Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not the same. Not without her.

He wandered down to his basement, his safe haven, the only place that could keep out the memories, but not this time. This time he didn't fight his memories, their memories, he reminded himself. He pulled the letter out and stared blankly at it, for the first time in his life afraid he might cry. She had told him everything he ever wanted to hear from her, but he didn't want to know it if it was meant as a good-bye.

Yesterday had been the funeral and with so much to be done he hadn't had a moment to grieve, he had to stay strong. For his team, his family, and for himself. He wondered if she ever knew what the team thought of her. Abby, when she thought he wasn't listening, always referred to them as Mommy and Daddy and the team had always agreed. It made him mad though, that no one knew of her place with them, maybe not even her herself. He had heard what they said at the service.

"Poor dear, she died all alone, I wonder if anyone knew her really," one insensitive woman had said, he had thought about putting a gun to her head and would have if Jenny hadn't stopped him

"What do you mean?" another portly lady inquired

"She had no family, no boyfriend; never seen her out of work, her office is completely impersonal. Not even one photo, just awards,"

"She didn't have anyone,"

"No, although she was particularly close with her former partner, he took home her flag,"

"That is interesting…"

At that point he had stopped listening, if only they knew Jen, he gave a sad laugh, it was so easy to imagine her standing there, laughing with him, as only he could make her do. He had a flash of anger, why did she have to die?! Damn it Jen! How could you think I could do this without you? You're the only one who knows me!, all his pain and anger subsided into the agony he had been holding back and he broke into tears, I never even told you how much you mean to me, to the team, I love you, he opened his eyes once the tears had subsided and for the first time noticed the smudges on the letter he was still grasping, all he had left of her. He went to wipe them away only to find they were dry, she was crying. Please don't cry Jenny, please.

With that he abruptly stood up, not noticing the stool clatter on the floor or the shrill tone of his cell. He had to get away. He went up the stairs and out the door to his car. Outside the rain was pounding and the lightning was flashing dangerously close, but he didn't care. He backed out of the driveway and down the street. He didn't care where he went; he just had to get away.

He had been driving for almost an hour, swerving to avoid collision with many cars. He was going fast, way too fast, especially for this weather. But he couldn't stop, driving, thinking about her, his need to be with her. He could live without her, but he didn't want to. So as a six-teen wheeler with an oversized load came barreling toward him he didn't bother to move, he was happy. They were going to be together, one way or the other.

Please tell me if you liked!

I know this was already under completion but LeanzaLestrange and Miss Mila wanted another chapter so this is for them. Hope you like and please review! 