6. Scales

Author: rogueandkurt

Rating: PG13

Spoilers: Up to 4x24 'Amplification'

Just a short piece. I didn't mean to write this. I sat down to write a Hotch drabble for my alphabet drabble meme on LJ and ended up with this instead. Thought I'd post it for kicks.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing.

Scales

"Morgan, how's Reid?"

"There's white powder in the room and the air was blasting."

The pained expression washed over his face before he could stop it - again? It's happening again? - but he moved forward, dismissing Morgan's guilt with a shake of his head. They needed to be agents, now - he knew that much - but how many more times would the world force him to choose between the job and his team, as if the two should be separate?

JJ's words sprang to mind, his frown deepening at the memory of the normally unflappable woman in tears as she'd looked to him for answers he didn't have. How? How could she choose this job over her child? How could she ever be that person and still go home at night whole?

He'd told her to choose the job, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that called him a hypocrite, that said that he just barely wanted to be like him these days - where did he get off telling anyone else to make the same mistakes?

'You lose Haley and Jack - screw this job - you won't have a life.'

But he had lost them, and here he was, two years later. Nothing ever changed. The choices always stayed the same, with the scales slightly tipped in the direction of their job.

His cell phone rang and he flipped it open, tuning out Morgan and General Whitworth's argument on Reid's chances of survival – a conversation he'd never wanted to hear.

"Hotch, I really messed up this time."

Reid sounded scared - did he think Hotch would yell at him? Did he think he would choose this – of all times - to get angry, or blame Reid for once again finding himself in life-threatening danger?

"Reid, we need to get you out and to the hospital."

"No, I'm staying right here."

That should have been expected, but Hotch felt his stomach clench with dread all the same.

Morgan bristled, guilt forcing its way to the surface again, latching on to something he could fight. "No, you're not, Reid."

"I'm already exposed. It's not going to do me any good to stop working the case."

There was logic in that - Hotch knew there was. How many cases had they solved because Reid had stayed on them, even when he shouldn't have? He didn't really want to think about it. Didn't want to wonder if he'd ever looked the other way when Reid was in trouble because they'd needed his help.

Parent or agent? Which came first?

"He's already infected," the General confided like a demon on his shoulder, urging him to put the job above all else. Like always. We need Reid's brain, a part of him whispered, feeling sick for thinking of Reid as a resource to take advantage of - a tool for their use - instead of a twenty-seven-year-old genius who loved magic tricks and was still afraid of the dark.

Morgan shook his head in disbelief. "Come on, Hotch, say something to him." Hotch wanted to listen. Tell him to leave. Get him to safety. Don't make the same mistakes again.

He hesitated - I don't know how to do this - searching for Reid's silhouette in the window. Parent or agent? Would there ever not be a conflict between the two?

Hotch's grip on the phone tightened. He'd told JJ to choose the job.

"He's right. His best chance is inside," he heard himself relenting, offering his youngest a suit and mask in a half-hearted attempt to make it all okay again. Morgan turned away in disappointment.

"It's not going to do me any good. I'm already infected."

The line went dead and Hotch stared at the phone in his hand, wondering if he'd ever stop getting it wrong.

Fin.