AN: Alright, my first Gintama one-shot! I'm so proud of myself! I dunno, I was eating a peanut butter jelly sandwich when this idea came to me. Kinda funny since this one shot has nothing to do with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Warning(s): Hinted Yaoi. Hijikata torture (as per normal when Sougo's involved), Gin-san's loss of his pudding. Has nothing to do with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Pairing(s): Gintoki x Sougo, sort of.

Gintoki had thought his morning would be a more peaceful morning (it's actually afternoon now). He had placed a shopping list on his desk the previous night (before he went out to the bar) for Kagura and Shinpachi to take care of in the morning so they would be out of the house. Because the two weren't there, he had a few more hours of sleep. Nice! Why? He had a killer hangover and couldn't remember much of what happened the previous night anyway. He had literally crawled out of his unusually warm bed before sprawling out on his couch with last week's issue of Jump. But when he looked up, blinked and blinked again, and found the Shinsengumi captain sitting on the other couch, all thoughts of having a peaceful 'morning' disappeared. He should have known better by now. Really, he should have.

"Oi, Okita-kun... What do you think you're doing, huh?!" He tossed the issue of Jump onto the coffee table.

"What am I doing?" The captain blinked and stared down at the plastic container he held. "Eating pudding."

"Eating my pudding!" Gintoki slammed his palm onto the coffee table separating the two. "At my house! Actually, what are you doing here Okita-kun?"

"Killing time."

Gintoki's brow twitched. "Killing time eating my pudding?! Oi!"

"Calm down danna, or you'll burst a blood vessel," Sougo said, his tone as bored as ever, focused on eating his stolen dessert.

"You'll be bursting soon if you keep eating my desserts." When did the sadist even get here? How did it come to the two sitting at the couches arguing over his own pudding? And where were the two brats? Shouldn't they have finished with the shopping list already? To be more specific, where was Kagura? If the China girl was here, Okita-kun would be too busy fucking with her mind to be eating his pudding. And why was he killing time at the Yorozuya?

"Nah, Hijikata-san's gonna be the one bursting soon." He took another bite and paused, looking up in contemplation before adding, "Or now."

Gintoki finally gave up on having his pudding returned, crossed his arms and sat back. "Ah?" he asked irritatedly. The captain probably did something cruel to the vice commander again. He smirked at the thought. What was it this time?

"Want to know danna?"

"No, I said 'Ah?' for no reason at all. Of course I wanna know, dumb ass!"

"Heh." Sougo finally finished the pudding and tossed the empty pudding container into the trash can behind him with pinpoint accuracy.

At the Shinsengumi headquarters kitchen...

"Damn you Sougo! You did this! I know it! When you get back--ARGH!" The oni vice commander dropped to his knees gripping his middle with a white-knuckled grip, sweating profusely, his face taking on an unhealthy pale blue tinge. The ruined remains of a mayonnaise covered dish on the linoleum floor were by him. A closer look revealed it to be yakisoba.

"Hahahaha!" Gintoki was rolling on his couch slamming his fist against the cushioned surface of the seat. "Serves that bastard right!"

"Right right? He'll never look at mayonnaise the same again!" Sougo was laughing just as loudly. He had poisoned the mayonnaise yesterday night with his own homemade brew of poison. It wasn't lethal...probably.

The door to the Yorozuya living room slid open.

"Ne Kagura-chan, am I seeing things? Why are Gin-san and Okita-san..." He trailed off. Sadaharu panted.

The two men in the room didn't even pay them any attention, too busy finding amusement in Hijikata's despair.

"You are a genius Okita-kun."

"Why thank you danna. Can I get another pudding as a reward for a prank well done?"

Gintoki's grin remained, but his brow twitched again. "Okita-kun you didn't even ask when you took the first one."

"Did too."

"Oh? When was that? Unless Gin-san's losing his memory in his old age, Gin-san doesn't remember you asking for permission for anything."

"When you were sleeping. You mumbled yes when I asked if I could eat one." It was amazing how the teen could keep a straight face saying the things he were.

"Oi!" Gintoki shot to his feet. "You were here for that long?! Why were you in my room when I was asleep?! And even if I was asleep I would never say yes to anyone asking if they could eat my pudding!"

"..." The teen looked away, still straight-faced.

"..." Gintoki blinked. Didn't the kid usually always have an answer for everything? Lie or not?

"..." Shinpachi blinked before his jaw dropped and his eyes bulged. Was Okita-san being embarrassed? No way. Could it be? No way right? But it could be right? Oh my god, no way!

"..." Kagura stared, not comprehending.

Gintoki's grin wavered. "Please say something Okita-kun. Awkwardness in the air here."

The young captain shrugged. "Felt like it."

"...You are forbidden from ever stepping foot in here again, you creepy stalker sadist kid," Gintoki declared, pointing his finger at him.

Sougo raised a brow, staring right back at the older man. "You're kicking out your only other accomplice in Hijikata-san torture?"

"Hm, you have a point there." Gintoki sat down again, apparently really considering the fact.

'He's an idiot,' Shinpachi thought.

"I heard that Shinpachi," Gintoki replied casually.

The four-eyed idol otaku nearly choked on his own spit. "Esper?!"

Gintoki expelled a lungful of air in exasperation. "You said that out loud." He turned to the Shinsengumi captain. "Right?"

Sougo blinked. "He did? I didn't hear anything."

Red eyes remained on him.

Sougo continued. "Oh, wait. I think I did hear him, danna."

Red eyes wandered over to the wall behind his desk. "Oi, when do you start work?"

Sougo shrugged. "Five hours ago." He eyed the three standing in the doorway. Why were they still standing there?

"You start work too early. That's eight in the morning!" Gintoki shook his head. "You should sleep in more." Of course, he knew perfectly well how Okita-kun sleeps on his job anyway.

Finally, Shinpachi moved. He strolled into the room and began putting away groceries. "That's normal, Gin-san. You're just lazy. And you shouldn't say that. Okita-san has an important job to do."

And apparently Shinpachi did not know the young captain slept on his job.

"Oi, how dare you speak to your boss that way?" he drawled lazily.

Shinpachi sighed and ignored the samurai.

Kagura had picked up the discarded issue of Jump and sat down next to Gin-san and began reading, doing her best to ignore the sadist.

"That's my Jump," Gin-san said but was ignored. He sighed. "No one listens to me." But he patted her on the head anyway.

"That's not true danna."

"Oh? Who listens to me? Not even the dog listens to me."

Okita looked over at the giant fluffy white dog sprawled on the floor who was busy reading a magazine. He never did understand that dog. "I listen to you."

Gintoki paused. He rubbed the back of his head. "So you do. Well, thanks for listening then. But you ate my pudding."

"Oh come on danna. It was one pudding."

"It was my pudding."

Sougo sighed. "I'll get you new pudding then danna."

"Get me a parfait and I'll call it even."

"Gin-san you eat enough sweets already. You shouldn't make Okita-san buy you desserts!" Shinpachi scolded. "Don't buy him any desserts, Okita-san."

The young captain and the silver-haired man completely ignored him. "Fine. I'll get you a parfait danna."

"I said not to get him anything!"

"Well, I should get back to headquarters." Sougo stood.

Gintoki waved him off with one hand, the other attempting to take the issue of Jump away from Kagura.

"See you later tonight then, danna." The young captain looked around searching for something before walking into Gintoki's room.

"Eh? Tonight?" His hands paused. Gintoki looked up, eyes narrowed in confusion. He looked even more confused when Sougo returned moments later with his katana strapped to his waist. Why was the young captain's katana in his room?

"Same place right?"

"Huh?" What same place? Was he missing something?

Kagura looked up from her reading. And Shinpachi had dropped what he was doing.

"You know, the bar."

"Bar? How do you know which bar I go to?"

Sougo's facial expression did not change as he continued. "I was there last night danna."

"You were?" Somehow, he had a feeling, and not a good one. "How come I don't remember?"

"You were drunk, danna."

He calmed down. "Ah, that's why. That makes sense." He nodded to himself.

"Well, last night was fun danna. Let's do it again tonight." He placed careful emphasis on the last sentence.

"What?" Gintoki looked up, shocked.

Shinpachi had gone deathly pale. The groceries he was in the middle of putting away slipped from his hands and hit the floor with a clatter. The comics met the floor with a loud slap. Kagura and Shinpachi's jaws had dropped so low, they were in danger of touching the floor.

But Sougo was already sliding the door close behind him.

Gintoki panicked, bullets of sweat rolling down his face. "Wait! What? What was fun? What did we do? Did we do it? Huh? Gin-san doesn't remember!"

A muffled, "I'll make sure you remember tonight," filtered through the paper doors.

END.

A/N: Like I said, it has nothing to do with Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches. Hahaha! Call me strange, but I like this pairing. Although it wasn't much of a 'pairing' in this one shot. R&R, alright? Even if you hate it! I'll understand if you hate it though. It is my first Gintama fic. -.- I'm bound to have done something wrong or messed up a character and made him or her really OOC. Did I? Tell me if I did, ne? Alright? Okay?