"Something has changed, and yet something did not. Somehow, Love became neither."
Obsolete Change
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A Nate River Oneshot
-Death Note-
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By:
Arsenous Elation
Song:
Boston Drama: Typecast
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Last Modified on:
04.15.10
"Mitsuki…"
"What can you say—"
"—She's so pretty—"
"Miss Amano, how—"
Standard pick-up lines that seems to wreck your bones
Nate Rivers watched the large screen—which showed a live newsfeed from Boston—with his clear and penetrating eyes.
Flashes. Clamors. Multitudes. Miles.
The young woman walked towards the sedan, her silhouette barely recognizable among the tumult of people. But Near could clearly make her out moving through the crowd, a smile on her lips. Because amidst the flashes of the cameras; the clamors of the reporters; the multitudes of audiences; and the miles that separate them in reality, Mitsuki Amano was the only who really stood out.
Neither because she was the first Asian Odette, nor because she was the one whom audiences and media men fell over for—but because she had been the old 'Mimi' Near had known.
That old smile, raven-black hair, sparkling green eyes…
The camera view caught the full face of Mitsuki, showing a radiant smile just before she disappeared in the vehicle.
Near realized as the newsfeed ended, that somehow, something had changed. He felt that her smile was not only for him anymore.
Can this be a sequel of my dying hope?
Voices. Bustling. Music. Silence.
The new L, sitting on a large swivel chair, spun around and around—the images whirring around him in blurs of lines. The voices, the bustling, the music, the silence all sounded the same to him: he was sure only Mimi's unheard voice was going to be different. Only Mimi's voice must be nostalgic.
"Japanese Odette flies back to Japan."
"Swan Lake a hit—Amano receiving astounding reviews."
"Mitsuki Amano to be married?"
On and on Near spun, until the chair slowed down and came to a stop. His eyes focused on a small screen showing tonight's Boston premiere of Swan Lake. A white clad ballerina twirled around, a familiar charming grin on—Mitsuki Amano. In another screen somewhere, a woman's loud voice overcame the music, making it seem that the Japanese Odette was dancing in the flow of words.
"Miss Amano, everybody was shocked when a Japanese ballerina played Odette in Swan Lake, how do you feel about this achievement?"
"I am very honored and happy of course. It's a rare chance that someone like me could partake in a prestigious event."
"But Miss Mitsuki, for the audiences' sake, who or what is your inspiration?"
A silence entailed the question. Everyone was waiting. Even Nate.
"…Well, there's a lot…but I'd say it has been near all the while."
Chasing down a never-ending make-believe
The whole world might have perceived her referring to her current romantic partner, or something that has been in Mitsuki's possession for a long time. Nobody read the underlying message underneath the statement, except maybe for Near.
The white-haired man stared at the screen, breathing shallowly. His mouth was dry, but he was able to speak, even if his heart was almost jumping towards his throat.
"Mitsuki."
But you're a perfect match for consistency
Her name opened the floodgate of Nate's memories.
The swing they sat on, side by side; the snow which nipped at their skin; and the fish-shaped cookies Mitsuki used to deliver at Wammy's for him…
Will you come back in a heartbeat?
A day before Mitsuki left for Boston all those years ago, she had asked Nate to walk in the park. It was snowing that day.
Quietly they walked, side by side, looking anywhere but at each other.
"Um…Near?" asked Mitsuki, bowing her head so that her black mane covered her face.
Near had stopped walking and half-turned to her, his eyes boring into her hidden face, "What?"
"I..um…well…" Mitsuki stuttered, "I have…um…I—uh…like you…"
Mitsuki met his gaze, hopeful. Near fully turned to her and said—
Don't be confused of what a great thing we could be.
They were walking, on the same park, on a similar snowy day.
But they weren't walking side by side anymore; Near was ahead of Mistuki by several feet walking lazily as the other hopped and jumped along.
Near noticed this, so he stopped and turned to the raven-haired girl behind him; Mitsuki was spinning around, head up in the air laughing, meeting the snowflakes falling from the sky.
Near walked towards Mitsuki, who immediately stopped and smiled up at him. The boy also stopped, several inches away—
We'll take a walk on the same street
Nate could not remember what he did/say at the two intervals. Why did it matter anyways? What were done/said were not important anymore. Meaningless: the past was gone and irreversible.
But nonetheless, he wanted to know.
Did he deny her? Did he desist to wipe off the snow off her face? It was hard to tell.
Or did he acknowledge her feelings or wiped the snow off? It was hard to tell.
And Near had to find out
after his walk to the century-old park where he and Mimi used to walk, that is.
Can you tell how Boston is like without me?
Mitsuki stepped on the Japanese soil and got mobbed almost immediately.
Flashes. Clamors. Multitudes. Miles.
The camera flashes blinded her; the clamors of reporters deafened her; the multitudes of fans suffocated her; and who she wanted to see was miles away…
Fame is not a soothing companion when something you care for is lost.
Nevertheless, she smiled, waved and spoke. Even if Fame is so, she still pleased it—not a good companion, but a good mask from seeing eyes.
Your image is stamp beneath the insides of my heart
"Miss Amano, where should we head?" asked the chaperon, glancing at the woman seated at the passenger seat of the limousine.
"The Crescent Park, please…"
Mitsuki looked out, seeing the sights she had not seen for more than a decade. A lot of things had changed; numerous sky-scrapers jotting out on random places, highways and flyovers, disappearance of old infrastructures…and for the first time in her stay in Japan, Mitsuki felt estranged and lost. It seemed that Japan was a whole new place that she's coming home.
Just then, a familiar name rang in her mind. "Wammy's…"
"Ma'am?"
Mitsuki turned to the driver, shrugging it off, "Nothing."
Mello, Matt, Watari… Near. No calls, visits, cards, letters, emails…
Ever since she had left, no other form of communication with her friends was imminent. It was like her childhood was all dreamt up. Left behind in a suitcase hastily.
At least the Crescent Park was still there, even if everything and everyone else are gone from her life.
Now you're gone I don't know where to start
Near walked slowly on the old trail , in his usual white pajamas; He didn't bother to dress properly. Nobody came to the Crescent Park anymore.
Everything was unkempt: the grass untended; the benches rotting; and the trees housing different kinds of species.
Near contemplated, using the park as a memory tool to remember what he said or did during the two last memories he could recount of Mimi.
Assumptions, opinions, facts, deductions…every single thing he makes about the matter doesn't seem to make any sense. It was like Mimi was a whole new level and subject that he did not have any background or knowledge about—even if he's Near, the new L.
The evidence is showing like a stable apprehension
It was snowing.
Mitsuki looked up at sky as soon as she was out of the vehicle. She had arrived in the park at last, and by all chances, it was snowing!
She then turned to the park's general direction and let her jaw drop. The Crescent Park was decaying and looked obsolete. Sighing, the woman trudged toward the lonely place—the snowfall taking her full attention.
"Hey, at least there's snow…" Mitsuki whispered to herself, trying console her crestfallen expectations.
When she entered, she was even more disappointed; the park looked like trash. Nonetheless she continued, but soon her childhood instincts kicked in and Mitsuki started to walked backwards, head up towards the snowfall.
But you're the only one who's apt for this affection
Near inhaled deeply; his conjectures were biased and immature, not to mention downright unintelligent. It was his memory, and yet he cannot remember.
And in a spur of unmindful motion, Near spun around and walked backwards—imitating a certain girl from his childhood and looked up at the sky.
Maybe acting like Mitsuki will bring some kind of answer.
This affection
For awhile, both Mitsuki and Nate walked backwards; lost in their own thoughts. The snow, the park…it was like they were reliving memories with the surviving mementos in the present.
Of course, experiencing distant memories again is difficult; especially when the one whom they want to remember it with is not by their sides.
On and on, step by step they walked back. Until both unconsciously ended up the same trail, heading for each others' backs.
Step by step, inch by inch they neared...
Then as the space between their backs closed, their shoulders touched—starling both out of their reverie.
Will you come back in a heartbeat?
It was Mitsuki who turned first, seeing the white-haired boy—now a man—she used to visit.
"N-Nate?!" she gasped, turning to face the other.
He had grown way taller, his eyes smaller and more defined, but the white component of his hair and clothing was still the same.
Her heart raced and somehow, ever since she left Japan, she felt like she was home. Home with Near.
Don't be confused of what a great thing we could be
Nate almost cried out in happiness and relief; Mimi was here, in front of him.
After so many long years, she has returned. And he felt glad, not knowing why.
He felt reassured yet unnerved. Thankful yet ungrateful. Happy yet lonely. Complete yet incomplete.
Without any forethought, Near grabbed Mitsuki's warm hand with his cold one and pulled her to walk with him, slowing down after she had obliged to walk on her own volition.
We'll take a walk on the same street
Quietly they walked, side by side, looking anywhere but at each other, just like the old times.
But the present is not the same anymore, for Mitsuki was not the same and so is Near. The past is gone, yet here they are walking in the same park; with the same companion; and at the same time of the year just like before.
"Um… You have changed…a lot." Mitsuki swallowed, mentally slapping herself immediately after saying such lame words.
No response.
"Or maybe not…" retracted the woman, embarrassed.
At this Nate spoke, "A lot has changed in here, as you can see, Mimi." He stated, matter-of-factly.
"Oh! Um… okay…"
"But you clearly did not."
Mitsuki stopped and looked at the one who just spoke; Near was saying this because…?
Near stopped too and faced Mitsuki. "Mimi, tell me, can you remember the day before you left for Boston when we were young?"
Can you tell me how Boston is like without me?
Heart thudding, Mitsuki prepared herself to answer but in a split second, her phone rang; it was her chaperon alerting her. It was time to go.
"I have to go, Nate." she uttered, heading for the park's exit where her—
A hand held her back. Near was holding her back.
"Mimi, tell me, what was my response to your declaration that day—just before you left." Near commanded, not asked. "And when we were walking home once—you were twirling in the snow; what did I say?"
Mitsuki pulled her hand back and faced Near, a bitter smile on her face. She started to walk backwards as she thought of answers.
"Well, in the first question, you said you didn't feel the same way." She turned her back on him, the smile vanishing.
She continued to walk towards the exit. Revisiting was not a good thing at all, isn't it?
"And for the second question…you told me to stop." With that said, Mitsuki disappeared, leaving Near alone.
So he did desist her after all.
The night wore on, just as Mitsuki and Nate realized: things are still the same, yet, not. Near still called Mitsuki 'Mimi', while Mitsuki called him by his real name, not 'Near'.
Mitsuki has moved on; by accepting a proposal from her romantic partner one month later, while Near still watched her from his many screens—never getting tired of watching her dance…and her smile.