A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the incredible delay on this update. (An understatement to be certain) Between quitting my job and the holidays, unfortunately, my writing has really been put on the back burner. But hopefully, now that things are settled, I'll be able to get back into it!

Thanks to everyone that sent pms and reviews making sure I was still alive and providing encouragement.

So, this chapter was originally something like 20,000 words, but, deciding that was too long, I broke it into two parts. This is kind of a transition chapter, without a ton of action, but hopefully it'll still be up to par. The other half of this chapter is already written, so I'll probably post it in a couple of days. It contains some very yummy Bella-Jasper time! (Spoiler alert :P)

Thanks again for sticking with me and my ridiculously erratic updating schedule.

Meet me at the bottom for some info about a Valentine's Day Countdown I'm writing for!

Calefaction

Chapter 24

Impossibilities

Edward PoV

"Hey."

Jasper didn't look up as I approached, nor did he respond to my tentative greeting. Not surprising, really, considering I'd just chased him nearly 100 miles north of the house; pointedly ignoring his obvious need for solitude in favor of the chance to speak with him regarding a matter that had been weighing rather heavily on my mind. He'd led me on a merry little chase along the Pacific coast and up into the rugged Canadian wilderness, felling trees and churning up great clods of earth in his wake; as though the destructive obstacle course would deter me. I followed him at a respectable distance, knowing he had no hopes of outrunning me, until he finally realized the same. As we reached a deep, craggy ravine he shot a wary glance over his shoulder and came to a halt, perching on the lip of the canyon with his feet dangling down into the misty depths.

He didn't speak.

Despite my persistence, neither did I. I didn't know how to broach the necessary subject, and more importantly, I had no idea how he would react when we finally peeled back the layers of subterfuge to reveal the true problem at the heart of our contention. There was a great deal that needed to be said, and I didn't expect any of it to be pleasant.

But after everything that had happened there were no further doubts in my mind that it was time for Jasper and I to set aside our egos, if such a thing were even possible, and sincerely discuss Bella's role, both current and future, in each of our lives. Loathe as I was to admit it, I could no longer deny that Bella's interest in Jasper was not the shallow, passing infatuation I'd hoped it to be; her feelings...her love for him ran far deeper than I'd first ascertained. However, neither could Jasper deny that I had taken a firm root in Bella's heart, despite her initial fear and misgivings. He may never admit it to me, but I was certain he could feel the love Bella and I shared, burgeoning and new though it may be.

And we could argue who she loved more until we were as ancient and out of our minds as the benefactors of the Volturi, but none of it would change what I had seen last night. The image I had plucked from Bella's lust-hazed subconscious, an image that had both horrified and intrigued me, was what had spurred this insistent pursuit.

Still, I did not speak. How, precisely, did one go about asking his vampire brethren if they were interested in sharing the human girl that had lived with them as a sister for years, and whom they both loved? It wasn't really a query that rolled off the tongue. And honestly, I wasn't certain that I was in favor of the idea, myself. When something as simple as a shared smile between them was enough to unleash my demon in all of its snarling fury, it was difficult to imagine willingly sharing her affections.

Yet I'd realized something, recently. Something that had eluded me during a hundred year study of nearly every academic subject, something that seemed as instinctual to Bella as breathing.

Happiness; true happiness, was a selfless emotion.

It wasn't imposing your will on others to ensure that they did as you bade, because that was what you deemed safe or correct. And it certainly wasn't selfish acts that were achieved at the detriment to those closest to you.

It was spending several torturous hours in the mall with your sister, helping her pick out the 'perfect' yellow cardigan, because the excitement that lit up her face when you finally found the size extra small hidden on the clearance rack made your dead heart feel like it was beating again. And it was letting go of outdated notions in favor of letting the woman you loved be herself.

I needed to make Bella happy. Her happiness and well-being were inextricably linked to my own. And this was something she wanted, even if she was too reticent to actually voice her request.

"Do you suppose a fall from this height would hurt?" Jasper questioned, interrupting my thoughts. He must have grown weary of my continued silence.

I strode toward the mouth of the ravine, crouching down to peer into it skeptically. It looked to be a five hundred foot drop or so. I briefly tried to envision the descent; the cool air rushing past my marble frame in what would probably be the closest I'd ever come to flying, followed by the jarring landing. I finally glanced up, shaking my head. "Probably not," I replied. "Would you care to find out?"

He chuckled, laying back on the dark, damp rocks and folding his arms beneath his head. "Nah, maybe some other time."

I nodded, taking a seat beside him as I tried to think of a way to introduce the topic without having him laugh in my face or take off running; both responses were equally likely.

The late evening sun hung heavy in the sky, its light refracting glittering rainbow beams from our skin onto the black stone around us. While it was certainly better than spontaneously combusting, as lore dramatically suggested, I had to admit that I'd always found the reaction peculiar-.

"Eddie, you didn't follow me all the way up here to spend time bonding. What do you want?" Jasper blurted, pragmatic as ever.

I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face. "It's about Bella."

"It always is," he smirked. "Come to tell me that you love her and ask me to back off? Or lament your unworthiness?"

Rather than take offense at the sarcastic remarks, I found them amusing. "If only," I laughed, thinking this would be so much easier if it were one of the old standbys.

He arched a brow, glancing at me curiously from the corner of his eye. His thoughts were masked by a steady stream of Lynyrd Skynyrd songs.

It was useless; there was no delicate way to do this. So I took a page from Jasper's book and leapt in, head first. "Look, we have to decide what we're going to do about her. Forever is a rather long time to be bickering like children over a shiny new toy."

"I agree," Jasper answered noncommittally. It was obvious that he still expected me to ask him to bow out.

"Bella and I had our date last night," I segued.

His 'Sweet Home Alabama' blockade tumbled for a moment and all I could read from him was jealous fury. He reined it in swiftly, clearing his throat.

"That's right. How was that?"

My thoughts flashed to the night before, and I felt myself smiling widely. Despite the poor sportsmanship we'd both displayed on the golf course, what it'd led to had been...amazing. Nerve-wracking, considering my lack of experience, but amazing thanks to the guidance of her thoughts and my otherwise useless medical degrees. The feel of her hot, soft skin beneath my hands was something I would not soon forget, and fates willing, something I would be allowed to experience again.

"It went... well," I evaded.

He scoffed. "If those ridiculous grins you were both sporting was anything to go by, it went better than just well."

I chuckled, inclining my head slightly in agreement. "Very well, then," I acceded.

He was quiet for a moment, but his fists were clenched in the short, dry grass beneath him, tearing the withered stalks from the earth. Every few seconds, a string of thoughts burst from the mental barrier he'd erected, incoherent without context.

When he spoke, he was quiet, and I knew that he regretted the words before he'd even voiced them. "Glad you two had a good time. But just so you know, I primed that pump."

He'd never spoken that way about Bella, objectifying her in such a lewd manner, but I didn't call him on it. If I were in his shoes, I'd probably have said much worse.

"I suppose thanks are in order, then," I dead-panned.

He immediately stood, back rigid, but I grasped his sleeve and yanked him unceremoniously back to the ground.

"I'm not finished."

"I am," he growled, shaking my hand off. But he didn't leave.

"I'm sorry, alright?" I finally murmured, exasperated with the entirety of the situation. "Do you think that I want it to be like this?"

"I think you damn well enjoy throwing that shit in my face," he spat.

I rubbed my hand over my face tiredly. "Alright, I do like that," I admitted. "But that's not why I'm here. I'm not interested in arguing with you, Jasper. We need to work this out. Before it gets any more out of hand."

His quiet laughter held no amusement. "What do you suggest, Eddie? There ain't no easy way about this. You love her. I love her. She loves the both of us. It's not like we can just share-" His silence was sudden, his eyes wide with disbelief as they swung toward me almost wildly. "Wait a second. You're not suggesting..."

I peered at the darkening sky silently, unwilling to look at him or affirm the thought. When he spoke it so incredulously it truly did seem like a ridiculous idea.

He jumped up, shaking his head back and forth. "Edward, seriously. I know you're not saying what I think you're saying. Are you saying-?"

"She wants it," I declared, cutting off his barely coherent tirade.

"What? Did she tell you that?"

"She didn't need to. I saw it. Last night, when we...on our date. She, uh... Well she's thought about it before, I can tell you that much."

He was pacing, dragging his hands through his hair, a mannerism I was fairly certain he'd picked up from me.

"What do you mean? Explain."

I smirked, arching a brow. "Do you really want me to go into detail about this, Jasper?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "Fuck your misplaced modesty."

Shrugging, I held up a hand as if to ward off his harsh words. "Alright, then." I picked up a handful of rocks and began tossing them into the cavernous maw, listening to the steady clacking as they bounced to the bottom. "She, uh. She took your advice-"

"What advice?" he snapped irritably.

"I can't believe you're making me say this..." I muttered, fairly certain that if I still had the ability to blush, I'd be rivaling some of Bella's finest at the moment. "When she was frustrated, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Literally."

He chuckled, a wry grin crossing his lips. "Oh, that advice."

"Yes, that advice. She's thought about it a few times, and try as I might to leave those very private thoughts private, I've gleaned a few things. Most of which I wish I hadn't."

"Like?" he prompted, and impatience was foremost in his mind. He didn't believe that I was being truthful about Bella's desires. He thought this was an elaborate ploy to remove him from her affections.

I was annoyed that he would think so little of me. At the very least I'd have chosen a far less humiliating means of destroying my competition if that's what I was out to do.

"Like the fact that she was thinking about you when she, er... began," I muttered, hating the taste of the words in my mouth, but knowing that I'd need to be honest if there was any chance of this even being considered, let alone working. He seemed far too smug for my liking, so I finished quickly, anxious to wipe that look off his face. "But images of me continually snuck in, until by the end, they'd combined into a joining that she found rather pleasing."

"The three of us," he grumbled in summation.

I nodded slowly, watching the sun dip below the horizon, glittering stars blinking to life against a backdrop of royal violet and beryl-streaked navy.

"That's it?" he asked.

"No. Unfortunately, not. I wouldn't make such an assumption with so little information."

He ceased his obnoxious pacing to crouch on his haunches beside me. "Out with it."

"Alright, but I warn you, you won't like this."

"Edward, I think we should establish, right now, that I very rarely like anything that comes out of your mouth."

I laughed quietly, despite the antagonist words. "Well, in the interest of tradition then... Last night, after you got Bella so worked up? Well, I saw to her needs, and she-"

Jasper stiffened at my side. "You 'saw to her needs'?" he growled, his tone dangerous as he interrupted me. His mind was a blank slate, not hinting at anything he may be planning to say or do.

I tensed slightly, muscles coiling in preparation for fight should it be necessary. "You asked for everything, Jasper. And yes, I did."

"On the first date? Like some cheap whore-"

Whatever else he meant to say was silenced as I rose in a blur of motion, the front of his shirt fisting in my hand before I threw him to the ground with a reverberating crack. Fury; pure, undiluted rage poured through me, and I pinned him to the rocks with shaking hands, leaning in to snarl, "Do not ever call her that again, or I will kill you."

"You fucking hypocrite," he growled, staying his struggles. His eyes were black with frenzied anger. "Do you honestly think I left her unfulfilled because I wanted to? I did that out of respect for her, she deserves better than a fuck in the backseat of your car."

Confusion crept in, slowly pushing the madness back. "What? I didn't...we didn't..." I released him slowly, scooting back to my former position as he rose, straightening his shirt front.

"But you said..." he argued in bewilderment.

"No. God, no. I would never. Not like that. There are other ways, Jasper," I laughed quietly.

"I'm surprised the poster boy for abstinence would know about that," he baited.

"I put my medical degrees to use."

"Alright, well that's about as much information as I need regarding that," he murmured dismissively. "Just tell me what you saw."

I shrugged helplessly, wishing that the memory of her thoughts was hazy or could have been misinterpreted, but there it was, crystal clear in my photographic vampire mind.

"I don't believe she even realized what she was thinking, she'd probably be mortified that I'm even telling you about this, but if there's one thing I've learned in my numerous psychology classes, it's that the subconscious is a powerful thing. And if this is something she truly wants..." I shrugged again. "She envisioned the three of us together, not just sexually, though that was certainly a factor. She imagined us laying in her bed, reading your copious civil war collection. She and I teaching you to play piano. Cooking in the kitchen. Making snow angels. Tangled together on the white sand beaches of Isle Esme, though of course she wasn't entirely certain what they looked like." I released a quiet, unnecessary breath. "This is not something she takes lightly; it's not an adolescent fantasy. When she thinks of the future, she honestly sees all three of us. Together."

He was silent for several long seconds, and I listened to his thoughts, hoping for insight he refused to voice. He didn't even attempt to block me.

He believed me, but I could see that he honestly thought it would never work; he'd already firmly made up his mind on that. He was angry that I'd brought it up, as though I'd somehow altered his image of Bella. And he was upset that this could only end in someone inevitably being hurt, he worried it would be him.

I frowned at the finality of his thoughts, there wasn't even an inkling of acceptance. "Just like that, Jasper? You always struck me as more of a fighter."

"No," he snapped. "It won't... We can't. No. Count me out."

And then he was gone.

Bella PoV

"Wow, a whole turkey. Expecting some company?"

I watched in surprise as Esme tossed the large bird into the shopping cart Emmett was pushing, laughing beneath my breath when he inevitably leaned in and sniffed the fowl before grimacing and pulling away quickly.

"That's disgusting," he opined with a smirk.

"You're disgusting," I argued, swatting at his arm lightly.

He uttered a long-suffering sigh, murmuring mournfully, "It's times like these when I really miss certain bodily functions. I mean, that's the perfect setup!"

I did my best not to laugh, but c'mon. I could easily see Emmett cutting loose a belch, or worse, just to prove how disgusting he was.

Esme grinned despite herself and kept walking. I caught up to her and jumped onto the back of the cart, giving Emmett a brief evil eye that warned I'd better not end up on the floor.

"Soooo… The turkey? You guys thinking about another change of diet?" I teased.

She laughed easily, the melodic sound invoking pleasant childhood memories. "No, no. That's for you, sweetheart."

I chuckled, peering into the cart wide-eyed. "Alright, mom, now I know I can put it away, but even I can't polish off an entire turkey. Of course if Em was still human, I'd tell you to get two, maybe three…"

He laughed boisterously, leaning in to ruffle my hair playfully, pushing the strands messily into my eyes.

"Stop!" I chastised, batting him away before stumbling my way off the cart and linking my arm with my mom's.

"It's for Thanksgiving tomorrow."

"Thanksgiving?" I echoed dumbly.

Carlisle had made it a point to volunteer our time on Thanksgiving and even Christmas Eve to food shelves or homeless shelters for as far back as I could remember. He always impressed upon us the importance of giving back to the community we were a part of; a notion that I'd have found bizarre coming from a vampire if they were anyone but my dad. I never minded the work. In fact, it seemed to serve as a healthy dose of reality; reminder not to take my life and everything in it for granted.

Emmett chimed in from behind, "Yeah, Thanksgiving. You know, the annual celebration on the fourth Thursday in November to give thanks to God-"

I glared at him over my shoulder. "I know what Thanksgiving is, Em, thanks."

He shrugged, all wide-eyed innocence and dimples.

Esme guided me down an aisle, nodding absently. "Carlisle and I decided that since this is your last year as a mortal we'd like you to experience the tradition."

The corners of my lips hitched in a faint smile. "Alice put you guys up to this, huh?"

She suddenly looked at me, laughing softly. "Perhaps."

I arched a brow at the evasive answer and she relented.

"Alright, alright. She said that your last Thanksgiving as a mortal shouldn't be spent eating a t.v. dinner."

Hungryman pilgrim platter?

Delicious.

No, really.

"I don't mind. You know, we kind of have our own tradition anyway.""Forget it, Bells," Emmett interjected decisively, leaning over the cart and tugging at one of my curls. "They've already made up their minds. Besides, soon enough you'll have about a zillion Thanksgivings at the shelter to look forward to."

I nodded in absent agreement.

It was hard to believe that it was already late November; what with my new human friends, reconnecting with Emmett and being the rope in Edward and Jasper's constant game of tug-of-war; the weeks had flown by in a blur.

Emmett and Lys had finally made up; after seeing Edward talking to her in the hall at school one day I pretty much saw it coming. And surprisingly, I was actually happy for him. I'd had some time to really think about his monumental mistake, and I'd realized that family had to stand together. I could forgive my big brother without betraying the love I felt for Rosalie. I didn't have to choose sides because it wasn't my battle to fight.

Besides, moping Emmett was a far cry from fun Emmett; if I had to watch A Lot Like Love one more time, I was going to snap.

Forgiving Lys, however, was an entirely different matter. Emmett had betrayed Rosalie, but Lys had betrayed me. And even at the very bottom of my heart, where the faintest of kindness still resided for the young parents who'd abandoned me and the insecure bully who had made me her target, there was nothing for the girl that had torn my family apart.

Carlisle had been pestering me to sit down and talk with him and Emmett about the situation, but I didn't think I was quite ready to delve into all of that. I told him simply that I would prefer if she were not changed, but that I understood it wasn't my choice. I trusted that in the end, he would make the decision that was best for the family.

Besides, I had my own relationship issues without having to worry about cleaning up the messes that Emmett was making.

Since my date with Edward, my very interesting date with Edward, he and Jasper had been driving me completely crazy. Not the 'pull-my-own-hair-out-because-of-sexual-frustration' crazy, but the 'if-I-didn't-think-I-might-break-all-of-my-fingers-I'd-smack-you' crazy.

It was a constant show of one-upmanship with those two. If Jasper wanted to hang out, Edward would demand twice as much of my time. If Edward kissed me, Jasper would pull me aside and thoroughly grope me. The attention was nice, more than nice really, but I didn't want it like this.

The only problem was, how did I make it stop? Attempting to get them to talk to one another was completely futile; the few conversations they had engaged in were short, terse and seemed to be a word away from coming to blows. I hated the idea of being the catalyst to those explosive encounters. And to think that I might have been the figurative straw that broke the back of their very tenuous relationship...

I sighed softly, dragging my fingertip along the canned vegetables we passed.

I was such a coward.

For the past several weeks I'd been standing on the sidelines, watching the discord unfold with very little protest. They were vampires, I was a measly human, and if they wanted to fight I couldn't stop them.

Except that I probably could.

Guilt churned agonizingly in my stomach and I wrapped my arms defensively around my mid-section.

All it would take would be a couple of words. A simple, "hey guys, I want you both, is there any way we could work that arrangement out?"

Easy peasey, right?

Yeah right. Even hearing the words in my head caused my cheeks to flame with mortification. Not only was it an extremely unorthodox solution, but I had to wonder how fair that would be to them.

Then again, was it fair of them to try and force me to choose?

It was all so confusing, despite Alice's encouraging words.

My intentions were good, if not entirely philanthropic. I wanted to see the two of them smile at one another like they used to, when I was a child. I wanted the comfort, love and protection that we could provide one another. I wanted happiness for the three of us.

It just didn't seem attainable. They were barely civil, and when it came to me not even that. I was pretty much convinced that should I even mention this to them, an idea that terrified and mortified me in equal parts, I would lose them both.

And that was one thought that I simply couldn't bear.

But neither could I imagine choosing between the two. I'd tried, in the sanctuary of my bedroom when I was certain Edward wasn't within 'hearing' range, to pick one, weighing the pros and cons, looking into my heart, envisioning the future, and found it next to impossible.

I knew, the longer I waited, the worse this would all end. I just wished there was some way of knowing… Which was the right choice? Was there any hope at all for the one thing I truly wanted?

It didn't seem like there was an outcome to this that wouldn't leave at least one, if not all, of us heartbroken.

So, I selfishly dragged my feet as though the soles of my shoes were melting, allowing the hostility to fester so that I didn't have to make difficult decisions. It was only a matter of time, I knew, before everything exploded.

"Did you like the stuffing that we had a few years ago?"

I blinked as Esme's voice effectively pulled me out of my gloomy ponderings, glancing at the pre-boxed dinners and pasta with some confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"

She was attentively studying the back of a red Stove Top box as she murmured, "Stuffing, did you like it?"

"I didn't," Emmett reminded us unnecessarily.

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't think of a single human food that he'd tasted and actually liked.

"Really Em, why do you even bothe-"

"Shit! Alice gave me a list!" He suddenly tugged a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, smoothing the creases and staring at the words as though they were written in some indecipherable foreign language.

"Quick! Where would I find...'festive...Thanksgiving plates'?" He dashed off before either of us could reply.

Laughing quietly, I took over cart-pushing duty. Esme gestured as to whether or not she should toss the stuffing into the cart.

"Yes? No?"

"No thanks. Soggy, spicy bread really isn't my thing."

She chuckled and replaced the box on the shelf, falling in step beside me as we continued onward.

"Something on your mind, sweetheart? You're awfully quiet this evening," Esme asked, four aisles later.

I sighed tiredly. As much as I wanted to relieve myself of the burden sitting so heavily on my shoulders, I couldn't imagine bringing the subject up with my mom.

"Just...stuff," I evaded.

She wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Boy stuff?" she queried with an amused smile.

"What?" I asked in surprise, wondering if perhaps she was hiding a little mind-reading gift of her own. I hadn't mentioned my quandary to anyone since Halloween, when Alice and I had chatted. I hurried to change the subject. "No. No way. Boys? Ha. Yeah right. Hey look, refried beans." I felt the warmth of a tell-tale blush begin circulating in my face and scowled. I had to be the worst liar of all time.

"No?" Esme led us into the produce section, smiling at an elderly woman who was surreptitiously squeezing plums. "Because with the way Edward and Jasper have been acting lately, I figured you'd be knee deep in boy troubles. I hope the three of you work something out soon."

My jaw dropped, mouth working as if to create words, though none were forthcoming.

My impression of a fish out of water lasted for several seconds, at which point I still only managed to croak, "What?"

She grabbed a bunch of carrots, putting them into a bag and then into the cart, her smile knowing. "Carlisle and I may not interfere with our 'children's' lives unless asked to, but that doesn't mean that we're not paying attention."

Ice condensed in my stomach, spreading quickly into my limbs as horror rushed through me. Did that mean? Did she…? How much did she know? What must she think of me? My fingers were clutching convulsively at the cart, white-knuckled and trembling. She would definitely notice if I turned and ran, wouldn't she?

Cool fingers suddenly brushed my cheek and my eyes focused on Esme's beautiful, smiling face.

"Bella," she soothed in that voice that only mom's seemed to have. "Hey, it's alright."

I began to feel less like a deer in headlights as her words trickled into my brain.

"It is?" I replied, my voice small.

She nodded slowly, leaning in to kiss my forehead. "Of course it is. Carlisle and I understand that you love both Edward and Jasper, and they love you in return..." She frowned thoughtfully. "...though not cooperatively."

"Oh my God," I muttered, the heat in my face reaching unbearable levels. "This is so embarrassing."

"Why? Love and passion aren't tidy, straight-forward emotions, Bella, at least not when they're done right."

Was I following this conversation correctly? I couldn't be. This was obviously a nightmare or something.

"Certainly you don't think you're the first person, immortal or otherwise, to contemplate taking more than one mate. "

I covered my face with my hands, desperately praying for an architectural anomaly to cause the floor to open up and swallow me. "Oh my God," I squeaked.

Esme grasped my hands, pulling them down and tilting my chin up so that I looked at her. "Bella, sweetheart, I'm not trying to embarrass you. I just want to remind you that we're family. Whatever your decisions, we support you."

As I peered into her loving topaz eyes I was able to see past the humiliation of my mother talking to me about a cooperative relationship between Jasper, Edward and I; I was able to accept the support and understanding that she was offering and take comfort in the knowledge that should I make it to Oz and the Wizard finally granted me courage, my family wouldn't be ashamed of me.

"Thanks, mom."

She nodded, smirking as she turned away. "I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into. It's no easy task that you've got ahead of you."

I smiled. "I seem to recall a very wise woman once telling me that nothing worth having ever came easy."

Her voice was amused as she grabbed a bag for a bunch of celery. "That was Rose."

Flushing, I frowned. "Was it…?"

"Hey you guys!" Emmett skidded around a corner, nearly took out creepy plum lady, and came to a halt in front of us, the stacks of paper plates in his arms teetering precariously. "You gotta help me out here!"

Esme and I exchanged a knowing smile and I gestured for Emmett to show me what he had. "Okay, let's see."

Now this, was a decision I could make.

I woke the following Thursday to the single most delicious smell I could ever recall; the scent of cooking turkey wafted up from the kitchen to hang heavily on the current of warm air coming into my room.

I stretched languorously; turning on my side and burrowing into the warmth of my comforter, watching the hazy gray landscape outside my window with heavy-lidded eyes. It was one of those perfect mornings; the kind that seemed as though it could last all day if you were feeling just lazy enough to stay in bed. I could hear the quiet rustling and chatter of my family from downstairs; Emmett and Alice laughing while Carlisle scolded in a voice that he couldn't quite keep the amusement out of. Rain pattered steadily on the roof, a soothing, familiar sound, and thunder rumbled half-heartedly in the distance. If I listened closely, I could just make out Charlie Brown's dejected voice coming from the television in the living room.

I smiled softly, burying my face in my pillow. Despite all of the dramatics and chaos, especially lately, I knew that I was still incredibly lucky to have the life and the family that I did. I closed my eyes on a contented sigh, wondering if I'd ever get over the awe that accompanied that constant realization.

Perhaps a half hour later, I started out of my doze as the doorknob gave a quiet click, warning me that my pleasant solitude was about to be interrupted. I tensed slightly, half expecting Emmett to come barreling in, dive bombing into bed with me. The other half of that expectation belonged to Alice and her army of beauty products. I turned warily to identify the intruder.

Who I wasn't expecting to see was Jasper; wearing blue plaid pajama pants that hung low on his hips and a white t-shirt, his blonde hair softly tousled, he looked as though he'd just gotten up himself. It surprised me, as he stood there, framed by the door, how human he looked. Pale, but human.

"Mornin', darlin'," he drawled softly, and I found myself smiling and gesturing him into the room. I was very aware of the fact that he kicked the door closed with his heel. Not that it really mattered around here...

"Mornin', Jazz." I stretched, flipping onto my back with a slow smile." Sleep well?" I teased.

Chuckling, he walked around the room, casting an appraising glance at my newly stocked bookshelves. "Oh yeah, best night's sleep I've ever had," he replied playfully.

I studied him as he trailed a long finger over the spines of the books, admiring the graceful cords of muscle running the length of his lithe frame; I couldn't ever remember being more jealous of an inanimate object than I currently was of those books. Watching his hands it was all too easy to recall the feel of them, cool and strong running along my flushed skin, impatiently pushing clothing away only to slow down and tease...

Empath in the room... Warning, warning!

Common sense issued the alert just in time and I reined in my wayward lust, clearing my throat and hastily tucking the enticing images back into the gutters of my mind. Was it too much to hope that he hadn't picked up on those distracting emotions? My eyes reluctantly strayed back to Jasper's face, and of course, he was watching me, a bemused smirk playing on his perfect lips.

I tried to stop the predictable blush that immediately caused my cheeks to flame, but the harder I tried, the more I thought about what had caused the heat in the first place and the warmer my face got. I finally gave up with a small sigh and ducked under the covers.

Several seconds later the mattress beside me dipped beneath his weight.

"You know, these are the times when I wish Edward and I could trade abilities," he declared, obvious amusement in his voice.

I pushed the blankets down to stick my tongue out at him.

He grinned unapologetically, broad shoulders shrugging. "Sorry darlin', but sometimes I'm mighty curious to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours."

"You could just, oh I don't know, ask me," I replied, managing to keep the sarcasm to a minimum.

Jasper simply chuckled in response, glancing down at me from where he reclined against the headboard. "Alright, what are you thinking about right now?"

I sniffed primly, shaking my head. "Oh, I can't say. It's completely inappropriate."

The sound of his laughter echoed softly in the dim light of the room, and I decided that this was something I could far too easily get used to.

I turned and snuggled into Jasper's side, laying my head against his stomach and curling my fingers in the soft fabric of his t-shirt. His arm came around me, his fingers toying with the ends of my disheveled hair.

We lay like that for several quiet minutes, content in one another's presence, before I asked drowsily, "Do you ever miss it?"

"Hmm?" he murmured, and I met his gaze.

"Sleeping," I clarified. "Dreams. I mean, don't you ever feel tired?"

His soft laughter rumbled gently beneath my ear. "Yeah, but not in the same way you do. Physically, I don't know that I actually have much in the way of limits, but mentally... Well, it'd be nice to be able to shut down for a little while."

I nodded, curiously pondering, "I wonder why you can't sleep. I suppose it's probably for the same reasons as why your heart doesn't beat and you don't need to breathe."

I was surprised by the terse edge in his voice when he responded. "The same reason that we require blood to survive. We're dead, and what animates us now requires less, yet entirely more, than the average human."

I frowned, uncertain of how to answer that. Jasper had never said anything to me about dissatisfaction with his current life. Would he rather be human, if he had the choice? Without knowing the details of his story, I couldn't even hazard a guess. And unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to ask.

"Bella?" he suddenly murmured; hesitant. It was a quality that I didn't hear too often in Jasper's voice, and it drew my immediate attention.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

I grinned wryly. "You've never asked permission before."

He squeezed my shoulder lightly. "Well, no. But what I need to ask you, it's kind of personal."

I wanted to tell him that he'd had his hands in places that only one other person had, and I didn't see how it got much more personal than that, but I just bit my lower lip and nodded.

He didn't respond immediately, and I looked up at him, studying the sharp angles of his handsome face in the murky light.

"I know that you're feeling torn, Bella, with decisions and confusion about Edward and I; and I know that we haven't been making it any easier on you."

I shifted uncomfortably, immediately uneasy with this conversation and where it might potentially be headed. Jasper anchored me to his side with his arm around my shoulders.

"Edward said somethin' that got me thinking... If it were an option... Would a relationship that included..." he paused, his face contorting slightly. "...the three of us be something that you'd be interested in?"

I desperately tried to clamp down on the confusion, humiliation, and anger that began to churn somewhere in the depths of my stomach; knowing that it'd be as good an answer as a resounding 'YES!' to Jasper, but it was hopeless. I pushed against his chest futilely, wanting to get away from him and the entire mortifying conversation, but his grasp simply tightened.

"Let. Go!" I demanded, uttering a soft cry of surprise as I suddenly found myself flipped onto my back, my hands pinned to the bed on either side of my head. The cool length of Jasper's body lay just above mine, caging me.

Why couldn't he have wanted to wrestle prior to delving into portions of my psyche that I didn't even like touching?

"Answer me," he commanded, leaning close so that his cool breath bathed my face, the sweet scent inviting me to respond. His topaz eyes bore into mine, and I felt myself quickly falling into their honeyed depths.

"Don't!" I shrieked, slamming my eyes closed and holding my breath against his attempts to Dazzle me. Like many of the Cullens, Jasper was a man who was used to getting his way; by whatever means necessary.

His hands tightened around my wrists to a point just short of pain. "Look at me," he growled, and fear crept up swiftly; it was the first time in a long time that Jasper hadn't dispelled the emotion with calm. Instead, his own confused anger beat at my consciousness, fueling the discordance surrounding us.

And it was from this dissonance that a long-dormant survival instinct flickered to life, calmly advising me that to act submissive right now would be a very bad thing. If I acted like prey, he would treat me like prey. My eyes blinked open and I defiantly met Jasper's gaze.

"What do you want me to say Jasper? That I'm sorry? Because I am. If I could make it different, I would! But I can't. I can't stop what I feel."

"Shut up," he snarled softly, his fingers at my wrists causing me to wince as they tightened for just a second. I was having tremendous difficulty reconciling this Jasper with my Jasper, because there was no way they were the same person. Yet I must have known instinctually that the easy-going man I loved was still in there somewhere, because it didn't even occur to me to call for help.

I watched in trepidation as he closed his eyes, lowering his face to my neck and breathing deeply, silent for several long seconds. I'd be a liar if I said that having his mouth that close to a major artery when I knew he was upset didn't scare me, but my fears were unfounded. His hands slowly released their hold upon me, stroking down my arms gently before falling away all together. Finally, I felt a serene wave of calm break against my anxiety, lowering it by several notches though not dispelling it entirely.

Jasper pulled away from me, his movements almost exaggeratedly slow, as though he didn't want to frighten me further, and sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

I scrambled upright, pushing myself against the headboard and clutching my knees tightly to my chest.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You see, this is why what you want would never work. I can't even imagine... When I think that you and he might... I..." He looked up suddenly, his expression pained. He reached out to me, but dropped his hand before it made contact. "I'm in love with you," he finally murmured.

And without further ado whatever barrier he'd erected to keep those feelings hidden from me fell, and the tidal wave of emotion that comprised Jasper's love washed over me. It was like stepping into the sun after weeks of nothing but rain; beautiful, but nearly painful in its blinding intensity.

I closed my eyes, gasping softly as the raw, undiluted emotion assaulted me. Happiness, contentment, pride, jealousy, joy, desire... love. My heart swelled until it felt as though it might burst and my stomach fluttered as the gilt-winged butterflies that lay dormant there were awakened. My limbs tingled with an undercurrent of phantom energy and a curious throb began low in my belly.

If this was what it was to be loved by Jasper, I didn't think I could ever get enough.

And then, just as swiftly as it had begun, it stopped; reined in and contained once more in whatever place inside of him that he buried it.

I desperately gathered my scattered wits, rubbing my damp palms on the legs of my pants as I took a trembling breath. I was bereft in the wake of what Jasper had shared with me; I wanted more. All memory of our terrifying encounter only a few minutes prior had been banished so completely that I didn't falter for even a moment as I leaned forward and laid my hand lightly on his rigid shoulder. "Jasper, I didn't... Wow," I breathed softly.

His smile was rueful as he reached up to take my hand in his, pulling it down to his lap where he peered at my fingers as though they were the most interesting things he'd ever seen. "Don't think I'm trying to sway you, Bella... I just... I want you to understand. What I feel for you..." He shook his head, dragging his free hand through his unruly hair. "Well, you felt it. It's so... consuming; nearly uncontrollable. In a hundred and fifty years, I've never felt anything like it. And it fucking scares the shit out of me."

I smiled faintly at his less-than-eloquent words, moving closer until I knelt at his side, absently sweeping my thumb across the back of his hand. "Why?"

He frowned thoughtfully, tracing the lines of my palm with his forefinger as though telling my future. "You ever notice how I seem a bit apathetic? Maybe I don't react as strongly to things as, say, you or Edward might?"

That was certainly an understatement. From Emmett's betrayal to Edward's intrusions, Jasper always seemed to have the ability to keep a level head. It was an ability that I envied, yet found infuriating all the same.

"I might have noticed something like that," I chuckled, my breath feathering the hair at his temple. I watched in fascination as he closed his eyes and a languid pulse of lust emanated from him. I couldn't help but wonder what other reactions I might be able to incite, were I so inclined.

He finally dragged in a breath, peering at me from the corner of his eye. "You ever wonder why that might be?" Before I could respond he continued. "It's 'cause broadcasting your emotions? Well, it gives other people power over you, darlin'. Anger, love, jealousy, sorrow; they're all weapons. The kind of weapons that, used properly, can destroy you so completely from the inside out that there's nothing left." He smiled, though the expression was mirthless. "How do you think I get to Eddie so easily? Even without my gift, he wears that shit on his sleeve. I don't."

I frowned, rocking back on my heels and shaking my head incredulously as I digested what he was saying. "You can't possibly believe that, Jas. You can't believe that there's no one you can trust; no one who not only would never wield your emotions against you, but who wouldn't even see them as weapons?"

"Not nobody, but most. I learned the hard way, a long time ago, that the people you think you can trust are usually those that you can't." He gazed across the room silently for several long minutes and I realized that though he was staring at the brightly painted wall of my bedroom, he was seeing something else entirely. It didn't take a genius to put the pieces together.

Anger and sorrow warred for control at the thought of someone hurting my Jasper so terribly that he felt the need to wear a near-constant mask of indifference. How could he believe that his emotions were a weakness; a tool to be manipulated and used against him by those callous enough to do so? "Who betrayed you?" I whispered, swallowing hard against the lump that was fast forming in my throat.

"Maria," he replied simply. His tone betrayed no emotion, as if the very thought of this woman had caused him to retreat back into whatever shell she'd forced him to build.

I waited silently, but he didn't elaborate, and despite my gnawing curiosity, I didn't ask him to. It was more about his past than he'd ever shared with me before, and I worried that if I pushed now, he'd close right back up.

Unfortunately, he did just that anyway. His gaze grew lucid and he slowly shook his head, as though clearing it of the unwanted memories.

"The point is, Bella, you wield more power over me than anyone has before. You create these emotions that refuse to be ignored, that I can barely contain."

I clasped both of his hands, leaning in with a small smile.

"Jasper, you can trust me. I will never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I promise."

He moved closer yet, and I was acutely aware of the cool strength of his frame, so very near to my own. His cold lips just touched the end of my nose in the lightest of kisses, and I giggled softly at the tickling sensation. His low, sweet sigh bathed my face and it took everything I had to keep control of my mental faculties. "I believe you, Bella. I would've never shown you how I felt if I didn't trust you. Hell, I don't think you have a deceptive bone in your fragile little body."

I rolled my eyes, nudging his shoulder playfully. "So, what's the problem?"

He paused, before blurting his words in such a rush that if I hadn't been listening so closely, I probably would've missed them. "The closer to the surface I allow my emotions...these volatile emotions specifically, the harder it is for me to control myself around you; the easier it is for me to bend to the will of my baser instincts." He shook his head, blowing out a long breath. "Fuck, I sound like Edward."

I laughed, falling back on my hands as I peered at him with a skeptical brow arched.

"What's that look for?" he demanded with a slight scowl.

I shrugged, answering with honest simplicity. "I don't think you'd ever hurt me."

His expression grew serious as he murmured, "Did you ever think that Edward would hurt you?"

The question sobered me immediately as nightmarish images of Edward's lapse filled my mind. His cruel hands and emotionless eyes; his mocking words that denied the worth of my life. I shook my head numbly, the sound of my swallowing audible in the silence that had descended. Cool hands on my face drew me out of the minefield my own mind had become. I blinked to find Jasper's concerned gaze only inches away.

"Why did you say that?" I murmured brokenly, hating that the memory of that night still held such sway over me; how easily I could be transported back to the horror that had changed everything.

"I need you to understand," he murmured, running his thumb along my cheek slowly. "Carlisle likes to pretend that we have this sweet little civilized family, but the truth of it is, we're vampires. First and foremost, Bella. Some things rile us easy: blood, protecting our coven and mates, sex, fighting... And some things take us by surprise, like Edward telling me that he and you... well that you two..."

I blushed about twenty shades of red as I realized what he was talking about, holding my hand up and desperately muttering, "Don't...don't say it."

"Well, darlin', I just about ripped his head off when he told me. Literally."

"What?" I gasped softly, glancing up in surprise. Fighting was one thing...no one had mentioned potential dismemberment. And I definitely hadn't signed up for decapitation.

He shrugged helplessly. "I'm not going to lie to you. Whatever it is inside me, my demon or whatever the fuck it is that replaced my soul... It recognizes you as its own. And it's not real keen on the idea of sharing you."

"I don't... You don't have to... I'm not asking..." I stuttered the half-formed denials as I desperately scrambled to sort out the completely fucked up mess I'd created.

Jasper interrupted me with an easy smile. "You do and you are," he argued gently. "Edward told me what's been on your mind. I just... I don't get it, Bella," he admitted.

Humiliated tears prickled my eyes and I swiped the back of my hand over my face roughly. "I don't get it either, okay Jas?"

"Is he fulfilling some need of yours that you think that I won't be able to?"

"No, of course not," I snapped irritably, feeling as though I was being stretched too taut; as though I was incredibly close to some sort of breaking point.

"Keeping your options open?"

I simply glared.

"Bella, I'm trying to understand, but you gotta help me out here."

I rubbed my eyes with my fingertips. "I barely understand it myself," I breathed defeatedly. "I just can't stand the thought of not having the both of you in my life. I need you, both, so much. And that's selfish, God, I'm selfish, but I know that if I choose one of you, the other one's going to leave, just like Rose. I don't want that. I don't want to hurt either of you." The stupid tears had started, and I sniffled miserably, knowing there was no stopping them now until they'd run their course.

Strong arms suddenly closed around me, and I found myself in Jasper's lap, my face pressed to his chest. I cried for what felt like hours. Tears for the friendship lost between the two men I loved. Tears for the heartache I'd already cause. And tears for the inevitable decision I would be forced to make.

A/N: Part one of two. Sorry it's not very action-packed, but there's still a lot of stuff that needs to be worked out.

Annnnd!

I'm writing a one shot and participating in a collab fic for the awesome Breath-of-twilight's Countdown to Valentine's Day. Posting starts February 1st, two one-shots (rated M) a day until the 14th, at which point the collab fic will be posted. Keep an eye out for my Jasper/Bella oneshot "A Love Eternal".

Thanks for reading!

~Ex