DISCLAIMER: I do not own Detective Conan/ Case Closed, its characters, its plot, etc.
SPOILERS: Would kind of help if you've watched OVA 9 all the way through, but not required.
COUPLE: RanxShinichi (kind of?), HeijixShinichi (kind of?)- It all depends on your own interpretation.
Erase and Enter
"We've been dreaming
But who can deny,
It's the best way of living
Between the truth and the lies."
- See Who I Am, Within Temptation
"You should be careful," Sonoko had peered sideways at her, in the way she always did when she sought to gift her friend with superior advise. "The kid likes you."
Ran had bit down on her spoon, the words and the sudden chill of the ice cream taking her by surprise. She had only just finished updating her friend about how things were at home- news she herself had just learned the previous day after stopping by her father's detective agency after a month of settling in at the new apartment- when Sonoko had piped up this comment. For not the first or last time she had difficulty understand her best friend's train of thought. What had she just finished saying? Oh, right. Conan....
"Of course he likes me,"she answered firmly, not only to the audible question, but to the insinuation. As usual, when it came to Conan, her protective tendencies popped up. After so many years of him living at the Mouri's, how could she not care about him and vice versa? That said, she did not appreciate Sonoko's suggest that would twist such a sweet relationship. "He's practically my brother!"
The blond rolled her eyes and picked at her own sundae with a spoon. "He's not a little kid anymore, Ran," she insisted. The part of her that wanted to do well by her friend started to think that maybe she should have brought this up sooner. People may have claimed that she was little better than a snotty brat- she had ears, you know!- but she was decent enough to want to prevent a potentially very tangled knot. "He's always been sweet on you-"
"He was a child!" Ran cried.
"How could you judge-"
"But he's not a child anymore," Sonoko interrupted coldly, staring Ran in the eye. "Young as he is, he's getting older. And I don't see a sign of that crush going away."
Ran frowned at her icecream. "You're making a mountain out of a molehill," she insisted, thinking back at the glowing eyes that had been exuberant to see her. Her stomach twisted. "He'll grow out of it." Another stab at the nuts drowning in fudge. "He's about to enter high school, Sonoko. Then he'll start dating girls his own age. It's perfectly normal."
Sonoko just snorted and rested her chin on a hand. "That kid's never been normal," she muttered into her palm. Then louder, "Well, I hope you're right. Because otherwise-" quick swallow of icecream, "I'd hate to see him give a rough time to Dr. Ariade."
Ran blushed, but did not bother to raise her usual protests. Sonoko wouldn't listen and all the brunette wanted was for the subject to be dropped. And it did. The two girls chatted the afternoon away the way only old friends could. They did not mention Conan again and never was the subject of Shinichi brought up.
But she had been only 23 then...
He stood poised in the door frame, huffing to catch his breath. At long last he had found her, but even now when he needed to say so much, he couldn't string a single sentence together. Yet even in so desperate a moment his heart could feel nothing but joy. True, after being gone for so long she had only come back with news of her possible impending marriage and not even to his face, but from the drunk ramblings of her father had he pieced it together, but there was something to be said for that distance. He had missed her, but was sure it was nothing compared to how he made 'Shinichi' deceive her. The choice he and Haibara had made- if they could even call it that- to live out their lives had been the hardest he had ever made, but his acceptance of his identity as "Conan" had meant that "Shinichi" had to disappear. It was unfair, not only to Ran, but to his parents, the Professor- everyone involved.
"How can you just give up!" Heiji had cried, utterly outraged. He had come quickly when the Professor had sent word, but the no-longer-teen detective had not been prepared for the news. Always had he believed not only could he help restore Kudo to his rightful state, but help him defeat the Organization. The fact that someone he respected so much was giving up on those goals cut deeply. "So it's been awhile! Don't let that get you down!"
"Hattori..." Conan had murmured sadly, not having the heart to start up an argument while having to watch Haibara file away data that had previously always been scattered all over her desk. For a fourteen-year-old, he sure felt tired. "We have to."
The young man bit out a curse that would have otherwise made Conan roll his eyes. "Kudo-!"
Here Conan glared sharply up at him. "Kudo Shinichi is gone," he snapped, more steady than he was actually feeling. Then he looked away. "And soon Edogawa Conan will be as well..."
Heiji's eyes widened. Had his friend given up hope in ever sense?
Conan then continued, still not looking at Heiji, "As soon as 'Conan' gets old enough, he will go away. With some help from the the Professor's contacts I'll relocate and attack the Organization from a different angle." He tried to smile. "See? I'm not really giving up. Just... trying a new strategy."
"But you are!" Heiji insisted. Anger took all other words and just barely restraining himself from breaking all property within reach, he fled the house to fume in silence. Disagreements between him and Kudo always had the potential of becoming hurtful and he needed the clarity of mind to think. There had to be some way to fix this!
Back in the Professor's house, Ai rolled her eyes and commented, "Nice bravado there."
Thoroughly not in the mood, Conan snorted, "I thought you were pretending not to be listening."
"That young man is not one one to speak so as to be ignored," was her only excuse. She shut the last drawer and turned the key. "And it's amusing to listen to you think you can disappear so easily."
"Can't I?" he scoffed.
She simply turned and stared at him.
Perhaps Haibara had been right. It had been easier to not be Shinichi when Ran was not around. Keeping up his act with Mouri had become increasingly difficult, but he had always been innovative enough to handle it. Plus, he hid the extra motivation of a secret countdown, only so much longer until he could finally step forward- albeit probably under a different name- and solve cases on his own. He had done so once, he could do so again.
But then she came back, to be married. And suddenly it was harder to not be Shinichi. For her sake he had made that part of him go away, convincing himself that it was worth her hating him if that's what it took for her to carry on with her life. She had always been stronger than he gave her credit for though. Angry and hurt as she had been at Shinichi's curt farewell, she had easily moved on, carrying on through college and a career while still managing to keep close the memory of her dear childhood friend.
So it was only for his sake that he would come now. To tell her to say no. To not get married. It was sickeningly selfish, but after all this time, could he at least do this for himself?
"Don't turn on the light," her voice slid into the silence even as he reached for the switch. He started and for a wild thought that she had guessed his secret before she spoke again. "The dark is fine, Conan-kun."
A long silence. Then he stepped into the room and into soft moonlight. "Ran," he called softly, without honorific. Conan wouldn't do that, but for tonight he wasn't Conan. And the morning coming... Well, perhaps he wouldn't be Conan then either. But now his hopes were carrying him away. She didn't comment on his change in language though. Just turned and watched him approach. He didn't like that look. His mother had it. His father used it. Even the Professor was capable of it. Now she too had that softness in the eyes that bespoke of a dear love for a child grown. 'No, Ran,' he thought, a stone dropping in his belly. 'No...' With a deep breath, he spoke, "You are getting married?"
"I was asked," was her answer.
Neither an affirmative nor a negation. What did that mean? "Don't do it," he said suddenly, eyes darting to the ground. Was he such a coward that he couldn't look her in the eye? "Don't marry him, Ran."
She tilted her head, seeking understanding.
"Why?"
"Because-" he choked. Then he sighed, "Because it would make me sad."
"Oh Conan..."
"No," he recoiled at the rush of pity. "Shinichi." He whipped off his glasses, looking at her without the barrier of fake lenses. "I'm Shinichi, Ran. I always have been." There, he said it, but his chest was still tight.
She gave him a long look. "Seventeen now, right?" she whispered after a long moment. Then she smiled. "You look so much like him..."
"Because I am him!" he cried, clutching his fists and squeezing shut his eyes. "Me! I'm Kudo Shinichi! Ran-" He started at the feeling of soft fingers brush against the hand with the glasses. Blue eyes opened and looked at her questioningly.
Her smile was still there. Gently she opened his fingers and took hold of the spectacles. Her eyes took in the round, black frames then lifted them gently back before his eyes. The weight felt funny upon the bridge of his nose, much like they had when he had first put them on ten years ago. "It's hard to predict the future, isn't it?" she said at last, fingers reaching back to make sure they rested right on his ears. "Strange how things that seem so important don't always stay that way. And the way you think things will go hardly ever turn out like that. But," satisfied she pulled back her hands, widening that beautiful smile, "I think it's ok for things to be like that." He stared at her dumbfounded, but before he could protest, she spoke again. "I turned down Dr. Araide." Then, as he started to grin stupidly, "But neither am I waiting for Shinichi anymore, Conan. So please don't worry about me anymore."
It was like a physical blow. Not bothering to hide the hurt, he opened his mouth a few times before protesting weakly, "But..."
"He has made choices," Ran was firm. "And has reasons for those choices. But so have I made choices. That's the way it is." Then she softened. "If our paths are meant to meet again, then they will. But as he keeps going so will I. I want to meet him at that spot, Conan," her eyes glittered, "not wait for him to turn around."
He knew her well enough to know that she had her mind made up. That didn't make it hurt any less.
"So please, Conan-kun," her eyes took him in anew, "don't try to be Shinichi anymore." She brushed away his bangs that were attempting to hide his eyes, her touch cool against her brow. With a chuckle, she added, "Besides, I don't think it's such a bad thing to be Conan Edogawa."
At the moment he sorely wished to disprove that, to say that right now it was utter hell to be Conan. Then he realized what she meant, not just by her words, but with her eyes and touch. She had often commented to him, as he headed off to school, that she had worried about Shinichi, about how he must be lonely. His response was always to tell her that at least Shinichi had her. She had always just smiled awkwardly. He understood now that she meant the lack of people in Shinichi's life. Shinichi had Holmes, Watson, and other literary figures to keep him company. Ran had always been his one friend. Through childhood and frankly all the way until the day that changed everything, he had seen no way for that to change. Then he had become Conan and the one difference between them- Conan had friends. Real friends too, not just fans or police connections. Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, Genta may have thought him a little odd, but he was their unofficial leader and had numerous times gone to great lengths to aide him. Inspector Takagi had become a great help, upon guessing that Conan was really the one behind the Great Detective Mouri's deductions and always kept a special eye out for him. And Heiji...
His cellphone beeped, alerting him to a text message. Waiting for the Professor to display his newest invention, Conan had been sitting on the couch with nothing to do when he had pulled out the phone, bored. He had fully expected it to be Kogorou, ordering him once again to pick up dinner, but had been surprised to see a number he only saw once in a long while- Hattori. Since their argument, Heiji had becoming increasingly busy and Conan, though a sharply hurt, had simply taken it as the man's way of avoiding him. Conversations after, where they happened to coincide on a case, had always been courteous, but the closeness that had once allowed them to sync minds so easily suddenly seemed gone for good.
As he waited for the message to load, Haibara walked by, tossing the newspaper upon the coffee table before him. "Something to look at," was her only comment before she exited to further help Agasa. The headline was what had immediately caught his attention:
Private Investigator Heiji Hattori Does it Again!
He had heard occasionally of Heiji's success and had even seen him once on TV in passing, but had not thought Hattori could possibly have become that famous that quickly. Somewhat chagrined, he realized that such was only natural. Hadn't he himself managed to raise Mouri to fame in a short amount of time? But still, a private investigator? With his father's connections, Conan had assumed that the oter man would surely join the police force. So why...
The message had finally popped up, catching his attention. He read it, but his sense of surprise only grew.
Don't disappear! We'll get them yet!
"Well!" Haibara's voice suddenly spoke up from behind him, making him jump. He turned over his shoulder, cheeks flushed, to look at her. She peered back down at him with raised eyebrows. "Still think Conan Edogawa can go away so easily?"
Shinichi could. Who would miss him? But- and he was seeing now- Conan simply couldn't. Or maybe.... He gazed down into Ran's eyes, heart still sore but healing with understanding. Maybe he simply didn't want to.
"Yes..."
He had offered to walk Ran home and was sheepish when she had pointed out that she no longer lived in the same apartment, but clear across town. They had compromised with him calling a cab for her. She had been right, he reflected as he opened the door for her. Things did not always turn out as you thought they were supposed to, but that was not necessarily bad. He had planned to come out of the house with a renewed relationship with Ran, and in a way, he had. He would never lose her nor she him. That was something they had decided for themselves. Others might think it sad, but the only ones to determine if they were happy or not was him and her. No one else.
She smiled up at him with a love that would only be unique between the two of them as she settled in the backseat. "Go home, Conan," she bid him gently. A usual parting but with a special meaning tonight.
"Take care, Ran," he answered her, closing the door.
He shivered in the cold, but stayed outside to watch the very last light of the taillights fade. Then he turned on his heel and walked past the Kudo nameplate. He had only gone a few steps before his phone rang. Answering it, there was no time for a greeting before Kogorou's voice came blasting through the speaker, yelling at full volume.
"Oi!" was the first word Conan managed to make out. "Brat, have a word with your friends and tell them not to come over uninvited!"
Conan's heart skipped a beat when he heard a familiar voice in the background, "You're being equally rude, I hope you know."
"That's no excuse!" Mouri insisted. "And why do you still come here anyway? Don't you have friends your own age?"
"Hattori..." Conan breathed.
There was a small scuffle and he could almost visualize the smile as Heiji took possession of the phone. "Hey, kiddo," he spoke with his usual warmth, no hint of the distance that before laid between them. Things grew quieter on the other end and Conan assumed that Heiji had gone to a more secluded area to continue the conversation. "I heard about about Ran-san," the private investigator spoke at last, a bit concerned.
"Ah," Conan smiled despite himself. "How does take-out sound? ...Good? Go ahead and tell me about this last case of yours in the meantime. I should be home soon."
~ FIN
For Mietzewhite,
Thank you so much for providing English subs for OVA 9!