"Solar Systems"

Part 2: "Hidden Planet"

He starts suddenly, sits up in his bed the rumpled sheets clean light, the warm indent in the mattress where Cook should be. JJ begins to panic he knew Cook needed to go to emergency, in the same way he knew Cook would kill him if JJ took him there. He scrambles frantically, knocking the clock off the table next to his bed until he finds his phone in his pocket when it vibrates and startles him onto the floor. JJ groans, and then flips it open. It's a text from Cook.

Dwn by rvr.

It's brief like all of Cook's texts, but JJ always gets them. Cook wants JJ to follow him, just like always, just like normal. JJ swallows. Just like nothing happened. JJ knows that Cook will never stop believing that JJ will be there at his back at his side, someone to laugh at/with sing to get so high they start thinking the world's been inside out the whole time. Someone to harass, to tickle into incoherence, to dance with. To fuck.

Fuck, JJ mutters. But he pulls his hoodie on anyway and heads down to the river.

He sees Cook from a distance, lighting up before the waterfront. Cook laughs when he notices JJ, because Cook is always laughing mouth wide and stretched it's desperation not humor. Mornin' J! he calls, and JJ waves and half smiles because he can't stretch his mouth like Cook's. Cook launches into a tirade of his escapades the night before, and all the time believing that JJ is living through him if he even bothers to think about him in the first place.

JJ puts up a hand against the morning light and says Cook's name. Cook won't stop.

Cook, he says louder.

Yeah, and she was-

COOK, JJ yells.

Hmmm? What is it J?

Last night, says JJ, and his voice shakes from the yell. Last night, you weren't, Cook, you never-.

What are you goin' on about J? You feelin' okay? Cook holds a firm hand against JJ's head, but his smile falters and JJ grits his teeth.

Cook. Effy wasn't there last night. Just me.

But Freds and-

Freddie hasn't been around for weeks! JJ yells.

Last night, Cook, I want you to explain about last night!

Don't know wot you're tryn' to get at-

You! shouts JJ. It was just you, me, and your hands down my pants.

JJ, that didn't...all just a bit of fun, you know? I probably would've- just convenient you know? Cook scratches his head and refuses to meet JJ's eyes.

JJ's mouth goes slack it's harder than any punch Cook could've thrown he's winded can't quite his mouth opens closes-

C-cook, he stutters.

He knew it wouldn't be easy just didn't know it would be like this, didn't even know until now what he wanted Cook to say. Last night he was so close closer to Cook than he's ever been, even though he knows this is all Cook knows, the only thing he can do, he couldn't have pushed Cook's hands away. Suddenly his stomach is pulled into reality, he feels sick in the space between them, Cook is reaching for him, and JJ snarls hits his hand away and stuggles struggles anything to keep Cook from pulling him up off the ground into embrace.

JJ, JJ, Cook calls his name over and over, his voice devolving each time. JJ, fuckin' hell, I know JJ, I know what happened, Cook sobs, and grabs JJ's head impulsively, kissing him on the forehead even as his arms tremble. JJ flails and tries to pull away, but Cook won't let him, shoving his forhead into JJ's. Cook begins to rock them back and forth almost roughly and JJ shudders shakes finally stops and closes his eyes his breath shakes against Cook's shirt.

During the election, me and Naomi, we were gettin' it on, Cook says into the top of JJ's head, was gonna make us both feel alright, but Naomi, she couldn't, Emily and- Cook chokes and has to swallow and JJ feels motion in Cook's throat, his cheek shoved against it, Cook's hand on the back of his head.

I still d-don't believe-

Listen to me! Cook whispers hoarsely. I fuck shit, JJ. All I can do. I fuck shit and I fuck shit up. I don't want to fuck you up too. You are the best- best thing I have.

JJ looks up, eyes wide. But you- w-want to-

Yeah. I wanna fuck you fucking senseless, you bastard. He tries to smile, but his eyes are too serious.

JJ doesn't even know what to say anymore, except....... OK.

OK?

Yeah, OK. Tentatively, JJ cranes his face up and kisses Cook on the cheek. It's lopsided and crooked and he still doesn't know what he's doing. But Cook's arms tighten and JJ thinks he can feel Cook humming.