Disclaimer: iCarly isn't mine.

Note: It's mostly dialogue. o_O I don't know. Enjoy, I guess.

Sam Puckett entered the Shay's apartment hoping to see the Shay siblings. And for food. Mostly for food. Instead, she saw a familiar dork with his dorky laptop.

"Yo, where's Carlotta?"

"She went to the pet store with Spencer."

"Why?"

"Apparently, he somehow got the fish bowl to catch fire. They're looking for a fire retardant fishbowl."

"Oh Spencer." Sam laughed.

Freddie took that statement as a dreamy one and reminded him of what he figured out a while ago.

"I can't believe you have a little crush on Spencer."

"So? You have a problem with that?"

"But he's so old!"

"Aw Freddie. If you're in love with me, just say so."

"Wh-what?"

"I don't have to tell you anything anyway."

"But why?"

"Because you're a dork."

"No, I mean why do you like him?"

"Why not?"

"Well, he's old. He's like 30."

"Eh. No problem once I turn of legal age," she winked.

"He lights things on fire."

"He's spontaneous. Fiery. Hot." She smirked.

"He can't hold a job."

"He's an artist."

"He has a flat butt!"

"But he's cool."

"So?"

"I'm awesome and he's cool. If we had Spam babies, they would be unstoppable!"

"..." Freddie was speechless. She was thinking about having his BABIES?

"They'd inherit my greatness and his greatness. Perfect babies."

"That's disgusting!"

"I don't get why you're so worked up over this," she laughed. Then it dawned her.

"Oh, wait. I got you!"

"Huh?"

"You're going to be upset that I'm going to be Carly's sister-in-law."

"What? You guys are pretty much sisters anyway."

"Yeah, but you plan on becoming Carly's 'second husband' which makes me, sorta, your sister-in-law as well! You're not liking the fact that we're all going to be family. IN LAW!"

"That's stupid!"

"No, you're stupid. Dipthong. Just because I found out your idiotic problem to your stupid future with Carly."

"It has nothing to do with that! I don't care if we become family in law!"

"Why you mad tho?"*

"I can't believe you're thinking about having Spencer's babies!"

Sam scoffed.

"Your babies will not turn out nicely if you end up with Spencer. Just sayin'." Freddie snorted.

"What are you trying to say, Freddork?" Sam replied, getting slightly irritated.

"Perfect babies need to be smart AND awesome."

"And our Spam babies will be. May I remind you that Spencer has helped us out thanks to his limited knowledge in law."

"Being educated is not hereditary."

"So, what's your point?" Sam standing up.

"I'm just saying, that if you wanted perfect babies, you'd have to find someone that has what you lack."

Sam flicked him in the forehead.

"And. What. Exactly. Am. I. Lacking." She grit her teeth.

"You and Spencer are similar. You both lack self control. Your babies won't have any. I, on the other hand, do have self control."

"This isn't about you!"

"I'M JUST SAYING," he yelled, "that if you were talking perfect babies, I'd be your best candidate as the father."

"I DON'T WANNA HAVE BABIES WITH YOU!" The blonde girl screeched.

"No! I meant, uh, you would need someone the opposite of you. I'm nothing like you. That's all I'm saying!" Freddie replied quickly. I cannot believe I suggested to be the father of her children, "This is ridiculous. I'm leaving." He stormed off, blushing.

The blonde girl laughed and followed him out.

"Let's get a smoothie, Fredwaaard!"

AN: ... Tell me why I hate this? I feel like it lacks something. Ugh. Whatever. I'm out. If you find errors, feel free to tell me so I'll fix 'em. I thought this was a good idea, at the time, but I'm not entirely happy with the results. Eh. Review if you want. Or not. :)

*"Why you mad tho?" is a small reference to the saying "Y u mad though?" Which is really popular on the internet right now. Hah.