I don't like, ever, have any Hiruma and Mamori conformation. Mostly because it gives me a headache. But apparently that's not a good enough reason so I quickly wrote this up while waiting for my Hungry Man to defrost in the oven. This is Hiru/Sena but it wouldn't be fun without a few random light pairings sprinkled on top.

Disclaimer: I don't own Eyeshield 21, I wouldn't know how. I also don't know what a holla back girl is, but I think it has something to do with bananas. (Yea, I got that off a icon)

It wasn't horrible.

When Sena started dating Shin, it definitely wasn't the worst possible thing to happen. After all Shin had convinced – warped – Sena to join him with excessive training after practice. And every lunch period Sena dutifully ate the balanced meal Shin had advised for him. Extra practice, extra energy for practice, so what more could be asked out of a running back?

Hiruma never even bothered with an answer.

Despite logic though he couldn't help but to smirk, feeling an illogical rush of euphoria when Sena had offhandedly mentioned to Mamori that he was no longer going be seeing 'Shin-san' in that way.

No, wait, nothing Hiruma did was illogical; it was against his genetic makeup to be illogical. He had a pretty damn good reason; it was just that being smart often included having thoughts that even the brilliant mind didn't understand at first.

Yeah. That's it.

"But Sena why? You seemed so happy!" Mamori had crooned, well it sounded like crooning to Hiruma, and Sena only shrugged. "It was just getting a little weird, that's it." He explained before attempting to change the subject.

Thinking about it later on, Hiruma realized that his slight issue with Shin was actually rather simple – but important. Importance number one, it was never good to compromise with the enemy. Didn't want the damn running back to stop giving it his all during games because he was busy acting like some love struck girl.

Juumonji, though not unexpected, was just as irritating. Sure, Hiruma had noticed the ex-delinquent's eyes following the brunet everywhere -the locker room counted as everywhere– and after Shin was out of the picture, the Deimon linebacker must have finally realized that he didn't just have to sit around and gawk. So he asked the shrimp out.

To be truthful, Juumonji's playing increased by a noticeable amount; he and the other two brothers arrived at practice on time, and every time Sena got tackled out on the field Juumonji would gladly go for blood.

That didn't mean Hiruma had to like the pairing at all. He watched with crossed arms and a dark expression as Juumonji led Sena home, once again. "They wouldn't last, and will probably bring their shit on the field." He announced out loud, it felt good to finally point out a flaw in the boys' otherwise picture-perfect relationship.

"That's just like you Hiruma-kun," Mamori huffed looking up from ordering a packet of bullet-coated papers. "They look sweet." She announced before turning back down to her papers.

"You're fucking kidding right? Aren't you completely obsessed with making sure that human males don't breathe the same air as the twerp?" He snapped and she shrugged, when the hell did she become so goddam carefree?

"Sena-kun is older now; anyway he's got a jealous football team captain to make sure of that. My era of the overprotective friend is over! I'm the cool older sibling figure now." She announced because that was such an achievement.

"What the hell do you mean by jealous? I'm the quarterback he's my running back, if his shit starts getting in the way of my games then I take care of the issue. That's brains." Ah wait, he was probably talking too fast for her brain to follow, again.

"If you say so Hiruma-kun, just remember you can't always just pretend." She said trying to spread her wisdom crap - even expecting it to make sense. "I thought you were supposed to be the cool older sibling figure." Hiruma said with a sneer and she mirrored the look.

Putting the organized papers into a folder Mamori shook her head and pressed her lips together tightly. "I'm just saying,"

"Do you have to?"

"That the longer you wait, the more likely Sena is to fall for someone else and according to my charts-"

"Charts," Hiruma cut in, his expression dry.

Mamori nodded curtly and without a care in the world reached down into her backpack and pulled out a large piece of cardboard paper. After unfolding it several times she moved out of the way showing Hiruma was at first looked to be a colorful egg.

"See, with each change of boyfriends Sena sees to get drawn towards more tougher and aggressive males - most of whom would be 'Alpha Males' in some way. Although worrisome it would not be so difficult if Sena were to find a partner outside of football. But due to shyness and lack of other male friends he feels more comfortable dating within the football realm where he spends most of his time."

Mamori had somewhere picked up a ruler and had prompted her charts against the black board. Hiruma was silent for a moment trying to blink away the memory of Mamori saying 'Alpha Males'.

"I missed the part where you become the cool older sibling figure." Hiruma mocked and Mamori huffed crossing her arms in a way expected of a three-year-old who didn't get her treat.

"Will you please drop the 'cool older sibling figure' joke? I was serious about that. You're just angry because I'm right." She retorted with a smug smile and Hiruma shrugged. Lately he realized that if he pretended to go along with what she said, and then did the opposite, it pissed her off more than even shooting the twerp.

"Sure, because you asked so nicely. But question to your whole 'football realm' speech, what the hell does that have to do with anything?" Mamori straightened obviously pleased to teach Hiruma on such a subject.

"It's important, and not even over yet, but you so rudely interrupted me, like normal, before I could make my point," Resisting the urge to shoot her with something dangerous Hiruma simply gave her a bored look.

"Sena's biggest problem with dating other football players, of course, is the rivalry it soon causes. He broke up with Shin due to similar reasons, Shin started showing up late for practice and Sena, being the goodhearted boy I raised him to be, quickly ended the relationship before any more trouble started.

"I have already predicted how his current relationship shall end; Juumonji has that sweet chivalry nature to him, but that can cause - after long periods of time an undesirable over-protective streak. He'd try to protect Sena from all harm, Sena who feels as if he already proven himself strong, will take offensive and thus leading to conflict. But like said, I sense a white-knight sort of chivalry in Juumonji, so lucky for you; he'd rather stay friendly than afoot with Sena.

"The important question though is whom will Sena date next? I predicted three possible outcomes; one he finally listens to me and finds a mate somewhere else than just football. Two, you shake off that high and mighty denial and just freakin' ask him. Or three, he finds someone with worst qualities than Juumonji but even stronger Alpha Male."

It wasn't even like he was pretending paying attention anymore; Hiruma surely didn't need to waste his time with such things like what 'cool-Mamori' thought of the twerp's love life. But she'd bitch if he didn't answer.

"Like who?" He asked and Mamori looked him straight in the eye her face stern.

"Agon," She deadpanned and Hiruma raised an eyebrow.

"If you say so," He snorted and Mamori crossed her arms shaking her head slowly.

Boys.

--

Two weeks later Sena broke up with Juumonji claiming that the other boy was treating him like a little brother than an actual boyfriend. Mamori had raised an eyebrow at Hiruma who only sneered in return, it was uncomplicated lucky guess.

However when he caught Agon on one of his many security cameras, haunting around the school just to have a 'chat' with a panicked Sena he could only grunt at Mamori's cheerful and smug smirk.

Needless to say, he asked a stuttering and blushing Sena out.

For coffee, because the damn manager wasn't going to always be right about everything.

Maybe.