Horny idiots ch.1

Warning: This thing begins as ItaSasu yaoi, but in the next chapters there will be various other pairings, random fucking, and Itachi and Sasuke paired with a lot of people. Yeah, I made a mess here. And there are idiotic things. Read if you dare.

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Itachi looked around. It was getting darker in the forest, the branches of the old trees were slightly creaking in the gentle wind, he looked at the treetops, outlined against the evening sky, and the heavy shadows thickening around him, then he took a deep breath. This atmosphere could be so nice, so peaceful and quiet, it could be so relaxing, if that little moron wasn't making all that noise. Poor Itachi had got a headache already, and was wondering what to do. He hadn't imagined this moment to be like that.

"Man, you gotta be kidding me!" Sasuke's face was squirming in a painful expression of disbelief.

Itachi sighed. "Damn you, Sasu, I told you the whole story three times already! Why can't you understand? You're an idiot or something?"

Itachi was peacefully sitting on the soft grass, Sasuke was jumping around, waving his arms and yelling like mad.

"Well, Itachi, I guess I'm supposed to be awfully happy that you decided to find me and tell me that you're the good guy after all, and you really didn't want to kill the damn clan, but you had to obey the orders, and now you want to say the whole 'I'm so sorry' bullshit, and I'm probably supposed to hug you, wiping my tears of happiness and saying 'I forgive you nii-san'. Huh! Well, I'm sorry that I'm not overwhelmed with joy!"

Itachi was getting irritated as hell. "What's your fucking problem, Sasu?"

Sasuke gave him an insane glare. "Dude, you're trying to tell me that I spent three damn years living with that perverted freak Orochimaru, and all was just for nothing? All the sacrifices I made in order to get stronger and get my revenge, all the scary things I had to bear, it was for nothing? Because suddenly you appear to be oh so nice and not guilty at all. You made a fool of me! Do you have any idea what kind of things happened to me? Orochimaru is sick!" Sasuke sat on the ground next to Itachi, exhausted from his raging anger and all the wild yelling.

Itachi sighed again.

"Sasuke, I didn't have an easy life either, living with all these demented freaks. Do you know what they did to me in Akatsuki? These cruel heartless monsters! They mocked at me all the time. They're insane, all of them! When I joined them and I had to introduce myself, I said 'I am Itachi', and they laughed like crazy, damn idiots. And then… Every day, every fucking day they forced me… to watch 'I am Weasel' on Cartoon Network. Don't laugh, Sasu, it's not funny at all! One day they even tried to make me cosplay! That was the day when I couldn't take it any more, and I ran away. It was horrible there, horrible! Do you have any idea what it's like to watch Tobi perform the Baboon's victory dance? First it was just 'Tobi is a good boy', but then he turned into a real disaster! Have you ever seen the 'I R Tobi' phenomenon, huh? Creepy! I'm scared for life!"

"Oh, poor you!" Sasuke laughed sarcastically. "You have no idea what Oro the weirdo did to me!"

Just the thought of Orochimaru made Itachi hard. He moved closer to Sasuke.

"Why don't you tell me about it, Sasu?"

Sasuke didn't like the dirty gleam that suddenly appeared in Itachi's eyes, but he muttered "Well… the moment he saw me he started touching me inappropriately…"

"Yes? How exactly?" Itachi moved even closer to Sasuke, breathing heavily.

'Um… well, he was touching my… and he was shoving his fingers in… and his tongue… and he made me wear all these weird things… and all the whips and the chains… and his… so big… and all the unimaginable things he did to me… Hey, what the hell are you doing?!"

Itachi was shoving his hand in Sasuke's pants. Sasuke tried to pull away, but Itachi grasped his arm and held him firmly, his other hand started unzipping his pants.

"No!"

Normally, fucking Itachi was something Sasuke wouldn't refuse, but right now he was really mad at him.

"Let me go!" He writhed and struggled, but Itachi held him.

"Damn you, Itachi! You can't do that! You can't just appear out of nowhere and say 'Oh, hi Sasu. Er? You wanna kill me? No, dude, that's a bad idea, cause, you know, actually that 'incident' with the clan was not my fucking fault, really. And now let me give you a nice brotherly fuck in the ass.' No! No fucking way, Itachi! Get your dirty hands off me!"

Itachi laughed at him.

"Aww, now he's trying to pretend he's such an innocent little angel, how cute." He knocked Sasuke on the ground and lay on top of him, pressing himself to his body. He slid a hand under his shirt and pinched his nipples. They were already hard. Then he licked his face and shoved his tongue in his ear. A wave of pleasure ran through Sasuke's body and he knew he wouldn't be able to resist much longer, but he didn't want Itachi to think he could do to him whatever he wanted.

"I hate you, Itachi, you're the same as damn Oro, trying to force me to… touching me so inappro-…."

"Mmmhmmm" Itachi's impatient fingers squeezed his flesh. "When the one who's touching you is me, it's absolutely appropriate. Mmmm… Sasu…" He tried to kiss his lips, but Sasuke was squirming like mad, trying to avoid his touches.

"Oh, come on, Sasu, I know you want it… hmmm." Itachi started rubbing his hips against Sasuke's, giving his neck and ear playful licks, as he continued whispering.

"Sasu… I know what kind of things Oro is doing to people, trust me, I know from my own experience, and I know very well that you must have enjoyed everything he did to you… well, almost everything. And to spend three years with him… he must have turned you into a greedy little whore. Now don't pretend you're an innocent clueless boy, cause your nii-san knows what your little butt wants." Saying that, Itachi managed to shove his hand deeper in Sasuke's pants.

"Aaaah" Sasuke writhed more when he felt Itachi's fingers grip his dick and squeeze it. Itachi tried to kiss him again, but Sasuke was turning his head so wildly that it was impossible to reach his lips.

"Uh, let me kiss you, damn it! Come on, give your nii-san a nice sweet kiss… Uh, fine then!" Itachi grasped Sasuke's hair and pinned his head to ground, so that Sasuke wasn't able to move it. Then he roughly pressed his lips on his mouth and tried to shove his tongue inside, but Sasuke was clenching his teeth.

"Damn it!" Itahci clutched his throat, poor Sasuke choked and parted his lips in a desperate attempt to take a breath, then the violent tongue shoved inside and rolled all over his mouth.

"Mmphmfmph"

Itachi finally pulled away. "Now don't tell me you didn't like it, Sasu."

"I didn't!" Sasuke muttered angrily, but the blush on his face showed a different thing. And the blush got brighter and brighter as Itachi's fingers were writhing inside Sasuke's pants, ravaging everything they could find there.

"When was the last time you did this with Oro, eh? Tell me, Sasuke. You haven't done it for a while, am I right? And you're hot and horny, ehehe, you can't deceive your nii-san."

Itachi turned him over to make him lie on his stomach, and pinned him to the ground again, holding both of his wrists with one of his hands. His other hand briefly removed Sasuke's pants and underwear, and playfully slapped his bare ass. He slid his fingers in the crack and parted the cheeks to take a look at the hole. Then he slipped a finger inside, and Sasuke couldn't hold a gasp and a lustful moan.

Itachi smirked. "Ohohoho, niiice, good old Oro did a great job here." He moved his finger back and forth, enjoying the way the muscles twitched as if Sasuke's ass wanted to swallow it. Sasuke wanted to say something, but he could make only incoherent moaning sounds of pleasure.

Itachi added a second finger, and his smirk grew larger. "Mmmm, not too tight and so sensitive…mmmhmhm… Oro had a lot of fun in here… mmm, so nice."

"Aaaaah… ooh… ooh…"

"Ehehe, you like it, Sasu, you like it, you were Oro's little bitch after all." Itachi stopped moving his fingers and chuckled evilly. Sasuke let out a pathetic pleading whine. His ass was so heated already, and he didn't want Itachi to stop. Itachi pushed his fingers a little deeper, deliberately pressing his fingertips to the special spot, then he pulled them out.

"Mmmm! Nii-saaaaaaan!"

"If you want me to continue, you must tell me you want me and beg me."

"Damn you, nii-san! Yeah, I want it, now do it, damn it!"

"Ehehe, Sasukeee, you forget your good manners, didn't old Oro teach you? Now ask me politely."

Poor Sasuke felt like beating the crap out of Itachi, but right now he was at Itachi's mercy, horny and helpless, and he had to obey.

"Urrh. Fine then!" He gritted his teeth, then he hissed sarcastically "Itachi, my dear beloved brother, would you please be so kind to shove your fingers in my ass again, please?"

Itachi squirmed. "Ahahahaha, Sasu, you moron, ahahaha, no, not like that, ahaha, now say it dirty."

Sasuke writhed impatiently and yelled "Ooooh, fuck me, Itachi, fuck my ass, fuck me, please… I want you in my ass, PLEASE! PLEA- … aaa… aaah." He stopped talking when he felt Itachi's hard dick suddenly and roughly thrust in his ass. Fast, fierce slams.

"Oooh, that's so fucking awesome, mmmm… aah… yeah, Sasuuu." Itachi closed his eyes, as he felt the soft flesh inside, so heated, so pleasurably rubbing against his skin, no resistance, it wasn't too tight, thrusting inside was so smooth and easy, and everything was so soft, sucking him in and pressing him so gently.

Itachi slammed him really hard, Sasuke was close to coming, and that was the moment when he was probably supposed to scream 'Itachi, I'm coming' or something like that. But an evil idea formed in his mind.

Itachi was riding him like mad. "Oooh, you like it, Sasu, tell me you like me… aaah… your nii-san is the best, I'm better than Oro, I'm the best, scream for me!"

Then Sasuke came. He writhed and deliberately yelled "Oooh… yes… yes… Orochimaru… aah… Orooo…"

"What? I don't think that's my name, Sasuke!" Itachi was mad. "You little shit!" Then he gave poor Sasu's ass the most hard and angry slamming he was capable of. He gripped the cheeks of his ass and thrusted with all his force, pulling Sasuke's body towards himself at the same time. First he made a few slow, very deep and heavy slams, then he pounded him at the highest possible speed, with even greater force, making loud slapping sounds every time their bodies crashed together. He smirked at the way Sasuke's body was shaking, his hair waving, and his voice when he whined was suddenly so thin and trembling.

Itachi growled through his gritted teeth "Now, what was my name , Sasuke?"

Some incoherent sound came from the little shaking form in his arms.

"Er? What was that, Sasuke?" Then he heard some more whines, and then something like "Aaa ah aaa Itaaaaa ah chii iii iiiii"

When they were done with that and calmed down, they thought things over and decided that they should be together from now on, and since they had no where else to go, they made the conclusion that they should return to Konoha.

And there they were, on the road to the village, Itachi was walking with a happy grin on his face, after slamming Sasu's ass so nicely and roughly, and poor Sasuke was limping behind him.

to be continued

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Author's comments

I've planned this fic to be very dirty and idiotic, I hope you like it. And I have the urge to make weird references with retarded shows. And no, I'm not so retarded, and I didn't watch "I am Weasel"… too much.

And now I need someone to say the disclaimer. Um… Ita-chan? Ita-chan, come here, I need you to say something.

Itachi: *clueless look*

Me: Come on, Ita-chan, say what I want you to say.

Itachi: No!

Me: Ita-chaaan, pweaase!

Itachi: Uh! Fine! Why everyone make me say this? *clears his throat, waves his arm in the air and yells* I am Weasel!

Me: Er… Ita-chan… actually I meant the disclaimer… Besides, what you said didn't sound the same as in the show, I think you lack enthusiasm…

Itachi: Damn!