Shamalan: -comes bouncing into the room- Welcome to my library of works in process.

Maraschino: You means works that have come to a dead halt.

Shamalan: Quiet you! They'll get finished one day.

Maraschino: -rolls eyes- Whatever you say.

Shamalan: Aaaanyway. Ignoring him. Today's story is a FFVII. If you enjoy it, good for you. If you don't, too bad.

Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did, Sephiroth would be my personal slave.

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"So booooored!" Shamalan sat in front of her computer. Her chin was laying on the desk as she stared at the screen. "It's always the same old storyline."

Kalisan glanced over the top over her book. "What are you reading?"

"Fanfiction. Final Fantasy Seven. I really wish Genesis would stop quoting 'Loveless.' I'm gonna have to find me a copy of the damn thing just so I can read it and figure out what its all about."

Kali grunted. "I don't think its actually a story."

"Then why the heck is he quoting it?" Shama rolled her eyes. "Nevermind." She read a bit more. "I think Sephiroth's an emo. Wouldn't it be funny if he pranced around in a little maid outfit? Ooooh, and Zack could be evil and scary. Hehehe. That would be a twist."

Kali just sighed and went back to her book.

Shama stared at the screen while she daydreamed of the possibilities.

"Gggrrrrll."

"Eh?" Shama looked down at her stomach. "I'm starving." She got up and headed for the kitchen. "Yo, Kali! Want anything?"

"No. You burn everything."

"I do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Yes."

"No!"

"......."

Shama grinned when she heard silence and began boiling some water. While that was going, she pulled out some noodles and sauce. She pulled out hamburger meat and stuck it in the frying pan.

Kali heard sizzling and got up to peek around the corner. She blinked. "I'm not putting the house out when you catch it on fire."

"Shut up!"

Kali retreated.

"Jerkasaraus rex," Shama grumbled.

The meat was done and she put it in a pan with the sauce and put in on to simmer. She put the noodles in the water. When they were done she drained the water and mixed it all together in one pot.

She pulled out a bowl and filled it up, then walked back to the living room. She was so intent on her spaghetti that she didn't see the cat.

The fat thing ran between her legs and knocked her backward.

"Eeep!"

Shama crashed to the floor and looked up to see her bowl falling toward her head.

"Oh , crap!" she thought just as the heavy porcelain bowl smashed into her forehead. Everything went black.

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When her eyes opened she was still on her back. However, she was not staring at her ceiling. Her head was in between someone's feet and she was looking up their skirt.

Her eyes widened. "Oh my GOD!"

The person standing over her took a step back and looked down at her. She stared in disbelief into the piercing eyes of...

"Sephiroth?!"

She looked him up and down. From the top of his impeccable hair the tip of his six inch stiletto heels. Then her eyes went back to the skimpy little french maid outfit he was wearing.

'O....M....G! I can't believe he's wearing that.'

"Are you all right, m'dear?"

Shama turned her head and saw the dapper from of an older man.

'Holy crap! Is that Dr. Hojo?'

The old man had come over to her and was gently helping her up.

"You poor child. Look at that horrific bump on your head." He gently probed her forehead.

Shama grimaced and stepped back. Right into Sephiroth. She glanced up. "Ummmm.....Hi."

"Hello."

She looked back down at Dr. Hojo.

"Soooo...How did I get here?"

"Oh, dear. I suppose you must have gotten amnesia. Sephiroth found you passed out on in the corridor."

Shama looked at Sephiroth. He was standing there regally. Completely at ease in what he was wearing.

"Thank you."

"No problem, dollface."

'Dollface?!' Shama thought.

Dr. Hojo grabbed her arm. "We should get you to the medical room."

"Right."

"Sephiroth." Dr. Hojo raised his hand.

Shama glanced at Sephiroth just as he swept her off her feet. He strode purposefully after Dr. Hojo. Shama just went along for the ride.

"This is the weirdest experience ever," she thought. 'Sephiroth's in a dress. Dr. Hojo is nice. What's next? Genesis quoting 'Lord of the Flies'?'

The three arrived at one of the medical facilities and entered. Sephiroth placed her on a gurney and stepped back.

"All right. Let's get started."

"Started?"

"Of course," said Dr. Hojo. "We want to make sure you suffered no lasting damage."

"Okay."

Dr. Hojo went through all the motions of checking her health and finally pronounced her 'fit as a fiddle' except for the nasty bruise.

"But I still don't know how I got here."

"I'm sure it will return with time."

"Great. So what do I do until then?"

Dr. Hojo thought it over.

"I know! You can become Sephiroth's personal assistant."

"Eh?"

"I would have to agree with her," said Sephiroth. "I do not need an assistant."

"It's only temporary." He put a hand on either side of Shama's face and turned it toward Sephiroth. "Just look at this face. How could you say no?"

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "What on earth would I have her do?"

"I'm sure there's lots she could do. Paper work, of course. She could also chase of fangirls….or fanBOYS."

Sephiroth's face turned thoughtful. "I suppose."

"That's the spirit."

"So…I'm on guard duty?" asked Shama. "Shouldn't he be able to chase them away on his own?"

"The General is a very busy man," stated the Doctor. "He doesn't always have time to keep the fans at bay."

"Oooookay."

"Right." Sephiroth clapped his hands together. "Time to get to work." He started to walk out of the room when he stopped and turned around. "What is your name?"

"Shamalan. I prefer Shama or Lan, though."

"I see. Come along, sweetie."

Shama shuttered. "This is totally freakin' creepy."

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Sephiroth and Shama stood in front of his door.

"We have to find you something to wear. You can't possibly wear what you're wearing if you plan on working form me.

Shama looked down at the t-shirt and jeans she was wearing. "What's wrong with this?"

"It's dreadfully plain and doesn't flatter your figure at all."

"So! It's comfortable. And I don't have a figure."

"Of course you do." They were both inside now and Sephiroth was eyeing her up and down. "A bit flat, I suppose."

Shama looked down at her chest and snorted. "I am not flat. Just because I don't have gigantic boobs like other women around her seem to have here, doesn't mean I'm flat. These are a c-cup, thank you very much."

"Whatever you say, darling." He began rooting though his closet. "Hmmmm. What to pick?…..What to pick?"

"I'm fine with anything, I suppose. As long as it doesn't involve heels or very short skirts."

"AHA! Perfect."

Shama's eyes widened. "Never gonna happen. I am not some dominatrix. Good grief. You'd have to oil me up to fit me in that thing."

"You don't like it?"

"Not just no, but HELL NO!"

Sephiroth pouted. "Fine." He began searching again.

Shama said no to three more outfits before he pulled out something she could handle.

It looked to be military cut in black. Sephiroth passed them over to her. He pulled out a pair of boots next and handed them over.

Shama took them into Sephiroth's bathroom and began pulling them on. The pants fit just right. She tucked the ends into the combat boots she was given. The grey t-shirt was tight across the chest, but not to the point it was uncomfortable. The top shirt was the same.

She buttoned the shirt all the way up. The buttons didn't go up the middle but off to the side. It had a wide collar that went half way up her neck. She looked at her reflection.

"Oooo…I look good…and intimidating." She pulled her hair into a ponytail and walked out of the bathroom.

Sephiroth had changed as well. He was wearing the first outfit he had tried to put her in. It was all one piece of cloth that covered everything. The only piece of skin that could be seen were his hands and his head. His boots laced up to mid-thigh. It was kind of creepy how well he pulled it off.

"He beckoned her with a wave of his hand.

"Come and admire us in the mirror."

Shama walked over and looked. She snickered at what she saw. They were a matching pair. Both in black. Sephiroth had pulled on a jacket of the same type as Shama's over his clothes, only his was the length of his body.

"Aren't we adorable, baby doll?"

"Uh, sure."

"Time to get to work." Sephiroth grabbed Shama by the arm and pulled her out of the apartment. He pulled her to the elevator and they got in.

"Elevator music sucks."

They reached the office floor and the doors opened.

"HOLY CRAP!"