Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the only bleach I own is the stuff I occasionally throw in the washer.

Chapter 1

And Now the Tables Have Turned

First, I would like to say that I am not entirely positive how I got into this predicament.

Those who know me know I'm a partier, maybe a troublemaker, a matchmaker, a hopeless romantic (shh!), unbelievably bold, and probably one of the laziest hard-working people around. However, they also know that underneath all of that, I'm incredibly, incredibly insecure. The only man I've been with was Gin. There is no way I could have gone behind his back to do anything, even when we weren't that close recently. How was I supposed to deny one of the most beautiful and frightening men in the whole of Seireitei? How was I supposed to unclasp my heart from my savior's grip?

So I'm insecure. I hope everyone gets this. I hate talking about it, but it's true, and although I've mainly gotten over it, one of the reasons is because I can't understand why Gin would just leave me like that. Because. . .I didn't matter, I wasn't good enough. . .or something.

I don't know.

So, obviously, I've been down a little since Gin left. Truth be told, I was mainly over him before he left, but those last clinging—it was the final stab. I don't know, I don't know.

I think I'm ok about Gin now. Actually I know I'm ok about that, the one thing I do know. It doesn't mean that I can do some things without feeling pain, or that I'm happy all the time. I still get flashes, but I cover them pretty well, I think.

At least, that's what I thought. Gah, I wish life wasn't so damn confusing!

Let me start more towards the beginning. I'd like to establish some facts. I've already established the first; I'm insecure, especially when it comes to men. Ask Shuuei or Kira if they've ever kissed me.

They haven't.

Second. I always go for guys taller than me.

Third. I love teasing my taichō. Great fun, let me tell you. He's kinda like my little brother.

Fourth. I would die for my taichō or anyone else in my division. My responsibility.

Fifth. I do not spend six hours on my hair every morning. Neither do I spend more than five minutes on my make up. I have faults, being slightly vain is one of them, but aren't all girls slightly vain? And I spend no more than a half hour on my hair. I say this because people ask. All the time.

Sixth. In the end, I think I would never, ever get drunk on purpose while with my taichō. I just wouldn't. It is unbelievable how easily I can fool people into thinking I am wasted when I am merely tipsy. I don't want to do anything too stupid in front of him.

Seventh. I stall when I'm trying to say things that could be life-changing or devastatingly important. Can you tell?

You see, I don't know what to do because I was just thrust into a situation totally beyond my control. No, really, totally beyond my control.

I've been accosted by Hitsugaya Toshirō.

I can hear you protesting already: he's short and he's like my brother.

Well, that's the problem. He had a growth spurt, and he finally grew up, and now I don't know what is going on. At all.

See this all happened today when I turned around to give him one of my bear hugs and he crushed me to his chest instead, and, I am exceedingly embarrassed to say, I fit just under his chin. Seriously, who would have thought? I'm furious. Downright furious.

See I hadn't hugged him in a while because I had been stationed in Karakura and then he had gone on some sort of break-neck scouting mission in Hueco Mundo. Honestly, I don't think I saw him for at least six months. Quite enough time for a legitimate growth spurt.

And let me tell you, it was more than legitimate.

I almost wish that I had been absolutely wrong when I had said that he was going to grow up into one sexy beast, because then I wouldn't be so confused, but if I would have been wrong I wouldn't have that gorgeous specimen of male beauty to stare at all day long.

So back to our hug.

See, it was totally innocent. I wasn't really thinking. I mean obviously I knew he was taller, he's just the kind of tall that you don't realize until you are right next to him and suddenly it is like, BAM. Damn, Hitsugaya-taichō, you are TALL.

But then he crushed me against him, and it was like my mind had frozen in the icy breath of Hyourinmaru, a beast I cannot contend with, but my senses were heightened in a way I only remember with Gin, back before. I could feel one hand traveling up, the other down my back, gently rubbing before switching directions. I could smell this scent that I've never noticed before, a breathtaking blend of something distinctly mountain-airish and something clean, like snow, but more a vanilla flavor, and something distinctly man, I almost think it had to be cologne, but when on earth did my taichō start wearing cologne?! I could hear his heart beat against my head like a hammer, faster than it should have been, and his slow and steady breathing. I could see nothing but his black and white uniform and when I closed my eyes, I saw his face.

In seconds, my world became Hitsugaya Toshirō. My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't think beyond the sudden yearning of my paralyzed body as it attempted to strain past the spell this young man had woven about me.

I had two options. I never really thought of my third option, which was to act like normal and geek out about how cute my taichō is—that just flew from my mind. My two options were run or to give into my body's instincts.

And everyone knows that instincts are much stronger than practically anything else. He was just so irresistible. . .so I buried a hand in his beautiful, silky hair and nuzzled myself right under his chin.

Have you ever tried to hug someone—really hug someone? If you are a girl, you will slip your arms around his waist and press yourself to his body, while a guy will enfold the girl in his arms, one arm around the waist, one around the shoulders. Guys tell me there is something that feels right when you hug certain girls, but if you are a girl you fit. If you hug someone like this, and his body is not aligned with yours, you can tell, you don't fit into his arms. It's true. I fit with more than one guy, and some others just don't fit me. Like Renji and Gin fit me, but Kira, Hisagi, and Shunsui don't. I was deeply surprised once to find that the Soutaichō fits me. See what I mean? Try it sometime. You will definitely fit with the person you are romantically inclined with, and other people will just not fit.

Taichō fit me.

It was wonderful. Sometimes I just hug Renji to get that feeling of belonging that I used to feel with Gin, but I don't feel anything else towards him and when I pull back I usually feel even worse.

With Taichō, I didn't just belong, a whole tide of emotions flowed over me, and it felt as though my knees would give out. It felt so damn right.

"You deserve someone better than Gin," he whispered, and I realized I had kind of spaced out just a little tiny itsy bit right before I had wanted to give him a hug. So I really hadn't covered that slip at all. And he knew. Hell, did he know. "Someone who will appreciate you for the amazing woman that you are."

Not that that did anything to alleviate my paralysis or sudden desire or sudden involuntary movements.

"You've actually been working hard, Matsumoto," he continued. I swear I could hear him laughing at me through all that frost. "You think I didn't notice?"

I opted for mumbling something incoherent, too fascinated by the silk of his hair and the strength of his body to actually form words.

"Take a break, Matsumoto, and go back to your quarters. You always feel better after one of your impromptu naps."

"I'm not tired," I mumbled, but that was a lie, the usual nightmare had kept me up all night, worse, actually, than any other night this week. While my mind can largely avoid Gin while I am conscious, nothing can stop the memories, the friend and lover, from playing against my eyelids when I lose my grip on wakefulness and sanity.

A hand squeezed me lightly at the hip, and I nearly broke.

This was certainly driving Gin from my mind. "Go to sleep, Matsumoto," he said softly, most of the ice melted from his voice. And I wanted to. Right damn there.

There was the strange displacement-nothingness-roaring of an expert and long-distance flash step, and we were in my quarters.

Bloody cad.

He laid me gently down on my bed, my head swimming in confusion coupled with exhaustion, and he kissed my cheek in this cute, innocent sort of way, but the smirk on his face was anything but cute or innocent when he pulled away.

If I hadn't been so tired I would have said something witty, or scathing, or teasing, or something, at least, but instead I just sort of looked at him, probably bemusedly. I also might have done something else equally stupid, like touched my cheek with my fingers, or some nonsense like that. Like I might have gaped like a fish at him because this apparently wasn't a dream.

"Sleep well, Rangiku."

And by the gates of Seireitei, now I just want to punch him for screwing up my perfect little image of him and throwing me into something that has upturned my life, something I cannot, and possibly will never, understand.

This new dynamic between the ice-cold captain of the Tenth Division and his slightly wayward fukataichō.

A/N: I am considering following this up with a new chapter. I think I shall.

I wanted to capture the moment I wish would come when Matsumoto notices Hitsugaya for the first time XD

I know I haven't written anything in a while, so I also wanted to get my creative juices flowing again!

Requests? Questions? Suggestions? Let me know!

Love to my readers

~Conterra-hime