AN: This is a scene that takes place as Bella is waiting for her flight to Seattle. I never decided if it was Midway or O'Hare, but anyway, she's had a hell of a day if you recall. She's signed her divorce papers, left her job, and her home for the last seven years. Girlfriend needs a break, but I had one more sliver to drive into her heart. Unfortunately it didn't fit with the flow of Chapter 5. I wanted the transition to EPOV to start just after she leaves. Alas, what is a poor scribe to do? Why, share it with you as a deleted scene, of course. Enjoy.

~*~

I settled into a seat near the gate as I waited for my flight to Seattle to board. There had been a slight delay due to high winds; a tornado watch had even been issued. Leaving the Midwest and its schizophrenic weather would be a nice respite for me. I set the venti, non-fat, no whip mocha next to me on an open chair and opened my satchel to look for one of the many magazines I was certain Alice had packed. As I dug around I felt the sharp edge of a box. Perplexed, I pulled the mysterious item out.

I turned the dark brown box over in my hands and noted its solid weight and thick orange satin ribbon wrapped around it. Slidding the ribbon off, I slowly lifted the lid. I pushed aside the orange tissue paper and gasped at what lay in the box-- a beautiful leather bound book with a gorgeous embossed swan on the cover. Alice must have bought me a journal. Her thoughtfulness made me smile as I lifted the book out and opened the cover. Instead of the "XOXO, Alice" I expected to see on the opening page, the actual words forced a sob from my throat and caused my vision to blur.

~*~

December 12, 1996

My attempts to pack my duffel for my holiday visit to Jacksonville were not going well. Edward was sitting on the bed removing each item as it went into the bag.

"Would you stop it!" I laughed.

"What?" He smiled at me impishly.

"I have to pack, Edward. You don't want me to walk around Jacksonville naked, do you?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Of course not. I want you to walk around naked here with me."

I set the t-shirts I had in my hand down and knelt in front of him. "I don't want to go. You know that. You know that if I could see my mom any other time, I'd stay here."

He ran his hand through his hair and let out a sigh. "I know. I'm being a prick. I'm sorry." He reached forward and wrapped me up in his familiar embrace. Laying back, he pulled me on top of him, and I placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"You're not being a prick. You're just being Edward." I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn't, especially after he began assaulting my sides with his fingers.

"Take it back! Take it back, Bella." He teased me with his velvet voice.

"OK, OK! I take it back," I laughed. He brought me closer to him and began placing open mouth kisses on my neck. It felt heavenly, and I moaned both my appreciation and regret; I really did need to pack.

"Nice try, lover boy, but I have to finish this tonight. I have to leave after my last final, and you know I won't be coherent in the morning."

He rested his forehead on my shoulder and nodded slowly. "I want to do something first though. Sit." He gently untangled us and moved away from the bed.

As I watched him walk over to my desk and retrieve his backpack, I thought about how lucky I was to be his girlfriend. We had been inseparable for the past year. After the awful first Thanksgiving, we both had decided that we were in this for the long haul no matter what anyone else thought and just focused on loving each other. I hadn't regretted that decision for a single minute. My musings were interrupted as he pulled out a brightly wrapped box with a shiny silver bow.

"EDWARD!" I screeched. "You promised! No gifts until after I get back."

He flashed his crooked smile at me. "I'm sorry. Well, no, I'm not. I couldn't wait to give this to you." He sat next to me and placed the beautifully wrapped box in my lap.

I slapped him playfully on the shoulder and carefully took off the bow. Sliding my finger under the wrapping paper, I gasped when I saw what was inside.

Collected Poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Oh, Edward!"

"So it's alright that I gave this to you early," he smirked.

"Yes! I love it. Thank you," I sighed as I leaned over and kissed him deeply.

I couldn't believe he remembered how much I loved her poetry. Pulling away from the kiss with an excited giggle, I began flipping through the white covered book in awe.

"I figured you could use an upgrade." He jutted his chin out toward my nightstand. My very worn and tattered copy of a selection of Edna St. Vincent Millay's poetry sat near my alarm. I had bought it at a yard sale for a dime when I was twelve. I had since devoured its contents and the margins were covered with my thoughts. Tape was even holding the cover together in several places. It had lived a good life. I ran my hand down the pristine cover of Edward's gift and felt the warm tears slide down my face.

Throwing my arm around his neck, I whispered, "I love you."

He pulled me back and brought his lips to mine, placing a slow kiss upon them. He moved back a bit so our eyes could meet. "I love you too, Bella. So much."

I smiled as I turned my attention back to the book. Opening the cover, I began to flip to the Table of Contents but my eye caught Edward's elegant script on the title page. I looked up at him, and he shrugged. Turning my gaze back to the page, I began reading:

"And all the loveliest things there be

Come simply, so, it seems to me."

Bella ~

You are the loveliest thing I've ever seen.

All of my love,

Edward

Christmas 1996

~*~

An announcement over the loudspeaker jolted me back to my reality as I ran my hand gently over the page in front of me. Edward's gift had become so important to me over the years. All my free time in Jacksonville that Christmas had been spent reading the entire book cover to cover. While Renee complained about the lack of mother-daughter mall time, I sat on her and Phil's deck and lost myself in Millay's words. Even when I changed my major and focused on statistics and historical world financial markets, the book was always on my nightstand. I'd flip it open and just start reading. It soothed me.

Over the years it was relegated to a shelf, and then when we moved into the Fordham condo it never made it out of a box. Esme's decorative theme didn't have a place for lowly paperbacks. Alice must have found it when she was repacking my things and had it bound for me, which was kind of odd, but so sweet of her. I traced the beautiful embossing on the cover and then dug my phone out of my bag. I dialed and was connected almost immediately to Alice.

"Hi, Bella! Sucks about your delay." She greeted me.

I didn't want to know if her sixth sense had "told" her about the delay or if she had been stalking my flight on the Internet, so I let her comment go.

"I just wanted to thank you for binding my book, Alice. I love it."

"Oh, well, um, I'm not the one you should thank," she said solemnly.

Confused, I absently thumbed through the book until a flash of emerald green caught my eye. I carefully turned to where the thick ribbon was nestled and felt the fresh tears begin to flow. I read:

I looked in my heart while the wild swans went over.

And what did I see I had not seen before?

Only a question less or a question more;

Nothing to match the flight of wild birds flying.

Tiresome heart, forever living and dying,

House without air, I leave you and lock your door.

Wild swans, come over the town, come over

The town again, trailing your legs and crying!

It was the last poem from Millay's work Second April entitled "Wild Swans". I knew instantly who had bound the book. Edward.

"Oh, Alice," I whispered.

"I know, sweetie. I wanted to tell you, but he asked me to give it to you as he didn't know when you were leaving. I thought putting it in your bag was best."

"Why would he do this? We haven't said two words to each other in months and then he does this? We didn't even say goodbye," I choked out. "I just left. I couldn't manage to say anything. How did this happen, Alice? How did we get here?" I sobbed.

I was drawing attention to myself so I put the book back in the box, placed it in my bag, and headed to the restroom.

"Look, Bella. This is where you both are right now. Neither of you are happy. Selfishly, I love you to death and want you to stay, but you have an amazing opportunity to find yourself. You need to do this. Edward needs this time too." I heard her voice take on a protective, sisterly quality.

"I didn't even say goodbye," I sighed. "Take care of him, Alice."

"I will, sweetie."

Wiping the tears away I tried to pull myself together. "I gotta go, they are going to be calling my flight in a few minutes."

We ended the call with promises to talk soon and I made my way back out to the gate after running a wet paper towel over my face.

My mind kept going back to why Edward had placed the ribbon on that page, on that poem. We used to talk about the irony of Millay, my favorite poet, writing a poem that focused on the bird with the same name as mine. Edward had jokingly called me his Wild Swan, but did he actually understand what the poem meant? Was he telling me now that he understood why I had to do this-- why I had to leave and discover who I was-- even though the enormity of that decision meant we were no longer together? That when I looked inside my heart I found nothing? Could he be so understanding of my needs? Why do this now? The small grain of doubt that had been rolling around my mind had worked itself into a pebble, but before I could give it any more thought, the gate agent's voice came over the loud speaker calling for general boarding of my flight. I knew I wouldn't find answers to these questions, and after the day I had experienced I needed to set this aside for now. Whatever Edward's intentions were I would have to worry about it another time.

I smiled at the agent as my ticket was scanned, and proceeded down the jetway. I had no idea if I'd ever return to Chicago, or if I'd ever see Edward again, but I was spreading my wings. I was going to take flight. I was going to find myself.

~*~

AN: The reason I didn't fight harder to find a place in the story for that is we'll get a bit of the history in EPOV, so the gist will be in the story, but not from BPOV. I hope it's not terribly indulgent of me to put this up and that you understand a little bit more of the quandry Bella finds herself in.

Thanks to the betawives for editing the shit out of this. It's not perfect and that fault lies completely with me.