"WHAT???" Gwen shrieked in response to Jack's comment. "You want me to do what?"

Ianto noticeably winced at the sound of Gwen's voice echoing in the boardroom. He didn't know her voice could go that high, but it certainly went right through him. He knew this wasn't going to be a good idea, but Jack decided to plow on ahead in his usual fashion. He looked down at his hands folded on the desk since it was easier than watching Gwen's reaction.

"Gwen, it's the only way we can get out of this mess," Jack said patiently. "Do you remember when you first started with Torchwood and we had to catch that alien that had invaded Caris?" Gwen nodded shakily. "This is worse. This is ten times worse. A hundred times worse."

She pulled her hair back nervously and started pacing. "Is this end of the world Abaddon worse?"

"Almost," Jack admitted before looking down. "Ianto, could you read the scroll again?"

Ianto carefully unrolled the tattered document in front of him. "And the light of the heavens shone unto them and rejoiced – behold, their union hath saved our world and their great sacrifice hath brought forth the light which banished thy daemons upon the land." He paused for a moment and looked up at where Gwen was wearing a path in the carpet. "It then goes on to detail what needs to happen. Shall I continue?" At Jack's nod he looked down again. "Two men of equal countenance shall hold forth with a woman of great beauty who will be as a wife to both. The triumvirate shall join together so that all three are ajoined while chanting the sacred text. In this fashion they shall triumph over evil and banish it to the nether regions."

Gwen moved around the table to look at the document in front of him. "I can't even read that. What is it?"

"Old English," Ianto said, his fingers lightly caressing the text on the cloth. "See this word? Áwreccan? That means arouse. Coss is to embrace and geǽnan is to join together. It's quite clear."

"How do you even know how to read it?" Gwen asked him.

"I studied it at uni," Ianto said. Gwen nervously ran a hand through her hair and turned away from him. He looked up at Jack and quirked an eyebrow at him. Jack shook his head minutely, then shifted his gaze back to the woman before him.

"Gwen, I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to," he said.

"I can't believe you are suggesting we have a threesome. You have got to be joking," she said, still disbelieving.

"I never joke about sex," Jack said. He leaned against the display on the wall, obscuring the images that they had been looking at earlier. Gwen turned to look at Ianto.

"That's true. Everything leading up to sex, yes. But the actual sex act itself – no," Ianto confirmed. His gaze remained steady and Gwen looked away first, her face crimson with embarrassment.

"But what about Rhys?" She cried. She couldn't believe that she was actually contemplating the idea.

"Would you rather Rhys be involved?" Jack asked skeptically. "I hadn't considered it because I didn't think he was that open about relationships." He paused for a moment. "He's not my type, but if that is what works for you, I'd be willing to do it."

Gwen spun around, shocked at the suggestion. "You can't be serious – Rhys?" She looked at Ianto. "And you'd be okay with this?"

Ianto shrugged. "I don't very well have a choice about it, do I?" He asked. "I can't say I'd be happy about it, but if you and Jack shagging with Rhys saves the world, who am I to argue?" He watched as she resumed her pacing, hands twisting themselves into knots.

"Or maybe you'd be more comfortable with Rhys and Ianto instead of me," Jack said, his gaze following Gwen about the room. She let out a whimper like sound.

"Rhys would never go for it," she said, shaking her head. She turned to Jack, her eyes huge. "You sure there is no one else who can do this?" Jack shook his head. "Are you really, really sure?"

Jack sighed and rubbed his chin. "I guess I can call Martha and ask her. She'd be willing to do it to save the world, and I'm sure Tom wouldn't mind."

"We'd never get her here in time to do the ritual," Ianto said softly, his eyes looking downwards. "The full moon is tomorrow night. She'd never be able to get away in time."

"Oh, God," Gwen moaned. She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked slightly. "Why us?"

"I'm sorry Gwen, I really am," Jack said. "If there were any other way, I'd tell you."

"Rhys would never forgive me. I can't do that to him," she moaned. "It was one thing before we were married, but now…. I can't."

"Why not ask him what he thinks?" Jack urged. "Maybe he'd understand."

Gwen's eyes were wild at the thought. "No, I don't think that's a good idea. No, definitely not."

"You never know, he may surprise you. And do you really want to make a decision without him being involved?" Jack asked, his face serious. Gwen was torn. Her worlds had collided before this but never in such a fashion.

"Why does it have to be a woman?" Gwen asked, looking from one man to another. Jack sighed.

"Because according to this ritual that Ianto found, the only way to stop the evil from taking over is to have double penetration." Gwen's eyes got even larger than they were already. "Both men need to be joined to the woman at the same time," Jack said. "And while I might be able to pick up someone in a bar who would be willing, explaining everything and getting them to say the words at the crucial moment would be a bit awkward."

"Oh God," Gwen moaned again. She staggered a bit before sinking down to the floor. "Oh, dear God."

Ianto looked at Jack in concern. "Jack," was all he said, but his tone spoke volumes. Jack shook his head. He moved over to where Gwen was kneeling and crouched down in front of her.

"Gwen, let me call Rhys in. Let's talk about this. We may be able to come up with a solution, but we're running out of time. Let's see what he says."

"Oh, what the hell?" Gwen cried, her eyes filled with anguish. "Why not? My life can't get any worse right now."

"Gwen, are you saying that sex with me would be a nightmare?" Jack chided her, trying to cheer her up. He looked at Ianto and nodded. Ianto sighed and shook his head. This was going too far in his opinion, but he used the conference phone on the table to ring Rhys' at his office.

"Harwood's Haulage – you won't be sorry with a Harwood's lorry," the receptionist sang out. "How may I direct your call?" Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Rhys Williams, please," he asked politely. Jack shook his head but returned his focus to Gwen. A short time later, Rhys picked up the phone.

"Rhys Williams," he said. Gwen looked up in surprise and Jack put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but it was too late to turn back now.

"Rhys, Ianto here. Look, do you have time to come down to the Hub? We have a problem here and need to urgently discuss a matter with you," Ianto said.

"Is Gwen okay?" Rhys asked anxiously.

"She's fine. But we need to talk to you. Can you get here soon?" Ianto asked. He looked at Jack again, the misgiving evident on his face. He didn't think they should be doing this, but when Rhys agreed to come right over the matter was taken out of his hands. He disconnected the call after Rhys hung up and sighed. "He should be here in a bit. Shall I go make us coffee while we wait?" He stood up without waiting for a response and walked out of the room.

When he returned a half hour later it was with a tray of coffee and Rhys by his side. Rhys walked past him and went immediately over to where Gwen was now sitting at the table, her head in her hands.

"Are you all right, love?" He asked, carefully looking at her. She seemed to be fine, so once he had confirmed that he looked over at Jack. "What's the problem?"

Jack sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. "The problem isn't with Gwen, though she's part of the solution. But we need your help." He gestured for Rhys to sit down and the other man complied. He accepted a cup of coffee from Ianto and took a sip before returning his attention back to Jack. Gwen just turned the coffee cup around in a circle, not looking at any of the men as Jack explained the problem.

"Whoa," Rhys said when Jack had finished. He sat back in his chair, the springs squeaking in protest. "Are you really serious?" Jack nodded. "And it has to be her?"

"Yes. Rhys, if there was any other way, I'd go with it, but there isn't." Jack admitted. "I don't want to cause either of you pain. But if you can separate yourselves emotionally from the mission, it may help a bit."

"How can I separate myself from what you're asking me to do when you're talking about three people having sex together?" Gwen cried.

"I can retcon you afterwards if it would help," Jack offered. Gwen just shook her head. "Look, we don't have much of an option."

"So let me get this straight," Rhys said. He was careful not to look at his wife as he spoke. She hadn't raised her gaze since he had sat down beside her. "You need to perform this ritual tomorrow night. The three of you need to have sex together while reading out a set of phrases, and once you've done this the evil goes away?" Jack nodded. "Wow."

"In all fairness, it doesn't have to be both Ianto and myself," Jack admitted. "We just need two men who can perform the ritual and say the phrases. One of the men could be you if that makes you feel better." Gwen peeked out from under her lashes at her husband to judge his reaction.

"You're shitting me," Rhys said, the shock evident in his voice. Jack shook his head. "I don't believe it. And you think I want to be involved in this?"

"If it would make you feel better than knowing that it was two other men having sex with your wife, yes," Jack said frankly.

"What would I have to do?" Rhys asked, ignoring Gwen's shocked gasp that he was even remotely considering doing the ritual.

"Well, we would go to the appointed spot, which is a field outside of Cardiff. Once we were set up, we would start the ceremony. This would involve dancing in a circle while naked, followed by the ritual joining of the three individuals," Jack said.

"Naked isn't a problem, I don't have a problem with anyone seeing my morning glory so to speak," Rhys quipped. "But what happens with the joining?"

"Ianto?" Jack nodded to the other man who was seated across the table from the couple.

"Yes, well," Ianto shuffled the papers in front of him, clearly uncomfortable. Gwen buried her face in her hands, refusing to look at any of them. "The ceremony itself is quite simple. Once the circle is closed, the three have sex with the two men entering the woman. Both men do need to penetrate the woman and ejaculate, though It doesn't specify whether it be double vaginal, anal, or both, so it's up to the participants. They then chant out the key phrases listed here with the last phrase spoken during climax."

"Oh God," she murmured. "Jack, I don't think I can do this."

"Gwen," Jack said softly, pleading. "Just consider it. Rhys, what do you think about it?"

"God, I don't know," Rhys said. He got up to pace, unconsciously tracing the same path that Gwen had walked earlier. "This is all so mad, isn't it?" He stared at Jack a moment and saw the imperceptible nod from the other man. "If we do this, we save the world?"

"Yes," Jack nodded. Rhys walked back towards the door and turned away for a moment in thought. "The question is whether you can do it."

"What would I have to say?" Rhys asked. Ianto said several phrases in Old English and Rhys shook his head. "I'd never manage that. I'd be afraid of cocking it all up. No, I think it's going to have to be you two if it's going to be done right." He heard Gwen gasp in shock where she sat at the table.

"Well, if you're certain," Jack said, the doubt evident in his voice. "Gwen, do you think you can do this with us?"

"Oh God," she moaned. She looked up and saw Ianto fiddling nervously with the documents in front of him. Obviously he wasn't thrilled about this either. She looked at Rhys who was standing by the doorway. He was looking down at his hands. Then she looked at Jack, who was on Ianto's side of the table. After a moment she looked down and nodded, her face red.

"Thank you Rhys, for being so understanding," Jack said.

"Yeah, I can't do this, so you two might as well be the ones. At least it won't be some strangers shagging my wife," Rhys said. "And besides, it sounds hot enough that I would like to watch. Can I do that?" Gwen gasped.

"WHAT?" Gwen yelled, her head spinning to stare at her husband. At that moment he lost it and started laughing as he saw the expression on her face. "Rhys Alun Williams, how can you even say such a thing?"

"What, that I think it would be hot? It would be!" Rhys said with a laugh. Jack started laughing next, followed by Ianto. Gwen had a sinking feeling. She started to stand up and she turned to look at Jack.

"April Fools!" He said with a laugh. "Though Rhys, did you have to say that? We could have stretched this out to tomorrow night, just to see if she would actually go through with it." Rhys was too busy laughing to respond to his comment.

"You son of a bitch," she said. "I believed you!" She got up to move around the table, and Jack danced in the other direction "And you!" She glared at Ianto who visibly flinched. "I thought you said he didn't joke about sex!"

"He doesn't, but this would be considered foreplay," Ianto admitted.

She turned her glare back to Jack. "You are a dead man, Jack Harkness!"

Jack looked over at Rhys who was doubled up and in tears. "We better skedaddle." He turned and ran, Rhys stumbling behind him. She took off through the door, shouting at them in anger.

Ianto rested his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with laughter. While he had misgivings about this whole joke, he had to admit that Jack and Rhys had pulled it off brilliantly. He listened to the sounds of Gwen's shouting as she chased the two men through the Hub. God help either of them if she caught them before she finally saw the humor in the whole thing…

~*~