Disclaimer- I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT

PREVIOUSLY.............

"Hmm... I usually just ignore her anyway" I shrugged, earning a tut of disapproval from Carlisle. I turned to him but Josh beat me to it.

"Just wait till you meet her" He told him with a sigh. Josh had lived with Joyce most of his life. Poor sod.

"I'm going to wake up the kids, okay?" He said as he backed out the door.

"Sorry, I have to-" I began but Esme hushed me and waved me on.

I pulled a face, but walked to the kitchen. They were going to see breakfast, it may be amusing for them but I would never hear the end of it.

Well, I suppose if I was going to live with them, oatmeal would be the least of my problems.

NOW........

Bella's Perspective

They all followed me as I walked into the kitchen, frowning as I saw the boiling milk, rushing to transfer it onto another ring and tut to myself. How did Josh ever cook decent meals for these kids?

As I left the milk for while I popped some bread into the toaster, humming a little to myself.

I was slightly engrossed in what I was doing, and nearly squealed as I felt a tug on my trousers. Once I had relaxed a moment later, I smiled down at a rather tired looking Tom, smiling up at me.

I crouched down as he hugged me, rubbing his eyes a little as he yawned.

"Breakfasts nearly ready, go sit down" I said gently as he nodded, shuffling off and sitting down with a plop.

Children started to emerge, most just walking past me. But there always has to be one...

"Bewwa! Bewwa! Bewwa!" I could hear Claire's voice from upstairs, getting louder until she got the the kitchen, spotting me and running at me. I laughed a little, stepping away from the cooker so I wouldn't hurt her, picking her up and swinging her around as she squealed and laughed.

"Hello Claire Bear, have a nice sleep?" I asked as I held her on my hip, her fingers twirling my hair as her big brown eyes twinkled with innocence. How could anyone not want Claire?

"Yep. Did Josh burn the bwekfass again?" She asked, sending the most adorable glare over to him.

"He did, but I fixed it for you" I kissed her cheek as I set her down again, watching her skip to her seat. I shook my head as I handed the bowls of oatmeal to Josh.

"I didn't ruin it did I?" He asked guiltily.

"You just nearly burned the house down, but no harm done" I smirked as he did, knowing what was coming.

"What can I say? I'm hot stuff. It's not my fault you can't handle the heat" He chuckled as he dodged out of the reach as I made to slap him lightly. He laughed as he handed some of the kids their breakfast, me turning to spread the jam on the toast.

I sighed, preparing myself. With the plate of toast and jam in my hand, I spared an apprehensive glance at Josh, both of us nodding as we sat down with the kids, making sure to grab something for ourselves.

I spotted the Cullen's smiling, the smiles soon turning into frowns as they saw our cautious attitude. They would understand soon enough.

It began as Tom wanted my attention, patting my bare arm with his hand. He was unfortunately eating oatmeal, somehow getting it on his hands and transferring it to my arm. I still smiled as I listened to him talking about his dog.

I looked up for a moment, smirking as I saw Josh. He had somehow managed to get jam smeared down one side of his face, and I spotted a glob of oatmeal in his hair.

I ducked my head quickly, paying attention to the kids again, all talking and laughing with each other. I was shocked out of the conversation I was currently having with Kayla as I felt something hit my cheek.

I looked up, glaring at Josh, waving a jam stained spoon at me, the jar of jam in front of him as he smirked. All the kids went silent before bursting out laughing at me. I reached up and swiped away the lump of strawberry jam, dropping it on the table.

I got up silently, smirking as I went to the fridge, sending the Cullen's a small mischievous smile before grabbing the can of whipped cream, standing up and turning around, shaking it in my hand.

"You'd better get running Josh" I warned as I kicked the fridge door closed. I watched the smirk fall as he shot up from his seat, looking for ways out, but I was standing near the doorway to the back yard.

Smirking again, I took off the lid and walked up to him, watching him back up, grabbing the jam jar and spoon, getting a spoonful and holding it threateningly. I laughed as I squirted him the whipped cream, getting it all over his hair and neck. He gasped dramatically before flicking the spoonful of jam at me, hitting me in the chest.

And then began the war.

He somehow got passed me, running into the back garden as I chased after him.

"Look after the kids!" I called to the Cullen's as I ran outside.

Neither of us could stop laughing as we splattered each other with the foods, only stopping as we ran out. We ended up laid on the grass, panting and laughing and covered in jam and whipped cream.

"Damn!" He said suddenly, sitting up straight and holding his hand out, pulling me up too.

"Joyce" He said as he jogged inside, me close on his heels. Though I doubt even Joyce could ruin my mood today. Josh pausing behind the door letting me catch up with him as we both remained hidden from view.

"Is Joyce here?" He whispered to someone. He must have got some answer as he breathed a sigh of relief, walking into the room. I followed after him, not able to get the smile from my face as Josh wiped some whipped cream from the end of his nose.

The kids all laughed, as did the Cullen's.

"Aw, it was only a bit of fun" Josh said as I huffed, rubbing the whipped cream into my hair as he pretended to be comforting.

"Yeah, fun" I retorted as I scraped a handful of the white food from my leg and gently tapped his cheek with it.

We calmed down, not wanting to start another war too soon, not when Joyce could walk in at any point. After Josh herded the kids into the room, cleaning up a little but still a mess, he handed me my tablets.

"You didn't have them yesterday. I'm not sure what I should do..." He scratched the back of his head worriedly.

"Don't worry about it, I wouldn't have been able to keep down anyway" I shrugged as I swallowed the pill, Josh disappearing into the other room to watch over the kids.

"Well, that was the most entertaining breakfast I have ever seen" Emmett laughed as I turned to face them, seeing all the smirking Cullen's looking me up and down. I smirked.

"Now you understand" I motioned to my messy clothes, all of them nodding with understanding, Alice with a wrinkled nose. I grimaced as I blew a stiff piece of hair from my face. I needed a shower. The jam was sticky, feeling horrible against my skin, while the whipped cream was turning watery.

"Bella, you wanna go for a shower first...." I turned as I heard his voice, watching as he paused to look me up and down "On second thoughts, you can go first, you need it more than me" He smirked as I rolled my eyes at him. I turned back around as he disappeared, frowning a little before walking over and grabbing Alice's sleeve.

"Come on. I know you've been dieing to do my wardrobe. No pun intended by the way" I added as Jasper laughed, Alice squealing as she bounced along beside me. We walked out of the kitchen, the door closing with a click behind us. I couldn't help but feel bad for leaving them behind as we walked.

"You can all come too, but there won't be much to do in my room" I called as I stood at the bottom of the stairs, peeking around and seeing the kitchen door swinging open immediately. I chuckled to myself as I let go of Alice, unable to walk with her as she vibrated.

I walked into my room with a slight skip, standing to the side and motioning to the wardrobe and dresser. With one final squeal she dived in, all of us watching with slight amusement, and my apprehension as she sifted through everything. I began to second guess my decision just as she stood up again, the sparkle in her eye that had been void up til now.

"Here" She held out some clothes and I didn't even look at them. I had missed Alice's spark, her bubbliness and her shere power to make anyone smile. The person I had spoken to a few days ago was Alice, but this was my best friend and sister. And it was because of this that I didn't have to force my smile as I thanked her and skipped out of the room and to the bathroom.

After a thorough hair wash and body scrub later, I stepped out of the shower wrapping a fluffy towel around me and taking a rather cautious poke at the clothes I had dumped on the closed toilet seat. Now that my hands were free from stickiness, I could actually see what she chose. Did I want to?

It wasn't too bad I suppose.

She chose the jeans Josh bought that I had deemed too tight for anything, and I could only if I was in a hurry to change. All I would need to do was bend over and they would rip. The shirt made up for my mortification though. It was long, well long enough to cover my butt, hiding the fact that it looked huge in these jeans. It was nice and baggy, with a high neck line.

I had my suspicions that that part was for Joyce. I knew she would never approve of the jeans, and adding a plunging neckline into the equation would get me yelled at, something I had managed to avoid up til now.

It was with a only with remembering how much I loved Alice, and a huge sigh I managed to get into the jeans, letting out a huge breath as I relaxed a little. I slipped on the shirt after wrapping my hair in a towel. Sometimes I wish I had shorter hair, just so it wouldn't be so wild and annoying at times like this.

The mirror squeaked as I wiped away the condensation, taking a sad look at my appearance. I looked tired, thin and pale, but I looked happy. More happy than I had seen myself since.... well since before. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, trying my best to look at least some part respectable and presentable.

I grimaced when I realised that was out of the window. They saw me sleeping, me wake up and afterwards. My darkest time.

I walked out of the bathroom, throwing the clothes into the washing basket on the landing, knowing I would be doing a lot of washing tommorow. I took the towel from around my hair as I walked into my room, finding my surrounding blocked by the thick brown curls around my face. See what I mean about my hair being annoying?

"Bella if you cut your hair, I will take you on a two month shopping spree!" Alice threatened and I scowled. Where was she?

Sighing, I flicked my head down and then up again, making it whip to the back of my head and clear my vision. Ah, now I could see.

Alice stood in front of me, hands on hips and that trademark pout on her lips and I rolled my eyes. I would never cut my hair unless I had to. I secretly liked my hair.

I walked passed her and to my little mirror, grimacing once more at the mess of hair on my head. With all the knots and tangles, this was going to take quite a while to get through. It was with deep apprehension that I picked up my brush.

"Jeez Bella, it's only brushing your hair" I saw Jasper sit down on my bed, rolling his eyes at me.

"No, this is going to be torture. You have no idea how many knots this head now holds" I pointed at him with my brush in the mirror as he held up his hands in surrender. Stupid vampires and their knot free hair.

Thus began to torture.

They all winced as I assaulted my hair, Alice eventually rushing over and taking the brush from me. She was lucky my scalp didn't bleed. She is a ruthless little demon. Still, she wasted no time, and it was done pretty quickly. I breathed a sigh of relief as she handed me the brush back, looking at all the hair caught in the bristles. I'm surprised I'm not bald.

"I had no idea how long your hair was!" Rose exclaimed as it hung down my back, still damp, the wet weighing the curls down so it hung straight.

"Bella! Are you done yet or what?" Josh yelled, sounding like he was still downstairs.

I took a deep breath, turning to the door "Yeah, it's all yours now!" I yelled.

I offered a sorry to the others, remembering their sensitive hearing. They all smiled and shrugged it off. I heard several bangs, a thud and a click, and the shower being turned on. Josh was in the shower then.

I skipped towards the door happily, grabbing hold of Edward's hand again silently looking for the spark. It was there, as I knew it would be. I smiled even wider as he let me pull him out the door and down the stairs, the others laughing as they trailed behind.

"Okay..." I waited until the others had caught up "Behind this door is a group of kids who are messy and loud. This is your last chance to run" I smiled jokingly as they rolled their eyes.

"Don't say I didn't warn you" I smirked, still holding Edward's hand as I opened the door, the laughing and yelling children quieting a little upon our entry.

"Saxon, put that glue down!" I berated as I saw him up-ending it and squeezing, seemingly not aware that he was doing it as he was staring at me with wide eyes. How did they get this? It was in the top cupboard!

I let go of Edward's hand, quickly making my way through the children, skillfully dodging them until I reached him. I plucked it from his grip gently, grabbing the pots of glitter as I spotted them, hastily shutting them in the crafts cupboard again, making sure the latch was across this time.

I turned around as he ran off to play with someone else. I sighed, motioning for the Cullen's to sit down on the sofa's. For some reason, it was the oen thing the kids didn't play on. They were only used when they watched T.V, which wasn't often because of Joyce, or when we read to them.

I watched with amusement as they made their way through the groups of kids, looking like they were concentrating extra hard. They sat down with a sigh, looking at me as I shook my head at them. They were only kids!

I plopped down between Esme and Jasper as they scooted up.

"How can three people look after so many kids?" Esme asked as she looked around.

I shrugged "They aren't that bad, they don't take that much looking after" I looked around and I was right. Most were well behaved, of course some had the odd temper tantrum, and we had a couple of kids who cried when they didn't get what they wanted.

I began counting the kids and coming up one short. I looked around the room again, noting the shut door. There couldn't be one missing, they couldn't have gotten out.

"How many kids do you count?" I asked rather panicked as I turned to Jasper.

"Twenty four. Why?" He asked as I stood up, looking around again.

"There should be twenty five" I said, turning around in a circle, trying to find the missing person. I ticked off names in my head as I saw the children, and I realised which one was missing.

"Callum" I whispered, my eyes immediately going to the only unoccupied sofa in the corner. I quickly made my way over there, crouching down and peeking through the little gap between the wall and the sofa. There he was. His red shirt and jeans were all scrunched up as he pulled his legs up to his chin, tears splashing down his shirt.

"Callum?" I asked, making him look up at me. For some reason, this made his tears fall even harder.

"Come on out?" I asked gently. He seemed to hesitate before shaking his head at me. I sighed as I sat down on the floor, determined to get the bottom of this. I had only seen Callum cry twice. The first was my first morning here, the second was a few days later. This had to be something important to him.

"Remember what we said to each other our first day? That we'd look after each other?" I asked, and he frowned before nodding slightly.

"Let me look after you" I smiled kindly. He seemed to think about it before sniffing, crawling towards me. I backed up a little, remaining on the floor as he emerged, immediately throwing his tiny arms around my neck as far as he could reach and crying on my shoulder.

I held him to me as I stood up, walking back over to the sofa's and sat down again between Jasper and Esme. The children carried around us, the ignorance and blissful innocence of childhood.

"Hey, come on" I shushed him as he began sobbing, his grip never loosening from my neck. What could have gotten him in such a state?

"What's wrong?" I asked, rubbing his back softly as he sniffed, blinking slowly as he looked up at me.

"Are you going to die?" He asked, more tears spilling down his rosy cheeks, but he didn't look away. I shifted uncomfortably. How the hell do I answer that?

"Not for a really really long time" I squeezed his slightly but he remained watching me.

"Callum, I'm not going anywhere" I wiped away a stray tear as he blinked again.

"But you were sick... and mummy was sick.... and she died.... and now I'm here...." His bottom lip trembled as he cried silently, still watching me. I felt my own eyes prick with tears but pushed them away. That must have been the second time he cried. Why hadn't anyone told me about this?

"I was sick, but I'm all better now" I whispered as he hugged me again.

"But mummy didn't get better" He sobbed and I sighed.

"Sometimes people get sicker than other people Callum, and sometimes people can't get better" I stroked his hair, hoping I wasn't making him even worse.

"Mummy didn't look sick, she still took me to the park and bought be ice cream" He frowned at me. I guess the kids had picked up on my less-than-healthy look too. Great.

"Well then she must have been really brave and strong, doing that to protect you" I hugged him as he thought about it.

"I wish I was that strong" He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffing.

"You are. Can you remember what you promised me when I first got here. I was scared too, and you promised to look after me" I poked his nose as he smiled lightly. Kids.

"Promise you aren't going to die?" He asked one last time.

"I promise" I said solemnly. He seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding.

"Are you going to go and play?" I asked, pointing to Tom who was colouring. He simply shook his head and sat in my lap, playing with the ends of my damp hair.

He jumped off after about three minutes, going and sitting with some girls.

"You're good with kids" Jasper commented and I simply nodded to myself.

I was jolted from my mind by a small hand on my knee. I focused again to see Claire pouting at me, and I couldn't help but smirk. I leaned forward and picked her up, sitting her on my lap facing me. I saw her eye Jasper and Esme with apprehensively.

"Claire, these are my friends. This is Jasper and Esme" I smiled as I introduced them, both of them waving as I said their names.

"I like your hair" She said quietly to Jasper. He simply smiled and thanked her. I knew what was coming next when I saw the smile creep up and her eyes widen slightly. She found a new friend.

She quickly crawled from my lap to his, shocking him slightly as she simply sat there and stared at him, smiling all the time.

"Bella, it's nice outside. Lets take the kids out back" Josh said as he walked in, immediately picking up Jordan as he ran to him.

"Sure" I said quietly, looking worriedly over at the Cullen's. If it was sunny they were screwed.

"Don't worry about it Bella. It'll stay cloudy all day" Esme whispered in my ear, relaxing me again.

"Come on Claire" I coaxed her, standing up "Time to play outside"

She had been pouting at me with the most adorable stubborn face I have seen, but at the words play outside, she squealed and jumped down from Jasper's lap, running after Josh who had already gone out. It didn't take long for the room to be empty of all children.

"You okay Jazz?" I smirked as he stood up too.

"Yeah, never had that happen before" He scratched the back of his head as he chuckled.

"Bella get your ass out here!"

Josh's voice reached us in the lounge and I rolled my eyes towards the door.

"Come on" I muttered, grabbing Edward's hand on my way out and pulling him with me. Well, he let me pull him I suppose.

We walked through the kitchen, through the little passageway and passed the downstairs bathroom, and out the back door. I smiled as I saw all the kids piling up on top of Josh.

The garden began on a slope, leading down and flattening out eventually into a huge lawn. A large plastic table sat at the side, lots of plastic chairs sat around it. Swings and see-saws littered the garden, as did dolls and toy trucks and cars. Kids would never grasp the fact of cleaning up after themselves.

I started down the slope, very aware of Edward next to me and his hand in mine. When I took Jasper or Emmett's hand, it was just a friendly gesture, but with Edward, it felt like more. It was more. Edward would never be just a friend to me.

"I have to talk to Josh a minute" I turned to speak to Edward. He was gorgeous, as usual.

"Okay. We'll be over there" He pointed to the plastic table before squeezing me hand, letting go and joining his family that had already congregated around it.

"Josh" I called, tilting my head slightly, letting him know I wanted to talk. He managed to get free from the kids, telling them to go play before walking over to me. As usual when we have talks like this, we walk around a bit.

"Why didn't you tell me about Callum and his Mum?" I shot at him, slightly offended he had kept me out of the loop.

"Because at the time you were settling in and I wasn't sure how...." He hesitated "How you would take it. I knew there had been deaths in your past, and I didn't know what your reaction would be. I should have told you a while ago, but I forgot. Sorry" He smiled innocently and I smiled back a little.

"You know you're forgiven" I pushed him lightly, making him laugh as he pulled me with him, nearly ending with us on the floor in a heap.

"I know, but it's polite to apologize" He smirked as he set me right again. We walked in silence for a moment before he realised something.

"Hang on, how did you find out?" He asked, his voice slightly higher than usual.

"I didn't go snooping around Joyce's office" I rolled my eyes at him.

"I found we were one short this morning while you were in the shower. I found Callum in his usual hiding place and... he told me" I breathed out sadly, watching as he laughed with Claire.

"Why was he hiding?" I turned back to Josh and sighed.

"His Mum died after she was ill, and all the kids knew what happened the other day. It scared him. He thought I was going to die" I admitted sadly.

"Oh God Bella, I'm sorry. I really should have told you" He said sadly and I shrugged.

"So, what did you say to him?" He asked, obviously curious.

"I told him that some people get sicker than others, and can't get better. He made me promise him I wasn't going to die" I fiddled with the bottom of my shirt.

"What did you say to that one?"

"I told him I wasn't going to die for a really long time. I couldn't exactly lie to him about it" I sighed as I felt Josh lay his arm across my shoulder and pull me into him. I let him comfort me.

"That couldn't have been the most comfortable conversation. I'm sorry I wasn't there" He whispered as he squeezed me slightly.

"I can't expect you to save me from everything Josh. I have to stand on my own two feet at some point" My eyes found the Cullen's, all of whom were watching us closely.

Josh seemed to know what I was looking at "So... happy the Cullen's are here?" He laughed lightly as I did.

"Yeah, but only a teeny amount" I said sarcastically as I poked him in the stomach, making him let go of me and rub the spot with a pout on his lips.

"After all I did and you still abuse me" He said sadly and I merely laughed. He cracked quickly, laughing lightly with me.

"It's nice to see you smile Bella" He smiled gently and I did too.

"I do smile" I elbowed him softly, but I knew what he was talking about.

"I mean a real smile. Not a laughing smile or an amused smile, just a real smile. A truly happy smile" He elbowed me back gently and I laughed in agreement.

"It's nice to smile too" I smiled at the Cullen's as we walked towards them.

"Do me a favour Bella" Josh said suddenly, turning to me and coming to a sudden halt. I frowned but nodded, wondering what he wanted.

"Let them in" He whispered in my ear before pulling back and looking me squarely in the eye.

"They love you so much Bella. Trust them" His eyes widened with hidden meaning, but it took me a moment to understand.

"Josh..." I shook me head as I revolted at the idea "I can't...."

"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for" He told me softly.

"I don't know if I can do it, not without...." I shuddered, remembering what happened the last time I tried to come to terms with it. I ended up being carted to a funny farm.

"They won't let you Bella. Believe me, they need you as much as you need them" He hugged me tightly before letting me go and walking back to the kids. I watched him, slightly shocked of what he asked me to do and that he thought I could. I certainly didn't feel strong enough in my mind to relive it.

I turned around and headed to the Cullen's, all of whom were frowning at me. I sat down between Edward and Carlisle, still thinking about this. Could I do it? I know they deserve to know the truth, the whole truth. They needed to know what they were getting themselves into. But... I was scared.

Scared of what they would think, scared of what they would say, scared of what they would do. What if they blamed me like I did? What if they hated me? Could I risk that? Loosing them after just getting them back in my life? But if it saved them from the dangers my life held, it would be worth it. I couldn't keep this to myself any longer, not when other people might get hurt because of it.

No-one else should hurt because of me.

"Bella"

I was brought back from my mind by finger wiping away some moisture on my face. It took a moment for me to realise I was crying, and that was why I couldn't see clearly.

I heard a sigh before the cold plastic chair disappeared beneath me as I was sat on something lumpy and cold, but comfortable. Vampire.

"It's okay Bella. You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to" I heard Edward soothe me as he kissed the top of my head, rocking my slightly as he hugged me to his chest.

"I'm sorry" I choked out as I tried to get a grip on myself. They wouldn't leave, they promised they wouldn't.

"Don't apologize Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for" He hummed in my ear. It felt like it was just us two, me and Edward. No-one else. It was like we were in our own little bubble, ignorant to the rest of the world.

It took a while for me to actually calm down, but I did. I was slightly embarrassed that I had... had a little meltdown now. I hadn't had a public one while I was here. Ever. Damn Josh and his wise words.

I shivered as the wind blew my hair, suddenly feeling the cold I had blocked out. I sat back in my own chair, unsure of how to carry on. Luckily, I didn't have chance to try to make small talk, because we were interrupted. Or maybe it was bad luck.

"Bella, I fell over" I looked over and my eyes widened as they fell on little Emily holding up her bloody and scuffed palms in plain view of all seven vampires. She looked at me strangely for a moment, and I forced myself to calm down. Children can pick up on these sort of things.

"Lets get you cleaned up then" I stood up and led her into the kitchen, lifting her and sitting her on the kitchen counter. I gave her a damp tissue to hold on it as I went and retrieved a plaster.

"It stings!" She whined and I sighed.

"I know, but it helps it get better" I called as I closed the medicine cabinet that was too high for the children to reach. She didn't argue after that.

After I cleaned it up a little, I realised she had only scraped it on one side, and offered her a plaster. She insisted on a Mickey Mouse one, so I smiled as I stuck it on. I kissed it before setting her back on the ground and watching her run back out. They never learn that running means you fall.

When I went back outside and sat down, I didn't even manage to open my mouth before I was called out again.

"Bella! Some help!" I turned as I saw Josh trying to pry Callum and Tom from each other. I sighed as I jumped out of my chair and ran over. Josh smirked, stepping back and letting me do my thing.

"Callum! Josh! Get up! Now!" I yelled, effectively stopping the two fighting as the both stood up and turned to me, tears rolling down their cheeks as they looked up at me. I very nearly crumbled then.

"Come on you two" I kept the stern tone in my voice but let it soften a little. I held out my hands to each of them and they both took one quickly. I led them away and sat them on the grassy slope either side of me.

"Now... who would like to tell me why you were fighting?" I asked, looking at both of them as they cried silently.

"He was going to-" Tom began but Callum yelled.

"I was not! He's lying! I wasn't going to! He was!" His small blue eyes narrowed at Tom.

"No I wasn't!"

"Enough!" I yelled, putting an end to their fight.

"Tom, please tell me what you two were going to do" I asked gently, watching him sniff and wipe his eyes before carrying on. I could see Edward's shoulders shaking from laughter from where I was sat, the others had smiles plastered on their faces. I knew this wouldn't be good.

"He was going to... ask you to mawee him. But I said I wanted to, and he said I couldn't. And I said that wasn't fair and he said you liked him more than me-" His eyes started to fill with tears and I opened my arms, watching him crawl into them and cry on my shirt. I shot a glare at the back of Edward's head before turning my attention to Callum.

"Is this right?" I asked him, watching him nod a little, wearing the most heart broken expression.

"I've already told you, I can't marry you. I'm already married to Josh" I told them, pretended to me sad about it.

"But then you can just get a.... doforsss" Tom stuttered out. I frowned for a moment before I understood what he said.

"But I don't want a divorce. I love Josh" I pulled a face as I saw him across the yard. I may like him as a friend, and a brother, but nothing more. I would end up beating him around the head if we were together.

"Okay, so no more fighting. I can't marry either of you" I opened my other arm and let Callum crawl to me and cuddle into my side.

"Are you two friends again then?" I asked as I looked down at the tops of their heads.

"Tom is my best friend!" Callum said happily and I rolled my eyes. Only kids can fight one minute and be best friends the next. I relaxed my arms and they stood up, only as tall as my head since they were so small.

They needed no invitation as they ran away. I groaned as I put my head in my hands.

"What's wrong Bells?" Josh smirked and I stood up, walking over and punching his arm again.

"They did it again! How many times have I told them?" I whisper yelled at him, only causing him to smirk even wider. Again, it took a moment for me to realise.

"What did you tell them?!" I poked him roughly in the chest, making him wince and step back, the smile dropping.

"I just told them that... that we were getting a divorce" He mumbled the last part and I sighed frustratedly.

"That's where he got it from! I should have known he couldn't have known that word without you" I glared at him "You fix this Josh, or I swear I'll tell them you're with Joyce" I threatened, watching his eyes widen as he gasped.

"You wouldn't" He breathed as I narrowed my eyes.

"Try me" I crossed my arms, enjoying watching him squirm, his adams apple bouncing as he gulped.

"Okay okay, I'll tell them" He gushed out quickly before I smiled at him, amused by his fear. He smiled lightly, only making my smile grow, making his smile grow and... well you get the picture. It didn't take long for us both to be in hysterics over basically a smile.

"You... were... scared... of... me" I choked out as I clung to his arm to keep myself upright.

"You're a scary little monster" He laughed as he pulled me into his chest and hugged me fiercely.

"So I've heard. But why would such a 'hot' man like you be scared of a little monster like me?" I teased, remembering what he said at breakfast. He simply shrugged, his silence sobering me up. It was like Josh's power to change the atmosphere around you instantly.

He squeezed me tightly before letting me go and walking away. I frowned as I watched him walk away again. What was with the hugs and sudden mood swings? Shaking my head and putting it down to boys and their strangeness, I walked back to the Cullen's and sat down with a sigh.

"So Bella..." Emmett said and I looked up to see the typical Emmett expression of amusement "Have some admirers do we?" He chuckled before letting out a full belly laugh, as did most of the Cullen's even Esme and Carlisle get out a giggle or two. I huffed as I crossed my arms.

"It is not funny! It's very annoying!" I exclaimed seriously, but only succeeded in making them laugh even more.

"Stupid vampires" I mumbled, unable to keep the smile from my face. What can I say? Their laughter was contagious.

"Aw, we're not that bad are we?" Jasper pouted fakely and I simply rolled my eyes at him.

"Bella! Josh!" I froze and turned to the doorway, seeing Josh doing the same from the corner of my eye. Oh joy. Joyce is back.

"I'll be back in a minute" I grumbled as I got up, slowly making my way up the slope and to Joyce, Josh beating me there.

"Would you like to tell me what is going on here?" She seethed and Josh and I shared a frown. We understood when her eyes shot to the Cullen's. My eyes widened and then set in a glare as I turned to Josh. He had planned this and not told Joyce?!

"Joyce, the Cullen's phoned a few days ago and arranged to visit Bella" Josh said confidently, looking at her evenly. That was one thing I couldn't do. Around Joyce, I still felt like the child.

"And why was I not informed of this?" She turned to Josh full on and I actually feared for his safety.

"Sorry, it must have slipped my mind" Josh waved it off, but I heard the lie beneath it. It seemed Joyce did too.

"Slipped your mind? Bella? Why didn't you tell me?" She rounded on me, her voice so sharp that I cringed away slightly.

"I... I didn't know about it" I mumbled out, looking at my feet. See? Just like a child.

"I thought it would make a nice surprise for her. They are old friends after all" Josh tried to use his persuading voice, but it seemed years of living with Josh had made her immune to it.

"And you just took it upon yourself to invite them in? Bella is my responsibility Josh, not yours! I say who she does and does not see! Not you!" She advanced on him, but I was slightly taken aback by her statement. I sounded like a child, like a piece of meat. I was being ignored, the two 'adults' now glaring at each other.

"Bella is no-ones property! She's a human too you know!" Josh shot back, standing up to his full height, about double Joyce.

"I know that Josh! But as she was deemed unable to make her own decisions I was put in charge of choosing for her!" They were literally screaming in each others faces now, and I was slightly scared. The children had all stopped after hearing the yelling, and I had no doubt that the Cullen's were watching, but they were sat behind me.

"She can choose for herself" Josh spat out angrily.

"If she could, she wouldn't have been in Brenright!" Joyce spat right back and I flinched at the venom in the words. I felt my eyes burn as I tried to hide back the tears, and was unsuccessful. My vision blurred, and I wanted nothing more than to run away from them both.

I missed part of the conversation, but saw the red blob that was Joyce and her shirt disappear inside the doorway, leaving Josh there with me.

"Bella, please just listen to me" He put his hand on my arm but I shrugged it off.

"I am not a piece of meat to be traded! I thought we were friends Josh-" I cried.

"We are Bella!" I stepped closer to me but I shook my head.

"Then why would you say those things? Why would you talk about me like that? Like I'm some brain dead idiot! Like I'm not even here!" I sobbed, more tears falling down my cheeks.

"I don't think that Bella, I never have and I never will. You're the only one I have ever talked to about what happened to me, and I did that because I trust you. I had to talk like that because that's how Joyce thinks. She doesn't understand how I can have a normal conversation with you, or laugh and joke together. She doesn't understand" He sighed, putting his hands on either side of my face and gently making me meet his eyes.

"Bella, I know its unfair, but its how Joyce is" He wrapped his arms around me tightly, pressing my face into his chest and apologizing over and over again.

"Here" I heard him say, but had no idea what he was talking about.

It was a moment later that I felt cold hands prying mine from Josh's shirt, immediately crushing me to them as I was free.

"Shh.... its okay" Edward's velvety voice rumbled in my ear as it was pressed to his chest, his thumb slowly rubbing soothing circles on my cheek. I let out a loud sob as I realised it was him, his arms tightening around me even more.

"Its okay" He whispered in my ear softly.

"She thinks I'm a freak" I choked out.

"No, she doesn't " He sighed "She's worried about you actually. She's heard you crying at night too and thinks us being here will only make you worse. She only used the excuses she did as a cover. She wants you to get better, so does Josh" He kissed the top of my head tenderly as my tears slowed.

Why was I so emotional today?

"She hates me" I sniffed.

To my surprise, I heard him chuckle "Believe it or not, that is how she displays her affection. Its when she's being nice you have to watch your back"

"That's screwed up and backwards though" I sniffed again, my tears coming to a stop finally, after what seemed like a few hours.

"Maybe, but that's just how she is. Shes inside right now feeling guilty for saying those things in front of you when she was lying" He held my face between his hands as I pulled away slightly, rubbing away the tear tracks that stained my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" He asked, worry evident in his eyes and voice as he stared at me intently.

"I'm okay" I whispered a little vacantly. He looked so... loving.

I, in no way, ignored his speech the other night. I could see he loved me, how badly he looked even for a vampire, how he slumped against the wall. He was no longer the confident lively man I knew. He was a broken as I was. But seeing it like this, in such an open display...

"Bella?"

I zoned back in to find Edward staring at me with concern once again. Didn't he know I spaced out sometimes?

"Sorry, different world for a moment" I muttered, my cheeks heating up as I remembered the subject. Edward. Love. Me. Could it actually happen? Could I be happy again?

"It's quite a frequent occurrence, don't worry about it" I smiled slightly as he shook his head, a small grin on his face as he let go of my face and took one of my hands, walking back to the table. Great. Once again, they have seen me have a tiny episode. Still, they have all seen me at my worst, so a little crying fit would be nothing to them now.

Still, I was rather embarrassed by it as I kept my eyes down and away from their gazes I could feel burning into my head.

"You okay Bells?" I didn't look up as Emmett asked me the question, nodding slightly as I made to sit down. Before I could even touch the seat, Edward had pulled me away and had sat me down in his lap. I had to say, I was rather comfy and I couldn't find it in me to complain. I felt him wrap his arms around me securely as I rested my head on his shoulder.

Thus began my thinking.

I knew I should be talking to them, I didn't know when I would see them again, but I had something very important to think about.

Alice and Edward had both hinted at the fact that the Cullen's wanted to adopt me, but... they couldn't. It was too dangerous. If they got hurt... I couldn't... I couldn't bare it if the got hurt because of me. Too many people have been hurt because of my actions, or in-actions.

I tried to think of happier things, but that one subject plagued my mind. They could get killed because of me.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Edward whispered in my ear, bringing me back to reality. It was colder now, and it had nothing to do with me being in Edward's arms. At some point, the dark clouds had accumulated above us.

"Nothing" I mumbled quietly, not wanting to worry them.

"I'll go and get a jacket" I said quietly, Edward letting go of me as I stood up and walked away from them, up the slope and into the house. I was on autopilot at the moment, my mind still trapped in the dark thoughts. I knew I was worrying them with my behaviour now, but... maybe its better that they stay away...

I cringed at that idea as I walked up the stairs, ignoring the laughter coming from the kids and Josh in the living room. I tried to push those thoughts away as I opened my wardrobe and searching for a jacket. My hands automatically went to Edward's, and I quickly slipped it on and hugged it tightly around me. It still smelt like him.

I quietly made my way downstairs, trying to go unnoticed by Joyce. I didn't care what Edward said, she didn't like me. I didn't want to be around her now, maybe in a while.

I shivered as I walked back outside, shoving my hands in the pockets as I walked over to where they were all still sat, not talking or moving. I hesitated for a second before Edward opened his arms again and I sat down in his lap, feeling warmer already, even as the wind whipped passed us.

"Please tell us what your so worried and scared about Bella" He squeezed me a little and I sighed. I didn't want to get into this now, I didn't want to ruin everything and scare them off.

"It doesn't matter" I told them heavily.

"Yes it does" Jasper's voice was stronger than I remembered, and I looked up at him sat across the table, his eyes burning into mine.

"What are you so scared of Bella?" He asked gently, frowning in concern. I remained silent, hoping they would just let it go.

"Bella..." Emmett warned, looking at me and cracking his knuckles and I couldn't help but smile. I knew he would never hurt me, but I understood what he meant.

"You honestly don't want to know" I told him sadly.

"Yes we do. Bella, we want to understand" Esme said kindly, and I didn't know what she was referring to. What happened... at the... accident or why I'm all unhappy?

I knew I would have to tell them. If I wanted any life with the Cullen's, they had to know the truth. Then, and only then could I accept any choice they made. If they chose to leave, then I knew that there wasn't any way they could have stayed, they would know everything. Again, I couldn't help but think of how safer they would be without me.

But the thought of pushing them away made me want to scream in agony.

"Can I ask you something?" I turned and spoke to Edward. This might be easier if I didn't speak to all of them individually. Edward would be the best choice, he can calm me down even better than Jasper can.

"Of course" He whispered as he let me turn in his lap so that his hands were around my back and I crossed my legs, my knees touching his stomach.

"Did you mean what you said the other night? Do... do you want to adopt me?" I asked quietly, not knowing which answer I'd rather hear. If they said no, then it would hurt but I could at least take solace in the knowledge that they were safer away from me. But if he said yes...

"Bella, I meant every word" He told me tenderly, wiping away a tear I didn't know was falling.

That was a yes. They wanted to adopt me. They had to know. Everything.

"Bella...." He asked, his eyes wide as more tears ran down my face.

"You have to know" I choked out as Edward took my shaking hands in his own. The very thought of reliving that....

"Know what?" He asked gently.

"Everything" I whispered as I watched his eyes widen in realisation, then narrow again.

"Bella you don't have to do anything. Don't listen to what Josh said..." He told me, frowning. I shook my head and he frowned deeper.

"You have to understand, you have to know everything. Then you can say whether you want me or not" Edward became a mass of a blurry blob by the end of my sentence, and I blinked to clear my vision, wanting to see his reaction.

"We'll always want you Bella" He told me, but he looked more worried than anything else.

"You don't know. It's too dangerous... you could... get hurt... I can't... you shouldn't...." I was pretty much hysterical by the time Edward pulled me against his chest and held me there as I sobbed.

"Why would it be dangerous?" He asked me finally, perhaps he realised that my sobs weren't going to stop any time soon.

I was about to answer before I saw a shadow cross the lit window in the living room, reminding me that we were not alone. I shook my head before somehow managing to climb off Edward and grab his hand. He got the idea and stood up, taking my hand tightly as I shook. I wasn't sure if I could even do this.

"Come on" I whispered as I headed down the lawn, towards the line of trees. Unbeknown to the kids, there was a gap behind the shed, and through that gap is a large wooden gazebo. It was quiet, and perfect for... my little story.

I didn't hear the others behind us, but I knew they were there. Edward frowned as we went behind the shed, but went along with it after he saw me disappear. When we were all through, I let out a shaky breath before walking towards it. It was actually rather beautiful here.

Tree's sat a little back from the gazebo, but they hung over it nicely, framing it. I walked up the steps and sat down on the long circular bench that ran all around it. Edward sat down beside me, the others sat around as well, all watching me intently.

How the hell to I even begin to explain?

"When did it start?" Jasper asked from the other side of me, and I sent him a wave of gratitude.

"About three days after you left" I sniffed, trying not to cry.

"I.. I tried to.. to carry on like normal.... but I couldn't. I knew I was hurting... Charlie... but I couldn't help it. No-one understood" And the dam broke, and my tears ran freely down my face. This could never end well. I couldn't take it all those months ago, I couldn't take it now.

I was scooped up quickly and rested against someones chest, and from the scent I knew it wasn't Edward. Jasper.

"It's okay" He cooed as I shook. I knew that I would soon be taking a trip down memory lane whether it was intentional or not.

"Bella, you told Carlisle that vampires had something to do with this. Is that right?" He asked gently and I nodded into his chest.

"Who was it?" He whispered quietly, even the wind paused to hear my answer. I knew who they would react, and they didn't disappoint.

"Victoria" I choked out, my face buried in Jasper's chest as he growled, and he wasn't the only one.

"Victoria did all that?" Esme breathed, her usually sweet voice full of venom.

"No. She had... some friends" I whispered as I shuddered.

"Why?" Jasper continued, his voice rather gruffer than before.

"Because she blamed... Edward for killing James. Mate for mate" I whispered brokenly, and I felt Jasper stiffen beneath me, and I wondered.. had I done it? Had I made them realise how dangerous it was for them?

"Bella" Jasper's voice was soft again as he gently held my face between his hands.

"Start at the beginning" He encouraged quietly.

"I.... I knew something was wrong. I swear things in my room had moved or disappeared, I would see a blur of colour but when I looked back it would be gone. I felt like... like someone was watching me" I sniffed, shuddering as I remembered walking into my room after leaving it for a minute to go to the toilet, finding the previously made bed a mess, the quilt hanging off the end of the bed, my pillows scattered over the bed.

"I... I didn't go to school. I couldn't" I whispered.

"Why?" Esme asked gently, and I didn't have to turn to know that she was frowning.

"I couldn't... live. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just laid on my bed and stared at the wall, and tried not to think about you. Charlie called the doctor, and he came in and assessed me. Charlie went to work but he called every hour to check on me. I didn't pick up. I knew he was worried about me, but... I didn't even care" I sobbed, thoroughly ashamed that I could care so little about my own dad.

"It first happened.... on the third night. I felt something cold on my face, and I woke up thinking it was... one of you. But... they had red eyes. I couldn't see anything else, it was too dark. They just grabbed me and jumped out the window, dragging me through the forest to..." I shuddered as I stopped abruptly.

"Where did they take you?" Jasper prodded and I gulped.

"Edward's meadow" I heard many gasps and a few growls "I don't know how she knew, but I was always took there" I shut my eyes against the images that flooded my mind.

Me curled up on the floor. The hadn't hurt me, but just being in that place caused the hole in my chest to rip open. They towered over me, laughing as they prepared for the torture of their entertainment.

"Edward...." Jasper's voice rumbled loudly in my ear.

"I... I didn't catch any scents. From what I could tell, no-one had been there after we had left" I heard him say quietly. His breath seemed to catch in his throat for a moment before he growled loudly.

"There was a patch of disturbed earth. All the grass had been torn up and ripped. I was right there!" I heard him growl out as I cringed into Jasper's chest. Couldn't I do or say anything that didn't hurt someone?

"Edward, be quiet" Jasper hissed, and the growling was suddenly cut off. The silence was so pungent I began to think they had left.

"Carry on Bella" Jasper squeezed me slightly, holding me together.

"They just... stood and watched me... for a while. Before... the others came" I trembled as I continued.

"There were about twenty, I think. They just threw me around and hit me, they were very careful not to make me bleed. Apparently, Victoria didn't want me to die just yet, she wanted me to suffer" Tears ran down my face, but I hardly felt them as I slipped into the numb mindset I had adapted in Brenright. Right now, it was helping a lot.

"She used to... let me go. They'd just disappear and I'd find my way back" My voice took on a robotic quality as I continued to run through everythng, the numbness keeping the memories and images at bay helping to anchor me to the present.

"Did they always take you at night?" I heard Rosalie ask quietly and I blinked a few times.

"Only sometimes, they took me between classes at school, when I went to the shop. Other times they'd just walk in when Charlie was upstairs and just drag me out. They didn't seem to care if anyone noticed me missing at all" Images flooded my mind.

I was chopping carrots for dinner, trying to convince a scared Charlie that I wasn't running away. Then a vampire appeared in the kitchen behind me and I was so used to it and defeated I simply laid down the knife and waited for them to grab me. He dragged me away quietly, neither of us making any noise.

I closed my eyes and pressed my face even deeper into Jasper's chest as if trying to ward away the horrible thoughts and memories that seemed impossible to escape from. I felt someone else wrap their arms around me and lift me up, setting me down not a moment later. I knew it was Edward, the electricity surging through me as he held my face gently to his chest.

"What happened that night Bella?" He asked, his voice breaking slightly as he squeezed me slightly.

I could feel my entire body shaking as I fought the images and feelings away, desperately trying to hold my mind together and stay strong. The very possibility seemed impossible.

"It... it was half past ten. Me and Charlie were sat in the living room watching something on t.v. when they came" I whispered, keeping my eyes firmly shut as tears escaped them and ran freely down my face, hitting Edward's hand yet he made no move to stop them.

"They just... walked in. Charlie tried to shoot them..." I choked off, remembering how my Dad had reached for his pocket, none of the vampires making a move to stop him as he pulled out his gun. He had begun to wear it everywhere once it became apparent that something was going on with me. I could still see the terrified expression he wore when he saw the male catch the bullet between his fingers, throwing it to the floor as if he was bored.

"One of the five was Victoria, and she grabbed me and dragged me out. I didn't up a fight, but Charlie did. I heard... they hurt him, but... I didn't look back too see what" I sobbed again, ashamed at how bad a daughter I was. He was hurt and I didn't even fight for him.

"When we got into the forest I saw them all sat on the floor surrounded by vampires. Even Renee and Phil were there, Renee crying and hugging Phil. They didn't understand..." I choked off, trying to get control of myself but the images kept breaking my resolve.

"She kept me by her side though, not even holding me. I didn't even try to run" I whispered, disgust rolling off me.

"The others tried to talk to me. They knew I had something to do with it, Lauren just kept apologizing for all the nasty things she had said"

Her brown hair bounced as tears rolled down her cheeks, her body shaking as Tyler hugged her close to him, silent tears running down his cheeks too. Those two must have gotten together at some point.

"Jess and Mike were hysterical"

Both of them crying on each other, begging the vampires around them to let them go. The only reply they got was laughter.

"Angela was the only calm one"

She sat there, her eyes fixed on me as the others fell apart, sensing their ultimate demise was coming. I didn't understood, and so I ignored it.

"She told me to.... to choose" I clutched my eyes shut once again, trying to get the image of her demonic smirk and ruby eyes.

"To choose what?" Edward whispered, his own voice hoarse from the little knowledge he had gathered so far.

"Who... who was going... to die first" My words became incoherent even to myself, but it seems the others understood them just fine.

"I... I couldn't... choose"

They all stared at me with wide eyes, silently pleading with me to spare them, like it my my fault. It was my fault.

"She was going to kill all of them.... but then..." I came to a stop, still after all this time, unable to accept what I saw.

Angela sat for a moment, her mouth moving quickly but her words were a mere whisper on the wind as she stared at the ground a moment longer. I heard a distinct 'Amen' and felt my eyes widen. She was praying. It took a moment for me to remember what her father was a reverend, and her family was Christian.

"Angela... she stood up. She told them to... to take her first"

Her eyes were calm, her voice unwavering as her eyes met mine before she met Victoria's. I wanted to scream at her to shut up, but my voice was a croak from the lack of use. Victoria's eyes shone for a moment before she nodded at a young vampire behind Angela. He slid into a crouch, none of the others noticing because they had their backs to him. He pounced in a blur, Angela's eyes slipping shut as she whispered her last words.

'Thank you Lord'

"One of them killed her. She didn't even flinch. Everyone started screaming after he dropped her, going back to his place in the circle"

I was flitting between memories and telling my story but found myself unable to stop.

"Then the wolves came" My voice took on a pained tone as I was sucked back in again.

I didn't jump as I saw six huge bear like wolves jump through the forest and in the middle of the circle, standing in protective crouches over the people sat down. I recognised them all, having spent a long time at La Push when they were trying to protect me from them.

Jacob met my eyes for a moment before looking away. He had tried to make me better, but he wanted more than I could give him and it wouldn't have worked. I pushed him away, knowing he would only get hurt in the long run anyway.

"Ah, the dogs have come to mark their territory" one of the vampires sneered, all of the wolves snarling. The humans beneath them all quivered and sobbed in fear, where as I just watched as if it were a movie. I was detached from my mind and body, not really able to do anything anyway.

"They tried to fight them away but there were too many of them. They were overpowered"

Sam launched himself at one of the vampires, but for every six wolves, there were at least four vampires. It was a suicide mission.

I could only watch as some of the pack, my friends, were slaughtered, their flesh ripped and torn, blood oozing out of them and onto the dark grass. The humans had no idea what had just happened, who had just lost their lives in the attempt to save theirs.

For some reason, just before they died, they returned to their human form and I didn't even care that they were naked. I wanted to look away from their mangled bodies, but found myself unable to. I watched them all breath their last breath before their eyes closed and they were lost for ever.

I later learned that only the bodies of Jake, Embry, Sam and Quil were found and my heart leaped to think that Paul and Jared were still alive. Or they died but remained in wolf form.

"They were killed quickly, but managed to take five vampires with them. It didn't really make a difference in the end"

All the vampires resumed their positions from protecting Victoria and me from the wolves, which I suppose was their main objective Victoria laughed manically as she insulted the men that had just lost their lives, desecrating their bodies, making a mockery of their memory.

"She didn't make me choose. She chose. And she killed them all, one by one"

I could tell that the vampires around me were thirsty, their black eyes giving them away if their savage growls were not. Victoria took her time choosing her victim and the murderer, all the monsters sickeningly enthusiastic about being picked.

"First Jess, Ben, then Phil, Renee, Tyler, Mike, Lauren, and finally Charlie. She made me say goodbye to him, and even then I sounded so... like I didn't care"

Even though I was being torn apart inside, I couldn't show any of the emotions that raged inside me. Charlie's eyes met mine, tears running down his cheeks as he nodded at my 'good-bye'. I think what he said was what broke me from my mind.

'I love you Bells'

Four vampires descended on him, and his piercing screams would forever haunt my mind as they cut off into a gurgle, and then silence. They stepped away to reveal something I would have never recognised as my father.

"Charlie's blood seemed too much for some to handle, and they had to go and hunt. Victoria didn't want me hurt"

About twelve vampires ran away from the rest of us, disappearing as the forest swallowed them. I seemed to feel the cold suddenly, the calm night sky seeming to mock me as I stared blankly at the bloody bodies of my friends and family.

"Now Bella, hasn't tonight been fun? You'll survive tonight, but we will be back. Just be warned" She stepped closer to me but all I could so was stare at her.

"You took my reason for living away from me, I think I'll return the favour. Everyone you like, everyone you befriend, even the shop assistant you talk to on a regular basis... all of their lives are in your hands. If you run, we will catch you. Are you willing to have the blood of even more people stain your mind?" She smiled sardonically as I turned away and stared at the heap of bodies again.

"The sun is rising, we should be leaving soon" I heard one of the others whisper, but I caught it. I looked up, the sky a pinky grey above me, the black forest suddenly became easier to see as if I could only see and hear things when they mentioned them.

"Just so you don't forget about us Bella..." I turned back at the sound of Victoria's voice, a surge of fear finally breaking the wall of indifference I had set around myself.

"She was going to watch my every move and kill anyone I liked, or got close with. She wanted me alive, but miserable and wanting to die. I suppose that was the ultimate torture in her eyes"

And it was to me as well.

I heard a rush of wind, my hair ruffling slightly but as my eyes were to the forest surrounding us, I saw none of the branches sway with the wind. I sudden and sharp jolt of pain had me on my stomach, curling in on myself and trying not to scream. It was one of the first times I had acknowledged anything other than what I had to.

"Just to keep you on your toes, so you don't forget about us" One of them laughed and I could feel the blood seeping through my torn shirt and across my back. Growling began, hushed whispers and soft retreating footsteps making the ground beneath me shake slightly. My head was turned to the side so that I could breath, yet I still couldn't.

I was laid in front of the corpses of my friends and family, all of their faces void of any life and thoughts. Dead.

I tried to turn away, to move and look somewhere else, but any movement was torture thanks to the wound now inflicted upon my back.

"They left the wound in my back as a reminder of what they would do to me and anyone else. They left me in the middle of the forest, and I couldn't move without screaming so I stayed where I was. I lied there until the pain was to much and I passed out. I woke up in hospital two days later" I concluded, totally and utterly lost.

I had no idea what day it was. Saturday- the day the Cullen's visited, or Friday- the day Victoria came and ruined my life?

Was it morning or night? Was I still lying in front of my family or was I in Edward's arms? I didn't want to open my eyes in fear of what I may see.

I was having a hard time figuring out which as past and which was present. Whether it was real or my imagination. If anything in the past two years had been real...

I could still see my days in the hospital running through my mind but tried to ignore them, wanting to figure out where and what I was first. The confusion and fear had my chest aching, my eyes so sore they felt like they should be crying blood, my entire body shaking. I had no control anymore, of my mind or my body.

I was loosing myself once again, I could feel it slipping away as the seconds ticked by. The memories slowly taking over my mind and I was about to give into them, not having enough strength to keep them at bay and cling to the thin thread of normality I may have.

"Bella, come on. Don't do this, please. Bella"

I could hear Edward angelic voice in my ears, yet I found it ill fitting. I was laid on a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling with a blank expression. Edward wasn't here when this happened before...

I felt cold hands on my face, yet all the nurses were running around with other patients, no-one was near me. I became aware of cold arms around my waist as well, restraining me, holding me in place. I didn't care if they weren't really there, I could feel the frigid temperature seeping through my clothes, my body only able to move a little because of the barriers they created.

My mind only registered two things. I was being held down, restrained. And the person doing it was cold, so cold that my skin was raised with goosebumps. The image of Angela being killed entered my mind and I couldn't help the fear that rose in my throat as my chest constricted painfully.

I tried to get away, to scream, to do something, but my body wasn't working. My eyes wouldn't leave the patch on the ceiling, my arms wouldn't lift, my legs wouldn't move. Yet I could feel the cold air moving past me as if I were moving, the cold arms holding me even tighter which only increased my panic.

How could I fight if I couldn't see my attacker? It was like I was controlling some other body somewhere else.

"Bella, listen to me. Listen to my voice" The voice gently told me, and I would know Edward's voice anywhere. Once again, I looked in my periferals and found no sign of him.

"Open your eyes Bella, come back to me" His voice took on a pleading quality "I love you. I can't live without you. Please come back to me"

My heart was breaking for Edward, my love, my saviour. He was the only thing that kept me from ending everything in the hospital, the thought of him being out in the world somewhere. He kept me alive.

It was with those thoughts that I realised and managed to differentiate reality from my mind. I had memories of the hospital, of Brenright, of the children's home, of the Cullen's. This was a memory my mind had sucked me into. If my memories were true, I was still sat in the gazebo with the Cullen's, sat in Edward's lap as he held me.

The cold arms were his. He was holding me, not restraining me. This wasn't real. I was loosing my mind once again, but this time was different. This time, I had something to go back for. I had the Cullen's. This time I had a reason to fight.

"Come on Bella" It wasn't Edward I heard this time, but Jasper. I was flooded with memories of Jasper, the scene around me changing until I was opening my presents at my eighteenth birthday party, a moment later Jasper was attacking me, Emmett holding him back as Edward pushed me out of the way and into a lot of glass.

That was the day that changed the rest of my life. The day everything went from amazingly and unbelievably good, to disastrously bad.

I was suddenly in Jasper's arms, yet I couldn't feel them around me. I could hear his words in my ear, telling me he missed me. Despite the previous.. scene, I loved Jazz like a brother. I knew he didn't want to attack me, and that he had no choice, the thirst was too much for him to handle.

I felt strange, like that place between sleep and awake. I could feel the cold wind whipping my face, I could now feel the arms of Edward around me, I could even smell his scent. It was like being sucked down a plug, and into another.

"Open your eyes Bella" Edward asked, a slight bounce in his voice that had seemed to replace the pleading.

I searched for my eyes, finding it difficult to place where my limbs were, never mind control them. Edward once again helped, brushing his hands over my face, over my closed eye lids, helping to ground me into this reality even more.

Even though I had found my eyes, it was still a struggle to open them but the knowledge that Edward and the Cullen's were all there with me made me almost enthusiastic.

When I did open my eyes, I was a little confused. There was so much darkness, so much cold, so much silence. Fear hit for a moment when I thought that I really was back in Fork's, laying inches from the bodies of my family and friends. Until Edward actually moved and I noticed that he wasn't just a piece of furniture.

"Bella" He sighed, and I was abruptly being crushed to him, my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me more tighter than he had ever done before. It was borderline painful, but it was worth it.

I knew Edward loved me, and I loved him too.

It took me a moment to realise that my tears had never stopped, even after my concluded story, and that they still wouldn't. My face was sore, the wind biting at the sensitive skin. I was a little bit embarrassed and a huge bit ashamed to have had such a bad 'episode' in front of them, but my need for Edward was much stronger than the other two emotions.

"I love you" He whispered tenderly, but finally as if he wasn't expecting an answer. I could remember before when I was scared to admit my feelings for him, fearing being hurt again, but now I realised that I needed him like I needed air. Even when he wasn't there, he was still saving me.

I drew in a deep breath, wondering what my voice would sound like after all of tonight's events "I love you too" I whispered, knowing everyone else could hear me but I meant it just for him. He pulled back, releasing me from his rib cracking hold as he stared into my yes. God, I bet I look horendous. All thoughts left my mind as I stared into his eyes, the feeling of security and love filling me until I felt... complete.

He opened his mouth to speak, but my attention got diverted by a snap of a twig in the forest. I couldn't help but tense as I realised what I had done. How could I have been to stupid as to bring up all the old wounds to the surface, raw and aching, whilst in a forest? Not the best decision I have ever made. I heard my heart speed up as my eyes remained fixed on the hidden depths on the trees.

She could be in there right now, watching me, planning on killing Edward and the others.

"Ssshh... calm down. Let's get back to the house" Edward whispered, his eyes never leaving my face as I nodded slightly, a little scared to speak in case she overheard. The wind whipped through the gazebo and even Edward's warm jacket couldn't keep me from shivering, out of fear or cold I wasn't sure which. Edward obviously knew me well enough to know what I was terrified of, frowning slightly and standing in a blur with me in his arms still, cradled to his chest.

"I can walk" I croaked, trying to stop crying but finding the feat impossible. He paused, smiling down at me before setting me on my feet, wrapping an arm around my waist and tucking me into his side. I could see the others standing from their seats around us and I felt bad for not... I don't know. Thanking them? Saying something after nearly breaking down in front of them.

Edward never let go of me as we made our way through the hedge, and I kept my eyes open all the time, just in case I saw anything. Any flash of white, or fiery red hair. I gave up trying to control my tears, letting them fall as my body trembled. The garden was encompassed by trees, a small wood behind it. I kept my eyes on the house as I walked away from the trees, praying for the light to get closer quicker, just so I could feel safe. The others followed me and Edward, and I had to admit, I felt a lot safer with them around me, even if they wouldn't stand a chance of surviving against Victoria and her army.

I wouldn't push them away, they were the only thing keeping me clinging on to my sanity. I needed them. I needed Edward. Maybe it was selfish to keep them close when I know I was putting them in danger, but I couldn't help it.

Love isn't known for being fair or logical.

I actually got a little depressed and spaced out writing the last part. I honestly did not plan for her to go a little loopy, but my fingers just kept on typing :)
I hope you like the end result
I know it took forever to get out to you, but I wrote about 10,000 words and then got stuck on how to explain everything.