Title: Space, Time and In Between
Summary: Haley needs attention from Nathan during his dark phase of recovery. Approx up to 5.03, and with no mention of the Nanny! Just a little something that was collecting dust from last year, and decided to share.
Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters
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For the umpteenth week in a row, Haley came home from running errands to find Nathan passed out on the living room couch. Beer bottles were strewn around the place, and the house smelled of sick. Jamie would be returning home from a playdate soon, and she couldn't have him see his Daddy, or the house, like this.
It was becoming a tiresome routine, but she didn't know what to do. The past four months had been like a bad record on a constant loop, and she hoped it would all change soon for the better. She missed him. It was a simple as that. This once strong, virile young man, who had given her a life and a son, was sorely missed. He had become a hollow shadow of his former self. She could never hate him, but she was becoming scared that she would never have her husband back, and that Jamie would never have his father back.
Like clockwork, she grabbed a trash bag from under the sink, shook it open and began clearing the offending items from the living room, letting them crash together in the bag. The sound of shattering glass didn't even stir Nathan from his passed-out state.
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Haley came into the living room, as Nathan sat on the couch, his hand resting against the side of his head. He was wallowing…again. She walked over to the coffee table and started clearing away the bottles of drink.
"Well, he didn't race. He was afraid. You might know something about that."
"We're all afraid."
"Yeah, but he's four, and he needed his Dad, and his Dad wasn't there…nice work, Dan."
She walked to the trash can in the kitchen, her temper rising. Nathan was sitting on the couch, unmoved, and in silence. The nerve of him, she thought. With that, her frustration took over, and she took a long swipe of her arm along the kitchen counter, sending the beer bottles flying. It was the only time she saw Nathan move, as he flinched at the sound.
"Are you gonna say anything or are you just gonna sit there like you have for the last four months? You gonna get drunk, maybe pout a little, cry."
"You don't get it, do you? I used to be somebody, Haley. Do you understand that? You understand what that means? I used to be Nathan Scott, and I was great. And I shoulda walked away, OK. I know that, and I didn't do it, and now I'm nothing and I have nothing."
"You have nothing? You have a beautiful son who is here. I am here. You have got to figure out who you're gonna be in this Nathan, because this version of you does not work for us. I cannot keep living like this, OK? Do you understand what I'm saying? One more night like this Nathan, and I promise you, you will have nothing."
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Haley wiped away the tears as she lay in bed thinking about that night after Jamie's soap box race. There hadn't been another angry night like that – no obvious signs of alcohol in the house - however the passive silence from Nathan as he lay on the couch was just as soul destroying. She missed having him in their bed…having him hold her as they drifted off to sleep…having him make love to her. God, they were good together, and not just in bed. They were a team. They had been though so much together, and their love was mammoth. Why couldn't they get throught this together? Haley rolled over in the bed and looked at the time – 3.04am. She rolled back over and sighed. She wanted to feel his touch again, but resigned herself to yet another night alone.
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As she made her way downstairs, she could hear movement: a father and son, talking, to be precise. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but still had her fingers crossed, nonetheless. She slowly made her way down the rest of the stairs, and stood just outside of the living room, out of their view.
"…and then I fed Chester, and he sounded like he had bunny hiccups Daddy."
"Is that so? I didn't know bunnies could get the hiccups. You have to come get me the next time it happens, OK? I want to see it for myself. Now, what do you say you help me with that plate and glass, so it's nice and clean for when Momma comes in."
Jamie giggled at his Daddy, as he scurried over to help clear the dishes. Haley smiled to herself as she witnessed the sight before making her presence known.
"Good morning."
"Hey Momma! Look! Daddy and I are helping to clear up for you, so you don't have to." Jamie ran over and gave her a hug, as she welcomed him in her open arms.
"Thanks baby, I really appreciate your help." Looking over at Nathan, she gave him a shy smile. "How are you feeling today Nathan?"
"A little bit of everything." He turned his wheelchair around and headed back into the kitchen. Haley blinked a few times in disbelief at his response, but refused to let it get the better of her. At least he responded, and at least he's interacting with Jamie.
"OK Jimmy-Jam, are you ready to go and play with Uncle Skills today?"
"Yes Momma. I have to get my bag."
"Chop chop. We need to leave in a few minutes." She turned her attention back to Nathan, who was pulling a bottle of water from the refrigerator. At least it's not beer.
"Nathan – "
"Yeah?"
"It's good to see you off the couch." She smiled a small smile before continuing. "Jamie's staying with the guys for dinner – he'll probably convince me he needs to stay over – but I was just wondering if you and I could have time together tonight?" She briefly bit her bottom lip, waiting for his response.
"Do you think I can go anywhere in this state?" Their eyes locked at his response, and he broke away first. "Yeah, sure. I'll be here."
Haley nodded in his direction, before rounding up Jamie and heading off to work.
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"Mommmmmaaaa, please can I stay with Uncle Skills, and Uncle Mouth and Uncle Junk and Uncle Fergie tonight? Please?" Jamie tugged on her skirt as she arrived to pick him up.
"Oh honey, I don't know." Turning to Skills, she shrugged her shoulders.
"It's fine, Haley. Jam Master J can crash at our pad tonight."
"Thanks Skills. I'll come by tomorrow morning to pick him up." She picked Jamie up and held him close. "I love you little man. You be on your best behaviour, and I'll see you tomorrow morning OK?"
"OK Momma. Love you"
"Love you sweetie. Eskimo kisses please." They rubbed noses together as Haley set him down.
"Have fun guys!" She waved at them all as she left the apartment and walked slowly to her car. Now, it was time to face her husband.
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Pulling in to the garage, she grabbed her purse from the passenger seat and took a deep breath. OK, here goes. Hopping out of the car, she got her keys out and pressed the button to lock the car. She opened the connecting door to the house, and slowly walked inside. As she moved into the living room, she saw Nathan on the couch…asleep.
Haley sighed as she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She shook away the tears that were threatening to form, and headed upstairs to bed.
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She sat at her dresser, brushing her hair and sobbing uncontrollably. This was not meant to be her life now: her husband downstairs on the couch, not wanting to heal, whilst she went to bed alone every night. She wanted him desperately, but felt selfish for wanting such things in his current state. She placed the brush down and tightened her robe. She pulled back the covers on the bed, and crawled in, turning out the light and willing herself to sleep. She hugged herself as the tears continued to fall. All she wanted was to feel his touch. To hear that, despite everything, he still loved her. It was driving her crazy.
Wiping away the tears, she stopped crying and got out of bed. Taking her robe off, she also removed her nightshirt, and then put her robe on, tightening the tie as she stared straight ahead. She looked around the room and headed downstairs.
Her bare feet padded lightly against the wooden floors, as she approached Nathan. She turned on the small lap situated on the entry desk and, in the glow of the small light she noticed Nathan was awake, and staring into space.
"You're awake."
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep."
"I didn't want to disturb you. I just wanted to get a glass of water." Haley walked into the kitchen and got drink, downing it in one effort. Placing the glass in the sink, she walked past Nathan again.
"Haley?"
"Yeah?"
"You said you wanted alone time tonight. What did you want to talk about?"
She smiled and sat on the chair opposite him. "Us"
"What about us?"
"I miss you so much, Nathan"
"I'm here".
"Exactly". She drew in a sharp breath. "I want you back in our bed. I am lonely without you."
"What do you want from me, Haley? Sex? I can't give you that, and I don't know if I want it, either.."
She sat before him, her lip trembling, as she tried to prevent the tears from forming.
"I just want…no, I need to know that you miss us. That you would rather have what we were, than what we are now. I know I do."
"Haley – "
"Nathan, please. I love you so much. I have only ever wanted you, and I miss being in your arms. I miss feeling protected. Please come back to me."
They stayed silent as her words hung in the air. She thought she could see something familiar in his eyes. Some form of recognition of what they had….of what they could have again. He sat fully upright on the couch, and ran his hands through his hair.
With an even tone, he began: "Haley, do you think I enjoy living like this? Do you honestly think for one second that I choose to live this way."
"No, I don't think you want this, but you're wrong. You have a choice Nathan. You can have your life back. It just takes time, but you are an amazing man, and I know you can do this. Jamie and I will be with you every step of the way."
"I don't know, Hales" Hales. He hadn't called her that in months. She smiled to herself at his use of her name. She seized the moment to pursue what she had originally wanted, and stood up, walking over to Nathan, so that his head was at her waist height.
"..touch" She slowly unwrapped her robe, and let it fall from her body, standing before him completely naked.
He looked at her and let his eyes roam up and down her familiar curves. If he were honest with himself, he had missed her even more. Had missed cloaking her body with his, as his moved within her, and bringing her to orgasm. Never had he experienced a more intense pleasure in his life.
"Nathan? " He looked up at her. "Touch me…please."
He moved his hands along his sweatpants and then reached out, drawing a line with his fingers on either side of her. Starting at her hips and moving up. He then drew his hands back down and stopped at the small of her waist. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, and he couldn't believe she was his. He could feel her trembling slightly under his touch, and she moved closer to him, allowing her hands to run through his hair.
"Haley – "
"Ssshh, Nathan, it's OK." She placed her hands over his, and dragged them from her waist down to her thighs. Taking one of his hands, she kissed his fingers before returning them to thigh level, and brining them to her core. Before they reached their destination, she could feel Nathan pull back slightly as he looked up at her. She smiled back down at him and felt a weight lift from her shoulders as he returned her smile with one of his own. It was a start.
She moved their hands back to their path, and felt weak at the knees when his fingers brushed against her gently. He could feel her want, and using his middle finger, he plunged in further. Haley placed her hands on his shoulders to keep her composure, as she felt the familiar pattern of his finger stroking her. She threw her head back, and he inserted another finger, rubbing against her inner walls. He watched her enjoying the moment, and was surprised at the rapid reaction of his body to her. He felt the pressure building in both of them, but knew he couldn't satisfy her in the way he wanted to. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her abdomen. He heard her sob at the action, and stilled his movements.
"No, Nathan, please don't stop."
"Haley…I can't give you what you want from this."
"Yes. Yes you can. All I want is for you to keep touching me." She reached down for his other hand, and brought it up to cup one of her breasts. He missed feeling the fullness of her, and stroked over her nipple gently.
In one movement, Nathan saw Haley move down and rest on her knees. They were almost level, eye to eye. She moved her hands over his thighs, and to the waistband of his sweats. Nathan closed his eyes at the feeling, and the anticipation of what was to come next. Her hand snaked just under the waistband, as her knuckles brushed lightly over the head of his erection. She then held him in her hand completely, and began to pump gently. He covered her hand with his own, and stared into her eyes. They locked for a moment, and she saw another tiny smile draw on his face. With his hand on hers, she continued stroking him, reveling in the warmth she felt. She rubbed her thumb over his tip, and he drew in a sharp breath. He hadn't been touched like this in months, and he missed it. He moved his hands to either side of her face and tentatively moved forward to kiss her. His messy facial hair felt wiry over her mouth, but she didn't care. She welcomed his kiss, and opened her mouth to tangle their tongues.
She felt one of his hands move back to her core, and the beautiful stimulation started over again. They were pleasuring each other, and it felt good. Damn good. It wasn't panicked or frenzied. It was gentle and loving – it was two people in love who had missed each other desperately.
Nathan was sent over the edge first – his body still in recovery and numbing some of his senses. He was slow to react, but placed his hand over Haley's, and they both felt him jerk under the release. The sensation spurred Haley on, and with several more strokes from Nathan, she began to tremble for all the right reasons. She clung to his shoulders, as her orgasm washed over her. She shuddered against his hand, and he held her close.
As their breathing returned to normal, Haley made a start to stand up and reached for her robe. Nathan watched her move, and reached out again for her.
"Haley…"
She shrugged her robe over her shoulders, and knotted the tie. She looked him in the eyes and paused.
"I do love you, Haley. And I'm sorry if I haven't made you feel loved." He looked down at his wedding ring and back into her eyes. "It's just going to take some time, but we'll get there, I promise."
She smiled and stroked the corner of his chin.
"I know baby, and I'm here for you always. We'll do this together, OK?"
"OK." He grabbed her hands as she tried to walk away. "Where are you going Haley?"
"Back to bed, why?"
"Look – I may not be able to follow you and run up the stairs tonight, but I thought…."
"What?"
"You could stay down here with me. We could just sit here and I could hold you?"
She sighed out loud and couldn't hide the smile on her face. "I was hoping you would say that."
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