This Is How It Should Be, a queer as folk fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Brian or Justin or anything to do with QAF. All I own is my lovely new plot bunny.

Warning: Well this is pretty obvious, you know QUEER as Folk lol but yes this is indeed SLASH although I don't know if it can really be classes as Slash as that is usually associated with made up m/m pairings? Hmmm...what do you think?

Summary: Justin has come back to Pittsburgh five years after the events of the final episode to find an ill and vulnerable Brian. Will they be able to rekindle their relationship and get through this together or will Brian push him away like he tried before?

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This Is How It Should Be

Brian's parting words rang clear in my mind as I stepped into Babylon.

It had been five years since I'd been in Pittsburgh, five years since I'd seen him, Brian, the man I was in love with; the man I'm still in love with, and those final words echoed back to me as if it had been only yesterday when he told me it was 'only time.'

I was nervous, we hadn't even spoken on the phone during the five years I spent in New York and here I was just swaning back as if I'd never been gone.

I scanned the crowd of beautiful bodies trying to spot someone I knew when I caught sight of a blonde haired guy in his early twenties that I would recognise anywhere.

His presence in Babylon was surprising, considering the last time I'd seen him he was dating a girl, but there was no mistaking the once hustler boy, who was now adopted by Brian's best friend Michael and his husband Ben. No, that was definitely Hunter.

I locked eyes with him when he lifted his head and he did a double take, before grinning and making his way over to me.

"Long time no see stranger," he said.

"Yea it's been a while, you've grown," I laughed hugging the boy, or should I say, man. "So, where is he?" I asked trying to keep the hope and need out of my voice, and failing. I'd missed him so much, but I wouldn't call him and he wouldn't call me while I was in New York. It was easier that way, instead of spending the odd weekend when I wasn't busy with college or he was free from work.

The pause in Hunter's answer worried me. Had he found someone new? Had he finally moved to New York and not told me? I played with the ring on my finger, one that would have been my wedding ring, if we'd gone through with it.

I'd told Brian the night I left that we didn't need rings and vows to prove that we loved each other, because we already knew it, but I took it anyway. I never said goodbye to him that night either. I knew I'd be back and had hoped that he would want me back. Maybe I was wrong?

Nothing could prepare me to hear those next words from Hunter, words I thought I'd never hear again.

"He got sick," Hunter stated simply, sympathy written all over his face.

"What do you mean sick? He's not positive is he?" I asked.

"No..."

"Then what, is the cancer back?"

"Yes, well no, it's not come back so much as he's got a different cancer."

"How bad is it?"

"It was really bad, but he's in radio therapy now, like last time, but he's feeling the effects much more this time. I think he's got a couple of weeks left of the treatment, but he hasn't been back here since he was diagnosed. He wouldn't let Michael call you either, although, apparently he didn't need to." The younger male finished.

"Yea, I finished college last year. I've been working with an ad company in New York, but I knew I'd never stay there, I knew I'd always come back here." I said smiling a little. "Is he still in the loft?" I asked.

"Yea, Michael's there now, if you go now you'll make it in time, otherwise Brian won't answer the door; he doesn't want people seeing him that way."

"He always did hate feeling vulnerable. Thanks Hunter," I said hugging him again, before leaving the thumpa thumpa and disco lights of Babylon behind in favour of the oh-so-familiar journey to Brian's loft apartment.

I pressed the buzzer and heard Brian's voice in the background telling Michael not to answer before the other man's voice came through more clearly.

"Hello?"

"Hey Michael, can I come up?" I asked.

"Ju..."

"Don't say my name. I want it to be a surprise,"

"I don't think he's up for surprises,"

"It's okay, Hunter filled me in. I want to see him,"

"Fine, come on up."

"Michael, who the hell is it?" I heard Brian ask from his bedroom as I walked into the place I'd called home for those few years before I moved to New York.

I walked up the few steps and my eyes landed on the only person who could ever make my stomach do somersaults with nervousness.

"Justin," He whispered, almost in disbelief, as he stared at me from where he was propped up on several pillows in the giant bed that was once "ours."

"Hey," I replied sitting on the edge of the bed, my nerves still getting the best of me.

Brian looked good, but bad at the same time. He was as beautiful as ever and looked as if he hadn't aged a day since I'd last seen him but his face was contorted in pain and discomfort and he had the same paleness as the last time he'd been sick.

"I told them not to call," he stated, almost casually, although I could tell it was just an act.

"They didn't, I moved back to Pittsburgh, I didn't have a clue until I ran in to Hunter in Babylon when I was looking for you."

"Yea, that brat never did know how to keep his mouth shut," Brian replied with a pained laugh.

"I'm glad he told me," I stated, "I thought maybe you'd left or found someone new when I didn't see you in the club," I said playing with my ring nervously.

Brian's eyes followed my actions before looking down at his own hands and the matching ring that resided there.

"I didn't want anyone to see me, hell, I didn't want you to see me like this," he stated.

"Why? I would have come back, I loved you, I still love you, and I would have taken care of you, like last time."

"That's why I asked them not to call you, besides you wouldn't be saying that if Hunter had really told you everything," Brian snorted in anger.

"What's that supposed to mean? What, exactly, is so bad that you wouldn't want me to see you, after everything that we've been through together?" I asked, my own anger rising.

"I have breast cancer Justin. Men don't get breast cancer. Why would you want to be with me when you could have someone your own age, someone who is fit and healthy?"

"Christ, Brian, what the fuck are you going on about? So what if Hunter left that particular detail out? So what if you have breast cancer? Do you think that is going to stop me from loving you? Do you remember the last time we had this conversation? You've given me so many reasons to leave you, to stop loving you, over the years. Hell I could have stayed in New York and never come back, but I didn't. It was like you said, whether it was a month, five years, or never again, it was only time and nothing was ever going to stop me from wanting to come back to you, to come home. Not even cancer." I finished. Tears were streaming down my face unabashed now as I looked at Brian, pleading with him to believe me.

Brian just looked away, turning onto his side. But I wouldn't let him get away with that one. Kicking off my shoes I crawled up on the bed and lay behind him, wrapping my arms around him like he had with me after I got bashed. I felt him shaking in my arms and then I head the sobs.

It nearly broke my heart in two to hear them coming from someone who is usually so strong, someone who never lets anyone see just how vulnerable he is, or just how much he loves them.

Soon the sobs died down and he turned in my arms. At first I thought he was going to push me away, like he always has, but instead he smiled, a breath taking watery smile and kissed me.

"I'm glad you finally came home," he whispered against my lips, before falling asleep.

I lay there, content for the first time in five years with Brian cradled in my arms as I watched him sleep, until the sun crept in through my window.

So I've decided to leave this story here as a one shot, rather than a chaptered piece because i can't really think of anything to write and i rather like it ending here where you can imagine what happens next in the way you want it.

Multi x