Disclaimer: I own nothing but the humor. Which I don't think will be very good, but it's my first try.

My first Isshin Story. Every chapter will be about coming across every captain on record in Karakura. Hehe. I'm so evil. They will be short chapters, but it will be a long story.

Isshin was just heading home from the grocery store. He was only a mile away from the clinic when he froze in total terror. It was Yamamoto. The head captain never came here. It just wasn't done, so why now?

"Dammit!" he hissed under his breath. He looked around; there were only a few people on the street right now, so he couldn't really blend in, now could he? Seeing an alley nearby, Isshin high-tailed it into the alley with his back pressed tight against the wall.

It had been a long time since he'd seen any of the captains. Hell, he still remembered Shinji when he was captain of squad five! He knew every single captain currently in the divisions right now. He'd trained them all as a guest at the Shinigami Academy. Now all hell was breaking loose.

Isshin strained his senses to locate Yamamoto's reiatsu. It was hidden, but not hidden enough. He sensed that he was walking near the alley he was currently occupying and decided it was time to get out of there. He ran further down the alley, but Yamamoto had already seen him. Well, he didn't really see who it was, but there's nothing more suspicious than a full grown man running down an alley with an overflowing bag of food.

"Stop running!" Isshin heard a gruff voice shout at him. He should have listened, but being as stupid as he could be, he kept going. Then he made the mistake of using flash step to get farther away.

"I order you to stop running, Ryoka!" Yamamoto shouted again. Isshin froze. Was he just called a ryoka?

Suddenly, Yamamoto was directly behind him only a foot away. Oh, this was very, very bad. See, Isshin had just disappeared from the Seireitei along with Urahara and Yoruichi. Only he had never been seen again.

"Identify yourself," Yamamoto ordered.

Isshin thought for a minute and what he thought of was just... "Uh...I'd rather not, thank you," he said in his horrible imitation of a woman's voice. He couldn't risk getting caught just by the sound of his voice. "If you don't mind," he began in the same voice, "I've got to get back to my kids now. Bye bye!" and made a dash for the exit, but was pulled back by the collar of his shirt.

Yamamoto turn Isshin to face him, but Isshin broke out of his grasp and began running to the clinic. Unfortunately for him, Yamamoto caught a glimps of his face.

"Isshin Shiba?!" he shouted. Then he send a hell butterfly to all captains in the Soul Society saying, "Isshin Shiba has been spotted in Karakura Town. All captains report to Karakura immediately."