It's my first serious fic in English so don't be very harsh, please? Written for kink meme.

Hetalia is not mine

Long sleeves

Lithuania still hadn't gotten used to his newly regained independence. Even now, on the walk with Poland, he couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched. He kept glancing behind his shoulder just to check if there wasn't anyone tall with scarf on his neck following them.

Usually Poland would laugh and mock him about his anxiety. But he had changed. Sure, he was still the Feliks everyone knew – goofy and fabulous, loud and annoying. However, there were sometimes those moments when he just paused and stared in the distance. Toris couldn't name the expression his friend wore at those times – it was one of those he still didn't understand. Years of partitions and wars changed them both.

There were also these long sleeves. Lithuania couldn't tell why it had started to bother him. He noticed them few weeks ago – Poland often wore shorts or skirts but he was never seen in short-sleeved clothing. Even now, in the middle of the summer, he wore white, silk shirt with obligatory long sleeves.

'Feliks, aren't you hot?' Toris asked with curiosity in his voice.

'Oh my God, Liet. How can you doubt my hotness? Like, I'm absolutely fabulous and hot!' Poland looked a little offended and Toris just stared at him. Then it clicked in his mind.

'Oh no!' he shouted 'I meant that, well, it's almost 25 degrees and you're wearing long-sleeved shirt. Don't you feel hot?' he looked at him expectantly and noticed with surprise that his friend was avoiding his eyes.

'No need to worry, Liet.' He laughed weakly 'I'm perfectly fine.' Feliks smiled at him brightly, though he still didn't look him in the eye.

Lithuania let go of the topic. If this was something Poland didn't want to talk about he wouldn't push him.

***

'So, like, thanks for the walk Liet. Vilnius is still as beautiful as I remember it.' Feliks smiled at him sincerely and suddenly Lithuania felt all the anger and anxiety leaving him. It was stupid really – to worry about what Feliks would say about Vilnius. The case was so old he almost felt stupid for being offended to that day.

'Do you want to come in?' Toris asked Poland when the he started to turn around. The blonde nation looked surprised but quickly masked it with a big grin.

'You're kidding? Of course I want.'

Toris just smiled and opened the door for him. Feliks entered shyly – he was a big talker but he still felt uneasy in Lithuania's house. Guilt was much easier to be felt there.

'Feliks, you know the way. Don't stand here.' He turned around to see Toris smiling at him gently. Poland felt himself smiling back.

'Make yourself at home and I'll make some tea, ok?' Lithuania didn't wait for his reply, he headed straight to the kitchen. Feliks found himself grinning even wider – it was almost like the old times.

An hour later they were sitting on the couch in Toris' living room, drinking tea and eating sakotis. ('It's sękacz!' 'No, it's sakotis.' 'Whatever, it still tastes like sękacz.')

It was almost as if they never were partitioned, the talk was so natural between them, jokes which only they could get were still funny.

Then came the evening. Poland looked at the window and his eyes widened.

'Oh God, Liet! I'm totally sorry! I didn't mean to be here for so long! You probably have work to do and…'

'Feliks.' Toris interrupted him. 'Will you stay for the night?'

Poland was quiet for a moment. There was that expression again – eyes staring in the distance, not noticing anything around them. They were so hollow and lifeless. It lasted only two seconds but it still made Lithuania shiver.

'Are you totally sure?' asked Feliks carefully, his eyes normal again.

'Yes Feliks. I would like you to stay with me tonight.'

In the next moment he had his arms full of short, lively blonde.

'Oh my God, you're totally amazing Liet! We haven't had a sleepover for ages! I, like totally love you!'

Lithuania just laughed.

***

It went smoothly at first. Small talk, tense atmosphere and suddenly they were kissing.

Lithuania slowly lowered Poland on the bed and lied on top of him. His tongue was moving in Feliks' mouth, massaging and discovering once familiar territory. Poland seemed to enjoy this as he happily hugged Toris and pulled him further down. Lithuania's hands started wandering on Poland's body, tugging on buttons and sliding underneath the shirt. His right hand brushed over Poland's left breast.

The blonde immediately tensed. Toris broke the kiss.

'Feliks?' he questioned and looked at his friend's face. His eyes widened. 'Feliks? Feliks! What happened? Feliks!'

Poland didn't seem to have heard him. His bright green eyes were wide open, his breath shallow, his expression panicked. His gaze landed on ceiling but his thoughts were far away from the current situation.

Shining blonde hair. Neat uniform. Crystal blue eyes. Oh God, those eyes looking at him with no mercy.

'Why are you doing this?! I surrendered, didn't I?'

'It's an order. Orders have to be carried out.' The voice is emotionless and so are those blue eyes.

The hand which holds the knife doesn't shake, doesn't even twitch. There is no hesitation in his moves.

Soldiers hold him sprawled on the ground, their grip on him is iron like. There is no way he can run away. He can only watch as this hand raises and places itself over his heart.

He is so scared he can't even breathe.

'No. No, please.' It is his last begging whisper before the knife falls down and stabs his heart.

His Warsaw.

He screams. He screams so hard his throat burns. It doesn't matter. The knife keeps stabbing him over and over again until there is almost nothing left from his heart. He feels the suffering of murdered people, feels buildings collapse. The pain is unbearable.

Stab. And again. Again. Again. Again.

Until he went crazy from the pain.

Blood is in his eyes, he sees everything in red. But not these eyes. They are blue.

'Feliks!' Toris screamed panicked. Poland looked like he had lost his mind. Never in his life had he seen the blonde so scared – not during partitions, not when his uprisings fell one after another. Not even in Tannenberg, when he was kneeling on the ground with a sword pressed to his neck.

'Feliks, please! Please, wake up! It's me, Toris.' He pleaded with a desperate expression.

Poland slowly stopped shaking and blinked. He could now see that those eyes looking at him were green not blue. Not violet either. Green.

He smiled tiredly.

'I'm ok now, Liet. Stop looking so panicked.' Feliks sat on the bed.

Lithuania was speechless for a moment. Then he started yelling.

'You almost gave me the heart attack! You shook worse than Latvia! What happened? Did… Did I do something wrong?' he swallowed nervously. Poland looked at him for a moment then smiled a little.

'No Liet, it wasn't you. Like, you did nothing. Totally nothing.'

They sat in silence for a while, neither of them knowing what to say. Then Poland kissed him.

'Are you sure about this?' Lithuania managed to ask when they finally pulled apart.

'Really – no. But I will try. I want to try. You just have to switch off the lights first.'

Toris stared at him.

'Why?' then his eyes landed on Feliks' shirt (now completely wrinkled) and his long sleeves. Poland's eyes followed his and the blonde nation sighed.

'I totally don't want you to see me like this, you know.'

Feliks was avoiding his eyes again. He gently cupped his face and placed a kiss on his lips. Then he started unbuttoning the shirt.

Poland didn't flinch when he finally pulled it off but winced at the sound if Lithuania's gasp.

Toris didn't know what to think. Feliks' torso and arms were covered in so many scars he wasn't sure he could count them. Small and big ones – all of them looked terrifying.

But the biggest and most scary was the one over his heart. It looked as if someone had been stabbing Poland repeatedly, causing more and more damage.

'Is it… Is it Warsaw?' Lithuania shyly gestured towards that blemish.

'Yeah. It was after Warsaw Uprising.' Poland closed his eyes 'I totally thought that I have gotten over it. Like, I mean, it was bad with Russia, worse than when you touched it. He apparently enjoyed seeing me like that 'coz he kept on touching it but…'

'Wait.' Toris interrupted him. 'Ivan did something to you?'

'Yeah. You didn't know? I thought he had told everyone that I'm so oversensitive and have obsession…' there was strong hatred in Poland's voice as he spoke about his brother.

Yes, thought Lithuania, I didn't know. Ivan never said a word about it and he didn't ask. He was still angry at Feliks, he had his own problems, his scars and… And…

I was so stupid.

'Feliks… Tell me about your scars.' Toris felt grief and anger taking over him. Now Poland's words "You did nothing" gained a new meaning.

'Like, I don't want to." Feliks scowled "The mood is totally off now. Not cool.'

Toris just looked at him seriously and Poland sighed resigned. He took Lithuania's hand and traced it over his scars.

'This is Westerplatte, they lasted the whole week, you know. This one is Bzura. This is Wizna, people call it Polish Thermopiles.'

Poland kept on naming every one of his scars as he guided Toris' hand. There was Auschwitz too - on the right side of his abdomen. And Katyń. And many, many others. He couldn't remember all of them like Feliks, there were too many.

'Liet. Look at me.' He raised his eyes at Poland who was still holding his hand. 'Don't cry, Liet.' Feliks kissed him softly. 'They don't hurt me as much as they did in the past. The time has healed them.'

'I should have been there for you, I should have helped you.' His voice was weak and guilty.

'Like, stop blaming yourself. You had your own problems, everyone had. I don't blame you. Like totally.'

They looked at each other for a moment. Silence was so uncomfortable that they felt like suffocating.

'Let's just go to sleep, ok?' asked Poland. He raised from the bed to switch off the lights.

His back was like a mirror reflection of Lithuania's back. Toris could almost see the faucet falling on the fair skin, bruising it. His own scars itched. He closed his eyes so that he didn't have to look and remember.

He only opened them when he felt Feliks laying beside him.

Poland's eyes were staring at him in the dark, strangely bright and gleaming in the dark. He was smiling.

'Don't think about it, Liet. It totally doesn't matter now.'

They both knew it was a lie. Lithuania smiled anyway.

'I love you, Feliks.'

'Yeah, me too. Love you. Good night.'

Their slow breaths filled the room, their bodies relaxed against each other.

They both knew they were just faking sleep.