Like A Handicapped Manticore
Part Two: Zelos, You Jackass

Kudos to my three reviewers~ thanks for taking the maximum of thirty seconds to make my day, haha.

So, onto Manticore. I suppose it will be three parts after all. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this...hehe.

Note that yes, things do get a little bit OOC. But what else can be expected? I am only a fan fiction writer.

The group finally was advancing forward into the ballroom. Emil glanced around frantically, trying to catch sight of a pink head, but his eyes only met smooth backs and tail straps. It was futile; Marta was a master at avoiding him when she was upset.

Emil followed the other guests into the grand ballroom. He gasped. The circular room was at least three stories tall, with artful gold-gilded ceilings, and stained glass windows high above. On the walls were life-size portraits and paintings, presumably of past monarchs gone and dead. From the ceiling dangled the largest, most impressive crystal chandelier that Emil had ever seen; it emitted a radiant light that was warm and golden. In the background, a small orchestral group was playing some sort of waltzing music, to which couples twirled with in the middle of the room. It was a sight to enjoy with a loved one, not alone and dressed up in a female monkey suit.

He strayed off to the side, settling down into one of the beautifully carved chairs that looked more like art than a seat, but Emil didn't quite care anymore - what else could go wrong this evening?

And, of course, these are the magic words that screws over all idiots.

"Oi! Emil! Where's Marta?" Zelos's voice suddenly was seemingly shouting into his ear. Emil blanched, jumping out of the chair, but sighed when he realized it was only the redheaded Chosen. However, Zelos looked a little out of breath; Emil eyed him skeptically.

"Where are your...uhh...'hunnies'?"

"I escaped - I mean, I asked for a few minutes alone," Zelos said, taking in a deep breath. He looked past Emil, looking around the great room. He caught someone's eye - when Emil turned to look, he noticed Sheena turning around abruptly and walking in their opposite direction.

"Anyways...where's Martie?"

"I don't know. She left in a storm," Emil sighed, turning back to face the redhead. "I got her spitting mad somehow..."

Zelos sighed disapprovingly. He put his hands to his hips in a flounce.

"Emil, Emil, Emil! Don't you know how to speak to a lady?"

"Uhhh....no?" Emil said apprehensively. Zelos smirked.

"Still a virgin, I see," he said wisely. Emil's face flushed a deep red.

"Sh-shut up!" Emil snapped. But Zelos only patted him on the back in a comforting sort of fashion. Emil nearly knocked his hand away in an irritating fashion, but Zelos had drawn back and was already off on a tangent.

"It's all right. I understand. Well, do you want to learn how to lose it? Or, rather, Zelos's 101 To a Girl's Heart?" Zelos drawled, leaning over as he slung his arm around Emil in a knowing sort of manner. His loose braid whacked Emil in the face, but he didn't notice Emil's yelp or his spluttering refusals.

"N-no, I don't think -"

"Okay, well, first. You always tell the girl that she's the most beautiful. Always. This is the first step to making her melt into your arms -"

"Wait, why?" Emil interjected, confused. "Wouldn't she know that that's a lie? I mean, there are always going to be prettier girls out there -"

"Emil, kiddo, you gotta learn the arts, man," Zelos tisked. "What is a girl gonna do when she realizes that you don't think that she's the most beautiful? You have to realize, appearance is a lot to a gal. They take it up to get prettied up for us guys, and so you have to work with it."

"But-"

"ANYWAYS. So, the next step is to shower her in gifts, and make her feel like she is the only one in this whole world who matters to you, and she should! At least, at that very moment," Zelos chuckled.

"At that moment?" Emil gasped. "Zelos, how many girls -"

"And next step to make The Moves. Yep, that's right, The Moves!" He nodded at Emil's aghast expression, continuing as though not interrupted.. "Step number one: hold her hand gently. Not too possessively, but not loosely either; you don't want to leave the bad impressions. Step number two: hold her around the shoulders whenever she seems slightly chilly or when she seems displeased at anything. This is is the most important! You want to make her feel safe and protected with you. Step number three -"

"Uhhh...th-this is great and all, Zelos, but how is this going to make Marta happy with me?" Emil interrupted, utterly dubious. Zelos sighed.

"Ohhhh, little Emil, listen closely. Okay, fine, don't memorize the steps, they'll probably just come naturally to you anyways," Zelos said with irritation. "Well, all right, if you're too dense to do it the proper way -"

"Hey!"

"-then, at the very least, remember this one important thing," Zelos continued. "Girls will always register the bad in your words first, not the good. Like, if you compliment on how great she might look today, she might interpret it as 'oh, he only thinks I sometimes look good!' or something silly like that. There's no avoiding this. Ever. Unless you're dating Martel, but I'm sure even the goddess might have suffered this unfortunate female syndrome a few times in her existence. No, the ONLY way to help this is to be charming and sweet at all times. Do you understand?"

"Uhmmmm...yeah...I guess. Try not to make stupid double-meaning comments?"

Zelos sighed again.

"Yeah, sure, whatever kid. If you can't even get that simple abbreviated lesson and then get a chick shortly after, you'll probably carry on to being a forty-year-old virgin," Zelos grumbled. Emil blushed again, and shook Zelos's grip loose.

"Oh, go away," Emil said. Zelos shrugged, obliging as he strode away in a tentative fashion toward where Sheena was seen last.

"Good luck, kid," Zelos tossed over his shoulder as he left. Emil gave him no response, letting out an exasperated breath.

Okay, well, now to find Marta and, uhh...use Zelos's...'lesson'...on her, Emil thought, though a bit confused about how this would play out. Lying, deceit, and starving yourself of your gald was the way to make a girl happy? This was even harder than Emil had ever imagined. Emil glanced about the room, looking for Marta's slender figure.

"...Emil?"

Emil turned around tiredly, but brightened when he saw Marta's apologetic face staring back at him. Her peachy cheeks were tinged with pink. It was almost perfect timing.

"Marta? L-look, I'm sorry, I -"

"No, no, Emil, I was being stupid...I'm the one who should be sorry," Marta mumbled shyly. "I just...I just got really mad when you started looking at all the other beautiful ladies, you know? I just...got so jealous. It was stupid, we aren't even dating, we're just here as dates -"

"Marta," Emil said abruptly. He took her into a hug, forgetting completely of Zelos's extensive lesson. He felt Marta's heart rate skyrocket.

"E-Emil...?"

"Don't overthink things...okay? I am sorry for being so dense. It...It was just that...I don't know. I-I didn't want to lie to you, because you never do to me," Emil mumbled. "But...I do think you're...beautiful..."

"Oh, Emil...thank you."

Emil felt Marta's shy hands creep slowly up his back. Emil was feeling the familiar burning sensation in his face, but right then he didn't care. He slipped his hands down to her delicate waist, holding her close. He looked down at her lowered face; a similar blush was sieging her expression as well. All Emil could think of at that moment was how beautiful she looked in the light of the chandelier.

"Marta..."

"...E-E...Emil?"

"...Marta, I -"

Their cheesy and touching scene was quickly interrupted by a rather rambunctious Zelos.

"Hey! Virgin and pretty hunny! Come dance with me and my voluptuous she-bear - oh, wow, Emil, you've already gotten to step number four in ten minutes? Man, I gotta say, I'm impressed!" Zelos said, dragging an irate but slightly calmer Sheena along with him. Emil immediately let go of Marta, blushing furiously. He had to stop Zelos's loud mouth before he damaged any hope that Emil ever had.

"Zelos, shut u-"

"Soon you'll be rolling around with her under a sea of warm blankets, sharing your first passionate kiss - wow, I gotta hand it to you, you are a player!"

But it was far too late.

To Emil's ears, there was a sudden hush as a slow look of comprehension appeared on Marta's face. It was curious how many colors she could turn - first a slow, creeping white that appeared in her skin, and then a pinkish tint that invaded her cheeks and nose, and then finally, a reddish, almost sort of purple hue that took over her slowly shaking head. She looked just about ready to explode. Emil gulped, opening his mouth and closing it again numerous times, feeling exactly like a fish out of water.

"Emil....you...did all this...to have sex with me?!" Marta finally screeched. Her livid expression made all three of them take a few steps back.

"N-no! No no no NO!" Emil cried, her terrifying shriek finally bringing him out of his horrified silence. "That was Zelos being s-stupid, come on Marta, you know -"

"I know WHAT! HUH? That you want to get UNDERNEATH MY DRESS, THAT'S WHAT!"

"M-M-Marta -"

"Oh, this has been a bad idea from the START, I shouldn't've wasted all my gald on a nice costume for you, YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE IT ANYWAYS."

"No, M-Marta, I l-love it-"

"YOU STUTTERED. You just said that you would NEVER lie to me, and yet here you are, LYING YOUR ASS OFF. You despicable, miserable, intolerant jerk! Here I was thinking you were different, sweet, and kind, but you are just like ANY OTHER BOY!"

She seemed beyond all reasoning. Emil felt almost crushed underneath her screeching tones; even nearby dance guests looked over in their direction in utter dismay. Zelos still was looking impressed, but this time more so from Marta's rage.

"Wow, they're almost like a married couple already," Zelos whispered behind a cupped hand to Sheena; Emil heard him clearly anyways.

"You, my friend, are a jackass," Sheena growled in response.

The party ended quickly after that for Marta and Emil. After Marta's utter explosion, she had fled from the castle, sporting dripping makeup underneath a torrent of fresh tears. After going into Ratatosk Mode and nearly strangling Zelos to death (for once, Sheena was the one that had to save the idiot Chosen, not kill him), Emil ran after her, shouting her name into the dark city streets.

It was late at night, and the only sound that Emil could hear were Marta's distant footsteps and his own clacks upon the cobblestone. He was panting to keep up, but he soon lost track of her direction.

H-how does she run so fast in heels? Emil thought desperately.

"Dammit! Martaaaa!" Emil called once more.

His own voice echoed back to answer him, but nothing more.

"Martaaaa! Maaaartaaa...!"

Emil paused in his running, bending over to catch his breath. It was useless; she was utterly nowhere to be found. At least...not in the richer parts of Meltokio.

He hesitated. Surely Marta was smart enough to to head back to Zelos's manor rather than wandering into slums, right? Emil remembered the frenzied, sobbing state that Marta had been in, and he was sure that through her tears, she wouldn't have been able to tell the difference of where she was running to.

Emil swore loudly again. He ran through a few more alleyways, but he knew the inescapable truth - Marta had been last heard running in the direction of the slums.

An pretty unarmed girl, wandering the slums in the middle of the night...an easy target for any drunk or bastard who stumbled upon her. Emil felt himself beginning to shake, with rage, terror. The thought of seeking through the dark murkiness with potential ambushers lying in wait...

A cold sweat broke out. Emil took a deep, rattling breath, before diving headlong into the creeping shadows of the Meltokio slums.

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