A/N: Here's my new fic. It just suddenly popped into my mind a while back, and now it has taken corporeal form. Keep in mind, that this chapter is an alternate version of the part in Goblet of Fire where Harry is portkeyed to the Graveyard. Also, the breakout from Azkaban has already happened and Snape has already announced his devotion to Voldy. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

He Who Must Not Be Poked

And the

Dream Eaters

Chapter 1: You-Know-Who

The large auditorium was filled with old antique armchairs. The people sitting in the armchairs were hastily chatting with each other.

"So, Dolohov, how was the stint in Azkaban?" asked Snape.

"Horrible! I remembered that I left my pet Kneazle at home without food!" sobbed the wizard named Dolohov. The other wizard, Snape, grinned at him, and was cackling like a maniac.

"Oh please Dolohov! Don't you know that Kneazles are highly intelligent pets? Anyone who's read Fantastic Beasts and Where to find them, knows that!"

Dolohov instantly ceased his sobbing.

The lights in the auditorium dimmed, and a single spotlight shone upon an apparently empty podium. Suddenly, the curtains behind drew back, to reveal a tall and almost skeletal like man. Everyone clapped in support for the recently revealed man. He held up a hand to cease their clapping.

"Thank you," said the man. He walked up to the podium and held his wand to his throat. "Sonorus!" he muttered. He gazed his red eyes up at everyone. "Welcome back, Death Eaters. It has been way too long since we were last united," The Death Eaters nodded at these words. The man continued to address them. "Lord Voldemort is most pleased that you could arrive at my very own play!" exclaimed Voldemort. Everyone merely looked puzzled at his words. A woman had stood up from in front of Snape and Dolohov.

"My lord, we do not understand what you mean. Would you be obliged to explain it for us?" she asked. Voldemort merely looked down at her coldly.

"I'm quite certain Bellatrix, that you have already received the message on your mark?"

The woman named Bellatrix rolled up her sleeves to reveal a tattoo the resembled a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth. A small box on the skull's forehead bore the words: LordVoldy announces play at 8:00. Don't be late. 1 hour ago from Voldemort

Bellatrix gasped at this revelation, and then turned her gaze back at Voldemort.

"When did you install this Twitter application?" demanded Bellatrix. Voldemort smiled down at her.

"Just a few hours ago. That was my first try at a message. Do you like it?" asked Voldemort hopefully.

"Do I like it???" said Bellatrix.

"I ADORE IT!" she screamed. She cackled madly, until her husband Rodolphus took her into the Anger Dome for relaxation. He hurried back into the auditorium a few minutes later.

"I apologize, my Lord," said Rodolphus. "She has taken medication prescribed by the Healers at St. Mungo's. But there are side-effects," he added. Voldemort nodded and resumed his announcement.

"Well, this play is expected to receive high ratings from the Daily Prophet, and…"

"QUIT STALLING! WHAT'S THE PLAY ABOUT?" screamed Avery. Everyone in the auditorium gasped at his sudden outburst.

"You dare interrupt Lord Voldemort?" said Voldemort dangerously. Avery had calmed down and turned a very light shade of lilac.

"Crucio!" screamed Voldemort. Avery screamed and writhed in pain until he fell onto the carpet and twitched in random moments.

"Now, the play is called 'Potter finally dies' and the main actor is moi," said Voldemort. The Death Eaters merely scratched their heads at the final word.

"For Merlin's sake people! 'Moi' is 'me' in French! Voldemort is a French name everyone!" screamed Voldemort. A number of "ah's" and "oh's were heard.

"The guest star will be my very own arch enemy, Harry Potter, who has recently arrived here by portkey not too long ago!" A loud bang filled the room, and behind Voldemort, was Harry Potter, struggling to free himself from the ropes binding him to a chair.

"Wormtail has kindly binded Mr. Potter to his chair using the Incarcerous spell,"

Ropes suddenly burst from Voldemort's wand, and were rapidly flying through the air towards Lucius Malfoy.

"Ahhhh!" screamed Lucius. He hastily tried to escape the ropes grasp by running towards the exit, but Rabastan Lestrange's legs had tripped him over.

"Oops! Sorry Lucy! I hope you didn't lose all your hair gel," laughed Rabastan. Lucius glared at him, before severing the ropes and taking his seat again.

"My apologies Lucius, and now… we will commence the play! Wormtail, switch on the fog machine, Nott, dim the lights; and Yaxley… DO NOTHING! This will be perfect!" commanded Voldemort.

"But Wormtail, give him back his wand!"