Hello, Dark Fortresses here once again. Here I have the last chapter of Leo's Confessions. Yes, there is two chapters within a chapter, if you could call it that. Enjoy!

Hair. I like having hair. Well, you can't be bald in the winter. You'd like, die, and then you'd freeze inside a mountain. I know I'm exaggerating a bit, but it'd be total shit if you were bald. Trust me, I'd know. I begged my parents to shave my head when I was 5. Worst decision of my life, as you'd expect, but I was five. I was stupid back then. Most five year olds are.

I always hated dyeing my hair. It always took the hair dresser at least two hours to only color it, so I've been all natural since I was about 8 years old. I believe I've already said this, but I think that Lili dyes her hair. Nobody can have that perfect hair in terms of highlights and not dye their hair. Seriously. And her hair's more straight than straight, if there is such a thing. I think that there is, but it would be very difficult to get. Especially for the people who aren't rich. Like me and everyone else I know.

You might think that I'd have a lot of money because both of my parents died and I'd get all of their money. That isn't the case, obviously. It all went to the G Corporation. Well, all of my mom's money went there. My dad's money went to my education. It was enough to get me 9 years of whatever I wanted to take. I am so not going to college for the next 9 years of my life. I have two reasons for that: the 1st reason is I'd be 28 by the time I'd get out, and the second reason is it's a waste of money and my life.

Wow. I got really off topic there. Anyway, onto another thing about hair that I hate. That would be hair strengtheners. I have very curly hair and when my mom was alive, she always tried to straighten it. I always used to jerk my head back and forth until I was about 16, so my mom burned my head. I was at the hospital at least once every 10 days or so. It was very painful, as you guys probably already know. I still have those scab scars. Those type of scars are the scars that never go away. They just stay there, preventing hair to grow. They aren't the white kind either. They're this brown color. It's very attractive, I know. Men love it. Mainly body builders, but the ones from Austria love it the most. But I think that most body builders look like shit.

So, I have the final morals of this story. The first one is… if you're gonna try to look like Lili, purchase some hair dye and a hair strengthener. The last one is… if you're actually gonna straighten your hair, don't jerk your head. Please, if you don't want some burns.

Well, as the last thing I'll be presenting, I'd like to talk about the things that I like.

I love it when I'm walking to the store, and I step in dog's fecal matter, thus I love it when dog owners can't pick up after their dogs. And I love it when my friends dog stars humping my leg, and that's only on the subject dogs. I love dogs. Can you tell?

I just love feminists. I love the way they start yelling at me because they think I'm a dude. I love they way they don't shave. Yep. And feminists love me, and my anti-feminist self.

You know what I love more than dogs and feminists? No? Well, I love children. You know why I love children? Every single reason. I remember having to teach my little brother how to pee the "big boy way". He had such good aim. He aimed for the inside of the bowl and he hit my head. Don't ask me how I did that. You know I just loved that. It was in my hair for the next week and it took a big container of shampoo.

But there's only one thing that I love more than dogs, feminists, and kids. What would that be, you ask? That would be an awesome thing called being a religious extremist. I'm not one of those myself, but I love them anyway. I heard that in America there was a person and her family protesting at a dead soldier's funeral. You see, the soldier guy happened to be gay, and most religious extremists hate gays. That's what I love about them. Of course I love more things, but those are definitely my top four. My number five is food, but that's really uninteresting.

I think I may have to clear things up.

1)The religious extremist and her family thing actually did happen.

And 2)If you can't tell that the last half of this chapter was full of sarcasm, you are a moron.