He had tried so many times. There had been so many opportunities and chances that he had lost count. It had been his choice and he had always chosen wrong.

He was walking out of the training grounds, irritably shaking his head. Droplets of sweat made a glittering arc around his head as he tried to wipe the stinging trails from his face.

"Nice training session." Minato said, resting his hand on Kakashi's bare arm. For a moment, Kakashi froze, the simple touch branded into his skin. His heart beat faster than it during that three hour workout, and Kakashi looked up, mouth dry, nervousness curling tight in the pit of his stomach. Minato was smiling at him, a gentle blast of pure emotion, and Kakashi basked in it.

He won't reject me. Look at the way he smiles at me…

The words were at the tip of his tongue when Kakashi forced them back.

He smiles like at everyone. I'm nothing special.

"Yeah." Kakashi said quietly, looking down, unable to hold that soft blue gaze any longer.

"Wake up. Kakashi!"

Kakashi lurched awake with a gasp, hand automatically clutching for the kunai he kept under his pillow. Then he remembered that he's outside, coming back from a mission. The cold sweat from his nightmare dried in the night breeze and he started to shiver.

With a concerned look, Minato pulls him in, making quiet soothing sounds as he rubbed warmth back into Kakashi's limbs.

Kakashi wanted to say it so badly that it ached.

"Sensei, I…" He choked out.

"Yes?" Minato murmured, turning his full gaze on Kakashi.

Kakashi's courage failed him, and he fell silent, shaking his head.

"Nevermind."

"I'm getting married."

Kakashi doesn't look up from the kunai he's polishing, though his hands pause in their repetitive movements.

"What?" He's proud that his voice doesn't shake.

"Married. She's from Whirlpool and will be here in a month."

Now! Kakashi's brain screamed at him, Now, now, now! It's your last chance!

Kakashi swallowed hard, forcing the salvia down. "Congratulations."

It's a night of hell. Of fire, of smoke, of broken bodies and burned flesh.

It takes them ages to find Minato's body. They find Kakashi next to him, kneeling next to his teacher's broken, crumpled form, whispering three words over and over again.

"I love you, I love you, I love you…"