"…6 dead in school shooting..."
Flip.
"…breaking news!"-
Flip.
"…being arraigned for fraud - "
Flip. Flip. Flip.
"– Defendant found guilty on two counts of …"-
Flip.
"4 Olympia teenagers caught in drug-bust! This is Beverly Walters reporting –"
Flip. Flip.
"Mr. woozy the swell octopus! Any child's best friend! Order now for a payment of only $19.95! And remember, stay swell!"
I blinked, confused, and looked up from my book to the television screen. After all the stories about crimes and killings that I had heard this was pretty unexpected. I studied the television screen. A cheery looking man stood holding a stuffed purple octopus. He grinned out of the screen, squeezed one of the octopus's tentacles, and I listened as 'Mr. Woozy' declared "Now that's swell!"
I stared. What the hell? Kids toys are getting kind of scary.
Charlie, who was sitting on the couch watching television, or rather channel surfing, snorted. I glanced over from my squashy armchair and saw him watching me, looking amused. I hadn't realized I was still staring at that damn commercial, I probably looked ridiculously engrossed in 'Mr. Woozy: The swell octopus!'
"You want a Mr. Woozy? Only $19.95. Now, that's a swell deal." He chuckled.
"Thanks, but somehow I think I'll pass." I laughed. I opened my book back up and continued to read as Charlie picked up the remote again.
Flip.
Flip. Flip. Flip.
"SCOOORRREEE!"
I sighed. A sports game. Well, at least it would keep Charlie from channel surfing. On the downside I would never be able to concentrate on reading if I kept hearing the announcer yelling.
I pushed myself up from the armchair and Charlie's cheek.
"I think I'll go to bed now, Dad."
"It's only 8:30, Bells!" he groaned, giving me the 'your-so-strange-sometimes look' I was completely used to.
"I know. I just want to get enough sleep. I start school tomorrow."
"Oh..right..right.." he said. He was focused on the television screen again, barely paying attention now. "'Night, Bells."
I muttered a "G'night" and fled up the stairs into my room. I closed the door behind myself, locking it. I leaned against my wall and sunk to the floor, putting my head between my knees. I had a headache from hell and I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about tomorrow. School. Oh God.
I hadn't been popular in elementary school. Not in middle school. Not in junior high, and certainly never in high school. I had no reason to expect to even make friends tomorrow. I was nearly fully convinced I would be spending the rest of my school years alone. An outcast. A freak surrounded by normal people. The ugliest duckling of all shoved in with a group of swans.
It's simply what you are, Bella. A freak. An ugly freak.
I knew it was true.
I wonder, what your mother would have said. Would she perhaps have comforted you? Consoled you, telling you that you would make friends? That everyone would love you? It's a lovely thought, isn't it, Bella?
I tried my hardest to ignore the voice filling my ears but it continued speaking.
What a shame she's gone. What a shame you let her die.
Tears were coming now. Always. Always it knew just was to say to snap things back into perspective. To remind me how worthless I was.
Freak.
Freak.
Freak.
FREAK.
Stupid. Worthless. Freak.
I couldn't take it anymore. I stumbled across my bedroom and fumbled through my desk drawer until I found it. The cold, metal razor blade.
'Freak' was still echoing in my brain, growing louder every second. I concentrated only on the blade I held in my hand, trying desperately to block out the horrible, but true word.
Freak –
I was a freak. I was a freak and a loser and ugly and a bitch and every other term the voice ever threw at me.
My hand shook as I brought the sharp metal closer to the delicate skin of my forearm. I gritted my teeth, biting back fear and sadness that welled inside me, and drew the blade against my skin. The pain, my antidote, seeped over me just like the red blood that blossomed on my arm. I concentrated only on that. The pain. The horrible, and wonderful pain.
The voice's chanting grew quieter as I cut again, until it finally stopped.
I wiped away tears that had formed and got up, digging through a drawer in my dresser until I found an old rag. I held it against my arm until the bleeding subsided.
The voice had left for now, but still I remembered the word. The word that described me so completely.
Freak.
I sighed. I would never be anything else, only a freak, and tomorrow would be no different. I would be the new freak at Forks High School.
//A.N. Sooooooo. I simply had to write s'more. I would really like some reviews *hopeful face*. I'm really happy though, thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/ or put my story on their alerts. That means a lot to me to know people actually like my writing//
Muchas gracias & you guys rock
-Mary:]