Disclaimer: I don't own 'em…

A/N: I've had this idea in my head and I wanted to see where it would go. I haven't been able to write in forever because of yearbook, national boards, or some other lame work-related adventure. So, here goes….

"What was that all about?" Elliot asked as we climbed back in the cruiser.

I slammed my head back against the seat and squeezed my eyes shut, ignoring his question.

"So you're going to ignore me now? Not answer? Alright."

I felt the car lurch forward as we pulled into traffic. I couldn't wait for this day to be over with and it had barely started.

"You know, I figured you would have…"

"I would have what, El? Jumped up and down for joy that she was back? Threw myself at her? Acted like some love-sick teenager who was still pining away for her? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint ya, but it's not happening."

I turned to look at the window at the passing brownstones whizzing past the cruiser and let out a deep sigh and added quietly, "She looked good though, didn't she?"

I saw his reflection in the glass as he eyed me, a sly smile gracing his face. "Yeah, she did, Liv. Yeah, she did."

Not another word was spoken the rest of our drive back to the 1-6.

XXXX

"Did you notice how cool she was about everything? I'm tellin' ya man, the Ice Queen is back. I'd be afraid to stand to close that—might catch a terminal case of frostbite." Fin tossed a folder and rolled his seat backwards before standing up and moving toward the coffee pot.

Munch flipped through the file before standing and walking to the board and adding some more information about their case. "Seldom, if ever, does someone come out of Witness Protection. Put yourself in her position. She was yanked from her life and forced to live in whatever backwoods Podunk town they put her in. She had to adopt the persona of someone they created. You have to go a little cold to survive that."

"Still man, ya'd expect her to have thawed a bit since coming back."

"Would you two shut up?" I asked, my voice a bit harsher than it needed to be.

"She ain't never contact you, Liv? You two were pretty tight, weren't you?"

Leave it to Fin to go for the jugular without knowing it. I slammed my fists down on my desk and stormed up to the crib, taking the stairs two at a time.

"I need some rest. Wake me when Warner calls with our prelims," I shouted over my shoulder before slamming the door shut behind me.

I closed the blinds and turned off the lights before falling down on the nearest bunk. Sleep was a long time coming. Images floated through my mind, keeping sleep just at the periphery for what seemed like an eternity.

The way Alex looked so busted when she suggested we go out…without the guys….and I asked if it was a date. The way her hair felt like silk against my fingertips. The way her lips parted just enough for my tongue to move against hers. The soft whimpering noises she would make as I'd kiss my way along her neck. The look of shock when I told her I loved her for the first time. The way her blood seeped through my fingers as I tried desperately to keep it in her and off of the sidewalk. The way we made love with an urgency but passion we had never had before when she came back for the Connors' trial.

It was that memory that finally lulled me to sleep. I had clung to that memory for four years. Four long years. I knew that about a year after that, she was back. The DA made her a bureau chief for a bunch of lawyers that couldn't find their own briefs much less file them. Daily, I fought the desire, no, the primal need, to contact her, to rekindle what we had. I knew that she needed time and space. She had dealt with what happened to her away from her friends and coworkers and coming back to them was bound to dredge up memories. Memories she'd need time to deal with--even if that was time away from me.

I felt the thin mattress of the bunk dip as weight was added beside me. Fingers brushed through my hair and across my cheek. I was not yet coherent enough to understand what she was saying to me and before I could shake myself awake and ask her to repeat it, her phone rang. I felt the bed rise a bit as she stood up and moved toward a corner of the room.

"Cabot….oh, hey sweetie…yes, I know…okay…well, I'll be home as soon as I can, alright?...I know…I love you, too."

At those words leaving her lips, the little bit of hope that had been holding me together crumbled. I heard her snap the phone shut and her heels clicked as she moved back over to where she thought I was still sleeping. As soon as her fingers touched my skin, I recoiled, my eyes flying open but avoiding hers.

"You're awake," she said quietly, her fingers moving down over my arm. "I'm sorry. I thought my phone was set to vibrate. I didn't want to wake you. Elliot said you were up here trying to sleep."

"Yeah, I was," I muttered angrily as I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bunk, my back now to her. "Was there something you needed, Counselor?"

"Counselor? You haven't called me Counselor in years, Liv." Her voice was controlled and quiet, bereft of the emotions that were stirring in me. "There wasn't much time for us to talk at the scene and I thought that…"

"…that we could do that now? That you could come into the precinct and what? We'd talk like we should have three years ago?"

"Liv," she soothed quietly as she placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me to face her. "I'm sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention. Coming home was unexpected and there were," she paused, "mitigating circumstances to me not contacting you."

I stood up and moved away from her. The closeness I had so long desired and needed was now tainted by the phone call I had overheard. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. If I did, I'd crumble.

"You're seeing someone else?"

Her laugh echoed around the room, "No, Liv, I'm not."

I spun around, indignant that she'd lie to me like that. "I heard you, Al. On the phone just a few minutes ago. Sweetie…I'll be home as soon as I can…I love you. Please, don't add insult to injury. It's okay if you moved on. It's not like either of us expected you to come back. I know you function much better as part of a couple than as a single person. But you could have been honest. A phone call. Hey Liv, I'm with someone else now but it was good while it lasted, right? That's all I needed. I think I deserved at least that much."

"Are you done? I'd hate to interrupt this trip of self-pity you seem to be enjoying so much." When she was met with silence, she continued. "I said there were mitigating circumstances. I didn't say there was someone else."

"Then how do you explain the phone call I just overheard? It wasn't your mother because she passed away. You don't speak that way to your friends and your family's blood is too blue to be that warm with each other on the phone."

She tossed her phone at me and as unexpected as the action was, my reflexes kicked in and I caught it.

"What do you want me to do with your phone, Counselor?"

"I want you to look at the pictures on my phone, Liv. Look at them. Because just like always, you're reacting without knowing all the facts. I would think that as an officer of the law you'd have learned by now that the consequences can be deadly."

"I don't need to see pictures of you and your…your…lover."

"God dammit, Liv," she shouted at me as she came over and snatched the phone from me, quickly moving over the touchpad and bringing up her pictures.

I didn't bother to look at the pictures. I tossed her phone on the bunk I had been sleeping on and stormed down the stairs, leaving the door to bang against the wall in the crib.

No sooner had my feet hit the floor than she shouted down, "I was talking to my son, Liv! I have children!"

I froze. Every head in the office turned and looked up at her. Everyone except me. Off to my right I heard Fin say, "Now that's one mother I'd like to…"

I swung around and lit into him before he had a chance to finish. "If you ever want to be able to do that again, you won't finish that statement. Understand?"

He just nodded silently (and knowingly) as Munch grabbed him by the arm and led him away. "We've got a lead, partner. Let's go check it out."

I looked around to see Elliot looking down and studying a file on his desk. Other detectives began to go back to their work, filling the office with sounds of phones ringing, printers printing, and coffee percolating.

I slowly turned around and headed back up the stairs, brushing past her and back into the crib. I walked over to the bunk and picked up her phone. I turned my back to her and heard the door shut. Her heels echoed across the floor in my direction.

"That's Oliver. Oliver Benson. I call him Ben. He's adorable. Give his sister hell though. Would just as soon turn blue as be nice to her."

I moved my finger over the screen to the next picture. There was a blonde-haired, blue eyed carbon copy of the woman standing behind me.

"That's Allie. Lauren Alexandria. That's Ben's twin. Like you couldn't tell from looking at her. She's into everything. If I leave anything out that can be taken apart, she finds a way to do it. I don't know where she got that. "

I could hear the warmth in her voice as she talked about her kids. I kept flipping through the pictures, stopping at one with Alex, Ben, Allie and another child I noticed.

"You remember Antonio? He's still with me. He's twelve now. I don't know how I'd have managed without him. At first they wanted to put him with a family, but I argued and fought. And you know how convincing I can be." She slipped her arms around my waist and tucked her chin on my shoulder.

"They're beautiful, Al. I…why…how…."

"I'll answer all of your questions, Liv. I promise. Just…don't yell and don't call me a liar. I've never been anything but honest with you." She squeezed me tightly as I continued to thumb through the pictures, coming to a very old picture of me kissing her on her cheek.

"That's a horrible picture. Look at my hair. I had bed head," I pouted.

"And I had JBF hair. You don't hear me complaining," her lips fluttered over my neck and my knees almost gave way.

"I never once heard you complain about having JBF hair, Al." I turned around and handed her phone back to her. "You told your kids you'd be home soon. You should get going. It's late."

She bit her lip and was obviously struggling with something.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Come home with me. Well, not home with me. But in an hour or so, stop by? That'll give me a chance to get the kids settled into bed and then we can talk. I want to give you the answers you deserve…even if they are three years too late."

I ran my hand through my hair, struggling with the right decision.

She reached out and tucked some hair behind my ear, "And while you're there we can talk about getting you into see a stylist and getting a haircut."

All I could was nod shyly as she leaned forward to kiss my cheek and then scribbled her address on a card.

She went to hand it to me but I waved it off. "I, uh, know where you live, Al. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

As she disappeared down the stairs and out the swinging doors, I collapsed on the bed, giving voice to the thoughts in my head. "Alex is a mom. A real honest to goodness mom. Shit," I slapped my hand against my forehead. "That's why she didn't want me to be a part of her life. She thinks…she thinks I'd hurt them. That I'd be like my mom or my father."

I stood up and headed downstairs. I didn't speak to anyone as I grabbed my jacket and headed out for the evening. I heard Elliot calling me behind me as the elevator doors shut, but I didn't want to deal with him. The last thing I wanted was him playing big brother. I reached into my jacket and turned off my cell as I stepped out onto the sidewalk.

I hailed a cab and gave him the address of the seediest bar I frequented.