May 2009. 420 words. Dedicated with much affection to misora. UlquiHime is love. Thank you for reading!

Roomies

"Ulquiorra-kun is the perfect roommate," Orihime reported cheerfully, squirting ketchup onto jelly sandwiches and cutting them into tiny squares. "He's quiet and clean and we're completely comfortable together. Sometimes I even forget he's around. I'll start cooking breakfast and won't even notice I haven't gotten dressed and I'm still wearing my tee shirt and panties---"

She was interrupted by concern for Ishida's sudden nosebleed.

Ulquiorra watched the guests from the couch. The former arrancar had traded in his white suit for black jeans and a button down shirt, but was as small and fastidiously neat as usual. On the surface, his facial expression was impassive but somehow still managed to convey a feline sensibility that hovered between veiled dislike and total lack of interest.

"And it's so rare to find a roommate who shares my taste in cooking!" Orihime flourished a heaped platter onto the table. "Ta-da! Sandwiches, sweet potato and eel pancakes, and sesame seed crackers with cream cheese, pickled radish, and red bean paste."

"No, thank you," Rukia started with a nervous laugh, answering for everyone and eying the platter dubiously. "We were just on our way to the noodle shop and wanted to invite you---"

"No, no," answered Orihime, politely waving them away with an up and down motion of her hand. "We're staying in tonight. Ulquiorra-kun's favorite movie is also Twilight, can you believe it?"

Ichigo, Renji, and Rukia looked at one another. They looked at Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra reached for a second cracker, his glittering green eyes an unspoken challenge.

"Before he moved in I would never watch it by myself because I don't like the scary parts," Orihime continued. "But it's not so bad when you have someone to grab on to during the frightening scenes." She poured two tall glasses of milky tea and settled onto the couch, curling her long legs into the cozy space between armrest and cuatro espada.

"This is disturbing," muttered Ichigo behind one hand.

Ulquiorra laced his fingers together and casually stretched. He draped one arm over the couch edge above Orihime's shoulders and left it there.

"Really?" Renji responded sarcastically. "Which part?" Ishida's lower lip began to tremble beneath the handkerchief staunching his nose. Renji clasped him sympathetically on the shoulder.

Orihime beamed.

"Isn't it wonderful? Ulquiorra-kun and I couldn't get along better if we were girlfriend and boyfriend!"

Ulquiorra said nothing. The others watched as he reached for a third cream cheese and paste cracker, his demeanor one of unquestioned superiority, and a suspiciously smug air of victory.

Fin.