Stages of Grief

Because in falling for someone, you lose a little bit of yourself.

Sonny's always imagined that the day she finally fell for someone would be a grand one. She would be queen of the world, and he would be her dream guy. She would be presented with roses and chocolates, and she would fall into his arms, happier than ever.

But, as she's quickly learning, reality is never what you'd imagine.

When she does fall, he isn't her dream guy. She isn't queen of the world. There are no chocolates and definitely no roses. Instead of falling into his arms, she falls out of her chair. She's no happier than usual.

In fact, she's sitting in the cafeteria, eating a fro-yo, when it happens.

(Or maybe it happened long ago, but she's just now realizing it.)

The way it happens is this: in one of those rare moments of camaraderie, he has come up to sit next to her, playfully stealing some of her yogurt. She rolls her eyes and engages in their usual banter. No different than any usual day.

But then he says something particularly charming, and she can't resist laughing.

It's then that it happens. She laughs, and when she looks up at him, he's laughing too, but she hardly notices because all she can see are those eyes—piercing and brilliant—and she realizes she's in love with those eyes and, consequently, in love with him.

It would be a brilliant moment if she didn't land on the floor two seconds later.

Shit, she thinks as she sits there. I'm in love with Chad Dylan Cooper.

Monday: Denial

"So, are you going to that dance next week?" Chad asks her one day. She glances up from her notebook, frowning.

"Probably. Why?" she replies.

He shrugs, cocky and cool as ever. "No reason. I was just…ah, never mind."

Sonny's frown deepens, and she turns to see the reason—or rather, reasons—for his sudden silence. The entire cast of Mackenzie Falls has sauntered in, smoothly walking to their usual table. Chad catches Sonny's eye before heading over to his fellow cast mates.

Shrugging, Sonny goes back to her work.

She'd like to say nothing eventful happens that day, but she's wrong.

Portlyn corners her later that day in the hall, a burning in her eyes that Sonny doesn't think she's ever seen before. Backed up to the wall, Sonny starts praying for the first time in her life.

"I just thought I'd let you know that I know," Portlyn says cryptically, and Sonny is completely confused. Rolling her eyes, Portlyn clarifies, "I know that you…you know," which actually clarifies nothing.

"Actually, I have no idea," Sonny replies.

"Chad?" Portlyn asks.

"What about him?"

"You like him. Heck, you're practically in love with him!"

Sonny bursts out laughing. "That's a good one! Did he put you up to this?"

Portlyn rolls her eyes once more. "No, idiot. It's the truth. And you better realize that before you drown because right now you're swimming in 'De Nile'."

And she walks away, leaving Sonny to chew on that piece of information.

Sonny, of course, is much more interested in the fact that Portlyn actually just said something remotely clever.

Tuesday: Anger

Sonny isn't usually one to get angry. She's happy. All the time. Her cast mates know this. Her enemies know this. Her friends know this.

But when she gets angry, she can be lethal.

"Ugh!" she screeches, throwing a shoe across her dressing room. "Why me? Why the hell did this happen to me!" Objects fly around her room as she vents.

As Tawni enters, she has to duck to avoid getting hit in the head by a book.

"Sonny!" she cries. "What on earth are you doing? Hey!" Another object flies toward her head. "You are so out of line right now, missy!"

"It's not my fault!" Sonny yells. "I didn't ask for this!"

"Didn't ask for what?" Tawni inquires.

Groaning, Sonny falls onto the couch. "I hate Chad Dylan Cooper."

Tawni just shakes her head.

Wednesday: Bargaining

Sonny doesn't know if she believes in God, but she knows there must be someone controlling what she's feeling, so later that night she gets up and sits by her window.

"Please," she begs. "Please, please, please. Make this go away. I'll do anything. Anything. I promise. I'll—I'll give up my career. I'll be better to Tawni. I'll vow celibacy. Just please don't make me love him!"

But no matter what she offers, she feels no different. She falls asleep at her window that night with prayers of redemption on her lips.

Thursday: Depression

Her mother can't figure it out. Marshall can't figure it out. Nico, Grady, and Zora certainly can't. When Lucy calls that night, she can't figure it out either. And like hell Chad's ever going to figure it out.

But, regardless, when Sonny walks into the studio on Thursday, her usual cheery smile is nowhere to be found. She is not sad, exactly, simply…without emotion.

It's pitiful, really. At least, that's what Tawni thinks. She warns Nico and Grady that it's best to leave the girl alone. After all, a girl in love simply cannot be reasoned with.

(They have no idea what she means by that.)

Chad doesn't get this warning, so he tries a different approach.

"Morning, Monroe," he sneers as he passes her in the hall. "Off to Chuckle City rehearse? You're gonna need it if you non-actors are going to get your ratings up!"

He expects a witty reply—something about how he's hardly better than they are and that he can shove it where the sun don't shine. But what he doesn't know is that, under her emotionless state, she's dying a little inside. Inside, the voices in her head are screaming, "He'll never like you! He hates you! You're doomed to die loveless!"

"Whatever," she mumbles as she passes. She'd hate him, if she could feel anything at all.

Friday: Acceptance

"Morning, Mom," Sonny says brightly, kissing her mother on the cheek. Connie regards her warily as she sits down for breakfast.

"Morning, sweetheart. Are you feeling okay today?" she asks.

"More than OK. I'm feeling great!" Sonny answers.

"Well, if you're sure…"

--

"Tawni?" Sonny says, entering the dressing room. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so…bipolar or something these past few days. I've been working through a few things."

She exits quickly, and Tawni smiles. "Finally," she sighs.

--

Chad's dressing room is empty when she arrives there, searching frantically for him. Disappointed and just slightly frustrated, she exits the room, heading for the Mackenzie Falls studio.

He's there, of course. Filming a scene with that look on his face like he's never been so in love. She wishes he'd look at her that way.

She realizes that, important as true love is (she watched plenty of Princess Bride as a child), she can wait for the filming to be done. No need to make the Falls producers angry at her. Especially not if she plans on being spending a whole lot more time with their biggest star.

She catches sight of Portlyn as she waits. Crossing to her, Sonny smiles and (though she knows she shouldn't) whispers, "Thanks."

Frowning, Portlyn whispers back, "For what?"

"For what you said a few days ago. I kind of needed it."

Portlyn shrugs, unphased. "I just thought it needed to be said."

Sonny opens her mouth to say more, but at that moment, the director calls for a break and her attention is suddenly focused on Chad, who's reaching for his bottled water.

Determined, she crosses over to him quickly.

"Sonny?" he asks. "What are you doing here?"

Sonny. She loves it when he uses her first name.

"I, uh…I just wanted to say hi," she says awkwardly, focusing intensely on his eyes. Perhaps she can get him to say it first…

Chad frowns. "Uh…OK. Hi."

"Hi."

"…hi?"

"Hi."

"Are we going to do this all day?" Chad asks, annoyed. "Because Chad Dylan Cooper does not have time for this."

Sonny rolls her eyes, glad that, despite her feelings for him, she can still find him completely obnoxious.

"Well, if you're so busy, I guess I can just leave!" she snaps, annoyed.

"Totally fine by me! In fact, I didn't even invite you here, so it'd be best if you left now," Chad answered.

"You are so insufferable!"

"Me? You're the one who decided to come say 'hi'! Which, by the way, I'm really beginning to doubt is what you actually want!"

"Did I, Chad? Did I really?"

"Do not use my lines against me, Monroe!"

"Then stop being a jerk, Cooper!"

"Did you really come over her to start a fight?" Chad asks incredulously.

"No!" Sonny fires back.

"Then why are you here at all?"

He's completely pissed off by now, and Sonny can't take it anymore, so à la Rory Gilmore, she shouts, "Because I love you, you idiot!"

She should be humiliated. She knows that. She should want to crawl under a rock and die. After all, all his cast mates are there. His director, the PA's—everyone. She's just spilled her guts to the entire production team of Mackenzie Falls. She should be dying slowly.

But the funny thing about acceptance is that it gives you a sort of strength you never though you had. It makes you brave.

At least, it makes Sonny Monroe ten times braver than she ever thought she'd be.

Chad Dylan Cooper, meanwhile, is frozen in shock. He stares at her, completely thrown, for a full minute before a small smile appears on his face. Quietly, he asks, "Do you, Sonny? Do you really?" and it's probably the most genuine look Sonny has ever seen on his face.

She doesn't reply. She's sure her eyes say everything. How she's hated him with every fiber of her body until now. How she wants to beat him over the head and kiss him at the same time. How she can't stand him but can't stand the thought of him walking away, either.

And then he kisses her. And it's not everything she always dreamed of, but it's warm and wonderful and so very Chad that she couldn't ask for more.

Pulling away, Chad teases her, "I knew you couldn't resist me." She rolls her eyes and grabs his tie, dragging him out of the studio. As far as she's concerned, they can spare him for a few minutes (hours).

Now, where would one find an empty closet around this joint?

Not my best work...but it'll do. Review, please?