Summer, the best time of year, two months off from school, and other then summer work, nothing to do but be a kid. Right! Well he was not being fair, his childhood was always like this, he had just never thought it was different, he never knew he should have had it better. He never knew living under the stairs, called freak and burden, made to serve his so called family for he was a leech they took in, that he was rich, or he had people out there. He knew this was his life, and when he was eighteen he would be free of them, and this was what he was born to be.

Everyone believed he had loved school, his friends knew he hated his relatives, but they had no idea. They didn't know he resented school, he resented for ten months he had a place where he was safe, he could feel like he was cared for, he could be himself. He never knew how bad he had it, not until he went to school, not until what he saw his life could be, and every summer had it taken away once again. Then the names, the starvation, the humiliation and beatings, they seemed so clear.

He looked at the picture of the marauders. "My family."

Family, what a joke, he was stupid to believe he deserved one, stupid to believe anyone could love a freak like him. He saw the way his classmates looked at him, even some of his friends looked at him; he heard the whispers behind his back. He was the boy who lived, twice as of a few weeks ago in the ministry when he killed Voldemort for a second time, but it made him even more a freak. He was a person to idolize and ridicule, but not to understand, not even to his so called best friends. There were those who he knew, those who seemed to care, but they were few.

Sirius was his last hope, his last chance out of here, and he died. The war was over, Sirius would have been free, and he would not need blood wards, but he was gone, leaving Harry his fortune and title, but once again an orphan. And Moony, a man who claimed to love him, swore he would be there for him.

He looked at Moony. "You swore to Siri you would take care of me, swore to my mum and dad. You can't let them send me back Moony. Please."

Moony would not even look at him. "Albus thinks this is for the best cub, you know the ministry will fight me. It's just for the summer cub. Pleas understand."

Understand what, that another person who was supposed to be there for him had walked out, had refused to fight for him, and sent him back here? Albus had told him it was too dangerous, there were still renegades on the run, and even with spies like Lucius and Severus helping, it would take time. He had begged, send him to the Weasleys, they always called him a son, let him live there. Or he inherited the Black estate, the house was safe, and the ministry would never have to know he was with Remus, but both were shot down. The order needed the house, besides Remus had gone away, and the Weasleys had two injured kids.

As he sat writing a letter to Remus, not sure why he was, he would likely have no response, he heard the steps, he could always hear the creak. He wondered what tonight would be, he wondered if tonight would be a chore he missed, or if his Aunt was not in the mood, perhaps both.

He wrote one last plea of help to his godfather on the note and gave it to Hedwig. "Take this girl to Moony. At least you're free."

As he waited, he was filled with the same dread he was since he was six. Would if be a plant he forgot to prune, or a slightly medium instead of medium rare steak? Had his Aunt had another one of her migraines and refused her husband some attention? He was not sure why he stayed, he was not sure why he never picked up the knife from the desk from his measly dinner, and slit his wrists. It was not like anyone would notice, maybe a few people would mourn for more then a week or two, but who really missed another orphan in the world? Who really would care, now he had out lived his purpose in life if he died here in this room?

For a moment he picked up the knife, had it to his arm, it was dull but it would work. He had considered ways to end it, and knew this would be the less painful he thought. He would slowly slip away, no one would notice, no one would come until a chore needed to be done, he would simply slip away. The knob was turning, the locks having been undone, and he put down the knife, his time was up, maybe tomorrow.

His Uncle came across the room and punched him hard in the face, Harry hearing his jaw crack. "You missed a patch when you weeded you insolent brat."

Here it goes again he told himself, he lay there as the boot connected with his ribs and again he heard the sickening crack. He could smell the alcohol on his Uncle, and that night he knew things were different, he knew his Uncle was not stopping, he knew he was closer to death then he had been with Voldemort, and the only thoughts in his head were he would not need the knife, and Hedwig was safe, away from here.

As the foot came down on his head he could have sworn he saw his parents and Sirius, maybe it was the picture knocked from the desk "I'll be there soon."

an: will be au/ooc and my grammar sucks, so be warned and please no 'helpful beta' reviews. I have not decided into whose custody Harry will come into eventually. Considering Remus with either 1. Lucius or 2. Severus, or no Remus and something like Charlie and his husband/boyfriend.