Chapter 12: Decisions For Life

Having finished her autobiography, Jane spent much time in her husband's parlour. They talked almost constantly. It was as if they were trying to make up for all the conversations that had been lost because of Jane's absence. It was the third of September and they were currently discussing their children's education. Rochester had just suggested sending them to school.
"We cannot do that", Jane replied. „I won't allow it."
„But why not? Jacob and Eli are certainly old enough. We should have sent them to school a year ago. And Nathan can go too."
„You know how I think about schools, Edward."
Rochester sighed heavily. „Yes dear. But see, not all schools are like Lowood. Adèle went to school and you said her's was a good school."
She already regretted having said that. What she had meant was good compared to Lowood. That did not mean she approved of sending her children to school.
"But it is different with Adèle", Jane thus explained. "She was older and she was able to get by without her parents. Even you were gone most of the time after you had brought her to England. Jacob, Eli and Nathan have never been without us, Edward. They deserve to be with us as much as possible. I will not send them away."
Rochester, who had been leaning against his desk, sat down on a chair now facing Jane, who had taken a seat near the window, and leaned back.
"Very well", he said. "Then we will have to hire a governess."
"Certainly not!", Jane exclaimed. The look on her face revealed that she was downright appalled.
"But Jane! We do agree that our children need to be educated."
"Well yes. And I do teach them."
Rochester smiled charmingly. "Indeed. But you are pregnant, Jane. And the twins are not even a year old. It is too much for you."
„I can do it, Edward!", she insisted.
He nodded slowly. "I know you can. But you will forget your own well-being in the process. You need to take care of yourself."
Edward Rochester knew that his wife was the most selfless human being he had ever met and he knew her strength and determination. Yet, he also knew that, after all, she was only human.
"So then", he ended. "Just let me hire a governess."
"No, Edward; you are not to be trusted."
He gasped. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you tend to fall in love with your governesses."
This made him laugh, though, not very heartily.
"Ah! I see now. You are jealous. Do you really think…"
But ere he could finish the sentence, a knock on the door disrupted the discussion.
"What is it?", Rochester growled.
It was Mary. She had come to announce that Mrs. Blanche Notham had just arrived.
"Blanche?", Rochester asked in surprise. He had truly believed that she would not dare to come back, especially since her visit was already a few days overdue. Unsure as to what to expect, Rochester told Mary to send her in. And so, a moment later, a heavily pregnant Blanche stepped in.
"Mrs Notham!", Rochester said politely as he rose to greet her.
"Edward", she replied. "What a pleasure to see you again." This way she obviously excluded Jane, who had unmistakably been in conversation with her husband. Even Blanche must have noticed that.
"I suppose you know why I am come", Blanche added with a mischievous smile.
Rochester nodded exaggeratedly. "How could I forget."
A moment of uncomfortable silence passed.
"Very well"; Blanche eventually continued. "Then, I suggest you send your wife to go and get what's mine."
Blanche spoke in such a narcisstic tone that it made Jane feel sick. Yet, she did not say a word. She just sat and looked at the other woman. She did not feel hatred or jealousy anymore, she just pitied the poor child within Blanche. Would it be loved by its mother? Was Blanche even capable of loving anyone but herself?
"Jane", she heard her husband's voice and looked up at him. "Would you be so kind?"
She nodded, rose and left the room. Jane knew where he kept Warrener's letter and she knew this was what she was supposed to get. They had talked about it several times. Excitement rose within Jane as she re-entered Edward's parlour. Of course she hid her feelings and, with a serious expression on her face, handed him the letter. When Blanche saw the thin envelope, she looked confused.
"Are you sure this is all?", she addressed Edward, raising an eyebrow.
Rochester, however, just took the envelope and slowly began to open it.
"Believe me", he said before unfolding the letter. "It is more than you expect!"
Ere Blanche could react, he began to read the letter out loud, raising and lowering his voice dramatically.

Dear Blanche,

Of course I remember that summer eleven years ago. I remember the ball and you. How could I forget? You were wearing the most beautiful dress. Indeed, you were the most beautiful woman in the house; the most beautiful woman in the county even. I assure you that I have never forgotten the evening we spend together. I still cherish those moments and always will. In any case, you must not worry. I would never talk about this with any one but you. But say truly, are you sure that I am the child's father? I was sure that we were careful enough and, indeed, I have no use for a child. Much less can I care for one. I, therefore, must inform you that I will on no account be able to pay eleven thousand pounds. I simply cannot. I do not have the money, since (due to unfortunate circumstances) I have lost most of our fortune.
I have, however, pondered the situation and propose the following solution: Even though he can (after all you have told me) not be your son's father, I suggest that you write to Edward Fairfax Rochester. You both attended the party at Thornfield that summer and you mentioned that he seemed to be interested in you. He courted you, you said so yourself. I have heard that Rochester now lives in —shire and has, once more, made a considerable fortune. I therefore propose that you convince him of his responsibility towards the boy and demand those eleven thousand pounds that I understand you will need. Please send me word of your success. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely
G. Warrener

"You can tell him his little plan failed," Rochester remarked, folding the letter as patiently as he had unfolded it. He, then, put it back into the envelope just to hand it to his wife.
Blanche watched the scene with the utmost disgust. Her lips twitched nervously.
"What is this?", she finally managed to say. „Where did you get that?"
"I found it in your bed chamber," Jane answered, coolly.
Blanche's eyes began to glow dangerously.
"You did not!", she yelled. "That is impossible! It's a lie. All of it is, you despicable witch! You made that up. You laugh at me."
„No Blanche", Edward interfered, positioning himself between her and his wife. He would not let her get one step closer to Jane. Blanche, who had physically experienced this man's anger last time, stepped back.
„It is over", continued Rochester, calmly. "You gambled and you lost. And now I want you to leave my house and never come near my family again. Farewell Blanche!"

It was only a couple of days later that the Rochesters left for London to attend Adèle's wedding. They took almost the entire household with them. Travelling in two carriages were Edward and Jane, all of their children, as well as Mary and George. In addition they had to hire a young man as the second driver. Eventually, the carriages were occupied as follows: Jane and Edward shared their carriage with Charlotte and the twins. It was driven by George. Mary sat in the second carriage together with Jacob, Eli and Nathan. Their driver was the hired man. Clara and Pilot had stayed at Gavelkind due to the fact that they were both too old for such a long journey.
The journey was indeed long and tiring. Jane was already sleeping and Edward was about to fall asleep when Charlotte suddenly tapped his shoulder.
„Father", she said emphatically. Dazed, he lifted his head.
„Please tell me a story", she thus continued.
„Now?", he replied irritated.
„Yes." A compelling smile appeared on her face.
„But I'm exhausted."
„And I am bored", she pouted.
True. The journey must have been incredibly boring for the children, especially for Charlotte as she was the only child in this carriage─apart from the twins who weren't old enough to care.
„Well then", Edward announced. „A story."
The girl's eyes glowed with delight.
„Once upon a time there was a young...", he paused for a moment to come up with an animal. „Wolf", he then said. „A handsome young wolf. And as you know, wolves are pack animals. But this handsome young wolf did not like other wolves because they had treated him badly. So the wolf lived in a forest far away from all the other wolves. With him there were only some smaller animals. The wolf therefore was very lonely. All day long, he would roam the forest in search of prey and at night he would sit in a clearing and watch the stars. The sight was breathtaking; the innumerable twinkling stars formed a chaotic pattern of universal beauty that was unique to this spot.
But, you see, no matter how stunning the stars looked, watching them was of no use if he could not share the experience with anyone else. It just made him feel even more lonely.
One day, when the wolf was roaming the forest again, he saw a little bird sitting in a tree. It was a beautiful bird─very colourful. He wanted to capture the bird because he thought it would probably taste delicious and he expected it to be easy prey. So he hid and waited. But then the bird began to sing and you should have heard it─such a wonderful sound. The wolf was captivated immediately. In fact he was so captivated, he forgot that he wanted to capture the bird. Instead, he just sat there and listened. He listened for a very long time. And when the stars came out that night, he did not even notice them because compared to that marvellous bird's song, the stars were dull and vacuous..."
Rochester stopped. Coming from Charlotte was a low snoring sound. She had fallen asleep. Her little face looked like that of a porcelain doll. She was such a beautiful child. Edward smiled, took off his coat and covered her with it.
„I liked your story", he heard his wife's voice. He turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were open.
„I thought you were sleeping", he said.
„I am a little surprised the wolf wanted to eat the bird", Jane went on, ignoring his comment.

The wedding was a thorough success. Edward and Jane had arrived a day earlier to help with the final preparations. But there hadn't really been much to do for them since Mr. Baily's family had been busy making arrangements and taking care of everything already.
They were very good people which even Edward had to admit. They were diligent and polite and modest.
The priest Adèle and Baily had chosen was a Frenchman who spoke with a heavy accent. Jane had enjoyed listening to him, both because of his accent and because of the wonderful sermon he had delivered. After the ceremony, she exchanged a few words with him in French, before she joined the other wedding guests in front of the church. Most of the guests belonged to Baily's family. There were only a couple of Adèle's friends with their mothers who belonged to the gentry. Jane soon recognized one of them as Mrs. Howard.
„Do I know you?", Mrs. Howard asked as she noticed Jane's look.
„I believe we have met before", replied Jane.
A pause.
„Lord Faulkner's Christmas ball and party", she added carefully.
Now the other woman seemed to remember. „Ah, of course. Are you come alone?"
„With my husband", Jane explained.
„Your husband", Mrs. Howard murmured. Her expression revealed her disapproval. „Indeed, I remember him."
Another pause.
„I am accompanying my daughter", Mrs. Howard then announced. „She is friends with the bride. But to say the truth, I do not understand why. There are almost no ladies and gentlemen here. I understand the groom is a watchmaker. I was told that the bride has a rather peculiar family. It is very confusing. I wish we hadn't come."
Jane nodded sympathetically but said nothing.
„Well", Mrs. Howard continued. „What caused you to be here?"
„I belong to the bride's family", Jane briefly explained. This was the only conversation they had that day. When they all had breakfast at the bride's home, Mrs. Howard took care not to sit near the Rochesters. Jane did not mind. She was happy to converse with Baily's mother.
While the wedding day itself was a warm and sunny day, the days that followed were rainy and much cooler. This was unfortunate because the Rochesters had decided to stay in London for some days to show their children around. Jane occupied a window-seat in the small breakfast-room, holding a book which she read to Charlotte. The little girl sat cross-legged on a chair in front of her mother and listened attentively to Gulliver's Travels. This book they had again and again perused with delight. Charlotte considered it a narrative of facts, and discovered in it a vein of interest deeper than what she found in fairy tales: for as to the elves, having sought them in vain among foxglove leaves and bells, under mushrooms and beneath the ground-ivy mantling old wall-nooks, she had at length made up her mind to the sad truth, that they were all gone out of England to some savage country where the woods were wilder and thicker, and the population more scant; whereas, Lilliput and Brobdignag being, in her creed, solid parts of the earth's surface, she doubted not that she might one day, by taking a long voyage, see with her own eyes the little fields, houses, and trees, the diminutive people, the tiny cows, sheep, and birds of the one realm; and the corn-fields forest-high, the mighty mastiffs, the monster cats, the tower-like men and women, of the other.
While Jane was reading, she could hear the boys playing in the adjoining drawing-room whence, a moment later, they came running in and chased each other across the room. Adèle and Baily who were playing cards at the table, involuntarily got involved in the boys' game when Nathan tried to hide under the table and almost pulled down the tablecoth. And even though the rain pattered heavily against the window panes that were protecting, but not separating her from the drear September day, Jane did not care to study the aspect of that bleak afternoon. Instead, she enjoyed the scene that presented itself to her inside.
Originally she had planned to take the children for a walk and they had been wandering, indeed, in a nearby park an hour in the morning; but since dinner the cool wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and rain so penetrating, that further outdoor exercise was now out of the question. In short, there was no possibility of taking a walk that day.

The End