AN: I wrote this delightfully unorganized mess of WHAT mostly while I was at the hospital for my father's surgery months ago. I decided I needed to finish something, so here you go. Inconsistent as can be. You've been warned. Enjoy, and please review. ...I mean, if you want. I'm not trying to guilt trip you, or anything. Y'know, just throwing it out there. I like reviews. C:

Of course Maes had to mention it.

Of course.

"Roy, are you going to tell me what I said to piss you off this time, or am I going to have to keep guessing? Because I could do this all night."

Roy's response was a careful glare of what might have been exasperation. Or disbelief. Or exasperated disbelief. Yet another thing Maes was willing to stay up all night guessing at, having been blessed with a seemingly unending amount of patience when it came to these situations.

…At least where his best friend was concerned.

It was almost humorous, these exchanges between them. Oftentimes, it could be chalked up to a combination of friendly banter and genuine concern. It was times like these that Maes had to be careful, though. Roy's outbursts – internalized as they were – often had deep-rooted connections that gave their arguments a darker connection.

But Roy merely crossed his arms and continued glaring, giving no indication of anything.

That was all right; Maes liked a challenge. And one who appreciated a challenge couldn't have asked for a better best friend than Roy Mustang. He'd have to choose his words carefully – beating around the bush, so to speak, was better than getting to the point when it came to these things. Roy would only respond with irritation when asked outfront – the key remained in Maes's unmatched ability to pick up on tiny hints – faults in Roy's careful mask.

"Sorry, buddy. Whatever I said." Maes shrugged and gave him a small, lopsided smile. "Anyways, what do you think? About Gracia, I mean. I don't want to rush things, but face it, we're a perfect match!"

Nothing. Clearly, his girlfriend hadn't been the issue. Roy's frown deepened, though that meant little to Maes. "I'm tired of hearing about your personal life, Maes. If you want to marry her, then marry her. Keep me out of it."

"Well, er, y'see… I kind of need some… advice. Y'know, the kinds of things a guy usually asks his buddy."

Roy raised an eyebrow. For a moment, he looked amused. "How to please a woman?"

But Roy was worse at nothing more than covering irritation with amusement or incredulousness. Maes very nearly smirked.

"Well, I'd kind of like to get there before we're married. I mean, to make sure we're compatible in that field." A long, dreamy sigh. "…And it's not as if I'm that type, you know. I've never been much one to sleep around. I just want to make love! Honestly, can you think of anything more beautiful? I want to call her mine, Roy. After all, I've already given her everything except my body. If you bottled the kind of power she has over me and applied it to all men, we'd have some kind of massive war weapon, or something!"

The look of plain disgust Roy shot him was neither an act nor a cover. Then again, Mustang's disgust with him was very rarely ever insincere to begin with.

"Can't help you, Maes."

A sigh. "Come on, Roy. For cripes sake, I'm a friggin' virgin here!"

That did it. Roy did very little to hide the flash of anger in his gaze. Maes very nearly stepped back.

But then it was gone, replaced with his usual careful, expressionless mask.

Well, not "usual", as Roy was never a terribly cold or unemotive person, as many believed him to be. It was a defense mechanism, or perhaps a survival technique, but either way, it painted a very unflattering picture of Roy's personality when it came up at the wrong times.

"…You have a problem with me being a virgin? Come on, Roy. It's not like I'm the only one here." He rolled his eyes, trying to hide the fact that, really, he had no idea what it was that was bothering his friend.

"…But you're not."

Oh. That took some thinking. He was used to being caught off guard, but when it came this abruptly, it was hard to hide it when he needed to take the time to think. Not a virgin…? When had he ever had sex with anyone? He thought back to drunken nights at the academy, spent flirting with bar girls, and the occasional, alcohol-induced moments between him and his best friend. Such things were uncommon – which was why he remembered them so well, and why he damn well should be remembering whatever it was that Roy was getting at.

He thought about the less drunken nights he'd spent with Roy himself. Sure, they'd messed around – it was regrettable, considering he'd prided himself in being a man of moral. Old-fashioned, he supposed. But youth and curiosity excused all social stigmas, right? Either way, he'd never done anything that would warrant his not being a virgin.

"…What do you mean, I'm not? Did one of your foozies drug me, or something?"

Roy shook his head. "Oral counts, Maes."

Oh.

…Oh.

…Oh.

"…Well, that was…. Blunt," Maes said dumbly. He paused for a moment, ducking his head to avoid Roy's now unreadable glare. "…I'd just never thought of it that way. I mean, sure, if you will yourself to be 'not a virgin' when you're doing those things with someone, I guess, but it's not like that was the most we could have done."

…Especially considering that Roy didn't reciprocate.

Or even, really, ever acknowledge or mention the fact that his best friend went down on him while completely sober.

…And he'd gone with it without a second word.

Roy sighed. "I guess you're right. …I guess I'm just in denial, myself." A tiny, meaningful smirk. "If that wasn't the loss of my virginity, then a woman I'd just met one night two weeks later at the bar was. …I had regrets about that, which was why I'd always kept our encounter in the forefront of my mind. I had no regrets about you." A shrug, and another smirk.

If there's one thing Roy was good at, it was catching Maes off guard.

Long battles to catch the other's train of thought? Nothing. Hours spent analyzing the other's every move? He was an expert. When his best friend decided to be a normal human being – as "normal" and "human" as young men got, at least – and say exactly what he thought without preamble, or, to use Maes's favorite idom, "beating around the bush"?

He was surprised.

"I didn't have any regrets, either," he responded almost automatically, as if the need to reassure Roy of his own standing in what might have been considered a stigma was more important than the discussion.

"Yet your take on it is different."

Maes rolled his eyes. "If I'd hooked up with a foozy two weeks later, it wouldn't be different, buddy."

"But you didn't."

Maes grinned. "I guess we'd call that a variable. See, when it comes to technicalities about 'what sex is', I guess we have some freedom in deciding when we 'lose our virginity'", he explained, making quotes with his fingers to indicate just how variable their variables were.

"When the term 'sex' is used, but there's 'more' to be done, so to speak, I guess it's up to you if you lose your virginity or not. Personally…" Maes trailed off with a shrug and stepped closer to Roy. "…I think those types of things – oral sex, in this case – would only qualify, for me, as a 'loss of virginity' if it'd had a deeper meaning. …As I've already explained."

Roy stared for a moment. And stared. And, finally, spoke his mind in what was probably the most truthful declaration that had been voiced that night.

"…Hughes, you're such a fucking dork."

The man didn't argue, and only grinned. "Sorry. I get it from you."

Roy shook his head. "It comes natural."

"Clearly. Are you going to tell me anything else about my views on the meaning of sex, or am I going to have to lecture you until you gag?"

Roy shook his head. "I'll pass. Still, if we go by what you said, that means I lost my virginity, and you didn't. I don't think that's very fair."

Maes rolled his eyes. "If we go by your standards, then I'd expect you to think that. What, you don't want me to live up to me dream of my first being the woman I love?"

"…First off, I think your 'dream' is ridiculous, and, despite your use of the word 'woman', kind of gay…"

"Uh-huh, because men prove their worth by sleeping with foozies…"

"…And second off, I mean it's not fair that I don't get to be your first."

It was rare for Maes to jump to any solid conclusions, but, when faced with both of Roy's methods of getting his thoughts across, he much, much preferred the exasperating, slow process of deciphering cues and actions to the blunt admissions that caught him so completely off guard. Roy'd found a way to both make his thoughts known and stun him into submission, and, if the admission itself hadn't been twice as shocking as his being caught off guard, he might have had something to say about his friend's newfound power over him.

But Maes said nothing. He didn't gape, freeze up, or even blink.

"You wanted to be my first?"

A shrug. "Don't read into it too much. It's the novelty of the thing. I've never been anyone's 'first', let alone someone who I actually care about."

"…Would you stop being blunt?"

The look of amusement Roy gave him answered his question more than the verbal answer. "And miss seeing you get fudge pants over, of all things, someone being up front and honest with you?"

Maes shook his head. "Anyone would get fudge pants over Roy Mustang being up front and honest."

There was silence for a moment, as there often was when things came to a standstill between them. It wasn't for lack of things that needed to be said – that was more not the case than usual this time – but more out of a need for a brief respite to collect their thoughts.

Or, in Maes's case, get past his shock enough to form one.

"You probably knew I'd say this, buddy, but I don't think it has anything to do with novelty."

"You're getting there. Any further psychoanalysis?"

Maes shrugged. "No, all I know is that, for some reason, you wanted to be my first. It's the reason that bugs me."

He wanted to slug Roy for how much he was enjoying this. …Well, wanted to slug him more than usual, at least.

"Any theories?"

Hughes threw his hands up. "You're in love with me!"

"Good guess."

Blink. "You are?"

"I said good guess, Maes, not correct guess."

He swore he was going to have to sit on his hands to keep from strangling his best friend.

"You wanted to share something with me."

"Warmer."

"Something that wouldn't hold any particularly deep meaning, but still something Gracia couldn't have."

"…That was fast."

The two of them, for reasons neither knew, had to laugh.

Roy gave him a small, friendly clap on the shoulder. "…You'd probably known that much."

Maes shrugged. "Eh, nothing I couldn't figure out on my own. I dunno. Head doesn't quite work right when you're right here."

"…And why's that? My dashing good looks too much of a distraction?"

Sarcastically, Maes brought a hand up to fan himself.

After the two of them had finished laughing – again – Hughes gave a small cough.

"So, why do you want that?"

Roy shrugged. "Let's put it this way. If one of us weren't male…"

Maes paused. "…If you were a woman…"

A glare. "If you were a woman…"

Of course, Maes ended it. "…If one of us were a woman…"

"You'd marry me," Roy finished.

"Absolutely," was Maes's confirmation.

"And right now…" Roy continued.

The brushing of their hands was only slightly deliberate. Or was it that it was only slightly accidental?

"…There would be no need to discuss who lost whose virginity to who, as it would be all but set in stone that we'd mutually lost it to one another," Maes went on.

"And this wouldn't be open to discussion."

A long, slightly painful pause followed Roy's statement.

"…Neither of us are women, Roy."

"…So?"

"So I can't exactly pursue you, or vice-versa. At least, not the way I would like to."

"And what are you going to do about that?"

He never hated Maes's stupid grin more. "I'm going to do almost exactly what I would do if things were different. …'Sides, it's not like it matters to me what you've got."

Before Roy could ask – or make a rude remark, as Maes predicted, he was in the other man's arms in an oddly informal, unusually intimate embrace.

"…This okay?" Maes asked, cupping the other man's cheek, tilting his head just enough to let Roy know his intentions.

And Roy was neither stunned nor caught off guard – only accepting -- as he nodded and let Maes kiss him.

...He then realized that he'd never kissed Maes before. ...Or had he? He seemed to recall something of the sort, though he'd had a bit much to drink...

...And it took only a few moments for him to forget about when he'd previously locked lips with his best friend. Maes's mouth was broad, his lips softer than Roy had expected, and incredibly warm.

...Or maybe that was just the heat coming off of him. The warmth flooding his cheeks seemed to spread down to his neck and hold itself there, giving Roy the vague impression of an internal flame.

He wasn't even going to touch that one.

When their actions suddenly intensified, Roy's thoughts took the opposite route. He gave himself into the feeling; rather than analyze it, he let it take him over as his body fit against Maes's. He finally gave in with a sigh – or perhaps it had been Maes who had given in – and tilted his head, opening his mouth in hopes that his best friend would take the hint.

There was no caution or hesitation. It was a curious thing – how the spoken between them was almost a game of analysis, where the physical was mutually understood. And neither felt any exposure or loss of pride at revealing these things; pride and mind games had no place between them now.

Pain, on the other hand...

"Shit! You bit my tongue, you bastard!"

A loud "Humph!". "It's your fault for being so damn clumsy!"

"Who the hell are you calling clumsy? You can call me clumsy when I'm the one getting my shirt off and shoving my tongue down your throat at the same damn time!"

Maes rolled his eyes and playfully – or at least, that's how he tried to pass it off – smacked Roy on the arm. "At least I'm going somewhere with this."

Roy also rolled his eyes as he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders.

Looking back at each other, they both nearly gulped. Perhaps Roy's insticts chose to kick in then, as he suddenly felt wildly uncomfortable.

"...This is ridiculous, Maes. You're marrying Gracia, and in ten minutes you've screwed around with me more than you ever have with her."

Maes narrowed his eyes. "This isn't easy for me, buddy. If you don't want me here, just go ahead and say so."

And then, perhaps, Roy's common sense kicked in. Swallowing his pride, and nearly choking on it, he shook his head. "...I'm sorry. I want you to stay. I just-"

Maes raised a hand, silencing him. "...I don't know what either of us wants, but that's why we're here, right?" A gentle, serene smile and the offering of his hand as he took a seat on the edge of Roy's bed. "Come here."

Roy sighed, and let his anxieties get nothing of his desire to do just that. "Do you want me with you, Maes?"

The response was a small smile as Maes carefully lay back, pulling Roy down with him and allowing himself to be pinned beneath him.

---

"Roy?"

Roy groaned, burying his face back in Maes's hair.

Maes had to laugh, and gave him a gentle nudge. "Come on, buddy. We... Well, you can't stay like this all day."

By "like this", he obviously meant "absentmindedly curled up naked under the covers, nestled into your similarly naked best friend".

Which, Roy was willing to admit, was something he wouldn't have minded lasting a while.

Maes laughed again, wrapping an arm around his best friend's neck and leaning down to gently kiss a red spot he hadn't remembered leaving. "I don't want to get up either, Roy. You're enabling me."

"Good."

Roy had to smile as the other man sighed and resorted to tracing patterns on his chest. The feather-light touch almost tickled, and Roy barely stifled a laugh.

They'd slept incredibly well, all things considered. Still, the pleasurable, glowing inner warmth still hadn't faded, and despite being perfectly awake, it make Roy almost sleepy. Dopey. As though his limbs were made of fluid warmth.

With Maes pressed against him, the feeling was enhanced, affecting him outside as well as in. With the last rays of morning enveloping their shared space, "afterglow" seemed to take on an almost literal meaning.

He didn't need to say anything to know that Maes knew the feeling entirely.

...Maes, who was now resting his head comfortably on Roy's chest – to hear his heart beat, he'd informed Roy last night – and looking very much as though he was about to fall back asleep, himself.

"...Maes?"

"Mhmm?" He looked up, eyes half-lidded, a dopey, contented smile on his face.

"...Where the hell did this come from?"

A shrug. "Guess I needed it after all. Sheesh. Can't believe I thought about losing my innocence to anyone but you." A pause. "...It seems sudden, Roy, but I think I've been in denial. ...Yes, you're perfectly entitled to roll your eyes and give me a sarcastic quip. ...But I'm glad I can be with you while I can."

Roy didn't say anything, but closed his eyes. "...Another variable?"

Another shrug. "So it seems. And this one looks like it's going to be one hell of a pain in the ass for us to work through." Maes snorted audibly. "Your fault for being so irresistible."

"Yours, for being so susceptible."

The sarcasm was almost tangible.

Another long, somewhat blissful silence, and the need for words made itself apparent again.

"Maes, what are you going to do?"

The answer, to Roy's surprise, was almost immediate. "I told you. I'm going to marry Gracia. Give her everything. ...But it seems, like we already said, we've got a variable to work around. ...Or to work in."

They sighed in unison.

"...For now, let's just enjoy now before I realize I just slept with a complete idiot who I may or may not be in love with."

"...And before I realize the idiot I slept with and may or may not be in love with has inadvertantly wrecked my plans for an easy, happy life." He certainly didn't sound unhappy as he rested his head in the crook of Roy's neck. "I love you, moron."

Roy settled back in with a yawn, shrugging an arm around Maes. "And I love you, you annoying loudmouthed bastard." A pause. "And what do you want me to do about it, hm?"

Maes was almost asleep when he gave his reply.

"Stop just telling me these things. Sheesh."