly, watching the shining light in his sister's eye, and he once again was answered with a nod. "I think Dad does too." He muttered, looking away and picking at his duvet. Finally, Jenny looked around and saw the lonely expression on her brother's face and in her mind, she cursed herself for bringing up what was still a painful subject for all of them.
"Josh, I'm sorry. I wish you could have known more about her. She loved you so much." The younger boy shrugged a little, not wanting to admit it hurt that he didn't have as many memories of his mother as Jenny did. "I tell you what, instead of reading to you, how about I tell you one of my memories?" She offered, knowing that would be much more precious to her brother. She saw the way he tried to conceal how eager he was when his eyes rose to meet hers and nodded in answer, propping himself back up on his hand, elbow digging into the bed as a smile drifted across his mouth. "Well, when you were about three, I was seven, Dad had got the weekend off work and Mom decided we were going out for the day. It was November and really cold. Mom bundled you up in layer upon layer of woolly clothes while Dad wrapped so many scarves around my neck I could barely breathe." Josh laughed a bit at that and Jenny smiled, thinking of the day she was describing and imagining how happy they'd all been, even Josh, who wasn't really old enough to understand the joy of just spending time with family.
"I bet Mom ordered Dad about something awful." Her brother grinned, he'd been told many times he had his mother's domineering personality but he always thought Jenny was more bossy than he was, only no one seemed to notice when she gave orders. He'd yet to work out how she managed it.
"Oh she did." His sister assured him with a laugh. "We all piled in the car and headed off into the woods. I remember we thought we'd forgotten your waterproof boots and Dad was preparing to carry you on his back the whole way around the walk when Mom found them in the back of the car trunk. You should have seen the way your face lit up when Mom showed them to you. They were a bright plastic green with frogs on them; you'd picked them yourself, sort of. You were so cute in them!" Jenny cooed indulgently, leaning forward to swipe at her brother's cheek but he ducked out of the way before she could get to him.
"Sis! Hello, not four years old any more!" He moaned, scraping a hand down his face even though she hadn't actually got him. Jenny just laughed.
"Anyway, we tramped through the woods for ages and eventually found this gorgeous spot with a view over the hills. We stayed there for hours, playing and running about, or in your case, falling over. You were so little every tree root was a hazard." The young woman grinned at her brother, who scowled playfully back. "Mom was sat back against this tree, I think she'd been working late that week and I guess she was tired. She fell asleep leaning on the truck of that tree and Dad told me to keep an eye on her while he took you off for a forage in the undergrowth. You'd been trying to get into the bushes all afternoon, I think there were rabbits or something in there. Anyway, I was sat next to Mom, head on her lap, when she stirred and I looked up at her. In that moment I thought I'd never seen anyone so beautiful. She was smiling and looking around, obviously could hear you and Dad a way off, looking for something, and the sun caught the edge of her face. She glowed, Josh. Absolutely glowed. Then she looked down at me and ran a hand over my head. She told me then that I was more lucky than I knew and I should always be grateful to have such an amazing family. I didn't understand it then but I do now. She would have wanted me to tell you that I think."
Her voice had gotten steadily softer as she'd been speaking, the memory drawing up emotions the redhead did not usually show to many people. Jenny raised her eyes from where they'd been resting on her hands curled around her knees and regarded her brother closely. She saw him rub a hand over his face and smiled sadly, wishing she could give him the memory to watch rather than just telling her inadequate description of it.
"Hey Jen, if Mom thought families were so great and you think so too, why don't you want one?" Josh asked really low, as if he wasn't sure whether to ask her or not. The redhead opposite him diverted her gaze, once more staring out of the window. She wondered if she should answer or whether she could avoid sharing her dark musings on the subject for a while longer. But she sensed him gazing steadily at her now and knew she'd have to give some sort of answer and unlike her father, Josh always knew when she was lying.
"Because I don't want to risk hurting so many people the way Mom did when she…" Jenny couldn't finish that sentence, the pain of her mother's death still too close even though it had been three years. The daughter had been fourteen when Mrs Shepard died and it never seemed to get any easier. And Jenny hated the thought that this was her last year at home with her brother, she didn't know whether he or their father was ready for her to leave, though she knew in her heart she was more than prepared to fly the nest. It would be difficult, she knew, but she had this idea that maybe when she left, she wouldn't have to grieve so much. It was an awful thought but sometimes it got to her that the house echoed with her Mom's spirit and she knew her Dad was still wrapped up in his memories. Not that she blamed him for that, Jenny still did miss her Mom every day and she knew she loved her as Dad still did, but the young woman had also begun to feel the need to leave the past behind.
"But Jen, what if you don't have to leave your family? You'd make a great Mom, you care about everyone." Josh tried to lighten the mood with a small grin that was obviously taking some effort but Jenny appreciated it. It was an inside joke among the family that Jen was everyone's shoulder to cry on, or crutch, for all her friends and occasionally, her brother and father as well. She'd been reproved often by her teachers, and on rare occasions, her father, for caring too much about others and not enough about herself.
"Well, I'll have your two angels to look after, and my job, I dare say that won't leave me a lot of time." Jenny joked back, unfolding herself from the chair and stretching out, her back popping a bit from being curled up too long. She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened. "Crap. Dad'll be finished in a minute, I've got to get into bed. You make sure he thinks you're asleep when he comes in to check otherwise he'll know I've been in here keeping you awake." Jenny scrambled, grabbing her book and hurrying towards the door, then paused half in and half out of the room. "And Josh?" She murmured, looking down at her brother as he climbed under the covers and pulled the t-shirt he'd been wearing over his head to toss on the floor. He raised his eyes and smiled at his sister.
"Yeah?" He whispered as she flicked off the light and withdrew a little further.
"Merry Christmas." She slipped out and pulled the door almost closed behind her, before padding softly down the landing to her own bedroom door and opening it quietly just as she heard the door to the study open downstairs. She'd been right, her Dad was coming up to bed. She slid inside and pushed her door until there was only a crack of light coming through as well. There, by the door, she remained for a minute, listening for the familiar heavy footsteps of her Dad before going over into her own bed and pulling the covers over her. Just as her father's footfalls reached the top of the stairs, she heard the bell her and Josh had hung from the banister rail, between the columns there, ring out in the hushed quiet. 'Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it's wings.' They'd watched the film, 'It's a Wonderful Life' earlier and it was customary for every family member as they came upstairs to ring the bell. It was that sweet chime that sent the teenage Jenny Shepard off to sleep.