Title: Icarus and Daedalus…and Hermes.

Rating: G

Summary: I rewrote the Greek Myth 'Icarus and Daedalus' for no apparent reason.

Author: Moronic-Muffin

EDIT: I had to re upload it because I needed to fix some spelling errors…sorry.

"Don't come back until you deliver it!" Hera yelled, shutting the gates of Heaven in little Hermes' face.

Hermes couldn't believe it. Kicked out of his own home, to go deliver dried fish to Poseidon? Why would he want dried fish if he lives in the ocean? Why did Hera give it to him? Why did Hermes have to deliver it?

Oh, that was right. He was the messenger god. While Zeus and Ares and everyone else could lounge around Mt. Olympus, Hermes was stuck delivering packages and doing all the chores.

"Clean this up, Hermes!"

"Could you get me some bread and water?"

"Play the lyre for me, please."

"Go fix that big mess on earth!"

"Go escort the millions of dead people down to the Underworld!"

You know what Hermes thinks?

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

Yes. Though a god, Hermes was the youngest god. Only seventeen, which gave Athena, Hera, Zeus and everyone else an excuse to boss him around.

Finished ranting and making weird noises, Hermes fluttered down to the ocean. Like he'd find Poseidon in half-an-hour, he'd have to search the entire Mediterranean Sea. Flitting this way and that, Hermes zoomed around for at least an hour. No sign of Poseidon.

Sitting on a cloud, Hermes thought of a way to get himself out of this. Maybe he could eat the fish and lie that he delivered it. He was always good at lying.

Oh yes, he was a vegetarian.

Who wants dried fish anyways?

Hermes pouted and tried to stomp his foot, but accidentally fell through the cloud. Climbing back up, he decided to sulk and ponder about his miserable, miserable life.

---

Icarus flapped his arms faster and faster, closer and closer to the sun. Apollo leaned out from his chair there, and saw a little boy with wax wings attached to his arms, flapping his way to the sun.

"Hermes! Fix this. Make the kid go away."

No answer from the little brown-haired messenger god.

"HERMESSSSSSSSS."

No answer.

"Dear Zeus, do I have to do everything here by myself?" Apollo grunted, hoisting himself up from his chair.

He gathered a ball of fire, and launched it at the little kid.

Icarus flapped his arms faster and harder, he was getting so much closer to the sun!

"I'M GONNA DO IT, I'M GONNA DO IT DAD, I'M GONNA DO IIITTTTTT!!!"

Daedalus, being a crotchy old man, only said "HAAAUUHH? SPEAK UP, WILL YOU?"

The fire hit Icarus square on the chest, and melted the wax wings off. Icarus fell from the sky, vainly flapping his arms.

"Fly! Fllllyyyy!"

Daedalus was too old to notice his son falling to a certain doom.

-o-

Hermes decided he was done sulking and would finish his tantrum later. Sticking his arms out to catch the wind, he caught something heavy and the weigh pulled him down though the cloud.

"HI! I'M ICARUS!"

"I'M HERMES!"

"THE MESSANGER GOD?"

"YEAH."

"OKAY."

Hermes was slightly dazed, and didn't notice that he was falling towards the sea.

"UH, HERMES SIR?" Icarus called over the noise of the wind.

"WHAT?"

"SHOULDN'T YOU FLY NOW? I MEAN, WE'RE…LIKE…GOING TO HIT THE SEA."

"GOOD IDEA, ICARUS…"

Hermes nearly fell headfirst into the water, but his sandal screeched like brakes and he was standing upright, inches from the water. The sandals carried Hermes, who was carrying Icarus, higher in the sky.

"What were you doing, Icarus, trying to fly like that? Why were you talking to the sun?" Hermes pondered, brushing his own mousy brown hair behind his helmet.

Icarus shrugged. "I don't know. My dad, Daedalus, was trying to escape Minos of Crete. He decided the best way to do that was to fly. I got carried away, and SHABAM I was trying to fly higher than the sun."

"Ahhh, I see..." Hermes stopped over the temple of Zeus.

"Icarus, do you think you'd survive the fall if I dropped you down from here?"

"Uh…Hermes, Sir, it's so far down--"

"Okay! Good luck!" Hermes let go of the boy's arms and Icarus was falling. Again. Through the marble roof of the temple.

-o-

Inside the temple, the Greeks were praying to Zeus to deliver them an heir. Theirs had been assassinated and left no son or daughter to claim the throne. "Oh, mighty Zeus, please give us an heir to the throne!"

Just them, Hermes weakened the rooftop of the temple and Icarus fell through. Imagine the looks of the civilians, when their prayers were answered in the form of a skinny little 16-year-old boy with dirty blond hair. They made him the Archon of Athens, and Icarus lived happily ever after.

Not so much for Hermes.

Hermes finally found Poseidon, but received no happy welcome back to Olympus. Instead of a 'hello' from Athena, she ordered him to go run a few errands for her.

Instead of a 'hello' from Aphrodite, she asked if he could play the lyre for her.

Instead of a 'hello' from Hephaestus, he asked him to go fetch some iron.

Guess what Hermes had to say to this?

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

THE END

I know it's a bad story, but it's something.