I do not own star trek. If I did I would be very rich and not posting things on . ^__^

Breath

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…

It was all he could do to keep himself in check.

Gone …. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...

He needed to be alone. He had to think, he had to remain in total control of himself.

Pain…

That was the most real. Nothing else seemed to be real, but the pain. It clung to his chest, it felt like his heart was burning up, and he was on the edge of the abyss that is despair. He had to be able to handle it. He had to keep himself in control, he had to be strong, and he had to be disciplined.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale...

He had to accept it, he could not let the pain, and the grief, make him lose his composure. That was, after all, all he had left.

He had to leave the bridge. Throwing the first excuse he could think of to the bridge, he retreated to the turbo lift. Anything to clear his mind of the hurt. He knew he was running, but at least he was doing something. He could not wallow. That would disgrace her memory, and her memory was all he had left of her.

He was almost free of the pity filled eyes that belonged to the crew of the bridge. He did not want pity, he wanted… what did he want…?

His mother…

The one thing that he could not have ever again. He wanted. It was… illogical…

What good is logic…?

It kept him in control, it was what allowed him to drive on and continue. It was… what he wanted…

No…

He wasn't alone. Before the door had been able to close, Cadet Uhura entered the turbo lift. She looked at him, but not with pity. Empathy.

The way she looked at him did not trigger the need to focus. He merely… tried to accept what had happened had happened and nothing could change that.

Warmth

Her arms were around him. Gently holding him. Rubbing his back. Then… she was kissing him. First the cheek… then the lips… She nuzzled his jaw, and kissed him again.

"What can I do, is there anything, you need?"

Comfort…

He reacted instinctively, most likely to try and protect himself. He was vulnerable, and he knew it. His subconscious knew it , but he did not want to be it. He needed strength, and in that moment. She was what he could cling too. In that moment… he was comforted.

He had to end the embrace. He knew that if he continued he would not be able to let go. He would become addicted to the strength she provided, and would not be able to stand on his own.

He had to let go…

Gently he pushed her away.

"I need everyone to perform to the best of their abilities."

She smiled… sadly, but compliantly. She nodded.

"okay."

She leaned in to kiss him again. He savored the soft comforting feeling of her lips for that last moment… hoping that perhaps some of that strength and comfort would linger, and when the turbo lift doors opened… he left without another word, though he felt her eyes follow him until he had turned the corner.

And then he had to breath.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale…