Smiles

"How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!" -5.2 As You Like It, Shakespeare

He's sitting with his friends lazily, leaning back into a tree and the leaves swing in the the wind. He's relaxed. Calm. Most of all, happy. They chatter excitedly, probably about summer and parties. Not a care in the world.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" he murmurs. Everyone agrees with pleasant smiles. He sits back, still calm, still happy, still musing

Suddenly, he sits up straight. He hurried to his feet with wide, alert eyes. Then he smiles. Smiles wider than anything I've ever known. A smile that shows all his teeth, dazzling in the light. A smile soaked in happiness.

"Lily!" He waves frantically. She smiles back, eyes crinkled. They embrace like they haven't seen each other in years. My heart leaps, reminding me of things I can never have.

They start talking. Just casual stuff. Nothing serious or sentimental. His friends exchange looks and smiles. They think it's adorable.

His eyes won't stop shining. The radiant glow of one who has earned that one thing he's ever hungered for. Every part of his body screams out in joy, every gesture he makes is one of eagerness. And his smiles! It's still on his face and won't disappear or weaken. My heart tugs at the sight. Everything tastes bitter when I watch the two, laughing and talking.

James Potter, one who doesn't and won't ever deserve Lily, is the one who has his arms wrapped around her lovely shoulders. All my dreams are stolen. All that's left is me hiding behind a tree, spying.

He's still smiling, all that smiling.

I want to pull away, but I can't. The smile's still there and I'm glued. That's the smile I should be smiling. That's how I would be winking and laughing if I was in that spot next to Lily, my arms around her.

I can't swallow the bitterness. I tear myself away from the smiles and scold myself. Never-never again, I think, am I ever going to be the one watching.

Maybe I just wasn't meant to smile, to be happy, to hold someone in my arms. No matter. That is not my life. What smiles are there in the depth of the Dark Magic circle? What smiles in power? What smiles on the face of my Dark Lord?

No matter. I allow myself no last glance. No matter. No smiles.