A/N: This is the fourth in a series of Curtis stories from the point of view of a younger sister, Scout, who is twelve at the time of her parents' deaths. The first three stories, Epiphany, Reality, and Complexity, set up much of the background for the characters and events of this installment in the series, therefore, you may want to start at the beginning with Epiphany. Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy Scout's story.

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I had been too exhausted when Darry lay me in the bed to worry about whether or not I might have any nightmares, and probably would have slept soundly had the muscle relaxants not worn off and I not been awakened by the grumble of distant but approaching thunder.

I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling, hearing the pounding of rain against the window as the room lit up and the thunder rolled off in the distance again, realizing that this was the first storm we'd had in Tulsa since my parents had died. Maybe there had been one the night before, just like the one we'd had in Mississippi, but this was the first time I had lain in my own bed listening to a storm on its way without the security of knowing that if it got too loud or too scary I could seek the comfort of my parents just down the hall.

I guess I'm too old for that, anyway, I tried to reason with myself… a twelve year old shouldn't be going crawling to her parents just because she is scared of a little thunder. Still, I longed to feel it, just one more time, that feeling of being protected on both sides by the two people who loved me more than anything else in the world. I decided to sleep the rest of the night in their bed, hoping that maybe somewhere in the recesses of my mind I would be able to feel them beside me, just one more time. I got up and was walking to my door when suddenly a voice startled me and I almost screamed.

"You okay, Scout? Where you going?" It was Darry. A flash of lightning lit up the room and he was sitting up in my spare bed looking at me sleepily.

"God, Darry, you scared me! What are you doing in here?"

"I told you I'd sleep in here until you didn't want me to anymore, and you haven't told me not to, so… what happened? Why are you up? Were you having a nightmare again?"

"No… not really. Just… the storm…"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot how you're scared of storms," he said, pulling me down on the bed to sit next to him.

Another flash lit up the room, followed by a crack of thunder, and he must have seen my face.

"Hey, are you crying? What's the matter?"

I wiped my cheeks but didn't answer right away.

"I miss them, Darry. I keep thinking I'm getting better and I'm done crying about it, then I remember something else and it's like losing them all over again. I hadn't even thought about how I used to go into their bed when we had a storm until we had one last night…"

"Is that where you were going, then? Their bed?"

"Yeah. I don't know why. I just thought I could, I don't know…remember them better or something. I just want to remember how it felt, feeling safe with them."

"I get it," he said. "I miss them too, baby. Different ways, maybe, but just as much."

"It's stupid, anyway," I said, "to be afraid. I should have grown out of it by now."

"It's not stupid. Everybody's afraid of something."

"Yeah, right. Except you." I couldn't remember ever really seeing Darry afraid.

"There're things I'm scared of."

"Like what?"

"Well, snakes for one."

"You're afraid of snakes?" It shocked me that Darry might be afraid of something of which I was not. "Where do you even see snakes anyway, except the zoo?"

"They get on the field sometimes, at practice. I won't even get out on the field if there is one, until one of the guys gets rid of it way out in the woods somewhere.

I giggled a little, imagining Darry in his pads and uniform, which made him look even bigger than he already was, shrieking and running at the sight of a snake. He took slight offense at my laughter, though he wiped away my tears and they didn't return.

"What's so funny about that? You're scared of spiders."

He was right; I was terribly, irrationally afraid of spiders.

The storm was right above us at that point, and every clap of thunder shook the house right down to the foundation. I cringed despite myself each time the sky lit up, anticipating the crash to follow.

"So that's it? That's all you're afraid of? Snakes?"

"I wish."

"Why? What else?"

He lay back on the bed, pulling me down next to him.

"I don't know… Not things, so much."

"What do you mean?" I asked, as simultaneous lightning and thunder illuminated the room and shook the house at the same time.

"I mean, it's not things I'm afraid of, it's stuff like tonight, getting that phone call that you and Soda got in an accident. That scares me…. Something happening to one of you, or not knowing if you're okay. I would have rather slept in a room full of snakes than feel as scared as I did that whole time when you and Pony were gone."

I remembered thinking about how he'd handle the phone call about the accident… I guess I knew that would scare him.

"I wanted to call you myself today, so you would know I was okay, but they wouldn't let me."

"Well, that's all part of their make-the-guardian's-hair-turn-gray plan."

"Your hair isn't turning gray… yet. Besides, we worry about you too, you know. It scares me, too… that something could happen to you."

You don't have to worry about me, Scout."

"Well, I do. Your job… it's dangerous. You could fall. Or you could get in a car wreck. Even… playing football, I get scared for you."

"I don't take chances at work, Scout. Believe me. I know all that's riding on it."

"Did you ever worry about Mom and Dad? I mean, about something happening to them?"

"Not really," he answered. "Not nearly as much as I worry now, about you and the boys."

"I never worried about them either, not like I worry about us now." It seemed weird, that the two people that I had never thought to worry about were the ones I had ended up losing.

"You still want to go in there, to sleep?"

"No, I'm okay." I stood up and walked back to my own bed.

"Maybe I can try sleeping alone again tomorrow night," I suggested, even though I was not so sure I was ready for it. I felt bad for Darry, though. After years of sharing a room, he finally got his own, and now his crybaby kid sister was making him sleep in her spare bed.

"You think you're ready for that?" he must have read my hesitation.

"I guess I won't know unless I try."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. 'Night Darry."

"Night Scout."

………………………..

I woke up alone in my room, to silence in the house. It was a strange feeling, and I didn't have to look around to know that I was home alone. I dragged my achy self out of bed and wandered out into the kitchen and saw a note in Darry's handwriting. I picked it up and read it.

Scout,

Sorry to leave you home alone but Pony will be home right after his exam. I called the hospital this morning and Soda is doing fine. We can go get him when I get back from work this afternoon. I left you one of the pills in case you need it. Be good.

Darry

Be good. I had to laugh at that. I couldn't think of anything even the slightest bit rebellious that I wanted to do. I swallowed the pill with a swig of orange juice straight out of the container – something I never got to do since I was almost never home alone – and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. As I stood under the hot water, hoping it would ease some of my aching muscles, I examined the bruises the seat belt had left on my hips and stomach, and wondered what would have happened to me if Soda hadn't made me put it on. I thought about what Darry had said, about not knowing what he'd do if he lost one of us…

I had just turned off the water and stepped out of the shower when I heard noises in the house. Suddenly the fear that had subsided over the past week came rushing back, and I realized that I had absolutely no idea what had become of Steve. It could be him, right now, in the house. I hadn't even checked to see if the door was locked. I was frozen. There it was again: zero at the bone.

"Scout? Where are you?" It was Ponyboy. I breathed again.

"I'm in here. I'll be right out." I dressed and brushed my hair, braiding it as I walked out into the living room to find Pony watching TV.

"How you feeling today?" he asked.

"Okay, I guess. How was your exam?"

"Not too bad. It was multiple choice. You see Darry's note?"

"Yeah. I'm glad we can take Soda home."

"Me too. You hear that storm last night?"

"How could I not?"

"Were you scared?"

"Yeah," There was no point in lying. "But Darry woke up and talked to me."

"It was weird for me, not having Soda in the room. We usually both wake up and talk during storms, too." That figured. I marveled again at how those two could be so different yet so close. I actually felt a little bad that I had Darry with me for comfort while Pony had lain alone in his room, missing Soda. Nobody likes feeling alone.

We just sat there and watched TV until just after noon when Darry came home. He forced Pony and me to eat something while he hopped in the shower and as soon as he was ready we piled into Kevin's car to go get Soda. Darry had borrowed it, not wanting any of us to have to ride in the back of the truck for such a long drive. It took almost exactly an hour to get to Muskogee and after an hour of sitting, my muscles had tightened up again considerably. I struggled to keep up with Pony and Darry as we headed down the corridor to Soda's room. Darry entered the room first and I saw him stop short. Pony and I stood in the doorway behind him.

We were all surprised to find a policeman in the room with him. For a moment, I thought maybe Sandy's Dad had followed through on his threat to have him arrested for kidnapping. Darry immediately shifted to guardian mode.

"Officer," he nodded at him, suddenly seeming taller. "Is there a problem? I'm Darrel Curtis, Soda's brother… and guardian."

"No, not really. Just…" he eyed Pony and me and turned back to Darry, "…would you mind stepping out into the hallway with me for a minute?"

Pony and I both looked at Soda, who seemed calm enough, and then back at Darry, who looked concerned, to say the least. Pony grabbed my hand as Darry followed the cop out into the hallway and the door closed behind them.

For a second, nobody spoke, until:

"Soda, what the hell is going on?"

Pony finally spoke for both of us.