AN: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and characters

I gently twirled the tips of Bella's hair around my fingers. She slept, her head resting on my good shoulder. Her arm, even in sleep, gripped my waist and her hand fisted in my shirt, holding me securely to her.

She had been asleep for three hours and I was content to watch her. I felt her stiffen against me and I pressed my lips to her forehead. My fingers left her hair and I held her tight. "It's okay," I whispered. I moved my lips against her soft skin. "I'm okay, sweetheart."

"Edward," she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah honey, it's me. I'm right here."

She sighed and snuggled deeper into my shoulder. I felt her relax once again, her breathing even.

For several minutes I watched her, not releasing my tight grip. This was the fourth time in those three hours that nightmares had threatened. It made me wonder how many nights Bella had spent just like this, guarding me as I slept.

Now my nightmare had become hers.

I pressed my lips to her hair again and slowly loosened my hold. My fingers went back to her hair. "I'm so sorry," I breathed against her hair.

I heard the door open and I looked over to see Carlisle quietly enter the room. His eyes were on Bella sleeping against me. "How's she doing?" he whispered.

"Okay. She's been sleeping for a little over three hours."

Carlisle came over to the bed and sat next to me. "That's good," he nodded. "A physician did an exam while you were in surgery. The only thing wrong with her is exhaustion."

I felt tears prick my eyes. "That's not all, Dad," I whispered.

Carlisle frowned. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. Keeping my voice as quiet as I possibly could I told him what Bella had told me. I saw his eyes darken as I explained what Victoria and RJ's plan had been.

"Well," Carlisle said, letting out a deep breath. "I can definitely understand why Bella won't leave your side." He ran his hand over his face. "I have to admit I'm fighting the need to gather you in my arms and never let go my self. In fact, if it weren't for your shoulder, I would probably do just that." He reached out and put his hand on my cheek. I could see the worry written all over his face.

I looked away from all that worry and came face to face with the bandage wrapped around Carlisle's bicep. "How bad?" I whispered.

"What?" Carlisle said, his mind still obviously on what I had told him.

"Your arm, where you were shot. How bad is it?"

He shook his head. "I told you Edward, it was just a scratch. The bullet just grazed my shoulder. It was enough to knock it off track, thankfully. But it's fine. I needed five stitches, but that is it. I'm fine, I promise."

"Okay."

"How are you doing?" I looked back at Carlisle. "How's does your arm feel?"

"It's okay, a little uncomfortable, but it's fine."

Carlisle nodded and glanced at Bella. "Having the extra weight pushing down on it probably isn't helping. Technically speaking."

"It doesn't matter. She needs me."

My father nodded again. "How are you doing?" he asked again.

"Bella is safe," I answered. "Now she has nightmares, but she is safe."

"Yes. She is back in your arms. But how are you doing?"

I looked away, staring at the monitors that sat next to the bed. It was as if Carlisle could read my mind and knew what raced through my head when I was alone in the quiet.

"Edward." He gently put his hand back on my cheek and turned my head until I was looking at him. "Tell me what's wrong."

I felt tears prick my eyes. I wanted to look away from this man that saw too much. As he looked in my eyes I felt like he could see deep within me. But how could I possibly tell him what I was thinking? Especially after all that he had been through?

"No, please," Bella mumbled next to me.

"Honey," I said softly, turning my attention to her. I tried to wrap my good arm around her, but she thrashed out.

"No," she cried again, louder this time. I saw the tears on her cheeks and knew I had not protected her this time. "Bella, wake up," I said. I tried to hold on to her. Her arm swung out and I hissed as she hit my arm.

Carlisle reached out then, holding her. "Bella," he said.

"NO!" she screamed now. "EDWARD!"

"I'm right here. Honey, I'm right here, please wake up." I cursed the sling that held my arm tightly against me. "Wake up and you'll see it's okay."

"Bella, wake up," Carlisle said. He held her arms to keep her from swinging out again. "Edward's right here, and he's safe."

Her eyes flew open. "Ed-ward," she panted. "Ed-ward." She looked up and saw me. She twisted out of Carlisle's grip and wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt her hands fist in my shirt and hair as she held me as tightly as she could. I could feel her tears, hot against my neck as she buried her face in my shoulder. "Edward," she cried again.

"I'm okay," I said, trying to keep my voice gentle and soothing. "It was just a nightmare, it's okay." I held her tight, despite the pain that was shooting from my shoulder.

"Bella," I heard Carlisle and saw him reaching to get her off of me. I shook my head.

"It's fine," I whispered to him.

He frowned but backed away.

Bella shuddered against me. I rested my cheek on her hair and closed my eyes. Her tears were hot stabs in my heart.

"I should never ever have told them what James did," Bella cried softly. "If I hadn't, they wouldn't have planned what they did."

"Honey, you were just trying to help. I know that. And they weren't able to follow through with their plan, so in the end it doesn't matter." I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle looking at the wall, but I could see tears sparkling in his eyes. "Bella please don't do this to your self. I know how guilt can eat at a person, please don't let it. What happened wasn't your fault at all." It was mine. I didn't say the last words out loud, but they still seemed to echo through the quiet room.

Bella shifted against me and I clenched my teeth against the new shot of pain.

"I love you so much," Bella whispered against me. She choose that moment to back away and she looked at my face. I saw the moment she realized that she was causing me pain as her eyes widened.

"It's okay," I whispered as she opened her mouth to speak. "I promise honey, please it's fine."

She rolled off of me and I could see tears welling in her eyes again.

I shook my head. "It's okay," I repeated, anxious to make her understand that. My pain meant nothing.

Carlisle stood up and walked out of the room.

Bella's hand came up and she stroked my jaw. "I'm sorry," she said softly, but firmly. "I forgot about your arm in my panic."

I smiled at her. "I know. I didn't really notice because I was more worried about you."

Bella sighed as she continued to run her hand along my face. "I know you are safe. I can see with my own eyes that are you. But the images they planted in my brain, I can't get them to go away."

"They will fade," I said softly. My fingers ran through her hair. "Maybe not overnight, but it will fade and you will be able to move on. I promise."

"You've never broken a promise."

"And I don't intend to start now."

She shifted next to me.

"What's wrong?"

Bella smiled sheepishly. "I have to go to the bathroom."

I laughed softly. "Then you should go. Don't worry, I'll be here when you get back."

She jumped up and hurried to the door. Before she left, she turned and blew a kiss at me. As soon as she walked away, Carlisle entered. I realized he must have been standing outside the door.

"How is your arm?" he asked, concern ringing in his voice.

"It's okay."

"Do not lie to me," he said. "Sit up for me."

I followed his directions, wincing as the movement put strain on my shoulder. I felt Carlisle gently poke around.

"Okay, lie back," he said after several seconds. "It looks okay. Now I want you to listen to me. I understand that Bella is the most important thing to you, but you have to take care of yourself as well. I wasn't the operating surgeon. Since I'm not a doctor at this hospital and because I'm your father, they wouldn't allow it. But I did observe and I do know how serious your injury is. You have to take care of it or you will not regain full motion in your arm."

I looked down, away from the intensity of Carlisle's eyes. "It does not matter," I whispered.

"Why do you keep saying that, son?"

"Because it doesn't." The words exploded out of me before I could control them. "Because you got shot and Bella got kidnapped and then tormented. Because you had to watch a crazy woman hold a gun to your son's head. Because Bella has nightmares and I don't know if they will ever go away. What happens to me does not matter because I caused it all! If it weren't for me, none of it would have happened!"

Carlisle sat in stunned silence. Not once, in all the time he had known me had I erupted like this. But the words couldn't be taken back.

"I have brought so much worry into your life," I said, much softer this time. "Twice, people have come back to wreak havoc on my life. But it's not just me that's getting hurt now and I can't handle that. What if there is something else? What James has a brother or a sister who feels I somehow wronged them? What if Victoria's mom blames me for her death and decides that it is her duty to end me for the pain that I caused? It's never ending Dad."

"What are you saying Edward?" he asked me gently.

I shook my head and tears blurred my vision.

"Son, just say what you are thinking. I can't help you unless you tell me all that you are thinking."

"Bella needs me now. But then, after she is better, I think it would be best for everyone if I disappeared," the words were barely a whisper. "I think it would best if I go away for good."

I heard a gasp come from the door and knew Bella had come back and heard my words. I felt Carlisle squeezing my hand so tight it almost hurt.

"I think that would be best." I whispered again. My eyes slid closed. I couldn't face what I had just done.

Bella was at my side in an instant. "You can't," she said and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Honey you are my entire life. Nothing means anything if you aren't there."

Slowly I opened my eyes to look at her. This was not how I planned to have this conversation. I had wanted to wait until life had gone back to normal. But I felt raw and exposed and the words would not stay inside me.

Carlisle still held my hand clenched within his.

I looked at Bella and tried to smile. "I know. I would never leave you right now."

"That's not good enough," she whispered. "Honey, you need to say that you would never leave. Period. You need to promise."

She trapped me with her words. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't make a promise that I could not keep.

"Edward," Carlisle cut in, rescuing me temporarily. I turned to look at him. "I can understand why you think this. Honestly son, I do. I know what you've been through and I know it seems like it keeps coming at you. But if you left, there would be a huge hole in our lives. It's not what we want and I know it's not what you want."

I looked at Carlisle and took a private deep breath. I tried to swallow around the lump that had formed in my throat. "I know," I said. "I don't know why I said that."

"I do," Carlisle said. "I can't even pretend to understand what this must be like for you. But you have to trust me when I say that having you in my life is worth every second of worry."

"Mine too," Bella put in. "I wouldn't trade you for anything, no matter what happens."

I nodded. "I know," I said thickly. I sighed. "I'm sorry I brought it up. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's how you feel, bud. If you didn't say anything it would just build up inside you."

Bella nodded. "You can tell me anything." She lay down next to me, putting her head on my uninjured shoulder, her arm wrapping around my waist. "I love you, never forget that."

"I love you too," I said against her hair. I kissed her softly, keeping my lips against her hair. I smiled at Carlisle.

"I'll let you guys get some sleep. I love you too, bud." He stood up and then leaned over to kiss my forehead. "Get some sleep, Bella isn't the only one who needs it."

I nodded. "Thanks Dad. Love you too."

I watched quietly as he went out of the room. Then I look down at Bella and saw her eyes closed, her breathing already even. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. I had never promised. I wondered how long it would take Bella to realize that.

I loved her so much. I loved Carlisle and the rest of my family more than I ever thought I could. But I couldn't continue to bring such pain and worry into their lives. The future was such a mysterious place and who knew what was waiting around the corner. Who knew what relative was waiting to take me down. All I knew was that when they came, no one I loved would be hurt again.

AN: Hello my dear readers! I hope you are having a wonderful Fall. I love this time of year. I am so close to 1,000 reviews, I would absolutely love to hit 1,000 with this chapter. Maybe we can make it happen.

So last weekend I had a three day weekend because of a furlough day on Friday. I decided to make the most of it and went on a roadtrip up to Forks (I live in Portland). What a magical place. I had such a blast. If you've been there, let me know what your favorite part was! If you haven't been and you have the opportunity, I would definitely recommend it. It's like Disneyland for Twilight fans!

Love you all!

Alison