Author's notes: A series of humor drabbles about Zack and the group. Contains Crisis Core characters (Kunsel, Cissnei, Angeal, Genesis, Hollander) and locations but no spoilers.

REVISED

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

Is it dead?

Zack walked through the hallway with his hands inside the pockets of his trousers, whistling some random music he heard the rookies singing. After he turned a corner, he poked his head through Sephiroth's office, surprised to hear his silver-haired friend humming affectionately. As always, the general's office was impecably clean, his desk, floor and shelves glittering, his papers carefully fillled on the top of his desk, the regular gourmet sandwich wrapped in foil and waiting to be eaten at lunch.

"Hey, Sephy. How're you doing today?"

The general's eyes glanced towards the man. "I have a told you a thousand times not to call me-"

"Sephy?" Zack asked, cocking his head to the side.

"…Yes. That horrendous nickname you decided to give me long ago."

"You remember the circumstances Sephy…-roth."

"Indeed, but I'd rather forget that Chocobo costume."

Zack laughed and stepped into his friend's office. The general immediately backed, protecting something, circling it with his arms. Zack raised an eyebreow. When he entered the office a few moments ago he didn't notice that his friend was holding something in his lap. "What are you doing, Sephiroth?"

The older man looked at him with a fierce gaze. And in the blink of an eye, the mask fell and Sephiroth's expression shifted into hopelessness. "Promise me you won't laugh."

"I won't." Zack darkly chuckled watching Sephiroth's skittish look, as he carefully unfolded his arms around the object in his lap and placed it on the top of the desk, with a loud bump! and a couple of drops of water landing on his immaculate written reports.

It was a round and polished…aquarium. A little castle stood above a thick amount of sand and little colored pebbles adorned the container. Swimming inside was a monochromatic…redfish. Its eyes revolved forwards and backwards as he insanely found his way through the seaweeds stuck beneath the small stones.

"You're hiding a fish…?" Zack asked, amused as he watched the creature swimming in circles.

"The Shin-Ra staff doesn't let pets inside the headquarters" the general said. "Close the door, they may see us."

Zack did as he was told and sat again in the chair in front of his companion's desk. Supported on his elbow, he look at the little ecosphere and. Then, he closed his eyes.

"Look at the fish, Seph. It's so free and reckless. He couldn't care less about the world we live in; his worries merely focus on the food you give him and the number of dropping per day. Life would be so much easier like that…"

"Life would be much easier if you just thought about the poop you make?" asked Sephiroth amusedly. He slowly reached for a non-tagged can. "I am going to feed him".

Without opening his eyes, Zack listened to the sound of the little pieces of food falling to the surface and the water being revolved as the fish tried to reach out for the food. "Where did you get the fish, Sephiroth?"

"Well, I found it on the sink in the men's bathroom."

"WHAAT?"

"Actually, I stole it from a rookie that left it in the sink because its aquarium broke. So I took it in one of Hojo's bizarre organ containers. That boy was getting on my nerves, singing in the toilet as I was trying in vain to wash my hands."

"And then a bond captured both of your hearts…yours and the fish's."

Sephiroth smiled ironically. "Yes, Zack, I actually found my soul mate. Be calm, my furiously beating heart."

The black-haired ignored the joke and focused on the aquarium. "Sephiroth…what's the fish doing?"

"I guess he's sleeping."

Zack's other eye flashed open. "He's not sleeping, Seph!"

"He is not-"

The boy grabbed the aquarium and shook it a couple of times. After a while, he said "I think you killed your fish, Seph. What did he eat?"

"Well, plain Chocobo meat." Sephiroth simply answered as he poked the floating fish with his gloved hand. "Is it dead?"

"You fed him Chocobo meat! Fish don't eat meat, Sephiroth!"

"They don't? They must have exquisite taste buds, then."

Zack slapped his forehead with his hand "Try to revive him, Seph."

The general looked puzzled."How?"

"You know that stuff, you're the general, the materia-master. Do as it as you wish."

"Revive materia mostly works on human beings. I will not use Revive on a fish."

"Well, find a way."

The general scratched his head and after a while, he lowered his hands to the border of his desk and concentrated.

There was a loud bang! and everything went black. Paper irrupted from the mountains of paperwork and started to fly. The office's clean and immaculate walls turned black and the carpet started fuming beneath their feet. Coughing, Zack waved his hands in a try to dissipate the smoke, but the only thing he accomplished was slapping Sephiroth's face and hear him roll down the chair and on to the floor.

Miraculously, the door opened, and the black smoke exited to the corridor. Angeal stood at the door frame, eyes wide opened. His gaze turned to Sephiroth, spread on the floor, to Zack, which hair was more spiky and black than ever.

"Seph, what did you use on the fish?" asked Zack, coughing between words.

The man shrugged and rose like the stick of a broom. "Bolt3"

"What? You used a master Bolt3 on a fish on the water! Are you trying to kill yourself? And me too?

"Sephiroth" called Angeal calmly, grabbing the better bits of conversation he could "You know that water and lightning aren't a very good couple, don't you?"

"Well, when people go to the hospital and are paralysed, they put those things on their chest, scream "clear out" and then they send electrical charges through the body."

"Yes, Sephiroth, but those people are not in a bowl."

The general frowned. "…Whatever".

"Look at the fish!" Zack exclaimed, looking at the aquarium. A blackish object floated in the water "The fish is toasted! If you didn't kill yourself and me, at least you did a great job on killing the fish!"

Silence rose. Sephiroth's eyes focused on Angeal's and Zack's. The room turned into a fridge, so cold that Zack started to shiver. It seemed like the general was about to burst and kill the two SOLDIER's, engulfing all of the world in his rage.

But then, after a moment, he spoke again, proceeding to the door.

"Screw yourselves."

Author's notes: I would like to continue this series if the reviews and comments are good, even if they lack of substance or constructive criticism. Open to suggestions and requests.

~Irith