The last of the Loss and Gain series. Enjoy and don't forget to review.

Note: Benevolence, you are a HYPOCRITE. You keep harassing me to update—well here are two!! Where the Hell is your update?!?! –sigh- Oh, and, thanks for BETAing this. Anywho… Onward!

"Speech"

/Flash back/

Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; its characters, or settings. I merely manipulate said elements for my own entertainment as well as the enjoyment of others. This is the only place you'll see this thing so please remember it.

"I give you my love, but you don't care.

What is right? What is wrong?

Give me your side…"

What is Love?—Haddaway

--What is Love?--

Eyes: deceptively wide for an almost innocent look; they darkened and narrowed with desire.

Lips: full and sensuous. Just begging to be kissed; with a tendency of curving into a smirk.

Fingers: slim and knowing; able to heat flesh with a mere brush. They played the body like a finely tuned instrument.

Hair: waves of purple that ran through your fingers like silk. She had grown it out at Kurenai's insistence.

And the body of a goddess—slim, toned, and wrapped in smooth, pale flesh.

How long had it been since Anko, owner of the aforementioned features, had been here—been home?

Kurenai shut crimson eyes, drawing in a shaky breath.

This was stupid.

Anko had been a part of the ANBU for a month now because, no matter how much she loved Kurenai, her first and foremost priority was to bring about the end of her former mentor—Orochimaru.

Of course, it was against the rules for the woman to share the fact that she was part of the Hokage's elite group of assassins, but she trusted Kurenai. So the older woman was left to sit and worry, regardless of how she reminded herself not to.

Times were tough; a slew of rogue ninjas had arose and the forest that usually provided the village with some seclusion from the outside world had become a ring of danger, forcing civilians to remain within its borders. On top of it all Orochimaru's new village, Otogakure, was prospering—ninja that were loyal to the man kept up a steady stream of crimes that forced the Hokage to send ANBU out to assist other villages.

Despite the fact that she knew her lover was out there fighting for the good of the village, the rookie Jounin couldn't shake the feeling of neglect that rose every time the purplette left. She knew it was selfish, but… Anko was never there and the scant moments she was, she didn't have time to do more than give Kurenai a quick squeeze before pulling her mask back into place and blazing off again.

It wasn't that she wanted physical attention—ok, she did (they hadn't had sex in quite a while now…), but that wasn't all of it. What she wanted was the woman she had fallen for; the woman who rendered her breathless and made her feel safe. Who kissed her and made her laugh and made her heart warm with affection.

She just wanted Anko to be there.

Hence, this—this fight—was stupid. So very stupid.

It had started a day ago and, still, Kurenai felt terrible—as though part of her was missing.

/"I'm home." The purplette's voice was dull, muffled behind the pale mask (the porcelain molded into the regal visage of a wolf) she wore.

As always, Kurenai was happy to see her, embracing her lover and welcoming her warmly.

Anko didn't even seem to register her presence; she stalked past Kurenai and collapsed into a chair, setting the mask on the table and dragging a hand through her hair.

The brunette bit her lip. "What's wrong?"

That brought a sigh. "The mission didn't go too well… One of the guys on my team died, four were critically injured, and Orochimaru got away. "

She slammed her fist down on the table with a frustrated sound and Kurenai came to her, fully intending to be comforting as she embraced the younger female.

It was a shock when Anko pulled away from her.

"Sorry, Kure, I'm not in the mood."

Then, she was gone, disappearing into their bedroom.

The rookie Jounin knew that her lover was upset—with good reason—so, she gave her space. It was hours before she saw Anko again, and it was only because she was retiring to bed.

The purplette was facing the wall opposite the doorway, —still dressed in the normal ANBU manner: black and gray armor and arm guard, minus the black cloak— side rising and falling with each breath. She wasn't asleep however; her dark eyes were glazed as they stared at nothing in particular.

"… Hey."

Those eyes, cold and uninterested, flicked to her. "What?"

Ugh. If she kept biting her lip, she was going to break the skin.

"Are you ok? If you want to talk about it, I'm—"

"I'm fine, Kurenai. Please, just leave me alone."

Ok. The woman had been gone for almost two weeks and now she was acting as though she wanted nothing to do with her. Needless to say, Kurenai's temper flared.

"Fine," she snapped, tone more hurt than angry. /

That was how she had ended up here, with Tsunade in the village's hospital. Her tears had swayed the busty blonde woman into allowing her to stay the night on a couch in the office that the Hokage herself resided in more often than she did her own home.

Tsunade had recaptured Kakashi; the silver-haired ninja was happy to have someone to talk to. He had been confined to a bed, his room small and neat. On the nightstand, easily within his reach, was a pile of the man's literature collection; Icha Icha Paradise, what else?

"How are things?" the man was asking, dark eye fixed on Kurenai.

She sighed. "Could be better. But that's life, right?"

His expression made it clear he didn't fall for the laugh she forced out. "Trouble with Anko?"

Curse the "copycat ninja" for being so perceptive! He has been the first in the village to guess about the Jounins' relationship.

"Yeah… she's just so cold, Kakashi."

"Well, considering her job, she's encouraged to be cold. You could even say she's expected to be." She could tell the man was smiling behind the blue cloth over his mouth and nose.

She shrugged helplessly. "I know, but—"Gods, she hated how needy she sounded.

"But she just doesn't seem like herself," the senior ninja completed.

Kurenai was, needless to say, surprised. It must have shown on her face because Kakashi chuckled. "I was a part of the ANBU too, you know. And I've seen it happen to a few of my friends. We as 'normal' ninja aren't suppose to know who hides behind which mask, but it happens. And when it does… well, you're experiencing it now. Anyone who is part of the ANBU is guaranteed to withdraw from the world; years of secrecy—forced or otherwise—and mistrust of the world will do that to you."

Crimson orbs squeezed shut and the woman felt the consoling weight of a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure the two of you will be fine," Kakashi said softly. "You love each other, never forget that."

She couldn't resist leaning forward and hugging the man, drawing a pained grunt ("Oh, sorry!") from him as she accidentally hit a rib that hadn't quite healed yet. "Thank you, Kakashi. I'm going home now."

The copycat ninja stared after the Jounin for some time before Tsunade entered the room.

"Kurenai left. She looked happier," the blonde observed, remaining in the doorway. "And you'll be able to leave soon as well."

Kakashi nodded, "Thank you, Hokage-sama."

She snorted. "Oh, now you're being amicable? I had to have several ANBU in here to make sure you stayed put! Nice try, Hatake, what do you want?"

--x--

The rookie Jounin's steps were slow as she walked home, her mind elsewhere. Though Kakashi's words comforted her, doubt settled like a pit in her stomach. What if she isn't home? I haven't seen her in a day so she has probably been called off somewhere again.

Taking a right, the female followed the dirt path to Anko's apartment building (they had moved in together); went up four flights of stairs and down a narrow hallway.

No one answered when she tried the knocker, so the woman closed her eyes, executed a few hand-signs and was inside a second later, a cloud of smoke announcing her arrival.

Gone. "Of course."

"'Of course' what?" A voice, husky with sleep, asked.

Kurenai jumped as Anko emerged from their bedroom, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She was still in her uniform, not a hair out of place.

And, for the life of her, the crimson-eyed Jounin had no idea what to say.

She was saved by Anko. "Listen, Kurenai, I'm sorry about yesterday. I was kind of upset about what happened with Orochimaru, but I had no right to take it out on you."

Part of her wanted to end this right here—to hug Anko, accept her apology and move on.

But a bigger part of her hung on to what Kakashi had said. Who knew when Anko would come home tense, upset, and cold again? Who knew when Anko would become something other than the woman she had fallen for?

She needed to end this.

But how?

Kurenai took a deep breath. "Anko—"

The younger woman moved forward and hugged her senior, "I knew you'd understand, Kure. Let's forget anything ever happened and—"

"ANKO."

She paused midsentence, making eye contact with her lover. Chocolate toned orbs still held a glazed, apathetic look that made Kurenai's heart sink.

"Listen, Anko. I really think that maybe you should take some time off."—she took another breath—"Or maybe just leave the ANBU altogether. I know it's a huge honour, but—"

"'Leave'?" Her tone was incredulous, as though Kurenai had just suggested that she tear off her own arm. "Kurenai, this is the only way I can be certain that I'll at least see Orochimaru die—"

"And maybe die yourself!"

"Psh. I'll be fine! I always come back."

"And what about the one time you don't, hmm? Then what am I suppose to do?"

Cutting each other off—since when did they do that? Or even argue for that matter?

Their voices were rising, the tension between the two threatening to snap.

"Do you think I can't handle myself?"

She should have known by Anko's stance and the narrowing of dark eyes that the younger Jounin was about to say something cruel. She should have known that now was the time to allow the woman to cool off. As it was, she just snapped, "No. I just think you believing that you're indestructible is foolish. Ninja who are better than you have been killed by Orochimaru—"

"I'm not Asuma, Kurenai." Her tone was like ice, her words sharp as a katana.

And the look of hurt on her lover's face made her regret her words instantly.

When she reached out, Kurenai flinched away, her expression hardening into the kind of stoniness only years of being a ninja could teach. "How… how could you?"

Crimson and chocolate met for all of three seconds before an alarm wailed, indicating that the members of the ANBU were needed.

Reflexively, Anko pulled her mask from where it had been clipped to her belt and was already half-covering her face. "Kure—"

"Just go."

The older woman's tone alone was enough to propel her towards the door.

A month later…

It wasn't that Kurenai didn't care that Anko was still missing.

She did.

It was just… She had other things to do.

If Anko was going to be a cold-hearted bitch, fine. She was a-ok on her own and planned to keep it that way.

At first, thoughts of the purplette made her heart skip a beat yet, at the same time, her stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably as did the mention of her name. Now, the sensations had dulled and, whenever thoughts or memories arose, the warmth that she had once felt had dyed to a mere spark.

Was she falling out of love with the special Jounin?

Was that even possible?

She had been so certain the night after the purplette had made love to her that she was in love. Had that been a mistake in her judgment? Had she rushed into things simply because of physical attraction?

"Hinata, she's close; be careful!"

Kurenai smiled from her perch in the tree tops. It was a sultry summer day and the woman had decided to train her students.

What better way to learn than to do?

She leaped forward just as Kiba came barreling towards her, landing in a tree nearby; using the trajectory from her leap, she swung from the branches above and flipped, evading a punch-combo from Shino. Mid-twist, she kicked at the violet-beige blur that was Hinata, effectively cutting off her blow.

Kurenai's hands came together, but before she could make any hand signs, the shy girl was attacking again, Byakugan in full effect.

She's gotten faster.

It took all of Kurenai's concentration to evade the attacks of her pupils. The result was a pleasant sort of calm within her that totally disregarded the sweat that caused her dark hair to stick to her face and the way her breath came out in short bursts.

Her students were in worse condition despite the fact that it was three on one in their favor.

Drawing from the pouch on her thigh a shuriken, she went on the offensive.

After almost half an hour of non-stop movement, Kiba managed to snag Kurenai; his fist had been only half curled so that his sharp nails grazed the woman's cheek and split the flesh open.

Instantly, everyone went still.

Dark, iris-less eyes widened. "Sorry, Kurenai-sensei! I didn't mean to—"

She laughed—a light, carefree sound—and wiped off the warm fluid that ran down her face with the back of her hand. "Relax, Kiba. That was a good hit. You're all getting better." She looked at him, "You've gotten stronger and a bit better at thinking before you move."

He grinned.

"You've gotten faster, Shino."

The boy nodded, expressionless.

"And you, Hinata—" The girl flushed and looked down at her feet. "—Have you been working with your Byakugan?" When she received a nod, the older woman smiled widely. "It shows! Not only are you getting faster—your perception is better. I'm very proud of you all.

At this point, the Jounin's students were covered in sweat and muck. No one other than Kurenai, however, had sustained any cuts.

"How about we go back and get some food? On me, of course."

Moments later, they had all cleaned up and were seated in Ichiraku Ramen; Kiba slurping down noodles as quickly as he could while Hinata and Shino ate at a safer pace. It wasn't very busy, surprisingly enough, so all four patrons could sit at the bar.

Kurenai herself merely ordered water and sipped it gratefully as she watched her students laugh (in Shino's case, it was more of a barely audible chuckle) easily together.

/Anko was practically howling with laughter, clutching her sides even as her lover glared. "C'mon, Kure, you can't say you didn't find that funny!"

"Actually, I can. You just dismantled that entire section of my classroom!"

"Ah, speaking of which, we might want to get out of here before Tsu—"

"ANKO MITARASHI!!" /

She shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts; a smile curved her lips. They've really come far…

From outside came the 'tak, tak' of geta sandals as they crossed over a hard surface, followed by excited voices.

"The ANBU!" someone yelled. "They're back!"

Anko! The thought cameunbidden and Kurenai's traitorous heart sped up. She forced herself to remain seated, however.

Kami, this was confusing.

Did she care about Anko or not? Her heart and her mind disagreed completely, the former wanting nothing but the Jounin and the latter wanting to avoid pain at any costs.

With Anko came hurtful words and cold gazes, sprinkled with the occasional acknowledgement that she existed and maybe even mattered.

Without Anko, there was loneliness, yes, but she felt lonely even with her. Without having someone that close to her, life would be made that much simpler. And there was always the peace of mind that came with knowing she didn't really need the younger Jounin.

/"I love you, Anko."

The smile she received was warm, loving.

"I love you too, Kure-chan. Let me show you how much, hnn?"

She leaned in, lips pressing to the older Jounin's. /

Or did she?

Kurenai was beginning to understand what love-struck teens meant when they said they couldn't get their crushes out of their minds; unless she was actively a part of something that required concentration, her thoughts would wander back to the purplette. Even when she did manage to pull her mind away for all of five minutes, it would never fail to drift back.

She turned to her students, smiling pleasantly. "Let's go see, shall we?"

Outside, Kohona's main road was surrounded on both sides by villagers, the majority of which who were young children (most likely hoping to catch a glimpse of the powerful people they wished to be like someday) and women around Kurenai's age, awaiting their loved one's return.

The rookie Jounin and her students watched as, suddenly, a group of ninja clad in black (one—the leader—was white), hooded robes and porcelain masks appeared at the entrance of the village and began a calm walk down the dirt road. Their footsteps made no noise and the masked faces stared straight ahead as though oblivious to their onlookers.

There were eight in all, each with a grim, serious air around them—angels of death, Kurenai found herself musing—that caused even the youngest of the gathered children to become silent.

Crimson eyes scanned the procession; noticed that one wolf-masked individual was missing. Her heart raced again for an entirely different reason.

Perhaps Anko was just late?

/"Anko—"

"Sorry, Kurenai, I've got to go. Don't want to be late."

She snorted, thinking her lover was kidding. Since when did Mitarashi Anko care if she was late for something? The female worked on her own time.

"C'mon, Anko, I thought we were going to spend some time together."

"Sorry…" Then the mask was pulled back into place. /

That was improbable—being part of the ANBU had changed the woman who couldn't care less about rules and deadlines into someone who followed the 'straight and narrow'; someone who was always punctual and ready for work.

What the Hell?!

"Kurenai-sensei?" It was Hinata. The girl had shaken off her shyness for worry. "Are you all right?"

Right. None of the kids knew Anko was in the ANBU. They did know that she and Kurenai were lovers, however. The trio had faced her nervousness with grins—well, Kiba did. Hinata smiled shyly and Shino quirked his lips—and calmly told her that they were happy as long as she was.

That had filled her with relief and happiness—she really should have expected it though. They were all great kids.

Swallowing the unreasonable panic that rose in her throat, Kurenai shook her head. She was proud to say her voice remained steady though she knew her intuitive students could see through the weak smile she gave them. "I'm fine, Hinata. Training is over for today; I'll see you guys tomorrow, ok?"

Without waiting for them to answer, the brunette was running vertically up the side of one of the homes that lined the street, leaping to the next roof once her sandal-clad feet hit a horizontal surface.

She had to find Tsunade.

--End Chapter--