Warnings: Child abuse, obsessive Trisha.

He held her shoulders tightly, gazed deep into her eyes.

She stood frozen, he couldn't be serious.

"I'm sorry. But I have to leave. Trisha, don't worry, I'll come back as soon as I can. I promise you that."

She shook her head and backed away. "When?"

"I don't know. I love you, don't –"

"Oh god no. You can't do this too me. No I won't let you." She was crying now, tears pouring down her face, the dam had burst. She felt her face turning red and knew her eyes would be puffy and red, and her lips would pout like fish lips and they would be red. And mucus would be all over her face in moment and he would be even gladder to leave her. "Alphonse isn't even one yet. Edward is three in a few weeks. Wait until his birthday at least!"

"I'm sorry. You know this isn't a choice. I love you all."

She let out a shriek and turned away, she felt him leave. Then turned to watch him go.

The urge overcame her and she took off after him and flung her arms around from behind. He turned to her and held her tight, she could feel his tears.

She was always second best to him. Gold hair, spun wealth from the sun, eye catching. Her own was foul mud, trodden by animal and filled with their waste.

His eyes a burnt gold, nothing to compare it to.

Her own cheap second rate silver, which no one in their right would pay a penny for.

"Trisha, please don't cry I will be back soon as I can be. And in the mean time you have our boys. A part of both of us."

She sniffed back her tears. "Edward looks so like you."

"And Alphonse, just like you. Our beautiful boys."

She watched him leave from there and fell to the ground, clutching herself until she heard the loud begging cry of her youngest child. Calling her into motherhood.

She stumbled into the house and up the stairs.

She had got a fantastic husband. She had been working when she met him, little café in the town, only a late teen then. Her mother had laughed when she told her. But she loved him so much and they had just…clicked, straight away. Months after they met they were a long term couple. A year later they married. And only a few months in and she was pregnant. The most terrifying experience ever, giving birth, but when she held her baby for the first time, those big eyes.

It had been more then worth it.

The second time. Once more, the fear, the horror, and then the angel at the end, the proud look on Hoemhiem's face. The look of astonishment and excitement on Edward's tiny face when he saw the baby.

She lifted Alphonse out of the cot. And checked him.

Hungry.

She felt anger rising, her husband was gone and here she was getting her tits out for the nearby males. She sighed and gently breastfed her baby.

She didn't feel the bond now, she felt numb. She had always felt the bond. Now it was just awkward.

Alphonse finished with a pleased burp and she settled him again. And stumbled out of the room with the intention to cry and scream a bit in her room.

"Mummy?" she slowly turned to see her oldest staring at her.

Far better, gold like him not second rate like her and Alphonse.

"Mummy you look upset. I'll get Daddy for you. Okay?" he smiled the same god damn smile. She wrapped her arms around him, the smell was so alike.

"Mummy?"

"Daddy has gone away for a while. He'll be back soon."

"Did you ask him to bring cakes back?"

Tears rose again, and those innocent eyes blinked up at her. "Yes I did."

"I'm hungry Mummy. I'm really hungry, he better not be long Mum."

Mum! The first time he had said that, her only connection to Hoemheim and she was losing him!

"No I'm Mummy."

"No I'm a big boy and big boys say Mum."

She stared. The bond was fading, bring it back!

It hadn't worked with Alphonse he was just like her.

It would work with Edward, he was just like him. She had stopped as the doctor told her too while pregnant, and he got used to eating baby food. He never really liked cow's milk, he wanted hers.

"Baby come here. I'll feed you."

He rushed over and jumped in her lap. Wrapped his little chubby arms around her.

She prepared herself again, like with her second best baby.

The first rate one pulled a face and whinged. "Mummy, I'm a big boy. Only really, really, really little tiny babies like Al do THAT!"

She wanted to hit him, but she needed SOMETHING of her love to feel close to.

Her baby listened as he should. "Little boys stop for a while and then. When they're big boys, they drink Mummy again."

Ed nodded and listened. HE nodded and listened, to her.

And that closeness was back and it was more then that. She enjoyed it so much more, she tingled.

She felt like he was there. Just before they made love she felt like this.

She groaned and pulled the boy against her and he pulled away, she pushed him off and he grumbled and asked for real food.

She stood shaking and gave him some. Sat nearby watching him. He could make her feel like that. Hoemheim had said use her boys, this must have been what he meant.

A/N:Review if I should keep this up

A/N2:Sorry if the breastfeeding thing was uncomfortable,it kinda had to be there. Also no flames I know this is a sick story but the Idea wouldn't back off. And I'm equalizing as all my other story have an insane Al. I needed to do an insane girl...right? Oh and if anyone is curious about the title just ask an I'll explain it.