Bored Wonder

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for fire mystic so enjoy! Please R&R.

A few weeks had passed since Reno and Tifa had discovered they had a sentient television who considered them "her" parents. Since then, the television's abilities had been used primarily by Yuffie, who dragged Rude with her as they explored tombs with Indiana Jones, blasted Tie Fighters in the Millennium Falcon, and raced each other as cars in Cars.

Tifa, on the other hand, had only gone in once since the first time, Reno coming with her as they spent time together in one of the Turk's favorite movies: The Lord of The Rings. Although being a female Hobbit was interesting, the barmaid found herself consuming three breakfasts for days after leaving Middle Earth. Reno was also afflicted though, so she didn't suffer alone.

But now, sitting on the couch, Tifa let a bored sigh escape her lips.

Because with Reno at work, her katas done, and the bar closed for remodeling, Tifa had nothing to do. Her eyes started to close as her body decided a nap was in order, the barmaid not noticing the television flickering on.

"Mom..."

Tifa groaned a little at the voice but opened her eyes. She was in that white space again. Sitting up, she saw a woman appear. She had long red hair and striking brown eyes, exactly like Tifa's own.

"E-Elly?!" Tifa asked. The young woman, who looked 21, nodded.

"That's my name," Elly responded.

"How did you get so old so quickly? You were six the last time we were here," she reasoned. Elly gave a giggle at that.

"Don't you know how fast technology grows? Anyway, you're not here to talk about me, you're here to have some fun!"

"Actually, I just wanted to take a nap, you're the one who dragged me here," Tifa corrected.

"Eh, doesn't matter. You looked bored and I can't have my mommy be bored, can I?"

Apparently Elly wasn't quite used to being a mature adult yet.

"Well I never have been in a movie by myself...why not?" Tifa said, causing Elly to smirk, looking like Reno.

"Great! I think you'll know where I'm sending you but I've changed a few things around. I mean how boring would it be to go through a movie you've seen twenty times already, right? And if you see some of your friends or even daddy in there, it's not really them. They're just constructs modeled after them. Have fun!" Elly got closer and hugged Tifa tightly, kissing her on the cheek the way any child would to their mother. Tifa felt her body vanishing then and wondered just where she was being sent to.

When consciousness returned, Tifa was standing in the shade of an old oak tree. Breathing in the fresh summer air all around her, she spied a well up ahead. Something fluffy and white was checking a pocket watch and the creature turned it's head towards Tifa.

It was her boyfriend, now looking like a tiny bunny rabbit with red highlights in his white fur.

"Oh I'm late, so very, very late yo! The Queen's gonna chop my head off!" He then jumped in the well.

"Alice in Wonderland..." Tifa said. Looking up for a moment, she smiled. "Thanks Elly, this is the perfect thing to alleviate my boredom." She then ran up to the well and jumped in without a moment's hesitation.

Tifa expected a long fall but she wasn't prepared for just how long it really was. The blue dress she was in puffed out like a parachute and she continued to fall, finally slowing after twenty minutes and touching a tiled floor.

As expected, Tifa found a table with a tiny bottle on top that had Drink Me written on it's body. Taking it, she twisted the cap off and swallowed it. She started shrinking and soon enough the table was taller then Mt. Nibel.

"Looks like you have a long climb ahead of you," a deep rumble of a voice commented. Tifa turned around and saw the doorknob staring at her, sunglasses over it's golden eyes.

"Rude?" The doorknob shook it's head.

"No, I'm Door Knob the twenty seventh, not this Rude character. Anyway, how are you going to get up there?"

"I don't know...I think I'll grow."

"An excellent method," the door knob replied. Tifa chuckled a little. She couldn't wait to tell Reno about this. A whistling sound met her ear then and a large package crashed to the ground a few feet ahead of her.

Eat Me was taped to the box and Tifa found a cake inside. Taking a bite, she marveled at the taste as she felt her body shooting upwards. She finally stopped growing when she was as tall as King Kong. Looking around, she spied a tiny speck that could only be Door Knob the twenty seventh.

"I suppose your only way out would be to bust the wall I'm attached to down, eh?" Tifa nodded at his suggestion and lashed a foot out before pounding on the wall, reducing it to a pile of rubble. Bright sunlight came in through the newly created opening and Tifa stepped out.

"Have fun!" Door Knob yelled. Tifa nodded and stepped further in, the grass barely coming up to her ankles. However, some odd dust floated in the air and Tifa started sneezing, every one causing her to get smaller and smaller. After ten sneezes she was back to her shrunken state and looked around the gigantic stalks of grass.

"Definitely different from what I remember," she said aloud.

"Of course it is, that's the nature of Wonderland, is it not?" a voice asked from right behind Tifa. Whirling around, she saw nothing. "Up here!" Turning her head, she saw a striped cat with brown eyes leaning against a flower, the cat hovering off the ground. The cat smirked then and Tifa was reminded of Elly.

"Is that you Elly?" The cat merely winked and put a claw up to it's mouth.

"I'm a Cheshire Cat and that's all you need to know. If you go east from here you'll meet a caterpillar who might be able to help you return to a more manageable size. Enjoy yourself!" The Cheshire Cat spirited away then, it's smirk still lingering in the air for several moments.

Tifa started walking in the direction indicated, sure things weren't going to be that simple. Her feeling came true when she walked through some grass stalks several minutes later and emerged to find a large table groaning under the weight of plates upon plates of food, cups of tea, and mountains of sugar cubes. Two others were seated at this table and when they saw Tifa, both pointed to a chair opposite them.

"Come sit by us and have some tea!" the first said. It was Yuffie, well it looked just like Yuffie, with a tall hat on her head which was cocked at an odd angle while her body was covered in a suit that looked like it had been stolen from Oscar Wilde's closet. The second person was Vincent, only he had large bunny ears twitching from the top of his sable hair, a light spattering of fur visible beneath his own dandy suit.

"Yes, come and partake," Vincent said, his serious voice at odds with his appearance.

Tifa gave a nod and sat beside Yuffie, who quickly shoved a cup of tea before her.

"So my friend the March Hare and I were just discussing the varying levels of madness. Are you only partly mad or fully mad?"

"Um...I'm sane..." Tifa responded which set the being that looked like Yuffie into giggle fits.

"Oh, my dear girl, I apologize. Sane...we're all mad here, don't you get it? You have to be so in a mad world such as this. Plus if I wasn't mad would my mother give me the name of the Mad Hatter? I think not." As she was talking, the Mad Hatter took her tea and dumped it all over her suit. "Ah, that's refreshing, don't you think Hare?" The March Hare looked at her and sighed before turning to his right where no one was sitting.

"She's nuts Casper, don't you think?"

Silence was all he got.

"Yeah, I knew you would agree," the March Hare said, sipping his tea.

Tifa took her own sip and heard someone laughing. Looking around for the source, she saw one of the cakes giggling at her, the frosting rippling with mirth.

"The cake is laughing at me," Tifa said aloud. The Mad Hatter raised an eyebrow at that.

"What a silly thing to say," she said in a serious tone.

"Yes...it is silly...everything is silly," Tifa replied, giggling. She dumped the rest of the tea over her head and took off her shoes, wearing them on her hands instead. Jumping on the table, she kicked the dishes and food every which way and started to howl with laughter.

"Now she gets it!" the Mad Hatter crowed, joining her. The March Hare just rolled his eyes and looked at the carrot on his plate.

"Mr. Crunchy, what did I do to get stuck with her?" The carrot didn't respond.

As Tifa continued to laugh and lose her grip on just why she was here, an image of Reno came to her mind then, stopping her cold. Looking down at her now food and drink covered form, she blushed fiercely.

"Is something wrong my dear girl?" The Mad Hatter asked.

"No...I just remembered why I'm here. Thanks for the tea but I've got to go!" Tifa then put her shoes back on her feet and left the table.

Mad Hatter turned to March Hare.

"That girl is crazy."

"Yeah...so do you want to brush your teeth with mashed potatoes again?" The Mad Hatter beamed and took out her toothbrush.

"Of course!"

Tifa pressed on through what seemed miles of grass, nearly tripping several times, before emerging before a giant mushroom.

"Who the hell's there?!" a familiar voice roared. The owner of this voice crawled into view then and Tifa had to fight back her laughter at the sight of the Caterpillar with Cid's head. The insect was smoking a giant cigarette and glared at her. "What does a pipsqueak like you want?"

"Sorry for laughing, my name's Tifa and I'd like to go back to my normal size. I was told you could help me."

"What's wrong with the size you are now? Sure your rack is kind of small but that doesn't matter. Being big is overrated you know."

"Maybe for you but not for me. You're the only one who can help me." The Caterpillar sighed and took out his cigarette.

"Damn it, you're lucky you're cute. Anyway just eat some of my stupid ass mushroom here and you should grow back to normal, got that?" Tifa nodded and ripped off a piece of the mushroom, eating it quickly. As the Caterpillar watched her grow, he looked up her dress. Luckily for him, Tifa didn't notice this perverted act and the insect took a soothing drag of his cigarette. "There's my reward," he chuckled.

Tifa was back to her normal size. But she didn't have very long to savor it. Taking a step, the fighter tripped over a rock and was soon unconscious. Before everything went dark, she saw two pairs of feet wearing mismatched socks standing in front of her.

"Hey, anyone home, helloooo?" a voice said loudly in Tifa's ear. Eyes shooting open, she tried to move but realized that she was tied up. Looking towards the source of the voice, she saw Elena dressed in red striped overalls with a cap on her blonde hair. Tseng was beside her wearing the exact same outfit.

"She's asleep!" the Elena looking woman yelled. Her companion nodded.

"No, she isn't."

"Who are you?" Tifa asked.

"I'm Tweedledum!" the female said, jumping up and down.

"And I'm Tweedledee!" the male said. Both looked at each other and grinned.

"And we're...the worst henchman ever!" they both exclaimed, doing a little dance. They then picked Tifa up and moved north.

"Where are we headed?" Tifa asked.

"To safety!" Tweedledum said, blowing some bangs out of her face. "See we always think what we say and mean what we don't, right?" Tweedledee nodded.

"Wrong!"

"We're taking you to the most beautiful ruler in all of Wonderland!" Tweedledum said, sighing at the thought of her boss. "She's the kindest, sweetest, most caring Queen. You'll just love her, everyone does!"

"Yeah, and the King is the stupidest, ugliest, and clumsiest person in Wonderland!" Tweedledee put in.

"You're giving me a headache," Tifa groaned. Tweedledum looked at her and just gave her a moronic grin.

"How horrible!"

Tifa decided to not ask anymore questions. So they continued carrying her for an hour or so, the two slapping each other, calling one another nicknames, and just generally being chaotic.

"I hate you Tweedledum!" Tweedledee said. Tweedledum blushed fiercely and punched him hard in the gut.

"I hate you so much I just might die from it, moron!" Tweedledee sighed and then noticed the giant gate they were standing in front of.

"We're lost!" he roared. Tweedledum nodded.

"No, we're confused!"

The gate soon opened and they continued onward, every guard they passed looking exactly like Cloud while female cherubs looking exactly like Aerith zipped through the air. They entered a massive building covered in paper hearts and walked down an extremely long red carpet before kneeling in front of two thrones.

Tifa started laughing at the sight that met her eyes. Their queen was an extremely stout woman with bulky forearms, a giant stomach, and a rear so wide it looked like it could crush an elephant. But that wasn't what made Tifa laugh for the face glaring at her was pale but incredibly handsome, cat like green eyes narrowing in distaste. Long silver hair flowed down the back of the Queen.

"Sephiroth...you've changed..." Tifa managed to say, still laughing.

"I am Queen Sephira, Mistress of Wonderland and I am this close to chopping off your head!" Sephira roared, her voice sounding exactly like Sephiroth's. Turning to look at the red head seated on the throne beside her, Sephira started sobbing. "Gennipoo, did you hear that horrible laughter?"

Tifa had never known Genesis but had heard enough about him from Reno and the figure with the crown on his head looked just like the picture the barmaid had seen at Turk headquarters.

"Sephira, you are a Goddess and as such you shouldn't let yourself be moved by the laughter of trash like that," he said, his voice as soothing as he could make it. Sephira wiped at her eyes and nodded.

"Of course, you're so smart, as always."

"Queen Sephira, we let her escape!" Tweedledum spoke up.

"No, we didn't!" Tweedledee put in. Sephira nodded and patted both of their heads.

"And you did very horribly, my henchman. Now stay here."

"No!" they both yelled and ran out of the throne room, giggling like mad.

"Child, tell me what you are doing in my kingdom fraternizing with that fool of a Mad Hatter and her accomplice the March Hare?"

"I came here to have fun, Your Majesty, that's all," Tifa responded. She really wanted to laugh again but decided against it.

"Lies! You're searching for my faithful servant the White Rabbit, aren't you?!" Sephira roared. Just then the doors to the throne room opened up and the rabbit entered, hopping fiercely.

"Your Majesty, I know I'm late but I can explain!" the mammal said very quickly.

"That's fine, Rabbit, but tell me...do you know this girl?" The Rabbit looked at Tifa and shook his furry head.

"No I don't."

"Very well then she shall lose her head and we'll have tea." The rabbit nodded and motioned to some guards.

Tifa was untied and made to bow her head to Sephira while the stout queen unsheathed an incredibly long sword. Where she hid it, no one knew.

"Any last words before I chop off your head?" Sephira asked.

"Yeah...ever heard of Slim Fast?" Some of the guards started laughing at that and Sephira glared at them.

"Your heads are also forfeit!" But more laughter erupted from even more guards and even the Rabbit was chuckling a little.

"Gennipoo, help me!" Sephira roared, stomping her feet. But the king was reading his epic poem that he had written himself.

"Another time, my dear, but I still love you, don't worry."

The guards holding Tifa were now holding their sides and the Avalanche member stood up, quickly running towards the rabbit and picking him up.

"What are you doing with me?" the Rabbit asked.

"Saving your hide, now let's get out of here!"

They managed to escape the throne room and were just about to bust through the main gate when the twin figures of Tweedledum and Tweedledee barred their paths.

"You can go through!" Tweedledee yelled.

"The Queen doesn't have any candy for you guys in the throne room," Tifa shot back. Tweedledum licked her lips at the mention of candy and dragged Tweedledee away from the gate.

"I hate candy!" she exclaimed.

But as Tifa and her hostage ran into the gate, Tifa felt her body losing substance and soon enough she had vanished leaving one very confused rabbit.

"I need a vacation yo," he said, standing up and brushing his fur off.

Tifa was back in the void with Elly.

"Hey Mom, was that fun or what?" Tifa nodded and gave her a big smile.

"Yeah...thanks Elly."

"No problem and I've given you a little gift so enjoy it!"

"You mean like the one last week?" Tifa asked, her eyes narrowing a little. Elly chuckled but shook her head.

"No, that was more of a prank I wanted to pull on you guys. Come back anytime!" And then Tifa vanished once more.

Opening her eyes, Tifa found herself back on the couch, Reno looking down at her.

"Hey babe, sleep well?"

"Yeah, I had a wonderful dream." Tifa then started laughing and Reno just raised an eyebrow.

"Okay then...I'm making some steak, want some?" Tifa nodded and kissed him deep on the lips.

Forty minutes later, give or take a make out session or two, Tifa sat down beside Reno and took a bite of her steak. As she chewed and swallowed, she felt an odd tingling all over her body.

Reno could only watch as Tifa started to grow, her head crashing through the ceiling and her arms and legs destroying walls as she became a giant.

Smiling sheepishly, Tifa looked down at her boyfriend.

"Um...surprise?"

All Reno could do was pass out, from shock or at the sight of Tifa's increased bust size, no one could say.

Elly flickered on then and giggled at the sight that met her electronic eyes.

"Did you like your gift Mommy?"

Tifa sighed and looked down at her colossal body.

"Why do these things always happen to me?" she muttered.