A Thing of Convenience by Teenage Anomaly
She moves through moonbeams slowly Must be the sign on my head
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed
That says, oh...
Love me dead! Love me dead!
It was a thing of convenience, that was all. Two old "friends", lumped together for "old time's sake". Oh, if only those people who smiled and waved at them knew that old time's sake consisted of a breakfast in handcuffs, muddy cages, and a past filled with hate and, eventually, bitter agreement.
Convenient. Of course, it was convenient for her to knock on his door late at night, after she'd lost it all, rain running down her face and spilling out of her red eyes. She'd looked up at him, those green eyes big but determined and so very close to breaking.
"Can I stay? Just for the night?"
Benjamin just looked at her for a minute, the two not-quite-humans sizing each other up, before he nodded and stepped aside.
"Of course."
They both knew she wouldn't be gone in the morning.
---
She took a shower, and he worked while he listened to rain pound on the roof and shower-water pound on the tiles of the bathroom. He circled names, crossed off names, looked through old photos and tried not to think when he saw one of an eleven year old Alex on Richard's back.
The water in the bathroom shut off and he listened intently, still working. The sounds of Bach floated from the top-of-the-line CD player but over that he heard the domestic sounds of a woman making herself…. Well, womanly.
He heard the rustle of clothes.
A "clunk" and a soft swear, and he had to bite back a laugh.
Water running, and the soft sounds of teeth being brushed.
That creaking door he needed to fix swinging open.
And feet padding across the floor, feet that were so used to hiding and running and sand that she hardly knew what to do when she couldn't run from the carpet under her now.
He didn't have to act like he hadn't been listening to her. Listening to her or ignoring her- his posture, his demeanor would always remain the same.
"Do you feel better?" he asked, his voice slightly sardonic. But wasn't it always?
He turned in his chair, blue eyes taking her in, her uncomfortable stance and her wet hair and her too-big t-shirt. She met his eyes and nodded.
"Thank you. I don't mean to barge in on you like this-"
It was all an act, Ben thought, arching an eyebrow. Even as she glanced away and gestured hesitantly around the room, he knew that though she tried to convince herself that she cared, she didn't give a damn about "barging in".
"You don't have to pretend around me, Kate," he said in his analytical, crisp drawl (what an oxymoron, he thought) and her movements and justifications ceased. She looked back up at him and he simply quirked an eyebrow.
"I know you don't really care."
And just like that, the hesitant look turned to steel and she dropped her hands to her sides. It was like she turned into a different woman, right before his eyes.
"What do you want?" she asked, her voice flat and somehow challenging. Her face matched her voice; hard and unforgiving. It was like looking into a mirror.
"You show up at my door… and ask me what I want?"
He stared her down.
"I think you'll find it's you who want something, Kate."
---
"Aren't you going to leave?" he asked her, rudely, the next day as she was finding something to eat. She hadn't even asked to look through his pantry, but when he walked into the kitchen that morning, there she was, bold as anything, sitting on the counter and munching on his cereal.
Her eyes hardened, just as he knew they would. What he didn't know was which extreme she would go to.
"I might need to stay a while longer, actually," she said, and he shrugged.
"Okay."
Bingo.
---
"I have some things I have to get done today, if you don't mind," he said with a small nod, his coat folded over an arm. Kat glanced up at him from her book and nodded.
He gave her that miniscule smile of his and disappeared out the door.
---
The domestic sight of Kate, sound asleep on his couch, greeted him when he got home. He looked at her, quizzically, noting the still-drying tear tracks on her face and the deep shadows under her eyes.
Odd, how they'd come to this.
Benjamin Linus was not a curious man. He respected the need-to-know basis, and he expected others to do the same. Also, he knew that it did not take much to make Kate cry.
But he found himself wondering, as he did more and more lately… why?
Why him? Why was it his doorstep she haunted that night?
He knew why. Because she needed a place to stay, and because she knew he needed someone to manipulate.
So, really, it worked.
---
They fell into a sort of routine; the short and middle aged murderer and the young and beautiful murderer. He would leave, often while she was still asleep, and then when he got home, sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes early the next morning, something clean and sometimes bloody, she was sometimes there. Sometimes she wasn't. When she was, and when he was covered in so much blood he wasn't sure who's was who's anymore, she would sigh at him and roll those lovely, broken eyes and get the first aid kit as he sank down into the chair with something that sounded like a groan.
He slept in his bed, and she took the couch. Sometimes, he could hear her crying, murmuring names. He'd simply lie in his bed. Every now and then, he'd find himself wanting to comfort her.
And then he'd try to convince himself that it was only because he was tired of her sobbing.
He knew it was a lie.
---
She wasn't happy about the arrangement either, but really, what choice did she have? Left Jack-less and son-less in one fell blow, she turned to the one person in the state she knew- Ben. She hadn't really expected him to let her stay, but she was glad that he did.
She had to hold back a laugh when she though about how far they'd come. She was used to him, now, to his ways, and he was also adjusting to her. She could see it, in the way his eyes rested on her, in the way that his icy front was cracking, not out of emotion, but out of normalcy. The same thing was happening to her. She didn't love him, she didn't even like him, not really, but she was used to him. And really, it was almost the same thing.
---
He was getting used to her. He was used to coming "home" after a day of "work" to see her sitting on his couch, reading or sleeping or watching TV. She didn't pretend to like him. They both knew she was there because she had no other choice. Ben didn't ask her what had happened to Jack and her son, and she didn't offer an explanation.
Ben found that he began coming home sooner.
---
"I might be gone for several days," he said as they ate together one hot, dusty July night. She glanced up at him, curly brown hair falling into her face, still chewing, and nodded.
"Do you want me to come?" she asked, nonchalantly, as though she was asking about the weather. Ben thought about the proposal in a completely detached way, staring at the green wall of his kitchen without really seeing it. There was no doubt that she'd be an asset at what he was doing (killing, of course) but she was too emotional. She killed because she had to, to save her life or the life of a loved one, and Ben killed people who could become threats.
"No," he said finally, and she nodded.
"Alright."
---
He left very early the next morning, and Kate watched him from the armchair next to the window. He reached the end of the street and made a left turn, and that was when she climbed to her feet, pulling her hair back into a braid as she reached for the phone that wasn't hers.
"Sayid? I need you to do me a favor…"
---
Even now, she knew people. All the right people.
She knew Ben was still in California, in a little town up to the north of the state, almost in Oregon. She knew what he'd been doing since they got off the island- killing people who were threats or who could become threats.
Kate didn't mind that at all.
She threw together a bag, quickly, containing the bare necessities- two changes of clothes, extra underwear, a toothbrush, a bottle of hotel shampoo and one of conditioner, a knife, and a .34 hollow-point pistol.
She shut off the lights and locked the door behind her, then went out to the care to follow the man who had, in some twisted way, become her life.
---
It had been almost a week ago when the phone had rung, late at night, when Ben was gone. Kate had answered it, without thinking.
"Hello?" she answered blearily, blinking sleep from her eyes.
There was a pause on the other end, a pause that was somehow familiar, and then a beloved, accented voice asked, "What in the world are you doing at Benjamin's house?"
A smile crept across Kate's face as she sat up, flicking on a light. "I didn't have another option, Sayid."
"What about Jack and Aaron?"
Her face hardened as something twisted in her heart. "They found out I wasn't Aaron's real mom."
There was an extended silence. "I'm sorry."
"So am I."
There was a rush of static, and then Sayid asked, "Kate, is Benjamin there? It's rather urgent-"
"He's gone."
"Gone where?"
"Off killing someone, I guess."
Sayid gave a bark of a laugh, short and clipped. "No. I kill for him. Kate, I believe he's going to be walking into a trap."
"Tonight?" she asked, surprised, and she swung herself of the couch, ready to go after him if need be.
"No. The next time he leaves… they know he's coming."
"Sayid, tell me everything."
---
And so he had. Kate wasn't willing to loose someone else, even if that someone happened to be Benjamin Linus.
It took several hours to get up to the town Sayid had told her about. She went to a gas station and began filling up her car and pulled out her cell phone. She wasn't a fugitive anymore, but out of habit, she was wearing sunglasses and a cap.
"Sayid, where is he?"
"Look for the Evergreen Motel," he said. "That's where they were supposed to be meeting."
"Thank you so much, Sayid."
"You're welcome," he said, and she heard the smile in his voice. She snapped the phone shut and looked around. The place was the epitome of "ghost town". And, sure enough, there was the Evergreen Motel, with Benjamin's car parked outside it.
She parked her car and then walked into the shabby reception lobby. The teenage girl looked up from the magazine she was reading and popped a bubble of gum, her eyes sweeping over Kate disinterestedly. Kate took off her sunglasses and gave the girl a congenial but fake smile.
"Hi. I'm looking for my husband. Short, blue eyes-"
"Do you not know his name?" asked the girl, quirking an eyebrow. Kate's smile froze, then stretched again. The kid could be a problem.
"He doesn't always go by the same name."
"How do you know he's here?"
Her smile was beginning to slip, but the girl's eyebrow stayed quirked.
"His car's parked outside. A black Volvo, California tags."
"Lady, it's just company policy."
"Where is he?"
The girl sighed, rolling her eyes. "Room seventeen, second floor."
Kate forced one last smile. "Thank you."
She pulled her gun out of her jeans as soon as she was out of the girl's sight, then she followed the dingy lights down the dingy hall looking for a dingy room.
Room seventeen.
She pressed an ear against it and heard a thud, followed by a muffled groan.
It was good enough for her.
She kicked the door in, gun held at eye-level, and strode in. Benjamin was tied to a chair, blood dripping down his face. His assailant was big and beefy and red-faced and it was clear that he had overcome Ben through force and surprise. He didn't look to be the brightest tool in the box.
Ben's face flickered from surprise to being impassive in a heartbeat.
"Took you long enough," he said to Kate, but she was completely focused on the other man. His hands were up, although he was still glaring angrily at Ben.
"Who are you?" she demanded, and his eyes flashed to her.
"I'm John Keamy. Martin Keamy's brother."
"Yeah, you look just like that dumb shit," she spat, stepping towards him. He glared down at her.
"Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you right now," she snarled softly, eyes flashing. The man tilted his chin up, eyes defiant.
"Do it," he said.
"Don't do it, Kate," drawled Ben, his eyes blank. "It's not worth it."
"You shut up," she said, and he smirked.
She turned back to Keamy. "You'll leave here, and you're not gonna mention this to anyone, cause if you do, you will die."
He didn't nod, just glared down at her.
"Got it?" she snapped.
"Kill me. You'd be doing me a favor."
She seriously considered it for a few seconds.
"No."
Her hands dropped to her sides and she stepped away, not taking her eyes off of Keamy. Ben was watching her.
"Kate-"
At that second, Keamy lunged for her, a snarl twisting his face. Without blinking, Kate raised the gun and shot him between the eyes.
"Nice shot," said Ben as she bent down to untie him. Her eyes flickered up at him.
"Thanks."
---
After years of running and hiding from the law, Kate was done. She insisted they call the police.
She and Ben were released within twelve hours, as it was obviously a case of self-defense. Ben cleverly fielding questions as to why Keamy had been assaulting him in the first place and soon, the two were on their way home.
"Why didn't you let the hospital treat you?" asked Kate once they arrived at the house, several hours later. Ben shrugged, dropping his keys on the coffee table.
"I hate hospitals."
Kate laughed, rolling her eyes.
"What?" asked Ben, nonplussed.
"You are such a baby," she said, reaching for the first aid kit with a grin. Ben sat down at the table as she began to clean him up.
"How did you know where I'd be?" he asked her.
"Sayid called a few days ago. You weren't here, so he warned me."
"And you couldn't have passed the warning on to me, could you?" he asked sarcastically.
"I did offer to come with you."
They were both silent for a while, Ben wincing every now and then.
"I'm not used to being looked after," he said finally. Kate looked down at him and smiled sadly.
"That's a good thing," she said, "because I'm not either."
He looked up at her and smiled, really smiled, and she couldn't help but smiling back.
---
Their relationship changed after that. They began spending more time together, eating together, even occasionally going out.
People thought they were adorable. He was older and, to be completely honest, not very attractive, and she was youthful and beautiful. Their neighbors loved it.
Kate and Ben laughed about it, when they were alone. They wondered what those people would say if they really knew what their past together was comprised of.
Kate couldn't really put a finger on the point when she realized she cared about Ben in a way that was more than platonic, but she knew it had happened at some point. His biting sarcasm and underhanded humor, once something that infuriated her, she now found hysterical and a little bit adorable. Where previously she'd seen a middle-aged manipulator with nothing attractive about him, she now admired the little things about him that made him, somehow, irresistible.
Odd, how they'd come to this.
---
Yet another day of "work" and yet another day that Kate was helping to get him cleaned up after he sank to the couch with a muffled groan.
"God, I hate my job," he muttered, and Kate laughed. He opened his eyes and glanced at her.
Ben was no fool. He knew that, since she'd rescued him, her feelings for him had grown. He was loath to admit it, but he'd grown increasingly fond of her, too. She was capable, resourceful and intelligent.
He'd never been one to let an opportunity go to waste, and Kate Austen was definitely an opportunity.
"You've been here almost six months," he said, and she nodded.
"Time sure flies, huh?" she said with a smile as she reached for the hydrogen peroxide.
That's gonna sting, Ben thought.
"Why haven't you left?"
"I have nowhere to go," she said with a shrug, and then looked up at him, a sliver of hurt in her eyes. "Do you want me to leave?"
"I can't help but wonder why you want to stay."
A sad smile spread across her face and she sat next to him on the couch. "You remember how, the first time we met, you told me if I didn't handcuff myself, I wouldn't get to drink any coffee?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"When you said that, it just pissed me off so much… but now that we're here, I think it's hysterical."
She glanced up at him. "I guess… I guess I care about you way more than I ever planned on."
His eyes darted away from hers, around the living room. He'd expected this. But he hadn't expected that he'd genuinely enjoyed hearing it.
That could be a problem.
"Well, that makes two of us," he said, meeting her eyes. A smile spread across her face.
Like a kid at Christmas, he thought.
"I really didn't want to come here, you know-" she said, and he looked skywards.
"Kate."
"Yes?"
He looked over at her, a smirk spreading across his face.
"Stop talking."
Before she had time to be offended, his hand was behind her jaw and he was kissing her.
---
Soft morning light spilled into the room and over the bed. Two people lay there, wrapped around each other. The woman's hair spilled over the man's chest, and his arm wrapped around her soft back. She had a hand resting on his chest, rising with his breath. They'd have a hell of a lot to deal with later, but for now, they were content. Happy, even.
Hell. There was nothing convenient about it.
But the best things never are.
"Love Me Dead"' by Ludo
A/N: Wow. I'm really tired. It' super early and I just finished this, but I waNTed to post it cause I really, really like it. Ben/Kate is slowly becoming one of my favorite ships. I love twisted relationships.
As always, R&R!
sARAH