Chapter 1: Fake Smiles

Deep Breath... Calm down... Just a dream....

I was laying in my tiny bed shaking and soaked through with sweat even though the window was thrown wide open, letting in a bone chilling breeze. I would always open my window at night, after Charlie had gone to bed. I know I shouldn't hope... it's sick really. It's been weeks and weeks and he has not made any contact whatsoever. The automatic tears that always flow when ever his name is mentioned, or thought of, or even if something little reminds me of him, threatened to fall, so I quickly got out from under all my piled on blankets and took a shower to help clam down.

Standing under the scalding water, I tried not to think to much, but to no avail. Today was Saturday, so no school. The weekends were the worst days. I have almost nothing to occupy myself and by the time Monday gets here, I am almost out of my mind.

After I was done I began to clean my room. I re-organized my books and CDs. I picked up all my dirty clothes and did a load of laundry. I started breakfast and coffee for Charlie and made him something to take with him out on his boat while he was fishing today. Around seven Charlie came down. He thanked me for the food and sat down to enjoy his favorite breakfast of eggs with ham and cheese, and toast with jelly. He was such an easy man to please. I never understood why my Mom hated it here so much. Charlie was easy enough to get along with. He really loves us...

Charlie broke into my train of thoughts with a question.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No. Just coffee today."

He still looked concerned and like he was about to say something again so I said, "I'll eat something here in a bit." I threw in my Fake Smile to try to help a little.

"Alright. Well, just so you know, Jacob Black is coming over today to do some work on your truck for me. The kid could use the extra cash and I thought you might like some company. I hate thinking of you here alone all day."

"Dad, you don't need to do that." I was trying not to let my anger show, but it was hard. "I can take care of my self."

"Didn't say that you couldn't. Just said you might use some company. He will be here around noon, so make enough lunch for him, if you don't mind." And with that, he stood and grabbed his bag of lunch, kissed the top of my head and said a quick 'thanks' and was gone. I listened to his cruiser pull out and drive until I could no longer make out the sound.

For the rest of the morning I tried my best to keep my hands occupied. After cleaning every room I sat on the porch swing with my bag of knitting. Once, a few years ago, my Mom and I took a knitting class. We only went to about three meetings but I picked it up really fast and actually enjoyed it. I was working on a scarf for no one in particular right now. I was just using some black yarn I had left over from a sweater for Charlie and not really paying attention to much other than the music coming out of my stereo and the needles and stitches in front of me when a hand came down on my shoulder out of nowhere. I jumped visibly and let out a loud scream as I looked up into the laughing face of Jacob Black.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" he continued to laugh at me. "Man, you jumped, like, a mile in the air!"

"Yeah, ha-ha." I said sarcastically.

"Well, um... I'm supposed to do some work on your truck..."

I interrupted him. "Actually, I already had a mechanic look at it, Charlie didn't know I already had it taken care of. Sorry."

"Oh really? And who did you go to?"

"Oh someone down at Dowling's" I lied.

"Yeah right. Like Charlie would pay those prices. I think I'll go and check to make sure they did everything right. I re-built that old thing, you know!" He winked at me and walked off to my truck. Apparently Charlie had told him I'd try to run him off. Since when did he know me so well?

I watched curiously as Jacob pulled his Rabbit next to mine and started dragging out different tools he would need. After almost an hour of watching him fiddle around and become almost covered in oil and grease stains, I decided he might could use some food and drink, so I went and made us some sandwiches and got two bottles of water. I sat it up on the table outside and walked over to him.

He was leaning over at the waist into the hood of the truck. I couldn't see his head, but I had a good view of his butt. I began to feel the heat in my cheeks despite the cold air and I called his name.

"Jacob, I made some lunch."

He lunged forward a little at the sound of my voice and smacked his head on something. He raised himself out rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand and said, "Oww, don't sneak up on people!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him. I guess this is what was so funny when he scared me earlier. "Hey, paybacks, remember?" I almost couldn't wipe the silly smile off my face as we went up on the porch and he shredded off his jacket.

"Do you want to eat inside?" it had to be almost freezing out here, but thankfully it wasn't raining at the moment.

"Nah, I never get cold. I run hot. Aren't you cold?"

"No, I'm used to it." That's all it took. The word 'cold' was spoken and I immediately thought of Edward. Marble, stone hard, cold, Edward. I could almost feel myself slipping back into my depression that I had managed to escape for a few minutes. Pain ripped though my chest and I gulped, trying to force myself to suck in the air. I could feel my hands shaking. I buried them in my hoodie pocket and clutched them to my stomach as a wave of nausea hit me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the table trying to calm down.

I could see his face. His beautiful golden eyes. His perfect jaw line. His soft hair I wanted to wrap my hands in and the lips that I wanted to kiss so badly. Great, now here come the tears...

I was brought back to earth to someone saying my name. I froze. I completely forgot Jacob was even here, I was so caught up in my panic attack.

"Bella, are you alright? Shh, it's okay. Come here." He scooped me up before I could even take a breath to protest with and managed to open the door and plant me on the sofa in just a few seconds. He brought me my water, and I gratefully took a sip. He handed me a tissue and I dried my eyes, now feeling embarrassed about my breakdown and because someone else was having to take care of me. He sat beside me and rubbed my back and talked softly.

"You know Bella, you really need to get the oil changed on that hunk of junk if you expect it to last much longer. You know, I will do it for you for free any time. Just swing by the rez or gimmie a call. Okay?" He was trying to distract me and, surprisingly, it was working.

"Yeah, I kinda have been neglecting that, haven't I." Just like I've been neglecting everyone else... I finished inwardly. I couldn't look him yet so I took another sip for something to do. He was still rubbing my back, and even though I felt a little awkward, it felt good too. I couldn't remember the last time someone touched me like that.

Oh, wait, yes I could... Edward used to rub me to help me fall to sleep when he would hum my lullaby. And now it was happening again. Tightness. Hard to breathe. Shaking. I felt Jacob pull me close and wrap his arms around me, and I just let go. I buried my face into his chest and cried until I couldn't anymore. Jacob rocked me slightly and rubbed my back and shoulders, even my hair, trying to console me. After a bit, I could control myself and pulled away, but he didn't let go of me. Part of me wanted to run away and tell him not to touch me, and the other half, the weaker half, wanted this small form of comfort. So I let him hold me, even though I knew it was wrong. After some more time, he cleared his throat and I sat all the way up off of him.

"I need to finish putting your truck back together, but I can stay here with you, if you want me to."

"No, I'm fine. I'm sorry you had to see this... I am such a mess." I covered my face with my hands in shame. He gently tugged my hands away and looked me in the eyes. He had a sweet little smile on his face and he reached up and wiped away a rouge tear.

"Bella, you are going through a hard time, its understandable. Don't worry about it! I'm here for ya, kid!"

"Who are you calling kid, I'm older then you!" I said, trying not to sound indignant.

"Yeah, but I am bigger then you, so that counts for something."

"Pfft." I scoffed. "I could take you down any day, Jacob Black, and make you sorry!"

"Is that a threat, or a promise?" he said with an evil grin.

Suddenly, I was being tickled half to death. He poked me under my arms and wiggled his fingers under my chin and counted half my ribs before I could try to fight him off through a fit of giggles. I retaliated with a quick but firm pinch of his Pecs and had the pleasure of hearing him roar like lion before pulling my hands off.

"Oh, you asked for it, little girl."

"Little girl?!" I gasped. He must have saw the determination in my eyes because he was about to flee before a grabbed his waist and pulled him down to the floor with me on top. I sat up and pressed my thumbs into the hollow spot at his hips and tried to hold on as he almost cried with laughter and tried to buck me off. He finally got my hands and I couldn't get free. He yanked me down to his chest and practically growled in my ear between breaths, "That... tickles..." We were still laughing and barely able to breath when I looked down at him and he looked up at me. He was still holding my wrists together with one hand and he slightly pulled me forward at the same time he wrapped his other arm around my neck and brought my lips to his, even though he was the one trying to kiss me.

I let him, and was suddenly confused. I had never kissed lips like Jacobs. These lips were not hard and cold, but soft and warm. They moved with mine instead of molding them. There were rough patches of stubble on his chin and it kind of tickled mine. He opened his mouth and bit onto my bottom lip and pulled it in to his mouth. I involuntarily moaned out loud, and the sound seemed to act like a trigger in my head. My heart started pounding and I feel a rush of heat flood through my veins. Jacob deepened the kiss and I felt my heart rate speed up even more. I had never been kissed like this before...

Suddenly, somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard Edward say my name. "Bella..." It was so soft, I almost missed it, but I could never forget the sound of his crisp clear, bell like voice.

My eyes flew open and I sat up quickly, which turned out to be a mistake. I sat back and right on top of Jacob's raging hard on. He grunted loudly and pushed his hips up and I was almost lifted off the floor by the strength of his thrust.

"Jacob..." I panted, my head still spinning from the kiss and confusion as to why I was suddenly hearing voices. But my words were silenced with a gasp when I was flipped onto the floor with Jacob's crushing weight on top of my body and his lips on mine again. I lost myself in Jacobs arms for a moment and then it happened again. "Oh, my Bella..."

My eyes popped opened again and I tried to push Jacob off but to no avail. I wrenched my face from him and shouted his name.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Bella... So sorry...." he jumped up and ran out the door.

I didn't stop to see where he went I just ran upstairs and threw up what little I had in my stomach. I felt like I had just cheated on Edward. I can't believe I let that happen!

As I splashed some cold water on my face, I pondered what had happened. Was I losing it, really? I wanted to talk to someone about it, but who? I couldn't tell Charlie... I could just imagine trying to explain that while Jacob was kissing me I started hearing my Ex boyfriend's voice in my head. He would probably have me locked up in a mental institution. Did I need to be locked up? The thought alone sent chills up my spine. No, I could not tell Charlie.

I could call Angela, but it would be the first time since before Edward... I couldn't finish the thought even in my head....

I sat on my bed and couldn't understand how I had become so isolated. I knew it was my fault for never returning their phone calls and repeatedly refusing to go out anywhere with anyone. I had just never realized that I had completely shut myself off until right now. Jacob was really the first human contact I've had out side of school and Charlie. I could still count on my Mom, but she was worried about me enough as it is and would most defiantly tell Charlie. No, can't talk to her either.

I heard a door slam outside and saw Charlie walking up the sidewalk. Time to push this all the back of my mind and put on a happy face. I'll just tell him that Jacob needed a part and would come finish tomorrow. I had no idea if he was coming back, but I could deal with that later. I took one last look in the mirror and tried on my Fake Smile. It did not look convincing. Oh well. I wonder what Charlie wants for dinner?

A/N: Big thanks and shout out to my newly acquired beta , keelhaulrose, for being brave enough to attack this monster with me. You rock! Let it be noted this story is under construction and still in progress, so old readers bare with me and new readers enjoy and let me know what you think. ;-)

~Jessica