Sexyback, a naruto fanfic

Edited my fail attempt at humour.

P.S. This is from Sakura's perspective.

Sexyback

Dude.

The most fricken, AWESOMENEST thing just happened to me today. Yeah, real specific.Shut up! I'm sorry I'm not uberly perfect. Anyways, as I was saying, the most AWE-SOME-NEST thing happened to me today. I had to tell it to someone. Yeah, I'm like an Ino, but about ten thousandtimes over. What I'm about to tell you is wayyyy more juicy then any of her crap-ass news.

(Ino is my bitch.)

Okay then, if all of you are ready for my fanTASTIC story, then I shall start…

Dear Uchiha Sasuke came back a few days ago.

It's been five years. Fricken five years. Ugh, I could sooooo punch something now! And unfortunately for our little Sasucakes, that had to be him. *cough cough* Okay. I wish it had to be him. When I attempted… it went something a little like this:

"Dieeeeee, Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn…"

Lunging.

Lunging.

Sidestep.

"Grrrrr."

Yeah. If you didn't get that one…

Just

Simply

Sidestepped

It.

Because he's just so uberly neat and I'm-better-than-everyone-else. Yeah. Anyway, enough with my rambling.

After I epicly failed, I didn't look at him again. Even when I was healing his wounds from Itachi.

Sasucakes was the same as ever.

Emotionless, sexy, annoying, sexy, with a stick stuck up his (sexy) ass.

He got eagerly accepted by Narutard the first second he saw Sasuke, but I wasn't going to forgive him that fast.

Narutard was just too happy to see him.

He didn't even think of what he was forgiving.

Yeah.

What.

I don't care about Sasuke anymore.

…I think.

Okay, okay.

I'm so gay.

I know.

"UGLY! THAT IS OFFENDING OUR PRIDEFUL GAYS LIKE ME!"

"Go die in a hole, Sai."

"Not until you take that back."

Anyway… again.

I was walking from my hospital shift, and it was the late afternoon.

I usually kept myself alert in case of any perverts came over.

It normally happened.

(AND IT'S HELLA ANNOYING.)

As I was keeping myself alert,

I heard this voice.

…

Oh.

Oh.

I KNEW THAT VOICE!

Like.

Totally.

That is the one and only Sasucakes!

But.

Waitttttt.

He's…

…Singing.

SINGING?

Oh shat.

Oh shat boy.

I turned from looking at the interesting ground to where Sasuke's voice was coming from.

And I gasped.

GOD.

Did you hear me?

Let's say it again.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

Nope, still not enough.

Ohmygod

Want to find out what I just unbelievably, NOT-IN-A-FRIGGIN-LIFETIME saw?

It was Sasuke.

Not just Sasuke.

But Sasuke.

Singing.

(Think that's enough?

…Nope.)

Singing

And

Strutting

Sexyback.

He.

Was.

Smiling,

Like he was actually e n j o y i n g the song.

ENJOYING PEOPLE. ENJOYING.

"I'm bringing sexy back

Them other fuckers don't know how to act

Could

Come let me make up for the things you lack

Die

'Cause you're burning up I gotta get it fast."

Happily.

Right now.

BAHAHAHAHAHA! (insert retarded laugh here)

Oh god, the apocalypse of hawtness has came.

And so has the apocalypse of darkness…

I'm getting a bit tired…?

Few?

Minutes

Later

"Sakura."

NUUUU! MEDON'TWANTTOWAKEUPYET!

"Sakura."

Fine.

You win.

My eyes opened from the brilliant dream.

But the thing was, it wasn't a dream.

It was proved by the earphones our dear Sasuke-kun was still wearing.

I gaped at him like he had two ears.

Uh.

I mean, two heads.

His perfect eyebrow raised.

"You fainted, Sakura."

Oh.

But I kept continuing to gape at him, and his eyebrow lowered slowly.

Something made me think that he knewwhat I was shocked at.

"You…"

"Hn."

"Were…"

"Hn."

"Singing…"

"Hn."

"And strutting…"

"Tch."

"TO SEXYBACK BY FRIGGIN' JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!"

"…Hn."

"DON'T YOU GET IT, YOU, YOU, ARROGANT BASTARD! THAT IS SOOOOOO UNLIKE YOU, LIKE… LIKE! JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE? SEXYBACK. WTFOMFGBBQ!"

Hence comes back the eyebrow raising.

"I don't care, Sakura. I like a song. Got a problem?"

"OF COURSE I DO, SASUKE! THIS JUST PROVES THAT YOU ARE DIFFERENT INSIDE! Hmmm, actually, possibly homosexual."

…

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Aw. Does this mean that you are gay? OMG!"

Sigh.

"Honestly, Sakura. A gay guy wouldn't even listen to this song. It's about a fucking guy having orgasms while watching a girl's ass. He must have hormones. How annoying and dense could you be? Tch."

Ignoring that comment.

As well.

"YOU HAVE HORMONES, SASUKE-KUN? BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Gah.

I should seriously get rid of that ridiculous and uberly retarded laughter.

"Hn. Whatever, Sakura. I don't even know why we're arguing, you know you liked it."

"Liked what?"

Roll of eyes.

"Me strutting to that… song."

Smirk.

"WHAAAAAAAA? HELL NO! IN YOUR DREAMS! JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, IS LIKE, WAYYYYYY SEXIER AND HAWTER THAN YOU! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT, EMO GAY?"

"Hn… But, what if… it is my dreams?"

BAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Wait.

WAIT.

WAITWAITWAITWAIT.

Slow down, turbo.

Whatthefuck.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK?

Analysing

Sentence

"Did… you… just…"

"Hn."

"GOD DAMMIT WITH THE HNS, UCHIHA!"

"You, you… y-you just admitted you had friggin' wetdreams about me, SASUKE! Like, what the fuck?"

"Mm. You turn me on, Sakura."

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

Smirk.

"Do I turn you on, Sa-ku-ra?"

Oh no.

His voice was husky.

TROUBLETROUBLETROUBLE.

RAPERAPERAPE!

"U-uh… I think I'll be going now, Sasuke-kun! Goodnight, bye byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeKYAWTF?"

"Hn. You're not going anywhere."

Was

Being

Pushed

Back

The

FRIGGIN WALL!

This was trouble.

Sasuke's smirk became bigger, and his onyx eyes smouldered into my emerald ones.

I wasn't able to fight back the blush.

As soon as I was backed up to the wall, his hard body pushed into mine.

"Sa-ku-ra… I could do so many things right now with you. Weak and out of control…"

His nose skimmed my neck.

OH NO HE DIDN'T JUST—

-insert groovily waving finger in front of face here-

Eep.

That bite hurt.

"S-Sasuke-kun!"

"So, somany things…"

I smirked as well.

Sorry to break your bubble wrong-minded betch, but so can I.

We'll play hard, baby.

I leaned forward, making out as If I wanted to kiss him.

Oh hell noz.

I saw the approval in his eyes, but that was slightly spoiled.

SMACK SMASH!

Let's just say I rearranged his sexy face just a L I T T L E bit.

"Oh, and by the way, Sasukuns?"

Growl.

"I'm sogoing to tell EVERYONE about what just happened!"

"Sakura… you wouldn't dare."

Grunt.

"Oh, Sasukuns… I would."

Walks away slowly.

Turn.

"By the way… I did think it was sexy."

…

WHY ISN'T HE GIVING ANY RESPONSE?

Grrr.

Wait, I hear something…

"Sa-ku-ra… keep moving."

That's not what I wanted.

"…What did you just say?"

"Hn. I'm watchin' your sexy back."

Looks like he's looking for a little more face rearranging.

Man, what was I on when I wrote this? :x