Hello and thank you for choosing Prats 'R' Us for your reading pleasure, here is my brand new Looney Tunes story it's not quite finished yet but will be soon, and I hope you like it, and don't be shy to tell me what you think of it. Enjoy

Chapter 1

A Night Out

"It was a normal day in the tooniversthe, our sthory beginsth with our star Daffy Duck, as he ridesth across the fieldsth, histh horsthe galloping to the tune of heroic musthic."

"Cut!" a voice screamed making Daffy look to the source.

"What? What wasth wrong with that?" asked Daffy shouting to the director.

"Daffy, you're a duck, you being the perfect hero would ruin your persona as well... a daffy duck," the director replied going through the rest of the script.

"Daffy isth justh my name!" protested Daffy, to be honest he was sick and tired of people thinking of him as his character. He wasn't the selfish, stupid and clumsy duck he played. He had 8 A levels and 4 degrees and he was only a tiny bit selfish for crying out loud. As it was he had to fight to make his character crafty an sneaky, a result his bosses were pleased with.

"Look, we're just going to have to rewrite the script, and add in more daffiness," the director said. Daffy sighed and rolled his eyes, daffiness, great just great, you don't see Bugs Bunny ever playing the fool. He sighed once more before making his way into the cartoon lounge where all the other Looney Toons were sitting.

"Ehh what's up duck?" Bugs asked, as Daffy entered the room. Grabbing a drink from the fridge Daffy sat down next to Porky, who was sitting at a table with Bugs and Lola. Opening his drink Daffy replied.

"Nothing much, justh the usthual," Daffy said taking a sip of his drink.

"Ah come on Daffy, how much TV time do you really need?" asked Lola, teasing the duck, Daffy huffed at her, "Yep, just like my friends to think that it's all about air time," Daffy thought to himself. Over the years he had become accustom to playing the fool and often played it off of the screen. Something about that life appealed more to him then the one he already had, not many people knew the real Daffy Duck, and he was just fine with that.

"Hey, I can't help it if the audience love me," replied Daffy, while the others laughed.

"Yea doc, they just love to see cartoon violence," said Bugs, Daffy mentally sighed, although he would never show this to his friends, but what Bugs had said, had hit a cord with him.

"You're justh jealousth," he replied, trying to hide the hurt that their comments had caused him. The others just rolled their eyes at the typical Daffy attitude, oblivious to the hurt their actions had caused him.

"So Porky, I hear that you and Petunia have made up?" Lola asked looking to Porky with interest.

"y-y-y-yes we have, I am taking her out for din-din-din on a date," replied Porky with a smile.

Bugs, Lola and Porky, continued talking while Daffy sat lost in his thoughts, "I wonder how, Cosmo and Lex are, no doubt they're probably arguing about something stupid," he thought with a chuckle, looking to his other crew members Daffy sighed, "I wonder if any of them remember it's my birthday tomorrow, I doubt it, oh well, at least I get to spend my evening referring for Cosmo and Lex at the orphanage," Daffy thought to himself with a smile.

"Yo Daff, you in dere?" asked Bugs bringing Daffy out of his daydream.

"Huh... What do you want Bugsth, can't you sthee I was daydreaming?" Daffy asked annoyed that his thinking had been interrupted.

"Ehh sorry Doc, didn't mean to disturb you from you jewel incrusted fantasies, but the director called and said you got the rest of the doiy off," replied Bugs, while Lola laughed at his jewel comment, Daffy nodded his head, and stood up to get another drink.

"Well, I got the doiy off, anyone wanna go grab a drink at the club? I'm meeting the others down dere," Bugs said, extending an invitation to his fellow crew members.

"Sthure, I got nothing better to do anyway," replied Daffy, waiting for the others to respond.

"S-s-s-s-sorry Bugs, I'm meeting Petunia for lunch," said Porky as he got up to leave.

"Alright, Lola?" Bugs asked helping he out of her seat.

"You know I would love to Bugs but I can't, I've got a meeting to go to," said Lola giving Bugs a hug before departing.

"Well, looks like it's just you and me Doc," Bugs said, to Daffy as the both walked out of the Warner brothers studious. Bugs offered Daffy a lift seeing as the duck didn't bring his car choosing to instead fly everywhere and only drive it during Duck season.

When they arrived Daffy looked towards Sam's Saloon, it was amazing how much likeness the others all shared to their characters, Daffy often wondered if the writers actually wrote their scripts themselves or if they just followed the stars around writing all of the events taking place in their daily lives.

"Get out, you no good varmint!" a rough voice shouted as a drunk toon was thrown out the doors.

"Hey Sam," Daffy said, walking past him.

"Duck," Sam grunted in reply. Before his eyes noticed Bugs. "Rabbit, bout time you got here," he said, walking back to where Daffy and Bugs could see the others sitting. Bugs smiled as he walked over to their friends, with Daffy following behind.

"Bugs! Great to see you, you too Daffy!" said Wile Coyote noticing his friends arrival.

"Beep beep," said Roadrunner in agreement. Bugs took a seat by Sylvester, while Sam took a seat between Marvin the Martian and Elmer Fudd, Daffy seeing that there were no seats left sat at the bar on the barstool that was closest to the table, Daffy nodded in greeting to Jack Deer who was serving.

"What can I get ya Daff?" he asked Daffy. Daffy looked back to his friends, seeing a bunch of empty alcoholic drinks, he turned back and answered.

"Justh give me a sthoda Jack, from the looksth of it, I'll have to be esthcorting sthome of them home," he said, indicating to his friends. Daffy sat with his back leaning against the side of the bar, he watched as his friends laughed, scowling when he saw them chug back beer or some other alcoholic, taking a sip of his drink Daffy once again found himself becoming lost in his thoughts.

"I wonder if I should go pay a visit to my parents graves tomorrow, nah it'd just bring back memories I would rather leave buried in the past, still I only ever go once a year to replace the flowers, as well as to mark the day of their death, and the day of my freedom from them, I still can't believe I was unconscious for four days from the beating before anyone bothered to come help me, and notify me of my parents death, great 14th birthday that was, me unconscious on the floor after my parents had given me my 'birthday present', them going out for a drink only to die in a car crash."

Daffy was brought out of his musings as a waitress tripped over Sylvester's tail, sending broken glass every where. Daffy scowled as the others laughed the laugh only a drunk could have, before getting up to help the waitress.

"You ok?" Daffy asked the rabbit waitress, as he helped her to her feet, noticing a shard of glass sticking out of her hand, Daffy led her to the bathrooms where he then proceeded to clean the wound.

"I'm ok, really, you don't have to..." she said before Daffy interrupted her.

"Don't worry about it," he said getting out the first aid kit. "Ok, thisth is going to sthing a little," he said to her before he dabbed a bit of iodine onto her cut, the waitress flinched but didn't complain. Daffy looked at the girl and could see that she was embarrassed over what had happened.

"Firsth day?" he asked trying to make conversation.

"Yes it is, I'm a bit clumsy as you have just seen," she said with a chuckle, Daffy smiled at her. "Thank you, for your help Mr Daffy," she said once she had gotten over the initial shock of who had come to her aid.

"Pleasthe, just call me Daffy," he said to her, she nodded her head as a blush coated her furry cheeks at her mistake. "Stho you are?" Daffy asked, he smiled as her blush reddened.

"Sorry, I'm Lucy, I'm working here as a part time job till I get my collage degree," she said smiling.

"Oh, and what are you sthudying," he asked her, politely.

"I'm studying to be an archaeologist, I think history is so fascinating," she said with a dreamy look. Daffy smiled.

"Really? What'sth your favourite historical era then?" he asked her.

"Ancient Rome civilisation, particularly the fight of Boadicea," she said with a huge smile.

"Ah the fiery red head that stood up for her people'sth rightsth, though you do know, that historically speaking her name was Boudicca," Daffy said to her. He smiled as her smile brightened.

"I see you know your history," Lucy said.

Once Daffy had cleaned and bandaged the cut, he and Lucy left the bathroom. Lucy went back to work while Daffy sat down at the bar, he noticed that the floor hadn't been cleaned, sighing he stood up and called for Jack.

"Jack! Give me a dusthpan and brush would ya," he said, as he started to clear the floor of any broken glass. Once he was done Daffy looked at the clock. "6 hours!" he thought. "I've been here for 6 hours! No wonder the others are smashed," Daffy stood up and walked to his friends.

"Hey Doc Whas up?" said Bugs as he started laughing a drunk laugh along with the others, Daffy looked at them in disgust.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Daffy said, looking around the table.

"Wha, you mean, da night still young," said Bugs, Daffy looked at the others again, Sylvester was passed out on the table, Elmer was dancing drunkily to the song music in the background. Wile E Coyote was trying to see through his hand and Roadrunner was beeping non stop to Sam who was having a conversation with him.

"Alright, you've all had enough," said Daffy as he began clearing the table.

"Hey, I ain't finished dat yet," Bugs said grabbing Daffy's arm. Daffy looked at the empty glace in his hand, the next thing he knew he was in the cellar looking up to the ceiling where an anvil shaped hole was. Growling Daffy stood up and left the cellar, when he saw Bugs arguing with Jack, who was refusing to serve them anymore drinks. Being careful to avoid falling down the hole Daffy turned to Marvin the Martian who was leaning on his faithful companion K-9.

"K-9, can you get him home?" Daffy asked the dog as he indicated to Marvin; K-9 saluted telling Daffy that he could get his master home.

"Ok K-9 do you think you can give me a hand with the othersth?" Daffy asked, receiving another nod. Nodding back Daffy turned to Sam.

"Sam...Sam...Sam!" he yelled getting the others attention.

"What do you want duck?" he asked swaying a bit on his feet.

"Isth it alright if Elmer and the othersth sthay here? I'll take Wile E and Bugsth home," he said only to receive a punch in the face.

"Sure...Hic...put em in the guest rooms," Sam said as he walked past Daffy. Daffy sighed as he stood up. "Great, a headache," he thought.

It took Daffy, half an hour to get the others to bed with the help of Lucy and Jack, he was grateful that Sam lived at the saloon and that it had guest rooms too.

So now Daffy was driving in the car, with Bugs singing to the radio, he had just dropped off Wile E and was now heading to Bugs place. Once Daffy pulled Bugs' car into the driveway, he got out and help the intoxicated rabbit make his way to the front door.

Daffy saw the lights on and figured that Lola was home, knocking on the door he waited for her to answer the door.

"It's about time you got home mister...Oh what happened?" Lola cried as she saw her boyfriend being pretty much carried inside by the duck.

"Alcohol that'sth what. Here Lola," said Daffy giving her Bugs' car keys.

"Thank you for bringing Bugs home Daffy, can I get you anything?" she asked him moving out of his path.

"A coffee would be nice thank you, come on Bugs, let's get you off to bed," replied Daffy before he took the intoxicated rabbit to his room.

Lola was in the kitchen pouring out the coffee when Daffy entered.

"Thanks again Daffy," Lola said handing him a cup.

"Don't mention it, oh isth it possthible to usthe your phone?" Daffy asked.

"Of course, it's the least I can do," she replied. Daffy nodded and walked to the phone that was hanging on the kitchen wall, dialling a number, he waited for someone to answer it, he felt a surge of panic when no one did, he redialled and let out the breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding as it picked up.

"Rello?" it was K-9

"Sorry K-9 just wanted to make sure you got home ok," Daffy said before K-9 put the phone down as well as Daffy.

"So what damage do I need to pay for?" asked Lola as Daffy sat down and taking a sip of his drink he replied.

"Well, Stham'll probably charge you for the hole in the floor," replied Daffy.

"Hole in the floor? Man he really did get smashed, what happened and who was the unlucky victim?" Lola asked looking to Daffy before she turned to get something out of the fridge.

"Who elsthe but me? Anvil, after I tried to take an empty glassth from him," replied Daffy finishing off his drink.

"Oh Sorry Daff, he didn't give you that black eye too did he?" Lola asked as she handed him an ice pack for his swollen eye.

"Thanksth," Daffy said as he placed in on his eye, wincing a bit from the coldness. "No that wasth Sam, although the cuff from Elmer and Sylvesther didn't help when I put them to bed," he said, Lola notice Daffy sway a bit on his feet.

"Daffy, you can't fly home tonight it's too dangerous," Lola said taking his cup back.

"Yeah I guessth you're right, I'll call a cab," Daffy said picking up the phone.

"No Daffy, I insist that you stay her for the night," said Lola, Daffy shook his head.

"Thanksth for the offer Lo, but I gotta get back home, I got an early meeting tomorrow," he replied with a yawn, Lola sighed.

"Ok, well then I insist that we pay for the cab ride," she said determinedly, Daffy nodded his thanks knowing that he couldn't change her mind, and called a cab to take him home.