Whiskey

Author's note:

This is a REPLACEMENT to the previous part of DOLL, as I had some better ideas after watching Epitaph One and Alpha. Contains spoilers for these episodes.

The story so far: The story so far: Robin (aka "Zulu") has been "wiped clean" by the dollhouse - she's basically in the tabula rasa state. But Ted and Marshall managed to rescue her from the LA Dollhouse and bring her back to NYC.

Barney is "missing". Adele sent him to the Manhattan Dollhouse after his doll state (aka "Whiskey" - he took the designation after the original Whiskey became Dr Claire Saunders) began to develop glitches.

They pull him out of a freezing cold coffin by his arms and he falls forward, over the back of a man dressed in white. As he tries to open his eyes fully, he realises that he's naked.

He's pretty sure he's not supposed to be naked.

They lay him back on to a hospital bed in a white room. He is so disorientated, so scared, that he stays perfectly still. Maybe if he stays still, curled up into the tiniest ball, then they will forget he's there?

They talk about him as though he's not there, anyways.

"This is the body?" One man says. The man is dressed in a suit. There's a flicker of recognition - not for the man, but for the clothing.

"This is Whiskey, yes. Fresh from the Los Angeles house."

Whiskey… Whiskey… he knows that name. He's pretty sure that's his name.

He's pretty sure that his name is Whiskey.

And he's supposed to be his best.

"Hmmm…" There's a pause. "I'm not sure I like it."

Whiskey tries to rub his eyes but his arms won't move. He can't even move a finger.

"He's a little too skinny. His forehead is too high."

He's not his best.

"Sir, I assure you, Whiskey was considered to be one of the most attractive Dolls in our LA branch."

"Then why did they send him back here to New York, eh?" The speaker was an old man. A very old, very crotchety man.

"His behaviour was somewhat erratic."

Whiskey let out a moan.

"Hmm. Well if this is all you've got, I suppose I could take it."

The other man, the man in the white coat (Dr Saunders? No, it's a man not a woman) shrugs. "You could always wait."

"You know that my time is running out!" Says the old man, angrily.

"You have another couple of months before the cancer takes away your faculties."

The elderly man harrumphs. "Maybe. All right, I'll wait. But prep this one in case I need it urgently."

"Certainly, Sir."

Whiskey's eyes slowly begin to close again until all he could see was the pale pink of the inside of his own eyelids.

"This body probably has another good fourty years of life left…" The crotchety old man's voice reached Whiskey through his stupor. "And after that..? Well…" His laugh was thin and papery and evil. "After that, there's always another young body waiting."

Whiskey's head lolled to one side as he fell into a deep sleep.

*--*--*

Two months later, Marshall still felt as lost and helpless as he ever had his entire life.

Robin was little more than a blank doll. The tough, take-no-crap Canadian woman's mind had been reduced to that of a scared, confused child. Sometimes she would say something - a phrase, maybe even a whole sentence - which showed that Robin was still inside there somewhere. But every time she would sob for something that none of them could give her - Whiskey, the code word or just plain alcohol, it was impossible to tell - and then she'd cry herself to sleep. It tore them apart to watch her.

Ted had never really recovered from their desperate flight back to New York - he saw shadows on every corner, enemies spying on them on every street. Wracked with paranoia, he'd sought help in endless rounds of intensive psychotherapy. But Marshall secretly thought that his best friend would never be truly healed until Robin was whole again, and Barney was found.

Heck, they were back to square one. All Marshall's interference, all his efforts to save Barney and to bring his friends back home had only resulted in them huddled together in Ted's apartment, some days too terrified to even make it past their own front door. It had all been for nothing.

No, worse than nothing - because Lily had been turned into some kind of brain-washed drone under the control of the Dollhouse and Marshall couldn't even count on his own wife for support.

Every time he's tried to do something, every time Marshall had attempted to fight back, he'd been crushed and they'd lost something even more precious. First Barney, then Robin, then Lily.

Now, they had nowhere to turn.

And then someone called Alpha found them.

*--*--*

Everything was a mess. But even with the computer equipment in complete disarray, Topher was pretty sure that some of their actives were going missing.

And this definitely wasn't an Alpha thing. This definitely wasn't bodies turning up, their faces criss-crossed with blood. No, this wasn't a sent-to-the-attic thing either.

This was about actives being suddenly gone. Lost. Wiped-clean from the books.

As if they'd never existed.

It was tempting to think this was an Alpha thing. After all, Alpha had believed that once a person gave up the right to their body, they had not reason to expect it back. Alpha liked to destroy the original imprint personalities of the actives, so that were left blank, for anyone powerful enough to take them.

The thought chilled Topher to the bone.

Yes… okay… so some of what they did in the Dollhouse was morally… questionable. But they took care of their actives! And there were strict (very strict) rules about that sort of thing. After five years the active was restored, good as new, with their original personality. In the meantime, what the donor-personality didn't know couldn't hurt them.

Until their bodies started to disappear.

Topher was left with the original imprint disk, a whole person frozen in time, and no body left to put them back into once their five-year tenure had expired. He'd tried to bring this to the attention of Adele but she really didn't hear him.

She had other fish to fry.

She had Alpha to deal with.

But somewhere, something was off. And so Topher took his concerns to Ballard instead.

*--*--*

"Dude, are you sure this is a good idea?" Ted said, as he and Marshall walked into the elevator at GNB and pressed the button for the thirty-fifth floor.

Marshall stared straight ahead and tried not to gulp. He tried not to swallow nervously. He very definitely didn't fiddle with his tie.

They had come here to meet with the CEO of Goliath National Bank. It was very important. Alpha had been quite insistent about it.

The memory stick in his pocket seemed unnaturally heavy, like kryptonite, like it was weighing him down and making him weak. Marshall had never been very good at duplicity.

That was Barney's strength - lies, deception, playing with the truth until it was spun tight into gossamer wisps of fact threaded through a distorted glass of pretence and elaboration.

But Barney was gone.

Alpha had said he wanted them to continue what Barney had started - to bring down the Dollhouse by telling their secrets to other, more powerful organisations - organisations such as Altrucell, the true power behind GNB. All the Dollhouse's secrets were locked up in that one, tiny memory stick. All that information that the Dollhouse had searched so desperately for. Marshall hadn't been surprised when Alpha had told them (remotely, through encrypted email - he didn't even know if Alpha was a man or a woman) that there was also a Dollhouse in Manhattan.

"We're in way over our head, you know that?" Ted said, shifting nervously. "We're just a couple of guys. We're not cut out for conspiracies and plots and death threats. I don't even know what to say to a CEO of a bank. I've never met one! We should be in a bar right now! Chugging a beer! And I know that doesn't sound like a great life plan but it sounds a hell of a lot better than a bullet in the brain. Or worse."

They both knew what "worse" would be.

"It's Robin, man," Marshall said with a sigh. We got her into this. We have to get her out.

Ted was silent for a moment then nodded. "Alpha said that it's not Robin's fault. That they forced her to be one of them against her will. But… that's like saying that all the other… people? What the hell do you call them, Marshall?"

"Dolls," Marshall said, quietly.

"That all the other Dolls are volunteers? Dude! You gotta be kidding me!"

Marshall shook his head. "It's Robin, man. We've got enough info on the Dollhouse tech to cut a deal with the big guns of Altrucell, all thanks to Barney's memory stick here. And from what Alpha tells me, those guys want in on the Dollhouse, big time. Altrucell can help us, I know I will. And this memory stick should be enough leverage to get Robin back. In the end, that's all we want…" He didn't have to continue. Ted glanced at him furtively and Marshall nodded, just once.

Ted shuffled his feet. "I know. I guess we gotta do this?"

Marshall nodded curtly and checked the waistband of his pants for the hundredth time. His fingers brushed the cold metal of the gun that was concealed there.

Right now, he wished more than anything that Robin was there with them. She was way better at this than he was.

*--*--*

Zulu sits on the floor with Lily. She likes Lily. Lily speaks softly and plays games with her and smiles and is always kind. Marshall barely speaks to her at all and Ted always seems to be shouting and frustrated with her.

But Lily - Lily is nice.

Lily helps Zulu to be her best.

Lily takes her to the pool to swim and to the gym to run. She even runs with her in the park - where there are great expanses of grass and sky. But there are too many people and noise and way too much space. Zulu cannot be her best in the park.

Lily gets to her feet and holds out her hand, pulling Zulu upright. The smaller girl looks at her, and something cold is quite visible in her eyes.

"Is it time for my treatment?" Zulu asks, because it seems like the correct response.

"Yes," Lily says. "Follow me."

They do not stop to get a coat or Lily's purse and there is no laughter and there are no smiles.

But Zulu trusts Lily with all her heart and soul.

In the absence of Topher and Dr Saunders and Whiskey, Lily is the only one left to trust.

*--*--*

"You know this is a risk?" Ballard said to Topher. "Are you sure about this?"

Topher threw up his hands. "Sure? I mean, sure! The odds on this one are a little on the long side. But I've been studying Alpha's attack and I know this can work. I mean, I've tested it but over such a distance? I mean… all the way to New York? We need a man on the inside."

Ballard smiled. "Already in position. Are you sure about this?"

Topher sighed. "What they're doing… it's wrong. We can nip this in the bud right now. Right now. Before it gets out of hand. You and me, man. There's so much we could be doing. So much cool stuff. What the Manhattan House is doing… sheesh!"

Ballard nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"And you won't tell Adele? Promise?"

"You know I can't promise that, Topher."

Topher bit his lip. "Come on, man!"

Ballard turned away. "But what she doesn't know…"

Thank god the big guy understood. "Manfriend," He said, clapping Ballard on the back. "You have no idea…"

*--*--*

The memory stick felt so heavy in Marshall's pocket. So heavy. His palms were sweating and he was getting a migraine.

Marshall made a terrible spy.

And as if that wasn't enough, before he could get to see the top man at Goliath National Bank, their only possible conduit to Altrucell HQ, he and Ted had to get past his secretary.

"I'm afraid he's not seeing anyone today," Julia said, filing her nails.

"Just give him the message, woman!" Marshall demanded through gritted teeth.

She raised an eyebrow and picked up the phone, shooing them away.

Ted grinned at him. "Wow, that was really masterful!"

"Shut up, Ted!"

The both took a seat in the high-ceilinged waiting room.

"What do you think Alpha wants out of this?" Ted asked him, keeping his voice low.

Marshall shook his head. "He… or she… says that they want what we want. To expose the Dollhouse."

Ted gave him a look. "You really think so? Has anyone told the truth since Barney first got himself in to this mess?"

Marshall's stomach dropped. That was his greatest fear - that they'd hand over this memory stick and get into worse trouble than before. Alpha had given him a backup plan - an absolute measure of last resort. But at the end of the day, he and Ted were on their own now. "What choice do we have?"

"We can walk away. Right now. Because… what if Alpha works for the Dollhouse? What if he's trying to get Robin… er… Zulu… back?"

Ted practically spat the name. He couldn't relate at all to Robin's blank-canvas state. He hated it. And he hated himself for making Zulu's life harder. Poor guy. "That's why we didn't bring Robin here."

Ted stuck his tongue beneath his teeth. "Sure, but-" He opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted by Julia getting to her feet and calling them over. "You can go right in."

It was so unexpected that Marshall stumbled over his own feet as they made their way over to the big double doors at the end of the hallway.

They opened inwards, allowing Marshall and Ted to step inside and greet the single figure, standing by the bay window, looking out over the panorama of Manhattan skyscrapers. The man turned around.

"Hey." He said, shortly.

"Barney?" Ted said, his voice cracking, as he leapt across the remaining distance in order to pull his friend into a bearhug.

But Marshall didn't move from the spot.

That may look like Barney and dress like Barney. He may even sound like Barney.

But his eyes. His eyes, man.

No way was that Barney. Barney's body maybe, but their friend wasn't in the driving seat. No - this thing, this looked like a Dollhouse active. A Dollhouse active that was apparently in charge of Goliath National Bank.

*--*--*

Ted felt numb.

When Marshall tried to negotiate, doing his very best to stay focussed and strong, trying to stand his ground despite the fact that he was very obviously dealing with a Dollhouse agent, Ted knew everything was slipping away.

Whenever "Barney" (or whoever was in Barney's body) began to speak, it was like a knife in his belly.

Ted never thought he'd be so desperate to hear his friend say the word "awesome".

Marshall looked over at him and tried to smile, tried to be encouraging, but it looked very much like they'd lost.

With every passing minute, they were losing; losing Barney and Robin and possibly their own lives. Why on earth did they think they could go up against the Dollhouse. Or Altrucell? Or whoever was in charge?

"Barney" looked up at one point and must have noticed Ted staring at him. "Ted Mosby, right?" Ted nodded.

"Oh don't worry, I'm not an active."

Marshall looked surprised.

"No. I'm the real deal. Right now, I am Barney Stinson and I am the CEO of the New York Branch of Goliath National Bank. And Right now, I am thirty-three years old and I have an incredible life, more money than I can spend and a circle of close friends." He laughed nastily.

"Who are you, man?" Ted said. Not an active? How could that be?

"Oh, I am immortal. You see, the Dollhouse recently saved me from a… well, let's just say an inconvenient and untimely death. You may not believe it to look at me, but just a few short weeks ago I was an eighty-year-old man, his whole life behind him, his body ravaged by that most insidious of diseases: Cancer. And this… new, young and vibrant body… this was convenient."

"That's obscene!" Marshall choked. "What happened to Barney?"

The man in front of them shrugged. "I can't say that I care!" And he grinned Barney's feral smile but the familiar expression made Ted feel queasy.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse.

"So our friend is dead?" Marshall said.

The other man just smile. "Oh no. He's very much alive. And if I were you, I'd carry on as if nothing had happened, because you still have a wife and as far as I know, she takes the subway to work every day. And we all know how dangerous the subway can be?"

Ted had to throw both arms around Marshall to stop his friend launching himself at "Barney".

"No man!" He whispered in Marshall's ear. "He's so no worth it."

"Your friends has the right idea," "Barney" said, grinning. "You see, I'm going to continue to live Mr Stinson's life as if nothing had happened and you are both going to play along. Is that clear?"

Ted looked over at Marshall and they both nodded. What else could they do.

"Excellent." He beamed. "Then I'll see you in the bar later?"

*--*--*

Ted was on his fourth beer when Marshall slammed his fist on the table, making him and half the bar jump.

"I swear," Marshall hissed, through gritted teeth, "If that guy turns up here I'll cold cock him, Dollhouse or no Dollhouse!"

Ted nodded. He wasn't getting any argument from that quarter.

"I mean, how can he ever expect us to just sit here and watch him parade around in Barney's body!"

"It's not like Barney didn't want it. Alpha was right…" Ted said.

Speaking of Alpha, Marshall reached into his pocket. He still had it! Awesome. While he was thinking about everything - Alpha, the Dollhouse, the interloper in Barney's body, Lily and Robin- no, Zulu, walked into the bar.

Although on second thoughts, it really looked like Lily and-

"Hey guys!" Robin said, shimmying into the booth next to Ted. "You gonna get me a drink? Me and Lil have been shopping all afternoon and I swear my feet are ground down to the bone! Your wife is a menace, man!"

Both Ted and Marshall gaped at her.

"A little present from the Dollhouse," Lily said, giving them both a pointed look.

Robin grinned at both of them, nonplussed. "Uh, drink?"

Ted got to his feet. "Uh, you girls want a beer?"

Robin stretched back in the booth. "Ted, you're a great guy, you know that? Total life saver!"

Marshall just reached across the booth and squeezed Lily's hand. "How did this happen?"

"How did what happen?" Robin asked.

"She doesn't know?" Marshall stared at her. It was Robin all right. Robin in the way she sat and the way she smiled and even her turn of phrase. Everything about Robin was as right as everything about Barney had been wrong. Marshall had never before appreciated just how much the person inside the body was responsible for animating it. And just what a truly diabolical thing it was that the Dollhouse was doing.

Bodies for sale, for rich guys who wanted to live forever?

Guys like Barney, stripped of everything that made them them and turned over like a slab of meat.

He felt the anger built inside him.

"Robin," he said, barely controlling himself. "What do you remember about the Dollhouse?"

She looked a little confused. "I-" She stopped and shook her head. "I'm not sure. I think I heard that somewhere before-" Then she looked up. "Hey, where's Barney?"

Her words were met with an echoing silence across the table, which Ted walked back in on, carrying four beers.

"Hey, stop being weird!" Robin demanded. "Ted, where's Barney?"

"Speak of the devil…" Marshall said, as Barney walked into the bar.

*--*--*

No one spoke when he dragged up a chair and sat down, not even bothering with the fake smile.

"So, you're all going to play along?" He asked them. His voice sounded more and more unlike Barney's.

Marshall leaned forward and tossed something through the air to him. The man in Barney's body caught it and gave Marshall a confused look.

"You want to be Barney, I thought you could use his phone."

The guy looked down at the thing in his hands as if he'd never seen an iPhone before. It beeped and he almost dropped it.

"That means you have a message!" Lily said, bright and helpful as ever.

Ted glared at her.

Marshall grit his teeth. "You just drag your finger across the bottom and press call?"

They all watched as the man in Barney's body tried clumsily to operate the phone, so unlike their friend with his nimble fingers and his quick wit.

Robin leaned forward to say something but Ted held her back and hushed her into silence. He put his arm around her and shook his head mournfully. How could they explain to Robin that Barney was gone?

The man in Barney's body put the phone to his ear. There was a high pitched whine - like a dog whistle - which put all their teeth on edge and felt very much like someone was sticking a knitting needle in their collective ears.

Barney's body fell forward, his forehead hitting the table with a painful smack.

Lily caught the phone as it slipped from his limp fingers.

"He had a message!" She said, almost delightedly. And Marshall turned her around to look at him as she put the phone up to her ear.

"It's done," she said.

"Lilypad?" Marshall asked, gently.

"Okay…" Lily said, responding to something on the phone. She shook Barney's arm.

"Did I fall asleep?" He mumbled.

The all sat and stared as Barney sat up. It was quite clear he had been wiped clean - his face held exactly the same mystified, innocent expression that Robin's had held these last two months.

But Lily merely smiled she held the phone back up against his ear.

"For a little while," she said."Now listen. This is important." She mimed holding the phone.

Barney dutifully took the phone and pressed it hard against the side of his head.

This time the whine from the iPhone's speaker made the beer bottles on the table resonate, and gave Ted a nosebleed.

*--*--*

"What exactly have you been up to Topher?" Adele said, making the sandy-haired scientist almost jump out of his skin.

"Nothing!" He said with a nervous giggle. "I mean… I got that squishy machine set up in the lap, so if you want a strawberry squishy then just drop by!"

She shook her head, almost fondly. Her icy demeanour had melted considerably after the Alpha incident. "I mean, what results have you had in reverse engineering Alpha's remote wipe technology?"

Topher breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh… Oh! Excellent! There's a new pulse technology that I think we can effectively combine with Alpha's breakthroughs and not only remote-wipe, but also remote-imprint. After field trials, it really will be an asset on any engagement, you know, in-"

She cut him off. "Just send me a report when you have something concrete."

He smiled. "Right." And she'd be astounded when she realised how far he'd got. She'd be so amazed that she might even forgive him for putting Barney Stinson back in his own body. She might forgive him. Okay, the report would probably have to be really good. He gulped.

She gave him a look. "Is something wrong, Mr Brink?"

Topher grinned at her. Ballard was right. What she didn't know…? "No. No, everything's great Adele. Everything's fine."

Epilogue

Barney sits next to Robin in the booth.

Beneath the table she snakes a hand across until her fingers reach his, then she laces them together, holding on to him.

He expects that she can't exactly rationalise it, but Robin keeps him close. She says that she feels safer with him there.

The others keep him close too.

Lily keeps hugging him (it's embarrassing) and it's been at least two weeks since Marshall or Ted refused to return a high five, even for the weakest joke.

It's weird.

But nice.

They all sat him and Robin down and told them the most ridiculous, outlandish, completely unbelievable story that he'd ever heard. Seriously, it was way worse than anything he'd constructed to get a woman to sleep with him.

But he's pretty sure it's all true.

Him going to the Dollhouse in order to deal with his feelings for Robin. Marshall and Robin coming after him. Robin getting caught up in the whole thing and Lily too.

He's pretty sure that it's all on the level.

And okay, it all sounds crazy dangerous. It all sounds pretty traumatic. And Marshall and Ted seem to have both aged about five years in two months.

But Robin's fingers are laced in his under the table and when she looks at him, she smiles without a hint of defensiveness or bitterness.

And even though everyone else is hurting, even though he nearly lost his life, his friends, even his own body - he can't help but mouth to her:

"Worth it."