A/N: I'm tired of the whole "Naruto gets beat up by a mob routine.", and I can't help but wonder… Is everyone in Konoha an angry drunk? Well the following is an instance where Naruto bumps into some villagers you don't meet everyday (or maybe you do o.O).
Flames will be mocked and laughed at… So if you have the urge to flame, do it as badly as possible. I could always use a good laugh.
-Hideyori
Generic Disclaimer No Jutsu!
It was October 10th in the Village hidden in the Leaves, and we find a six year old Naruto walking through the streets of Konoha. The Hokage had always told him not to go out on his birthday, especially at night but when has a six year old ever listened to what a grown-up says? Naruto's attention strays from the road he's walking on to watch a stray firework go off. But due to his lack of attention he bumps in to someone and falls to the ground. Terrified Naruto suddenly remembers why he stays in on his birthday.
"Hey watch where you're going stupid runt…" a drunken villager chuckled at him apparently finding humor in Naruto falling.
"Hey… I… I know this kid" another one says while leaning drunkenly on his friend's shoulder "He's that ah what's it called… ducky… kitty… thing… or something like that…"
"Demon fox you moron. Geez you're retarded." A female villager states as she takes another swig from a bottle.
"Well at least I have all my fingers!" the man whipped back.
"So do I, dipshit!" The female argued back
Naruto slowly started crawling away trying to get away from the three before they remembered he was there. The two were still arguing while the third one was watching them with amusement dancing in his eyes. Naruto tried his luck and broke off in a run. Unfortunately they saw him and gave chase.
Naruto ducked and weaved through the streets trying to outrun the three that soon turned into five. Naruto quickly made a corner that soon turned out to be a dead end. He began to panic as he saw the five villagers closing in on him as he cowered in the corner trying to make himself as small as possible.
"Please… Please… I'm sorry… I didn't mean it… don't hurt me…" Naruto whimpered out preparing for the beating he knew would come.
"Hurt you?" The one asked while catching his breath "You're a hard little fucker to catch…" he stated randomly "Anyway we just want our pot of gold." The man said while putting his hands on his knees to catch his breath.
Naruto stopped cowering and looked at him confused "What pot of gold?"
"You know the one we get for catching you… when we catch a demon we're supposed to get a pot of gold." He stated finally catching his breath.
"But I don't have a pot of gold…" Naruto said.
"God dammit!!! you mean we chased you here for nothing?!?!!" The man screamed and took a step towards Naruto only to stumble and fall flat on his face.
"You idiot! I told you it was a fucking leprechaun that gives you a pot of gold!" the woman yelled at him and kicked the man while he was down only to lose her balance and fall on top of him. The one man Naruto bumped into was laughing hysterically at his friend's misfortune. And the other two looked confused. Naruto was just as confused, I mean the villagers normally just beat him when he was cornered, right?
"Uhh, can I go now?" Naruto said slowly standing up.
"In a minute Skippy… wait you wouldn't know where to find a leprechaun would you?" the man said from the floor.
"I don't know… what do they look like?" Naruto asked.
The man he bumped into before answered him "They are tiny little runts who wear green and talk funny."
Naruto thought hard he vaguely remembered a man who wore green all the time and talked weird always putting the word "youth" in his sentences. Though he wasn't tiny, maybe he was a daddy leprechaun?
"I think I saw one earlier today in the Eastern training grounds…" Naruto weakly said as if the answer would make the mob attack him.
"See I knew we could count on you!" The man joyfully said jumping back on his feet "Well we are off!" as the man started leading the mob out of the alley. The woman screamed at him for not helping her up and threw her shoe at him which hit him square in the back of the head sending him crashing through some trashcans. The other man laughed like a hyena and turned to Naruto. He then approached Naruto, who flinched, and ruffled his hair "You know for a demon you ain't half bad… You wanna come with? You'll get a cut of the gold." The man offered.
"I don't know…why do you need me?" he asked distrustfully
Naruto's answer came from the trashcans "cause you're a mythical creature thingy aren't you… and… I don't know… aren't you supposed to know all about other mythical creatures?"
Naruto weighed his options, very few villagers were nice to him and often hurt him this could very well be a ploy to get him to trust them so they could hurt him, but Naruto figured they just had him cornered and would have beat him already if they were going too. Besides Naruto did find the woman and man's arguing to be a little funny.
"Alight" he answered, "I'll go with you"
"Great!" the man said "I'm Eiji, the drunken idiot in the trash is Daiki, and the bitch with the temper is Yumi." He said pointing to each one, while the newly named Yumi shot Eiji the bird.
"Love you too." Eiji said while laughing
"Oi" one of the other villagers yelled finally getting over their confusion "Were here to kill the demon! Not become friends with it!" the two unknown villagers started to charge Naruto but one was suddenly tackled by Daiki, and the other got a bottle smashed over his face by Yumi. Daiki stood up and kicked the villager "Find your own chupacabra! We found this one first!" The four of them stepped over the downed villagers and left in the direction of the Eastern Training grounds to cause unknown amounts of chaos…
A/N: Ok I know I made Yumi an angry drunk but I wanted to have the three kinds of drunks. Eiji is the kind that finds everything funny and is kinda mellow about everything hence why he lets Naruto join them… Daiki is the stupid drunk if you haven't figured it out yet… and Yumi had to be the angry drunk because no stupid drunk is complete without an angry drunk beating on them.
I may continue this story if there is interest in it (because face it I write for you) and if I have the time… (work and school love to take my free time and rape it mercilessly.)
-Hideyori