A/N: Hey guys! This is my first Bleach fanfiction, containing my two favourite pairings ever - Gin/Kira and Aizen/Gin, with possible hints of other pairings as well. This fic was prompted by listening to every songs under the sun by the band Red. In fact, the name of this fic is also the name of one of the songs - Death of Me.

It's been a while since I've actually written a fic, so I will appreciate any comments or hints at all! I'd also like to know if you'd like me to continue with this story, or whether I should just leave it as a one shot. This chapter is rather short but it looked a hell of a lot longer on Word Processor XD; Never mind.

WARNING: This fic contains shonen-ai/yaoi, swearing, and possible OOC-ness [though I will try my best to keep them in character!] and is set after the first arc.

Chapter 1 - Mystery of You

Seireitei had once been such a peaceful, happy place for Kira Izuru. Getting up everyday to serve his Captain was a joyous occasion, once upon a time. Just being around Ichimaru Gin made his skin tingle with excitement, as much as it made everyone else's crawl, and the smile he always wore became infectious, a happy disease.

Of course, now everything had gone completely wrong, it really did feel like a disease. Ichimaru Gin, his beloved Captain, had become a traitor. Now he found it hard to get up every morning, knowing that the life he had known and loved had crumbled around him. Now he knew the happy smile behind his ex-Captain's face had been a terrible façade that hid his true motives and attitude.

Now Izuru sat in Gin's office, at his desk, going through his papers to find some sort of clue as to what he and the other two traitors were up to. Well, that was what Captain-Commander Yamamoto had told him to do. He, however, was looking for answers. Why would Gin feel the need to betray the Gotei 13? Why would he abandon everything he had taught his loyal division? … and the question that burnt itself into his mind; Why did Gin not take him, Izuru, with him?

Gin knew perfectly well that Izuru was his most loyal subordinate. Hell, he had even gone as far as to practically force the vice-captain to fight against one of his best friends, Himamori Momo. And Kira didn't mind, as long as Gin kept him by his side, always.

But of course, Izuru thought, he decided that Aizen-taicho was worth more to him. A dreadful pang of jealousy suddenly struck him in the chest, and he crumpled up the paper in his hand, unable to contain the rage and confusion inside. He hated Aizen. He hated him so much. How dare he take his beloved Captain away?! Unable to control himself he stood up suddenly, knocking the chair back, and struck all the papers and items off the desk.

As he was pulling the drawers out of the desk, he felt a pair of familiar strong arms hold him back. He struggled fiercely, determined to get his revenge by destroying Gin's old office.

"Kira-kun, this isn't the way to go about getting revenge or finding answers," said the gruff, stern voice. "You'll destroy all the evidence and clues we need if you're not careful!"

Izuru turned his blue gaze onto the face of another best friend - Abarai Renji. The red head seemed to be having no trouble at all holding back the blonde vice-captain's rage.

"Abarai-kun - !"

"I knew telling you to handle this was a bad idea. Look, why don't you go out and get some fresh air? I'll deal with the mess and any clues that could be lying around here." And without giving him time to react, Renji had dragged Izuru outside and slammed the door.

Izuru's jealous rage left him as soon as the door shut. He now felt numb, confused. Slowly but surely, he turned his back on the office and shuffled off. He didn't know where he was going, but he had to get as far away as possible. His slow shuffle began to turn into a jog, and then a full on run. He wanted to run from the grasp his former Captain had on him, to run from the rage that had sprung upon him.

As he ran, he kept his head down to hide his tear-stained face from the other Shinigami, who looked completely confused as to why the 3rd division vice-captain was running around in the 9th division quarters. Since he had his head down, running into someone was inevitable. He didn't dare look up at the Shinigami he had crashed into, fearful that everyone would see his tears and deem him too weak to be a vice-captain.

"Kira-kun, are you alright?" asked the calm man. Izuru didn't answer, though he realised he must have run into someone important because of the way he had just been addressed. A Captain, most likely. All the more reason not to look up.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be clearing out your ex-Captain's office?"

You're making it sound like he's my dead lover, cringed Izuru in his head. The cringe must have appeared on the outside too, as the man sighed.

"I'm sorry, it's not the nicest of jobs is it? I've only just finished going through Tousen-san's myself," he said in reply, pulling the emotionally-injured blonde up and steadying him.

"Kira-kun, you're exhausted! Come on, let's talk in here."

Izuru found himself being led into a training room that had recently been vacated, and heard the door shut softly behind him. He saw the sandal-clad feet of the man walking towards him, and then a gentle hand lifted his face up. Serious, purple eyes stared back at him, although the tears in his own eyes blurred them a little.

"Kira-kun…" Shuuhei sighed again. "Your eyes are red and puffy. You've been crying?"

Izuru's blue eyes found the floor again. "I'm so weak Hisagi-san."

"I can see that, you have really dark circles around your eyes and you can barely stand! Have you slept or eaten anything?"

Izuru shook his head, his unusually untamed hair falling over his face.

"No I haven't. But I don't mean weak in that sense. Hinamori and I were broken when our Captains left us. She's in hospital recovering, and she won't be right for a long time, from what Hitsugaya-taicho was saying. I'm just a complete mess. But you Hisagi-san… it's like you haven't been affected by Tousen-taicho leaving!"

Shuuhei looked at Izuru with wide eyes, and then started to laugh. Shocked, the blonde stared at the older man. "Oh Kira-kun. I'm just as broken as you and Momo. To be honest, I can understand why Gin-taicho would leave with Aizen-taicho. Gin-taicho was once Aizen-taicho's vice captain. But Tousen, he had what seemed like nothing to do with those two at all. When he turned his back on us… there's no way to describe it really. I was shocked, angry and confused, just like you. I guess I'm just not that great at showing my emotions!"

"I wish I had that ability, Hisagi-san."

"What do you mean?"

"Gin-taicho… he meant everything to me. Everything I did, said. It was all for him. He taught me so much and I wanted to give as much back to him as I could."

"Did you… love him?"

Izuru fell silent. He had never thought about that before. That question just buzzed around in his confused mind, turning into many more questions.

"I…I'm not sure," came his eventual, stuttered reply. "I just wanted to be around him all the time, please him, make him happy. And that also made me happy. But I'm sure you and Hinamori did exactly the same!"

Shuuhei shook his head, black hair swaying gracefully. "No, Kira-kun. Although it is true, all vice-captains admire their Captain's differently to other people, my relationship to Tousen-taicho was like that of a brother or best friend. Hinamori thought of Aizen-taicho as a father figure. Your admiration however… it's different. Maybe it's the same as what Gin-taicho felt for Aizen-taicho."

"So you're saying that Gin-taicho left with Aizen-taicho… because he was in love?"

"Think about it Kira-kun. You're quite similar to how Gin-taicho was when he was a vice-captain. Full of admiration for his Captain, adamant to make him happy because he felt like he was in debt."

Izuru looked at the floor again. Shuuhei was right. He felt so selfish… yet so jealous of Aizen. It wasn't fair. He still wished Gin had picked him over the older man.

"But for now, I think you should get some sleep. You look like you're about to pass out," Shuuhei added, kindly. He put an arm around Izuru, and with the help of some carefully executed shunpo, they were in 3rd division vice-captain quarters. Shuuhei laid Izuru down on the bed and smiled down at him.

"It's okay Kira-kun, we'll figure it out together. Get some rest, you need it."

With those words Izuru felt his eyes become heavy, as if Wabisuke had touched them, and he gradually fell into a deep sleep.

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A/N: Enjoying it so far? R&R please, it would help so much! ^^