What in the Ward?!

Written from my pov…trust me you'll like it! I don't think there will be any lemons in this, but hopefully laughs! Lol.

This is going to start with regular, plain old, SM's Edward. Hopefully you'll know who each Edward is, if not I'll be citing them in order at the end and what fic they came from. I am simply borrowing ALL of these characters for my own sick sadistic pleasure, no harm is meant by this, hopefully everyone, including the original authors of these -wards will appreciate this!

One Bella pops up, instead of an Edward, but hopefully you'll know who she is.

Oh also, yes my real name is Jessica.

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It was just a typical afternoon, I had just gotten home from work and was anxiously awaiting FF to load. Suddenly everything went dark, and I groaned realizing the power was out. The battery on my laptop allowed my computer to stay on, but I realized the internet was down after twenty minutes of a fruitless attempt to connect. Fuck. What was I going to do now? Oh that's right…fantasy time.

Edward came through my window, and I giggled as he stood before me. I could never tire of his gorgeous features, and his crooked smile stared back at me as he waited by the window. I rushed to him, and in an instant my lips were pressed to his frozen marble lips.

His hands ran up my arms, and I felt giddy that he was already becoming physical with me, in any way. As if reading my thoughts (oh yea fuck, he can read my thoughts) he stopped.

"We can't do this," he said, as he stepped away from, "I have morals Jessica."

"Edward, this is my fantasy!!! How can you tell me no?!" I yelled angrily at him, and he tried to grin at me again which only pissed me off even more.

"Jessica, come on, we can just cuddle."

I laughed at him then, "Cuddle?! Right, I just bring you in my fantasies to cuddle. Grow up Edward, you're over 100!"

"You don't have to be mean," he said as he crossed his arms, forming his lips into a pout.

"Seriously, Edward just go home. I'll go call Darkward or something."

His eyes flashed with anger at the mention of Dark Edward, and I smiled internally. An angry fantasy of Edward was still a good fantasy.

"You will not call that…that…delinquent," he spat out causing me to roll my eyes. I really was getting annoyed with Edward now, and Darkward was sounding more and more tempting by the second.

"He's not a delinquent, he's just misunderstood!" I yelled, as I stomped the phone, punching in his number. Edward just gaped at me as he watched me complete my call. "See you in a little bit," I finished before placing the phone down.

"Now really Edward, scram. I need to compensate for this horrible beginning of my fantasy somehow."

He only scowled at me, but continued to stand in the same place. It wasn't long before I heard a knock on the door and I giddily skipped to answer it. Darkward stood before me beautiful as ever in his leather jacket as he ran his fingers through his messy hair. I noticed the dark circles under his eyes were nearly gone of which I was glad.

"Been sleeping with Bella lately?" I asked, not really caring either way.

"You know that shit means nothing to me baby, I just do it for the fucking sleep," I laughed at him. We both knew it was a lie, but for my fantasy it'd work.

"Edward's probably still here," I informed him, so he wouldn't be surprised as Edward walked out at the sound of his name.

"More like fucking Prudeward if you ask me," Darkward mumbled under his breath, but I still heard so I knew Edward had to.

I stared wide eyed at them as they seemed more engrossed in staring one another down then me. What the hell, this was still my fantasy, couldn't anything go right today? Suddenly there was another knock on the door, and both men continued to stare one another down as I shoved through the two of them.

"Ohhh, don't everyone jump at once, I'll get it."

Upon swinging the door open, my eyebrows lifted in surprise. Maybe this wasn't going to turn out so bad anyway. Geekward stood before me, looking nervous as I gaped at him openly. Yep, he really was still attractive in person.

"I'm uh…here to fix your computer…," he began, causing me to bite my lip. Why was this beginning to sound like the beginning of a bad porn movie?

"Is this a bad time?" he questioned as he looked around me at the other two Edwards in their stare down competition.

"No, no," I insisted, ushering him inside, "come on in."

But despite any hopes I had of something happening between me and any -ward they were suddenly squashed when the other two were immediately all eyes on Geekward.

"Jessica what the fuck is this?" Darkward asked, as he eyed Geekward up and down.

"Seriously, who finds this guy attractive?" Edward said as he crinkled his forehead in distaste.

"Oh shut up, half the time he's hotter then you guys!" I yelled in anger, although what I said wasn't entirely true. I really couldn't decide between one Edward or the other, they were all hot in their own way.

"Dude, seriously though. How the fuck do you get chicks? I mean I fucking read your fanfic, and your Bella is a sorority sister. A fucking sorority sister! You must have a huge dick to be hitting that!" Darkward said, and I flopped on the couch as I turned the television on, pissed that I was being completely ignored now but nobody seemed to care.

"Well uh, we've never actually…um…" Geekward stammered as he blushed profusely.

"What?! Seriously, you're wearing a star wars t-shirt, you made Bella play D&D with you, and you've never even tapped that?! Licked it, sucked it, fingered it, touched it?" Darkward was so crude sometimes. I swear if it weren't for Bella just a sentence from him would almost be more explicit then a porno.

"Oh come on, like it's so hard to believe. Just because we don't all wear a leather jacket and fuck Stanley doesn't mean Bella's don't like us," Edward cut in, defending Geekward.

I was sick of the squabble as I walked over to my phone, hitting the first button on my speed dial.

"Hey gorgeous," a seductive voice drawled to me over the line and I smiled. Well even if I have to pay for sex in my own fantasy, so be it. I knew it would be worth it.

"Redward, baby I need you," I purred into the phone, and he promised quickly that he would be over in a flash.

In a few minutes he sauntered through the door as if he owned the place. He stopped in his tracks as he watched all the other -wards talking to one another.

"What the fuck? Is Dr. Bella here? Am I in another session? Cause I swear I don't have multiple personality disorder or whatever! I told Bella I didn't write or suggest any of you!"

I frowned at his assessment of the situation. This really just wasn't working today as the -wards began to cut into Redward.

"So it must be awesome to have sex for money?" Geekward threw in quickly, but obviously shy.

"Seriously? Have you read the whole fic? Have you read about Raven?" Redward asked as he stared in astonishment at Geekward.

"No, I just started," he admitted, and Redward shook his head.

"Well keep reading, trust me it's not all glamour and sex," he said before shuddering.

"You're Bella's a fucking sex kitten though," Darkward said, sounding congratulatory, " at least your Bella doesn't ever use the damn safe word."

"Edward Cullen!" Bella yelled as the door flew open. Great, now Bella was here. I squinted trying to find some discerning trait that would show who this Bella belonged to.

"What?" they all chorused in unison, each one seeming nervous.

"It's Wednesday and I waited in the rare book collection all day for you! You're never late!" She yelled as we all furrowed our brows.

"Bella, you have it wrong…" I began, but she cut me off, as she seemingly flew off the handle.

"And what are you doing with this hussy?! I thought you said after that last time that you were never going to dominate her again, whether she wanted you in her fantasy or not!"

All of the other Edward's turned to me then, and it was my turn to blush.

"Bella," I spoke through clenched teeth, "Domward isn't here."

She stopped as she blinked once, looking around at all of the -wards.

"Oh," she answered timidly, her eyes immediately trained on the floor.

"Isabella!" we heard in the distance, as Bella's eyes shot up in worry.

"I have to go, Domward's going to be mad…and well…you saw the spanking scene." she answered, as we all nodded our heads, "It fucking hurts," she murmured, as she hurried out the door, slamming it behind her.

"She's hot," Edward mumbled, to all of our surprise as we turned to look at him, "what, I've read the fic! I mean come on, I wish Bella would seduce me on my piano."

"You're too prude, you'd probably push her off you if she tried," Geekward said.

"Oh, you're one to talk!" he shouted, sounding angered.

"Hey, I never pushed Bella off, I'd fuck her if she asked," he said, suddenly growing bold.

There was a knock at the door, and I wondered who the hell it could be now. My house was turning into a regular three ring circus.

Just as I was about to open the door, the door to my room was pushed open as my eyes opened in a flash.

"Dreaming about Edward's again?" my boyfriend asked, as he crawled into my bed next to me.

"Yes, but they were being particularly difficult today…I guess you'll have to do."

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Edward - Twilight by Stephenie Meyer{the original guy obviously}

Darkward - Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003

Geekward - Resident Geek by cdunbar

Redward - The Red Line by WinndSinger {which was recently finished, check it out it's amazing}

Domward - The Submissive, The Dominant and soon The Training by Tara Sue Me

I thought about putting in the Edward from the Office too, but this would really turn into a circus if any more Edwards or Bella's showed up. Thought this up one day at work…who knows, I might think up a different one later.