For camirae because:

a). She's one of the nicest people I've met on this site.

b). She is one of the most amazing writers on this site too.

c). She supported me a lot while I was writing this, even if she doesn't know it.

And, even though a ton of people have dedicated stories to her recently, I wanted to dedicate this to her anyway. It might not be as good as the other things people have written for her but I hope it is as good as she hoped.

Also, a special mention to Tansy (thenlearnedhowtofly), who is also amazing and was the first person to see this fully (and pointed out two mistakes even though she felt mean for it). Thank you for everything!

one.

The first time Caitlyn notices something is wrong is on Tess's fourteenth birthday. Normally Tess is all sparkles and dazzle and glitter but not that day. That day she's pale and weak and a shadow of her normal self. It scares Caitlyn because Tess is meant to be the strong one.

The morning of August fourteenth starts out the same as every day at Camp since Caitlyn can remember. She rolls out of bed, narrowly avoiding a head on collision with the bedside table she always forgets to move, and laughs it off. She's always been a morning person so it doesn't take much before she's dressed and ready. Her best friend is still sleeping, her blond hair arranged delicately on the pillow. Caitlyn smiles sadly, wishing she could be that pretty but knowing it's next to impossible. She'll settle for second best though – as long as Tess is there.

"Happy Birthday." Caitlyn whispers, though she knows Tess won't hear it. At least for a few seconds everything is normal.

two.

"But I thought you liked chocolate cake?" Caitlyn asks, confused. Tess is shaking her head.

"I've never liked chocolate cake, Caity." Tess responds, and Caitlyn hears a few snickers. She's pretty sure she's blushing but she pretends she's keeping her cool.

"What about that time at my fourteenth birthday party? You ate two slices then!" Caitlyn crosses her arms although all she wants to do is back down and let Tess have her way. She doesn't want to fight on Tess's birthday, especially not over something as silly as chocolate cake.

"No Caitlyn, you ate two slices. I ate some fruit salad, remember?"

Caitlyn wants to shout and scream because Tess is lying. Caitlyn was the one who ate the fruit salad because she'd felt a little sick after the chocolate fountain, so Tess had laughed and said she'd eat Caitlyn's slice for her. The snickers are getting louder and Caitlyn doesn't know what to do. Tess is lying, humiliating her, and doesn't even seem to care. So Caitlyn does what she knew she'd end up doing all along. She goes along with it.

"Okay. Fine. Whatever." Caitlyn grumbles, turning on her heel and walking off. Tess doesn't even call her back (in fact, Tess is probably the one laughing at her right now) and Caitlyn wants to cry. Why is her best friend lying to her in front of all those people? All she did was offer her a slice of cake.

three.

Caitlyn finds herself back in her cabin, sitting on the edge of her bed. There are tears in her eyes but she's stubborn and she's not going to cry, even though she's alone. She can't hear laughter from outside and she's glad because if she heard Tess and her new friends having a good time she might scream.

"Knock knock." She looks up, her face crinkling in confusion at Jason standing in front of her. It's his last year at Camp Rock (as well as Shane's and Nate's) and for a moment Caitlyn feels guilty because she's hardly spent any time with him at Camp this year and in two weeks she probably won't see him again for a long time, if ever.

"Hi Jason." Caitlyn greets, smiling at him.

"That smile isn't reaching your eyes." Jason replies, and it isn't a question, it's a statement. That's what Caitlyn loves about Jason, among the many things she could mention. He never asks why, just waits for when you're ready to tell.

She shakes her head, standing up and reaching out for him. He complies, pulling her into a hug. She smiles against his chest, finding it funny how small she is in comparison to him. She's going to miss him the most out of all his brothers, even if Nate is her age and she's always had a small crush on Shane ever since she was seven.

Jason gently pulls away and smiles, taking her hand and twirling her around. Before she knows it they're dancing around the room and she's giggling and smiling again. The imaginary music is playing as they twist and spin and the fourteen year old girl and the seventeen year old boy are caught in a moment of pure friendship.

"There's the Caitlyn I love." He grins, and she looks up at the boy she's always thought of as an older brother and returns the smile.

She thinks maybe it will all be okay if Jason is there, and for a minute she closes her eyes and pretends he's never going to leave her.

four.

Jason stays with her for two hours before he says he promised to meet Shane. She nods; hugging him one last time and watching him leave. It's only then when she thinks of Tess and knows that she should go and look for her. For a while Caitlyn resists, pretending she's strong enough to stay and let Tess fend for herself. It doesn't last more than five minutes before she's out of the door. It's colder, but she doesn't go back inside for a jacket. She walks for a few minutes before she finds her best friend and Caitlyn staggers backwards in surprise.

Tess is lying on the ground, pale in comparison to the darkness of the night. She's rolled into a ball, moaning and mumbling incoherent words. There's five empty bottles beside her and on closer inspection Caitlyn can make out the word 'vodka'. A sob builds up in Caitlyn throat but she tries to stay strong, for Tess.

"Tess, it's okay, it's me." Caitlyn whispers, trying to help her friend up. In return she gets a slap.

"Fuck off, Caity. I'm cold." Is the reply. Caitlyn sighs.

"You're being silly, Tess. You're just fourteen; you can't go around getting drunk, especially at a summer camp."

There's no reply. Caitlyn counts to three before gently pulling her best friend off the ground. She lets Tess lean heavily on her for support and slowly the two girls head back to their cabin. It takes a lot longer with Tess than it did by herself but Caitlyn doesn't complain. Tess needs her.

When they finally reach their destination Caitlyn opens the door with one hand, letting Tess stumble in. She's thankful Brown didn't catch them because it's obvious Tess is drunk. She's stumbling and swaying and mumbling swear words every three seconds.

Tess collapses on the floor and Caitlyn hurries forward instantly, reaching down. Tess is whimpering now and Caitlyn feels helpless as she strokes her best friend's hair. She pulls the drunken teenager up, gently laying her down on the nearest bed – Caitlyn's. She sits beside Tess, whispering soothing words. When she finally thinks her best friend is asleep she stands up to go and change into her pyjamas but a hand grips her arm.

"Don't go, Caity, please." Tess begs, and Caitlyn doesn't even hesitate. She lies back down beside her friend, forcing herself to stay awake until Tess drifts to sleep.

Caitlyn cries herself to sleep that night.

five.

Caitlyn wakes up the next morning to the sound of someone throwing up. She keeps her eyes closed but listens closely. She knows that it's Tess and it takes all her effort not to get up and make sure she's okay.

It's Tess' fault. Or at least, Caitlyn wants to believe that - but she blames herself. If she'd never walked away after the argument, could she have stopped this? Would Tess be sleeping peacefully opposite her, as always?

She hears shuffling and she knows Tess is moving. She doesn't open her eyes and keeps her breathing slow and even, pretending she's still asleep. The sound comes closer and she can feel Tess' presence near her.

"I'm sorry, Caity." She hears the chocked sob of her best friend and Caitlyn wants to cry and accept the apology and go back to old times but she isn't the naive girl she used to be.

She knows it isn't ever going to be the same.

six.

Caitlyn falls back asleep soon after and wakes up forty-three minutes later. She sits up slowly, rubbing her eyes. In front of her is Tess, sitting on her own bed with her knee's touching her chin and her sleeves pulled over her hands. Caitlyn blinks, too tired to try and understand why Tess looks so helpless.

"Good morning." The brunette says sleepily, forgetting momentarily about the night before.

"Hi." Tess whispers back, and slowly the memories resurface. Caitlyn winces.

"How are you?" She asks Tess, stretching out slowly before walking over to sit beside her friend.

"Okay." Is the reply.

"Want me to get anything?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

Tess doesn't reply. Caitlyn moves to take her best friend's hand but she flinches away.

"I don't understand." Caitlyn whispers, confused.

"No, you don't."

Caitlyn sits back and watches her friend instead of trying to get her to talk. Minutes pass before she tries again. It's the same vague responses and so goes back to her own bed, thankful it is a Sunday, and goes back to sleep.

When she wakes up again Tess looks happier, but only marginally so. Caitlyn doesn't know if she did something wrong or if this is an after effect of the drinking.

"Tess?" She asks, and her friend looks up, smiling. Caitlyn is surprised because before Tess looked ready to cry at any moment.

"Are you ... are you okay?" The brunette asks timidly.

"Don't be silly Caity, I'm fine, honestly."

And then Tess runs to the bathroom and Caitlyn wants to cry because honesty never looked so fake.

seven.

Things get worse. Caitlyn feels like their friendship is slowly breaking and the helplessness she feels is the worst feeling she's ever experienced. She's pretty sure that Tess is drinking more than she's letting on and although she tries to stop it Tess just lies and pretends she's fine.

Caitlyn is close to asking someone for help but then she remembers everything she's been through with Tess and stops. Tess is her best friend, and she won't tell anyone about the path of apparent self destruction her best friend is heading towards. Instead, she'll confront her and it'll be all better. Right?

It's the last week of Camp when Caitlyn brings up the subject of the drink. It's awkward and Caitlyn knows it could end badly but she has to try – for Tess.

The two of them are sitting with a group of Tess' new friends, eating lunch. Tess is chatting animatedly with her new friends while Caitlyn looks on silently, munching at her sandwich. Tess doesn't talk to her half as much now as she did before these new people come along, and Caitlyn knows that they've been getting drunk almost every night. Caitlyn doesn't bother asking why people like this are at a music camp for gifted people. She doesn't think it's fitting to ask when she doesn't like them anyway. And her best friend is one of them, too.

Her eyes fix on the blonde hair and the brown eyes and suddenly the words blurt out before she can stop them.

"Tess, can I talk to you outside?"

Everyone seated at the table fix their gazes on her but Caitlyn keeps her eyes firmly on Tess. The two friends lock eyes and Caitlyn wants to go back in time to when it was all so easy.

"No." Tess replies coldly, and Caitlyn flinches like she's been slapped.

The truth hurts.

eight.

It's the last day of Camp and everyone is crying and hugging and saying goodbye. Caitlyn is not with Tess for the moment, but with the three brothers she regrets not devoting her time to this summer.

"I love you guys." She sniffs, and she smiles sadly when Jason pulls the three of them into the last group hug. The tears are flowing freely and Jason is crying too. She swears she sees tears in Nate's eyes and Shane looks like he's trying not to cry too. The four of them share a moment without words before Shane is dragged off by Sander and Nate heads off to say the rest of his goodbyes. Caitlyn and Jason are left alone.

"I'll miss you." They both say at the same time, and both teens laugh through their tears.

"I love you." Caitlyn sniffs. She doesn't mean like a passionate feeling, and Jason knows. He replies with the same three words and the two hug again, desperate and clinging to each other.

"Don't forget." She whispers to him, and Jason clutches her closer.

"I'll never forget you." Is the reply. Caitlyn is glad that he doesn't say something unrealistic like 'don't worry, I'll see you soon' because he won't and they both know it.

They pull away from their embrace and watch each other silently, smiling and crying simultaneously. When Shane comes over he shakes his head and pretends they are being overdramatic.

She watches the three brothers walk away together and she wants to chase them forever and ever.

nine.

She finds Tess a few minutes later and her heart sinks when she sees her best friend with the new gang she's fallen into. She pulls Tess away, despite the protests, and hugs her. The hug isn't returned.

"Caitlyn, for fucks sake, get off me!" Tess cries, pushing her away. Caitlyn can feel the tears.

"You baby." Tess sneers, and before she can stop herself Caitlyn slaps the blonde across the face. A small gasp escapes both girls' lips and all eyes turn on them.

"Bitch." Tess hisses.

Caitlyn steps back, wanting to say sorry but she knows this is the wrong time to lie. She isn't sorry. She knows in her heart she's wanted to slap Tess ever since the first night she got drunk. Slowly, painfully slowly, all eyes turn away from the two girls ("wow, they have issues"). No words are spoken for a long, long time. Caitlyn doesn't know what to feel - the searing numbness spreading through her body is both welcomed and shunned. Tess is glaring, her hand clenched in a fist. Unspoken words never hurt as much as they did in that moment. Then Tess' aunt appears and puts her hand on her niece's shoulder, unaware of the moment she's interrupting. Caitlyn isn't crying now.

"Goodbye." Caitlyn whispers.

"Good riddance." Tess snaps, and storms away. Sarah, Tess' aunt, shoots a worried glance at Caitlyn but the brunette refuses to say anything and so Sarah walks away, following the girl that just shattered Caitlyn into pieces.

Caitlyn can't decide which goodbye hurt the most on the last day of camp that summer.

ten.

When Caitlyn goes back to Camp Rock the next summer she pretends that Tess is her worst enemy. She's changed and now she is a rebel and impulsive and so much like Tess that it hurts. Nobody dares mention anything. Caitlyn joins Sander, Lola and Barron and suddenly life seems a tiny bit brighter. She's mixing music and laughing again and she's at her home away from home. She should be happy and she knows she would be if she would just keep her eyes of Tess and her new recruits – two girls named Ella and Peggy. It hurts so much.

She wonders if Tess is still drinking sometimes, but mostly she just wonders if Tess regrets it as much as she does, or if Tess cries like Caitlyn does every night. Their eyes never meet and Caitlyn knows it's for the best.

Now all she has to do is let go – but she's still the same Caitlyn deep down and letting go was something she just wasn't born to do.

eleven.

The next summer is when everything changes again. Caitlyn has become so adjusted to change that it's nothing new this time.

"I'm Mitchie Torres." Are three words that spark a whole new feeling, something she hasn't felt in a long time: friendship. So she introduces herself and Mitchie becomes her new best friend, and it hurts, sure, but not enough to throw it away.

Mitchie isn't anything like Tess. She's a brunette, she's kind and caring and isn't prone to mood swings or an alcoholic. So Caitlyn pretends that Tess never happened and focuses on being a good best friend to Mitchie. It works for a while, too. Until Tess sucks Mitchie in. Caitlyn doesn't know if it's Tess' way of revenge or if Mitchie is just an easy target. Regardless, Caitlyn is furious. She screams and shouts when she's alone and takes her anger out on her friends, who understand, which is even worse. They should hate her – it would be easier if they hated her.

She warns Mitchie, too. She tells her about Tess but the good hearted Mitchie doesn't believe Caitlyn. Maybe this was what Tess wanted all along. So Caitlyn gives up and lets Mitchie see for herself.

But, of course, it's thrown back in her face when Caitlyn find out that Mitchie was lying all along. For a long time Caitlyn wasn't going to forgive her, but then she realised that if she left Mitchie alone then she would be like her was when Tess left. So she hugs Mitchie and tells her she's sorry for yelling and knows that she just wanted to fit in.

twelve.

Tess is acting strangely again and Caitlyn notices even though she knows she shouldn't. For the next few days she watches closely and tries to figure out what it is, because her old best friend was like this before two years ago, and now Caitlyn is curious. Then it takes one moment, one second to figure it out.

The flinches and the long sleeves are just the start.

thirteen.

Confrontation has always been a weak point of Caitlyn's.

When she finally forces Tess to talk to her she feels the painful memories of last year resurface and wants to run away, but she forces herself to stay. Tess needs her help.

Slowly she rolls up Tess' sleeves, keeping her eyes on her old friend's face. She takes the cold marble skin between her fingers and she can tell by her friend's flinch what she's about to see, but she knows that to back out now is not an option. Slowly she flips Tess's palms upright and although she's had a few seconds to prepare herself she still gasps. She looks up, a question on her lips that she doesn't ask because it isn't the right time. It's never the right time.

Tess is crying now. Not loud sobs, but quiet whimpers, like she's gasping for breath (which she probably is). Caitlyn doesn't know what to do. She's still holding on to Tess's wrist and her eyes are searching, looking for something she'll never find: the answer.

Caitlyn never understood it when people talked about deafening silences but she's starting to understand now. Slowly she drops Tess's arms and takes a step back.

"I'm sorry." Tess whimpers, but she doesn't walk away. She waits for Caitlyn. The older girl blinks back unshed tears and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry too." She mumbled, shuffling awkwardly before pulling Tess into a hug.

Caitlyn has never been good at confrontation.

fourteen.

It's all better for a few days. Tess agrees to go for help now that camp is over once more and Caitlyn makes sure she's keeping her promise by frequent phone calls, texts and emails. Things are slowly becoming like old times, before the drink and the self harm and the depression. Caitlyn blocks out the uneasy feelings because Tess wouldn't lie – not after everything they've been through.

Mitchie keeps in contact too, and Caitlyn made sure to get Jason, Nate and Shane to email her before and after concerts but, not including Jason, its Tess' emails and phone calls that mean the most. Caitlyn isn't stupid – she knows getting Tess to agree to help is a big step. Especially when Caitlyn was oblivious to half the pain. But know she knows all of it – now she knows that the drinking was nothing in comparison. Tess Tyler has been living behind a mask for two years. And Caitlyn just stood by and watched. But not now – now Tess is agreeing to help and it'll all be better – right?

But in the back of her mind Caitlyn knows this is too easy.

fifteen.

"Hey Caity, It's me, Tess. I'm just leaving a message – turn your damn phone on by the way! – to tell you that everything is going fine and stop worrying about me! It's been four hours and you're thinking the worst, as usual. Lots of love!"

Nobody has heard anything from Tess since.

She isn't answering Caitlyn's calls, she isn't replying to any texts and she hasn't been online because Caitlyn hasn't received any emails from her. It's been seven hours and forty-two minutes. Something is wrong. She didn't say goodbye, and Caitlyn doesn't know if that's a comfort (option one: she isn't gone, she would have said goodbye) or a warning sign (option two: she's gone and saying goodbye was too hard).

Nobody believes that anything has happened. They think Caitlyn is being overcautious and overprotective. She isn't – this is Tess, and you can never be too careful.

Seven hours and forty-seven minutes later Caitlyn Geller is breaking down.

sixteen.

Sometimes Caitlyn thinks it'll be easier if she just knows that Tess is dead. Not knowing if she's alive is much harder than just knowing she isn't. Then she feels guilty for thinking those thoughts and pretends that Tess is alive and sometimes it makes her feel better but other times it makes her cry. Tess promised that she'd find help - that she'd get better. Caitlyn should have known.

Mitchie tells her that it isn't her fault. Shane tells her that there was nothing she could have done. Nate tells her that it'll be okay. Jason just holds her tight. Nothing means anything anymore. Tess is gone and it's her fault.

Promises are worth nothing.

seventeen.

When Caitlyn wakes up on August fourteenth she pretends she's fine. She meets up with Jason in Starbucks, goes to the studio and records with Mitchie and fakes she's having a good time. Nobody mentions Tess or her birthday. The not-so-hidden glances tell all though, and by the time Caitlyn reaches the familiarity of home she's already crying.

She goes to bed that night without changing into her pyjamas. She stares at the ceiling, searching for answers she'll never find. It's too late. It was always too late.

"Happy Birthday."