AN: Well lookie here, I'm writing a fanfic. It's a parody, too. I've been planning on writing some dramatic mature story, and, while I'd like to have some melodramatic reason for not doing so, I'm just a procrastinator. So instead, I've decided to bitch and moan about things I don't like, but in fanfic form. That way, people will actually read it. And they might be entertained, too! Cool! I'm also writing a parody because I can make characters as OOC as I want and I can just say it was for "the lulz." Plus a lot of people read parodies, and I like asspats.

Eating Paste; Chapter 1:

"Bird Tears"

or

"Demons Can't Cut Themselves With Knives, Stupid"

Raven decided that she was going to cut herself.

Maybe it was because she was in love with someone who didn't love her, because they already had a girlfriend or didn't have a penis or were trapped in a book. Maybe it was because she couldn't feel emotion, and somehow cutting helped that. Maybe it was because she was emo, and apparently emos always cut.

In any case, she decided she was going to cut herself because I said so, and I'm the author.

Now, Raven had never cut herself, and was unsure of what to do. What knife should she use? She decided upon a rather large steak knife that was in the silverware drawer.

Next, she didn't know where to cut herself. She had read stories where people cut themselves in the bathroom, but there was only one (yes, one) bathroom in the Tower, and it might be obvious when it was covered in her blood. So Raven decided to cut in her room. But she got some towels (red ones, of course) to clean up the blood with.

Wrist cuts bled a lot, right?

Raven set the towels down on the floor and sat down beside them.

She rolled up her sleeves so that they wouldn't get stained with her blood, because that would probably be suspicious.

Holding the knife awkwardly over her pale, pallid inner arm, Raven was unsure of what to do.

So was she supposed to just… Cut herself? Just like that?

Raven eyed the knife before sinking it into her wrist, slicing it back and forth.

She gritted her teeth. People… People enjoyed this?

After biting her tongue to avoid crying out in pain, Raven removed the knife from her arm and admired her handiwork.

…Only to watch as the gaping skin healed itself back over perfectly, not showing a single trace of a scar.

Raven pouted heavily, then stuck the knife back in her arm. She pulled it out, and the cut sealed itself back over again.

This cycle continued for a couple of minutes until Raven stood up.

"Screw this." she said, going to get some of Robin's birdarangs.

She was going to cut herself before the day was over, even if it killed her.

AN: LOL LEAVE A REVIEW YOU GAIZ. But seriously, if you liked it, let me know. There's more where that came from~